Good morning SLAYER! The person who tries to keep everyone happy often ends up the loneliest, focus on making yourself happy, and loving who you are.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Self Love
Upside-Down Personality Right-Side Up
I always felt different from everyone else. As far back as I can remember, sitting in school, or standing in the playground, everyone else seemed to have an easier time than I did, or so it seemed, to me. I always had friends, but I had to work at it, it wasn’t something that came easily to me. I would overthink things, try to plan out what I was going to say, worry about what others were thinking about me, and trying to anticipate who everyone else wanted me to be. I always felt like my thinking, my humor, who I was was upside-down.
I managed to get by for a long time pretending I was like you. But eventually all that pretending caught up to me, and I tried to use things to stuff down the anxiety and uncomfortably I felt in my day-to-day life. I thought maybe it was something I would grow out of, but I never did. And as I finished school and started my career that anxiety got worse, so I did whatever I could to suffocate it with whatever I could, to appear normal. Eventually what I was doing to get by stopped working and the anxiety ramped up even more to the point where it became unbearable. I found myself in my mid-30’s not really knowing who I was but not liking who I thought myself to be. If I thought I was upside-down in the past, I was now really upside-down then.
I was fortunate that someone came into my life at that time who had felt the way I had. But, he no longer felt that way. I was intrigued. Was there a way to turn my upside-side personality right-side up? He told me there was, because he had done it. It had never occurred to me that I could, I thought I would just have to find a way to live the way I had been, even though I knew I couldn’t go on living that way. I was desperate enough to try something new and so I set out on this path I now walk on.
The key to finding my right-side-up personality was with self-love, but I also a heavy dose of forgiveness. Some things were easier to forgive than others, but the more I was able to see that the way I felt wasn’t always because of my own actions, that I had a mental illness that got in the way of me living and learning like most people, and because of that I did not have the tools I needed to live a healthy and happy life. Even that took some acceptance, even though it made sense to me and I was identifying with the symptoms and actions of my illness, I had to get over the stigma of being labeled with one, but once I was able to accept that, I wanted to gather as many tools as I could, because I knew I had to get to work, and I knew if I did, I could get better. I realized that how I had felt as a child was not my fault, there was something else going on that I couldn’t have understood, and that I did the best I could with the information I had. Did I go on a spree of self-destruction later in adulthood, yes, but again, I had a disease I didn’t know I had and without the proper information I just reached for what I could to quiet it down.
Today I know the difference. I know who I am, and I love who I am, flaws and all…remember those aren’t really flaws they are what make us flawsome. But I’ve done enough work to know what I’m dealing with today, that doesn’t make every day easy, but it makes it manageable, and if it doesn’t feel manageable, I have places to go to hit the reset button, and people I can talk to walk me through it. I’ve also learned that some of my personality is a little upside-down, but today I embrace those upside-down parts, it’s what makes me me, as long as I make sure that most of me is right-side up, I know I’ll be OK. And you know what, you will be too. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel different from those around you? How so? Do you think that what makes you different makes is wrong? Why? Who says they’re wrong? Do they hurt you? Do they hurt others? What parts of you would you like to change? How can you? Why would you like to change those things? Is there someone or a group of people who can help you do that? Have you reached out to them in the past? If not, why haven’t you? If you have, why didn’t you continue to do the work? Is there something you’re afraid of? Does feeling better scare you? Why? SLAYER, you have the power to change, and that’s pretty powerful, I know because I’ve done it. Seek out those who can help you make the changes you want to see in yourself. Love yourself through those changes and find forgiveness in the past when you didn’t know the difference, and love yourself for knowing what you do today.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! 80% of success is just showing up.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Just Show Up
There were so many times in my life, before stepping on this path, when I never started things. When I meant to make better choices, different choices, healthier choices, but didn’t feel like I had enough information to start, or it wasn’t the right time, or I thought I should wait for a bigger sign, when really all I had to do was just show up. There are always excuses or reasons not to start something, or show up for someone or yourself, but all that is required is to show up, to do the best you can and figure it out as you go. No one has all the answers. No one. There isn’t some magical guide out there with the right way to do everything. Well, I guess there is, but it’s not something you can hold in your hand, it’s inside of us. Each an every one of us has that magical guide, it burns inside of us and when we connect with it, and listen to it, it shows us, not only by the way we feel, but it will show us in ways we can see, hear and touch. We just have to be open to it.
