As a young girl I always felt different, less than, awkward. I watched the other kids at school interact, play, and participate in activities effortlessly, it was always difficult for me, challenging, and riddled with anxiety. What I didn’t know then is it was because I was uncomfortable in my own skin. I didn’t think I was as talented, pretty, or as smart as the other kids, and I thought if I were to let you know the real me, you would have figured all of that out pretty quickly and leave me to the side, it felt safer not to engage. That’s what I thought, and, on a bad day, still do, but thankfully there aren’t too many of those bad days any more. I embarked on, what is probably, the worst career choice for someone with those thoughts running through her head, but it was an opportunity to get out, to see the world, and to be someone else. It was also an opportunity to get me to my ultimate goal, acting, a safe place I discovered in high school where I could just be someone else and I could leave the anxiety of my actual self behind, I mean, I was acting every day anyway, pretending to be who I thought you wanted me to be so you wouldn’t ask any questions about the real me, so why not make a career out of it and get paid? That was my reasoning, and it worked for quite a while, until it didn’t, and I couldn’t run from the negative voices in my head anymore.
I hit a bottom, physically, emotionally, spiritually, it brought me to my knees and got me to a place of humility where I could finally ask for help, and that’s when the healing began. I continue to heal every day, and I hope you do too.
State Of Slay is meant to be a safe place, a place to encourage one another, to share our experiences, and offer our strengths and hope to those who may need it. I no longer perform to hide from who I am, although there are days it is a treat to slip inside someone else’s life, but I found there is much more power in sharing my story, in tearing down the perfect image that is put out in the world, to reach out and talk about the things that I have struggled with, and to help others who may be struggling. This is a place to get messy, a place to learn to be comfortable in our uncomfortableness, and a place to let the walls down.
I believe we are all here to help one another, to share in our common experiences, and to see that we have more in common than not.
I encourage you to look for the commonality in what is said here, not the differences, and I invite you all to share your thoughts and stories with me, as I will with you. Together we will be a force to be reckoned with, and instead of walking around in a state of depression, anxiety, or self-doubt, we will walk around in a STATE OF SLAY.
– Carrie Genzel
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you