energy

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Plant the seeds you want to see grow. 

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! You can’t control the wind but you can adjust your sails.

SLAY on!
In A Storm

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Make sure you’re putting your energy in the right places.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…. SLAY on!

State Of Slay Pinky Time And Energy

Don’t React, Respond

My life before was one full of reactions. I reacted to everything around me and I reacted in record time. It’s like I thought I was going to get bonus points for reacting the fastest. As a result, many times, people got hurt or my rapid fast reaction was one from misunderstanding or my own warped sense of perspective. It never occurred to me to pause and actually take in what was being said or done, or, ask questions if I thought I may be a misunderstanding, it was all about reacting as soon as possible.

I was taught early on, when I began walking this path, that I wasn’t going to get any bonus points for reacting the fastest, in fact, all I was ever going to get was hurt feelings, mine or the other person’s, for making a quick judgment instead of thinking things through. I was encouraged to practice pausing, to taking a moment, or maybe 10, to ensure I wasn’t just reacting to what I think I heard, or assumed I knew without investigating further. This was truly something I had to practice. As I set out to try this new method I realized how much of a hair-triggered tongue I really had, it’s like I had an itch and the moment someone was saying or doing something I was already figuring out how I was going to react before they had even completed what they were doing, and then, many times, I would replay my reaction in my head and critiqued how I could have made it better or faster. Never once did I take into consideration how the other person may feel to have that kind of energy I hurled at them, many times, I was completely out of line.

We’ve heard the saying, that we can’t control what happens to us but we can control how we react to it, and walking this path I have seen incredible examples of people responding to horrible shocking things with dignity and grace. I too have at times, have responded in a way that in the past would have only exacerbated things, but have responded in a way that smoothed things over and even brought some new understanding, a miracle in itself. But we are capable of such things, all of us, if we put some thought into what comes out of your mouth before we open it. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not a saint, there are times that fast tongue of mine does get away from me and the words just start flying out, but it’s rare now, and I know that if that does happen and I am in the wrong that I can apologize for it and make a pledge to amend that behavior for next time, because now that I have been living this better way of life, those quick reactions don’t just hurt the other person, they also hurt me, and then I have to deal with the consequences of that.

There will always be those situations or people who get under our skin or irk us, but it’s important to take a moment and respond in the appropriate way, not just react. Not only will those around us thank us, but we’ll thank ourselves for conducting ourselves with dignity and respect, even if those around us aren’t capable of doing the same. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to react to things or respond? What’s an example of a time you reacted when you should have responded? What was the result? What’s an example of a time you responded when it would have been easier to have reacted? What was the result? Have you always taken a pause before responding or this new or learned behavior? How or what prompted you to make that change? How has this benefited you? How has it benefited those around you? How do you feel the effects of that change personally? When we are able to think before we act we are better able to honor ourselves in our response, and many times, not only make a difficult situation, but always not make a situation worse, sometimes even changing the outcome completely by our favorable response. It is not about what is said and done to us, it’s about being the example of how to interact in a way that shows respect, to others, but most of all, to ourselves.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

If You Don’t Accept It, What Else Are You Going To Do?

When I first stepped on this path I was told that acceptance was the key to all my problems. Well, that’s going to be a problem I thought. How was I going to find acceptance to everything I labeled a problem in my life? I was one stubborn gal back then, I would fight even when I knew I was wrong, so finding acceptance seemed like a tall order, there had to be some other solution where I didn’t have to accept the things I didn’t want to. Well, there wasn’t. It turns out those who had walked before knew what they were talking about. Now, don’t get my wrong, acceptance isn’t about turning over and letting everyone walk over you, but it’s about letting go of the things you can’t change, or have no control over. I know, that still seems like a lot to ask, but it can be done, you’ll have to trust that coming from this reformed stubborn gal.

