courage

Bringing Love To Your Wounds

Often times we are the ones who hurt ourselves the most. And even in times when someone else may be hurting us, we allow them to do it, whether directly or indirectly, by engaging with that person or putting ourselves in the situation to begin with. But, most times we are the ones who do the most damage to ourselves, we suffer the most by our own hand. Sometimes we do it by not giving ourselves credit for something we’ve achieved, by punishing ourselves for doing something wrong or not knowing better, for missing an opportunity, missing a deadline, or not speaking up for ourselves. We continue to bully ourselves for these things and keep picking away at a wound that is already there. We get ourselves into a viscous cycle of self-attack, self-defense, self-imposed guilt, and self-imposed blame. But it’s important to seek out the right within the wrong, or even question whether the act was “wrong” in the first place and not merely just a chance to learn or do it better next time. This journey, this path, we are on is about learning and growing, if we all knew everything and did everything perfectly every time, none of us would know how great it feels to find success after a previous failure. It’s those “failures” that build our strength and show us who we are, if we’re able to use them as tools to build a better us.

Before setting out on a path of recovery, I only focused on what I thought was bad about myself, or inadequate. I had a constant loop in my head telling myself what and who I was not. When someone would compliment me I would quickly point out why I didn’t deserve the compliment and shoot it down. I would beat myself up for having a lack of clarity and or for indecisiveness, which many times came from fear of doing what I really wanted, that I labeled it as a sign of weakness. I could tell you all the things I was not, but I couldn’t tell you why, and the reason I couldn’t was because in reality it wasn’t true, it was a narrative I would tell myself to keep myself sick, to keep myself isolated from those around me and to prevent myself from achieving what I was too afraid to believe I deserved.

It wasn’t until I found the courage to see the right beneath the wrong that things started to change. I had to change my thinking and I had to learn to trust myself. That shift happened by learning to take a compliment, and if I truly didn’t believe I deserved it, to just say thank you, not talk back and try to take it away. I was taught that when I argued and said I didn’t deserve it, that I was actually telling that person they were wrong, or a liar, and that wasn’t something I wanted to do, so a simple thank you helped me through that to start. I learned to trust myself by doing trustworthy things, to be accountable for my actions and words, and be open to the belief that I deserved good things, so when they came my way I could humbly smile and say OK. All of these baby steps took time, along with others, that slowly helped me let go of my self-imprisonment and learn to let myself live, mistakes and all. I had to learn to bring love to my wounds, and it was that love that would eventually let them heal.

We often focus on all the things we think are wrong with us, what we lack, but what if, just for today, you offered yourself some love and acceptance so you can move beyond what you may not have been to what you can do. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you focus on what you think your shortcomings are? Is that all you see? Why? When was the last time you let yourself take credit for something? Do you take compliments from others easily? If not, why not? Do you give compliments to others? How does that make you feel? How do you feel if someone doesn’t accept your compliment? Do you see how when you don’t accept a compliment yourself that the other person may feel that same way? What if today you focused on all the things you are instead of what you’re not, and see how that focus may change your day, you never know SLAYER, you may just try it again the next day just to make sure you were right.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! The only thing more exhausting than having mental illness is pretrending you don’t have it.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Strength And Courage

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Sometimes people around you won’t understand your journey, but they don’t need to, it’s not for them.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Art

Creativity Takes Courage

It takes real courage to put your creativity out into the world. When we express ourselves creatively—whether through art, writing, music, or any other outlet—we’re exposing a part of ourselves. We’re showing something personal and vulnerable. And that can be scary.

The fear of criticism, rejection, or being told we’re “not enough” can stop us from ever taking that leap. So many people let their creative spark die out because they’re afraid of what others might say—or worse, what they might say to themselves. But here’s the truth: your creativity is a gift. And the world needs to see it.

Overcoming the Fear

Before I found my own courage, fear kept me small. My creative fire was there, but it was often snuffed out by my own doubts. Opportunities would come my way, and instead of stepping into them, I let the voice in my head—the one telling me I wasn’t good enough—hold me back.

That voice, that negative “committee” in my head, whispered things like: “You’re wasting your time,” “You’re not talented,” or “You’ll embarrass yourself.” And for a while, I listened. I let those fears rob me of moments where I could have shined. I let them convince me that I wasn’t worthy of good things.