When I was living in the dark I had turned off that inner guide. My mental illness told me I knew better. that I didn’t need to listen to it, or that it wasn’t actually there at all, but it was, I had just stuffed it down, piled a bunch of stuff on top of it and had numbed myself so much I couldn’t hear it anymore, or feel that it was there. That’s exactly where my disease wanted me, so it could tell me things that weren’t true. It told me that there was no use in starting something new because it wouldn’t work, or I wouldn’t be good at it, or no one would accept me. And since I had turned off my inner guide and wasn’t sharing these thoughts with anyone, I believed it. I watched opportunity after opportunity pass me by and each time I did, I sank deeper in the darkness. The only opportunities not taking those opportunities gave me was the ability to continue to knock myself down and tell myself I wasn’t good enough, that I was too much of a coward to start something new or try to live a better life, or that I wasn’t worth showing up for. It seems so simple, looking back, that each time an opportunity did come up all I had to do was show up to make a difference, to change the pattern I was in, but I stayed where it felt safe, where my disease wanted me, until I had to make a change to save my life.
I can’t say what exactly happened to make me finally show up for myself, I just knew that I had to or I would no longer have a choice. That little bit of light inside of me shined that night as bright as it could, but it was enough, it was enough to ask for help and to finally show up. When I did, I had no idea what to do next, or how things were going to go, but I was there, I was present for me, and I asked for direction from those who had stood where I was, and I kept just showing up, each day, and each day I got stronger, I got better, I started to shine brighter.
You don’t have to know all the answers, or the path you need to be on to change your life. Just show up. Be willing. Be open. Just be. One of my favorite quotes is by Zig Ziglar, it goes “You don’t have to be great to start, but you do have to start to be great.” Just start, because that in itself is great, and if you show up each day ready to start and take on whatever may come, one day you may just realize how great you really are. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you stop yourself from starting something new or something you know is good for you? Why? What’s stops you? What do you tell yourself that stops you? How can you get around this? What should you be starting that you haven’t? What can you do to start? How will starting help you? Focus on the good SLAYER, focus on how showing up can help you grow, help you to move on, and help you to move forward to where you are meant to be. I know that can be scary, walking on a path you’ve never walked, but trust that you are there for a reason, and know that there are many of us walking that same path who will walk with you. You are not alone. Just show up. You’ll see us there.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! People and situations are both powerless without your reaction.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
It’s Not The Pain That Helps Us Grow, It’s Our Response To It
Before I stepped onto this path, I walked through a lot of pain.
Not gracefully.
Not reflectively.
More like a storm spinning out of control—reactive, destructive, and exhausting.
I told myself, and was often told by others, that the pain was making me stronger. That suffering was proof of growth. That endurance alone was somehow building character.
But looking back, I can see the truth much more clearly now:
The pain wasn’t strengthening me.
My response to it was weakening me.
And in many cases, I was the source of my own pain.
That realization wasn’t comfortable—but it was freeing. Because it showed me that growth was never about how much pain I endured. It was about what I did after the pain showed up.
Pain Is Inevitable Suffering Is Optional
Pain is part of being human.
We get hurt.
We get disappointed.
We get blindsided—sometimes by others, sometimes by life itself.
But pain alone doesn’t create growth.
Pain without awareness creates repetition.
Pain without reflection creates cycles.
Pain without honesty keeps us stuck.
What determines growth isn’t the pain itself—it’s whether we react from old wounds or respond with clarity.
And there is always a choice.
Reaction Keeps Us Stuck Response Moves Us Forward
There’s a difference between reacting and responding.
Reaction is impulsive.
It’s emotional.
It’s driven by fear, old stories, and survival patterns.
Response is intentional.
It’s grounded.
It’s guided by truth instead of triggers.
When I reacted to pain, I made choices that caused more pain—burning bridges, sabotaging myself, repeating patterns I swore I wanted to escape.
When pain wasn’t self-inflicted, that was where growth became possible—if I was willing to respond instead of explode.
The Myth That Pain Builds Strength
One of the most damaging stories we tell ourselves is that pain itself makes us stronger.
That belief often keeps us tolerating what we shouldn’t.
It keeps us in harmful relationships.
It keeps us justifying self-destructive behavior.
Pain doesn’t build strength.
Choices build strength.
The strength comes from what you learn.
From what you release.
From what you decide not to repeat.
The old narrative—that suffering proves worth or resilience—often keeps us returning to the same sources of harm, believing it’s “part of the process.”