The reality is, acceptance is the easier of the two options, I know you’re thinking hell no it’s not, but really it is, because when you really break it down, if you don’t accept the things you cannot change you end up spending a lot of useless energy holding resentments or anger towards something that isn’t going to budge just because you won’t accept it. When I think back I wasted so much energy not accepting things. I let it sidetrack me. Distract me. Keep me from being productive and keep me from moving forward. And that was my big revelation when I was finally able to find acceptance, I realized that my inability to accept kept me living in the past, and I was the one holding myself there.

Breaking things down into what I can change and what I cannot keeps things simple for me, especially when I find I am pushing back with some resistance. Also, accepting whatever had happened in the past, that was a big category to start with, but none of us can change the past, so I had to accept it, or find a way, because the alternative was literally killing me. It also helped me to think of those things, in the past, as learning experiences, situations that I could now use to teach me moving forward, and that allowed me to look at those things as positive experiences, even though they may have hurt or been frustrating, or downright infuriating, I could make the choice to look at them as lessons for the future, and when I was able to do that I was able to find acceptance around them.

Really, in a lot of cases, we don’t have much of a choice except to accept. Well, we do have a choice, but the other choice is one were by not accepting things we continually hurt ourselves over something that has already happened. We hold the key to setting ourselves free, that key is acceptance and the trick to unlock the door is humility. When we can set our ego aside or our need to be right, we can find the road to acceptance, and that road is one with fast lane to our own peace of mind and happiness. Vroom vroom SLAYER!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have a hard to finding acceptance around things you cannot change? Why is that? What holds you back? What have you not been able to find acceptance around in your life? How has that held you back? How has it gotten in the way of relationships in your life? How can you find a way to accept that situation? How can you work on finding acceptance in your life moving forward? What are the hardest things for you to accept? What are the easiest? What makes the hard ones so hard? Work to find acceptance in your life and cut the cord with your past and those things you cannot change, your life will thank you for it!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Holding On To Pain

I recently started working with a new Chiropractor. I have injuries from a car accident I was a passenger in about a year and a half ago. I have been in treatment for most of that time and am still suffering from lower back and neck pain. In speaking with this new doctor, I described the accident and what happened to my body during impact. She then turned to me and said, “you don’t ever have to tell that story again, in fact, I want you to let it go because it’s preventing you from healing from your injuries.” As someone who is very active and self-aware of my body and how it feels each day, it had never occurred to me that I could be getting in the way of my own healing by still holding on to anger towards the person who was driving the car I was in. This person, still to this day, has not taken responsibly for the accident, in fact, on more than one occasion actually blamed me for causing it from the passenger seat. I realized as she had said what she did that I was indeed holding on to a lot of anger and resentment for this person’s actions that day, and the days that followed, and that I was likely storing all of that negativity right in the center of my injury.

Having practiced yoga, and as someone who actively stretches, I know that we can store negative thoughts and emotions in our bodies. I’ve managed to jar those loose many times in a class or at home through stretch and suddenly that feeling or emotion comes pouring out at me, unleashed by the movement of my body. So I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me that I could be doing that with this injury, and that in doing so, I could be preventing myself from getting better. It’s true that every time I moved or felt discomfort from my injuries I would immediately think negative thoughts toward the situation and the person who caused them, I then would think about all the other things that person had done and never apologized for and nor ever would, I suppose, I stored those thoughts and feelings where he had done the most damage. But it’s time for that to stop. It’s time to let go of what was done so I can heal and move on. I have made other changes in my life to no longer include this person in my day-to-day life, and so now I need to cut the cord on my anger and set myself free.