It wasn’t until I started learning to love myself—truly love myself—that I found the strength to fight back against those lies. I realized that fear was never the truth. The antidote was embracing vulnerability, leaning into my creative spark, and trusting that I was enough as I was.

Your Unique Light

Every single one of us is born with talents. They’re uniquely ours, and it’s up to us to nurture them and share them with the world. When you embrace your creativity and let your voice be heard, you give others permission to do the same.

It may feel like a leap of faith at first. But every time you step into your creativity—whether it’s a small act or a grand gesture—you’re building confidence. You’re feeding that inner flame.

Trust in the creative force inside you. Let it guide you. Believe that what you have to offer is not only enough, but valuable. When you embrace your gifts, fine-tune them, and share them, you inspire others to do the same. And sometimes, your greatest talent is simply having the courage to show up and express who you are.

SLAY OF THE DAY

  • Do you believe in yourself and your creative talents?
  • When opportunities arise, do you share your creativity, or do you hold back? Why?
  • What inspires you about the creativity of others?
  • Have you had a positive experience sharing your creative gifts? How did that make you feel?
  • If a past experience wasn’t positive, what could you have done differently to change that?
  • How have you grown by expressing your creativity?
  • What’s one courageous step you can take today to share your creative fire?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one creative step you’ll take today that makes you feel brave?
Share your thoughts in the comments. Let’s inspire each other to let our creative flames burn brighter.

And if you know someone who’s holding back their creative gifts, share this with them.
Sometimes, we all need a reminder that we’re capable of more.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let to of what you cannot change.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

state of slay pain holding on

Believing In Yourself May Be One Of The Most Daring Things You Can Do

Believing in myself wasn’t something that came easy for me. I spent most of myself doubting my abilities, talent and worth. I may have started the day, or even a task or goal, with all the intention in the world of believing I could do it, and not just do it, excel at it, only to let the voices in my head talk me down and tell me I wasn’t good enough to get it done. And then would begin the vicious circle of beating myself up for not doing something to my ability or being to afraid to let myself shine as I knew I could. I would then slip into a depression believing I would never get what I want or achieve my goals because I was too afraid to reach for them or I wasn’t good enough to get it. It would take days, weeks, sometimes months to work up the courage to get back out there and try again, and sometimes I would find the success I was looking for, but even when I did I would label it as luck, not really believing I deserved it and would then worry it would be taken away. That fear, that disbelief in myself only grew stronger as I got older, and my disease grew along with me, it was harder to overcome, even paralyzing at times where I would freeze not able to do anything because of the overwhelming fear of failure.

When I made the decision to seek out help, when I found the courage to admit I was in trouble and was willing to make changes in my life to live a healthier and happier life, I did hear those same voices telling me it wouldn’t work, or I would fail, but this time it wasn’t just something I wanted, this was my life that was on the line, and walking through that fear of failure was necessary for my own survival, so I just started to walk.

I learned as I began my journey on uncharted waters to trust myself, to trust that I was being guided to where I was meant to be, and that there was a reason why things were happening in my life, good, bad or otherwise. Looking back, yes, I had let many opportunities pass me by, and even though those missed opportunities frustrated me, or made me angry for letting them go, they helped me learn acceptance, no matter how I felt, I couldn’t change the past, so I had to take what I could learn from it and let it go. And, remembering how I felt about those missed opportunities, I would not let myself miss those opportunities from now on so I didn’t have to feel like that again. That was something I had control over, doing the best I could and then letting the results go, because if I had done my best, that’s all I could have done, and can ever do, the rest isn’t up to me, and once I did that I was able to find love in myself, even in who I had been because she didn’t know better, I was able to start believing in my own self-worth. That seemed impossible when I started this journey, but it slowly came as I continued to forgive myself for my past and began making loving decisions for myself each day.