It isn’t.
Getting the Facts Is How We Grow Safely
One of the core truths I return to again and again is this:
When we have the facts, we are safe.
Not the feelings.
Not the assumptions.
Not the stories shaped by past wounds.
The facts.
Looking at pain honestly—without embellishment, blame, or denial—allows us to understand its source. And once we understand the source, we gain power.
Power to choose differently.
Power to set boundaries.
Power to walk away instead of reenacting.
Pain becomes useful only when it’s investigated.
We Always Have More Control Than We Think
Here’s the part that changes everything:
We don’t control whether pain shows up—but we do control how much we let it stay.
We can:
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Let it fester
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Turn it into resentment
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Use it for sympathy
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Or learn from it and release it
Sometimes simply letting pain go is growth.
Not every wound needs a deep dive. Some lessons are learned by choosing not to engage again.
And when you’re living from self-love and honesty, destructive reactions stop feeling good. Self-sabotage loses its appeal.
Because why tear down something you’re finally learning to build?
Pain Is a Teacher Not a Home
Pain is meant to inform you—not define you.
It shows you where boundaries are needed.
It highlights what isn’t aligned.
It reveals patterns asking to be broken.
But pain is not meant to be lived in.
When you respond with curiosity instead of chaos, pain becomes data. And data leads to discernment. And discernment leads to peace.
That’s growth.
Turning Pain Into a Gift
You may have never paused to ask yourself how you typically respond to pain.
So the next time it shows up, try this:
Strip away the story.
Remove the emotional overlay.
Look at the facts.
What actually happened?
What role did you play?
What part was within your control?
What can you learn?
When you do this, pain stops being something that happens to you—and becomes something that works for you.
The greatest gift pain can offer is information.
And information, used wisely, changes everything.
SLAY Reflection
Let’s reflect, SLAYER:
S: What do you believe is the main source of pain in your life right now?
L: How much of that pain are you creating, allowing, or repeatedly engaging with?
A: When pain shows up, do you tend to react or respond—and how is that serving you?
Y: What could change if you chose to learn from pain instead of letting it control you?
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
How has your response to pain shaped your growth—or where do you feel called to respond differently now?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s stuck believing pain itself is the path, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
Hyper-Vigilance: Looking For Danger
When we’ve come from a situation, whether from our childhood or as we’ve moved through life, where we felt, or where, in danger, we move forward from that place always looking for danger. We are in a constant state of alert, always looking for what is coming next to hurt us, or knock us down. It’s a horrible place to live, and steals our peace of mind, never allowing us to fully relax and enjoy where we are if we’ve finally found good and love in our life. And even when we do, there is still an underlying concern that something is about to happen, so we always have a suspicious eye, or are constantly scanning for any signs of danger.
Living in that place is exhausting, and causes us to miss genuine moments with those we love because we’re so busy looking for, and waiting for, the next bomb to go off. I know for myself that there have been many moments from my past that have caused me to always be on the lookout of the danger that may be lurking ahead. But there is no danger. There is no danger because I have learned from my past. I’ve chosen to weed out those people in my life who wish to cause me harm, or may be insensitive to my well-being, and for those I can’t remove from my life, I have learned to set boundaries or not engage with them in a way that will allow them back into my life and give them access and have the power to wreak havoc in my life today. And yet, sometimes, I will still look for danger.
For me, it comes down to practicing self-love and contrary action. I need to put my trust in the people I have chosen to be a part of my life and when my mind wants to head into hyper-vigilance I need to focus on the good, focus on the love around me, and focus on staying in the moment and not looking around for things that are not there. It takes time to change this behavior, and for some of us, it may never really be gone, but we can certainly work to lessen it and allow ourselves to enjoy our lives and those we’ve chosen to be in it. This is when honing our people-picker comes in to play. Of really fine-tuning our choices of those we choose to trust and assuring ourselves that we have put ourselves in safer situations, assuming that we have, because there are those of us too who will continue to put ourselves in unsafe places because that is what we know, I have been guilty of this in the past, those choices not only keep us in a place that we know, they also give us the opportunity to tell that negative narrative we also know, so, it’s about being rigorously honest with ourselves about where we find ourselves and with whom,and making sure we are making better choices, healthier choices, for ourselves today.
As SLAYERS we are the guardians of our own well-being, we need to protect our safety and make sure we are living our lives in places that allow us to be our best selves, that allow us to shine, and share our light with those around us, we can’t do that if we’re always on the look-out for danger. Make sure you are giving yourself the opportunity to live without the fear of what may be coming next, find those places in your life that you are safe, loved and encouraged and live in those places, stay in those places, and don’t let yourself believe that you deserve anything less. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you put yourself in situations that may not be safe for you? If you do, why do you do that? How does constantly being, or feeling, like you’re in danger benefit you? How does it hurt you? Do realize you are doing it to yourself? What can you do to stop it? What signs do you see that you have put yourself in danger in your life? If you are not in danger, do you still look for it? How has this damaged your relationships? What have you thought was there, but really wasn’t? Looking back, why do you think you found danger when there wasn’t any there? What can you do to stop this behavior? SLAYER, you deserve to feel safe and out of harms way, but you have to make sure you are choosing the right people and right environment to find your safety, and, that safety comes from you first by learning to trust yourself and your choices. Only you can decide what is best for you, make sure you choose wisely.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYERS! You may be imperfect, but you are worthy of belonging and love.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! If you’re always rushing to the next moment, what happens to the one you’re in?
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Worthy Of Love
I find myself in a place I’ve never been. A place I don’t think I thought I would ever be in. A place that is new, where I am vulnerable, and I’ve been, and am vulnerable, but this is a new kind of vulnerability, a good kind, a sweet kind, a kind I should be, and am blessed to be experiencing, and yet I find that I get scared in this place. That in itself surprises me. I have walked this road for almost 13 years now, and I’ve learned that my vulnerability is one of my strengths, but what I’ve learned, in this place that I am, is that there is still a part of me that doesn’t believe I am worthy of this kind of love. No one is more surprised by this than I am. My whole being is about self-love, receiving love, and sharing love with others, so now, in this place of ultimate love, how I can I be so scared? How can I still have this doubt deep inside that I’m not worthy of someone else’s love?
When I first realized that that is what my fear was based in, it made me sad. It saddened me to think that there was still a part of myself that didn’t believe, and that that part of me that had been laying dormant, silent, while the rest of me celebrated myself and the love I did have in my life, but this love is different. This love is true. Not that the other love in my life isn’t, or wasn’t, but this is a kind of love I’ve never known, one that I had seen, in other people, or in the movies, but never really believed was real or could happen to me. But here it is. And here I stand, scared of what that kind of love means. It seems silly to me when I think about it, that fear, but it’s there, and very real, and then that sadness rolls like low fog telling me I don’t get to have this kind of love. But I do, and I am, but that part of me that is sick, the disease, is trying to make one last stand to get in the way of me and my happiness, and all of the work I’ve done that had led me here.
So what now? Well, I know I have to walk through this fear. I know it’s not real and I know it’s based on the stories I used to tell myself. I do deserve to be happy. I do deserve to be loved. I do deserve to have this kind of love in my life, and I know I can have it, I do have it. I have to conquer my fears, and tell those voices that they’re wrong, they’re lying to me, they’re not going to win. For some reason it feels like it used to when I had to fight, it’s brought up those feelings of doubt, but I know I have it in me, I know the truth, and I deserve to walk away beating my fears to something really wonderful, and I will. I guess, in my my commitment to always be honest with all of you, I had to say all of that out loud, to share it with you all so that it would lose some power over me, and to know that all of you SLAYERS are standing by my side with your torches ablaze as I walk through my fears.
If you find yourself in fear, or feeling not worthy of love, walk with me, because you do, and are, let us stand together and move forward through our fears to the love that is waiting for us, that is ours. Stop listening to those voices or old stories that tell us we don’t get to have it, we do, and are meant to. Focus on the love in your life and see the love all around you, the love you receive and the love you give, know that you are worthy of all of it, and that there is much more love out there waiting for you. Tear down the darkness of your fears and let the light of love in, even if you’re afraid to let it, it is in the light of love that our true spirit shines, and we fully become who we are meant to be. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel worthy of love? If not, why not? Why do you think you don’t feel worthy? Is it because of things that have happened in your past, or things you were told? Are these things valid today? Are they true? Or are they just stories or experiences from our past from before you became the person you are today? Let go of the past SLAYER, focus on who you are and what you need. Let love in, and don’t listen to those negative voices that tell you you don’t deserve love, they don’t speak the truth, and only you can silence them by showing them just how much love you are capable of having. Let your light shine.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