When we don’t believe in ourselves we make it almost impossible for us to succeed. We need to believe. We need to believe we are worth it, we are capable of it, and we need to believe we deserve the good we seek out. That may seem like a tall order, but it can be done, you’re reading the words of a believer right now, one that used to not believe so much she got in her own way most of the time. Find the love within yourself to believe, find the forgiveness to let go of mistakes from the past, and find the life you truly deserve, dare yourself to believe. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you believe in yourself? If not, why not? Does this come from actions or decisions in your past? Does this come from what you’ve been told by others? How do you stand in your own way? Why do you do this? Why do you think it’s OK? Give an example of something you didn’t accomplish or get because you didn’t believe in yourself. How did you feel after? You have the power to change that SLAYER. You are capable of anything you decide to do, you just have to believe you can and set out to do it. Anything is possible if you think you can. Start by learning to love who you are, and honoring that person, learning to trust what you want and look for opportunities to go get it. You can have those things you dream about, with some work, and, a belief that you can.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Contempt Prior To Investigation

I used to think I knew better. I thought I knew better than all of you, and I thought I knew if I was going to like something, even if I had never done it before. And because I lived in a negative space, I often said no to things without ever trying them. Before someone could even finish asking me to join in or participate in something I had already made up my mind I didn’t want to do it. Some of that came from fear, fear of never having done it and now knowing what the result will be, or, maybe looking stupid because I didn’t know what I was doing. My first reaction to any invite or suggestion was no. As a result, I missed out on a lot of things, a lot of opportunities, because I had already condemned something before it happened.

When I stepped on this path, I was encouraged to say yes. Yes was a word that made my anxiety shoot up immediately. What if I didn’t like what I agreed to do? What if I didn’t like the people? What if they didn’t like me? What if? What if? But I knew if multiple people kept encouraging me to say yes, I had to try, I had to say yes to saying yes, no matter how nervous that made me. I had to watch myself, in the beginning, I had to watch that I didn’t jump in each time with a quick no, I would breathe, make myself listen and then tell myself, regardless of what it was, I had to say yes, just to try. If I didn’t like it I didn’t have to do it again. I made a commitment to myself, that in that first year I had to say yes, so the year of yes began.

The first few times it was tough, saying yes, but as I kept doing it it got easier. And, I was discovering some new things about myself. When you say no all the time you don’t give yourself an opportunity to grow, to learn, to test yourself. As we move through life, our wants and needs change, as we do, but when we’re not testing the waters to see what works best for us today, we stay stuck and keep doing the same things, or nothing, and not growing to our potential. Saying yes does take courage, and faith, that you’re being asked to say yes for a reason. Nothing happens randomly, typically things come to us when we need them, or should take part in them, so we can take away what we should to move forward, or possibly, change the direction we’re going in completely. So when we keep saying no, we’re not only stuck, we’re not were we’re supposed to be.

Now after almost 13 years of saying yes, I can say that the yes’s have been very good to me. Yes has gotten me to a pretty incredible place today, and one I wouldn’t have had to courage to say yes to if I hadn’t had years of practice of saying yes, because this yes, is life-changing, and has taken a big leap of faith that what was given to me was exactly where I am meant to be, and I know that with every fiber of my soul. When we say yes, the universe says yes back. We open the road of possibilities and allow the flow of new ideas and new challenges that are meant to prepare us for the next yes, and possibly, prepare us for the biggest yes yet. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Is your immediate reaction when being asked to do something a no? Why? What happened the last time you said yes? Why don’t you say yes more often? What do you think will happen? When you think about the times you may have said yes, how do you feel about those choices? How do you feel when you see other people saying yes and getting remarkable results while you’re still saying no? You can be one of those yes people SLAYER. Challenge yourself this week to say yes, at least twice. Ignore the negative voices that tell you to say no and just say yes, say it without even thinking about, just blurt out yes! You may just discover some new things about yourself, and may even meet some new people who are also saying yes. Surround yourself with people who say yes, try new things, challenge yourself to move forward, to uncharted waters, and say yes to exploring who you are and where you are meant to be. One yes may just change your whole life.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

An Ending Brings A New Beginning

We tend to hold onto things. We hold on to them, many times, far longer than we should. We cause ourselves unnecessary pain and heartache, when we should really just let go. We sometimes live in denial that something has ended, we try to live in the past, to conjure up memories or feelings and try to hold on to them when they can’t live in the present. We drag our heels and drag our hearts through the dirt as we try to live in a place that no longer exists. Let go. And not just let go, look at it as an opportunity for something new. A new beginning.

Now I realize that that may have just sent a shutter down your spine. But really, honestly, it’s a good thing. The act of letting go. And the realization that you should let go is a huge act of self-love. To not cause yourself pain by trying to keep yourself somewhere you no longer have no business being. By being responsible for your own pain for not letting go and moving on. Walking away when it’s time takes a long of love and a lot of courage, to know that, if you move on, that is actually a positive act, an act that demonstrates self-respect and one that shows you know your worth. And when it’s time to go and you take that action, it allows something else to come in, something, perhaps, better suited to who you are today, or what you’ve been looking for. When we stay where we are no longer meant to be, we block anything new from coming in because we are spending all of our energy trying to make it right in the wrong place. We make excuses, concessions to stay, and while we’re doing that we’re not seeing that perhaps what we’ve wished for, or wanted,all along, is right within our reach. Putting an end to something takes some faith, faith in yourself that you’re doing the right thing, and faith that whatever inner voice guides you, or outer voice, that there is a plan for you, that you are being guided to whom, or where, you are meant to be. And once you start to take that direction, all roads start to open up to help you get there. So many times we’re heard saying, “why is this so difficult?” Well, it may be difficult because we’re not mean to be there at all. So the question should be, “if this is so difficult, is there somewhere else I should be?” There may be a reason you’re finding things so difficult, the universe may be trying to tell you something.

An ending is really a chance for a new beginning. And perhaps a place that lets you be you, that lets you shine bright. We have to go through the things that aren’t right for us to find out what is. It’s all just part of our journey, our learning of who we are and what we want, so don’t look at it as a bad thing, look at it as information, and a way to lead you to where you should be, and where you are mean to be. Life is already full of obstacles, why put some extra ones in your own way by hanging on when you should go? Why not look at the end of something as a chance to try something new, you never know, that ending may have been set up just to lead you to the beginning of the life of your dreams…but you won’t know if you stay stuck right where you are. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to hang on to situations or relationships even when you know you should move on? If so, why do you do that? Write down a time when you held on when you should have let go. How did that make you feel? Write down a time when you did let go. How did that make you feel? Which felt better? Within your life now, are there people, places and things that you should be letting go of or ending? What are they? Why are you hanging on? What do you think will happen if you let go? Are these feelings or concerns valid, or just fears? What are you afraid of? Are these fears based in fact, or are they tied to old stories and old ideas from your past? Look at your life SLAYER, and look at those things that you should end, end them, and don’t be afraid, when we let go of what we no longer want or need, we let the universe know we’re ready for what we do want and need, and we’re ready to turn an ending into a new beginning.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

You Can Waste Your Life Trying To Stay In The Lines, Or You Can Live Your Life Crossing Them

I’ve always identified myself as a rule breaker. Someone who didn’t follow the pack and didn’t stay within the lines, and I did to an extent, but what I didn’t realize is that, even though I wasn’t following and staying in the lines that society told me I had to,  that freedom I wore so proudly like a badge of honor, that freedom, was actually false, because I had imprisoned myself with my own set of lines to stay within. In a sense, those self-imposed lines were even worse than someone else’s because I had set them myself, and, I was in denial that they were even there at all. I walked around self-righteous about my freedom, but was keeping myself from the freedom I actually thought I had.

Much of those restrictions had to do with my own sickness. A way to keep myself within the lines of my own design to that I could function and still appear to be “normal” to the outside world, so that no one would ask any questions. I kept myself within those lines to keep things under control, or so I thought, and as I got sicker, I moved those lines around to accommodate my disease and to fool myself that I still was free even though I had built a prison for myself within those lines. I wasn’t being true to myself and who I was because I didn’t want to admit there was anything wrong. So, instead of getting help, I kept drawing more lines and those lines kept getting closer and closer to where I was standing, until I got boxed in. And I had no where else to go. I just stood there, terrified that I no longer had my freedom, so I just stood there hoping no one would find out I had boxed myself in.

Fortunately for me I realized that I could cross those lines I had drawn and by doing so I could regain my freedom, it wasn’t easy, but I found the courage to step over them to a healthier way of living, and a place to start over and erase all of those lines from my past to draw a new design for myself, one with a few simple lines to keep me healthy and safe, but one with a lot more room to move and discover who I really was.

Society, people in our lives, even our own minds, love to tell us to stay within the lines, but only we get to decide where those are, and what they are, and, if they’re healthy for us. And, if we find out that those don’t work for us, or don’t anymore, we get to step over them and live our lives in a way that suits us, that allows us to grow, to shine, to live out loud. Even as kid, I often would start a picture staying in the lines, and then would start to color over them, to make a new picture, or a different perspective, people didn’t always get it, but they didn’t need to, I did, and I could still see the perfect lines underneath, but then the flurry of my own creativity on top, even though I used to think I was supposed to do it perfectly, there was something in me that just didn’t feel right when I did it.

Set your own lines, or don’t set any at all, discover what works best for you, not what you’re told to do, step over some lines and allow yourself to make your own rules, feel what is right for you and give yourself the freedom to find your best you without the parameters set by others, or maybe even yourself. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you someone who stays within the lines or crosses them when those lines do not suit you? What keeps you from crossing them if you don’t? If you do, what lines have you crossed in the past that didn’t suit you? How did it feel to cross those lines? Do you still cross them? If not, why not? What lines in your life should you cross, but haven’t? What stops you from crossing them? The lines in your life, are they set by society, friends, family, or are they set by you? Why do you think you need to stay in any of them? You don’t SLAYER, you get to decide what works best for you, you can step over any line as long is it is for your betterment. Take a step, and maybe a leap of faith, and step over the lines in your life that no longer serve you, or maybe never did, and discover what’s on the other side. Freedom.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Does Feeling Bad Feel Comfortable?

When I was living in the dark, I wasn’t happy there, but it was what I knew, and where I felt comfortable. I was torn between being in love with my sadness and wanting to let it go. I didn’t know how to let it go, and I also was afraid to, because my identity had become my sadness, like a black cloak I pulled tightly around me. That cloak got heavier and heavier as the years went on, so much so it became hard to breathe from the weight of it, but I stayed there, and I kept wearing it until the weight of it became too much for me to stand and it brought me to my knees. I’m grateful I was able to reach that point. I am grateful I made it that long. That I found the strength in me to finally lift that heavy cloak off of me and leave it behind. I almost wasn’t able to. And I think the danger of that for me is why it needed to be that heavy, so that I always remember how dark and heavy that place was, and how difficult it was for me to get out.

Sometimes we stay where we shouldn’t because it’s all we’ve ever known, or, it’s what we think we deserve, even when we may realize that we should go, we can stay stuck thinking it’s better to live in a place that we’re familiar with rather than stepping out to unknown territory. We keep ourselves locked away, or sick, and find people who feed into that sickness so we can feel okay for being there, even possibly be encouraged to stay by those with us, as it feeds into their sickness as well. It takes a lot of courage to reach for the light, to change the way we’ve been living, how we’re living and who we’re living with. But we have to believe we deserve more, or better, or something different from what we’ve had to live as our authentic selves and discover what our true potential is. Because when we live in the dark, when we hide in those places that may make us feel safe, but are places we shouldn’t be in, we lose a part of ourselves, and the longer we stay there the more we lose. We step down on those places in our heart that are meant to shine, those parts of us we’re meant to share with the world, and ourselves, we suffocate our true selves and we slowly die there, and even though it can be terrifying to let go and trust that we’re not meant to live a life in the shadows, what we gain when we do is worth every moment of fear we have to walk through to get us there. And the more we we push past that fear to find our happiness, the less we’ll put up with anything, or anyone, that causes us to feel bad, and as we do, that dark place becomes less comfortable.

We have the power to change the place we live in our hearts, we can choose to live in a place that makes us feel bad, or one that gives us joy, one that let’s our heart shine, even if the place of sadness is all we’ve known, we can still see out our own place of happy. It does take some work, and some trust that you can get to that place, but as someone who found her way to her own I can tell you, it is possible, and once you’re there the possibilities become limitless. Go find your happy place and find it within you to believe you deserve it. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Does feeling bad feel comfortable? Why? Have you always lived in that place? If you haven’t, how have you found yourself there? Why haven’t you left? If you have, do you want to find a better place for yourself, a happier place, a healthier place to live? What does that place look like to you SLAYER? Can you imagine it? Where can you find that place? If you can’t imagine it, if you could make it up, being realistic about it, what does it look like, feel like, where is it? Can you find it? Can you work toward it? How? What steps can you take? SLAYER we are more than what has happened to us, we are more than what we’ve been told we deserve, or who we’ve been told we are, only we get to decide that, us, so take some time and think about where you are, why you’re there, and where you want to go, because you can go there, you just have to believe you can and get to work on getting there. I believe in you SLAYER, now it’s your turn to believe in yourself, and believe you deserve more than finding a comfortable place in your sadness.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you