Anger and resentment are tricky to let go of sometimes, and, they also can be very enticing. I know I can’t afford to hold resentments in my life, that is something I have learned and worked on for over a decade, they steal my peace of mind and serenity, so how have I let this go on for a year and a half, and let it affect my physical health? How did I not see the connection between my anger and resentment and my injuries? As I said, they can be tricky, cunning little suckers, but now the jig is up, their cover has been blown, so it’s time to get to work and release those feelings so I can get on track to recover from the trauma that was done. And, even though I know how to release my anger, I know the tricks, the places to go within myself, there’s a part of me that holds on, and when I do, I feel it physically in my body, so, as of today, I say no more, I am taking my body back, my health back, and my peace of mind back. I will no longer give it to this person who doesn’t deserve to hold that energy in my life, I will focus on the good, and there is a lot of it, I will stay in the light, I will practice extra self-care and love myself, and those who love me in my life, and I will let it go.

How much of the physical ailments and injuries we experience are caused by our unwillingness to let go? What damage are we doing to ourselves by holding on to the past? Today is the day we take our bodies back, we begin to heal what we can by letting go of the past, forgiving ourselves for hanging on, and no longer giving power to those who have done us harm. Fill up those hurt places with love, with care, and hope, and free ourselves from the shackles that we’ve put on ourselves by imprisoning ourselves in the past. Let go SLAYER and set yourself free. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you see how holding onto resentments and anger from your past could manifest itself into physical ailments, or prevent you from recovering from an injury? Is there something in your life that this may apply to? What it is it? Why haven’t you let it go? How does it get in the way of your recovery? What can you do today to let it go, or at least start the process? Imagine yourself having already done it, how does it feel? What does that look like? Stay in that place SLAYER, from that place it is easier to let go and to release yourself from what is holding you back and holding your peace hostage, you hold the key to your own release, turn the key and walk into freedom.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

If You Feel Like You’re Sliding, Ground Yourself In Gratitude

Because even the smallest anchor can save you from the storm

There are seasons in life when the ground beneath your feet doesn’t feel steady. You’re doing everything “right” — showing up, trying hard, taking care of what needs you — and yet somehow you still feel yourself slipping. Emotionally. Mentally. Spiritually. Energetically.

It starts quietly.

A missed step here.
A spiraling thought there.
A wave of heaviness that settles on your chest and won’t explain itself.

Before you know it, you’re sliding — away from your center, away from your peace, away from the version of you who feels grounded and clear.

I know that feeling well.
We all do.

And when life gets like this, it’s easy to panic.
It’s easy to think: What’s wrong with me? Why am I regressing? Why can’t I hold it together?

But here’s the truth most of us forget:

A slide isn’t a failure.
It’s a signal.
And gratitude is your handhold back to solid ground.

The Quiet Descent We Don’t Notice Until We’re Already Falling

Life rarely knocks us off balance with one big moment. Instead, it’s the slow accumulation of little things:

  • A slight disappointment

  • A broken routine

  • A lingering insecurity

  • A change in circumstance

  • A comment that hits us the wrong way

  • A feeling we don’t want to admit we’re feeling

The slide is subtle.

It begins when we stop listening to ourselves.
When we stop resting.
When we stop checking in on our heart.
When we slip into autopilot because being present feels too heavy.

Suddenly, we’re overwhelmed. Or discouraged. Or disconnected from the person we know we truly are.

The human instinct is to claw our way back through force — push harder, work more, suppress the feeling, pretend it’s not happening.

But the way back isn’t through force.

It’s through grounding.
It’s through presence.
It’s through gratitude.

Gratitude Doesn’t Erase the Hard — It Stabilizes You Inside It

Gratitude gets misunderstood as a way to bypass pain.
But real gratitude doesn’t ignore how you feel.

It simply gives you something to hold onto while you feel it.

Gratitude says:

  • “Yes, this is hard… and here is something still supporting you.”

  • “Yes, you’re tired… and here is something still holding you steady.”

  • “Yes, you’re overwhelmed… and here is something still working in your favor.”

It returns your mind to what is real — not imagined fear, not spiraling emotion, not worst-case scenarios.

Gratitude pulls you out of the fall and reorients you toward truth.

It doesn’t invalidate your struggle.
It anchors you through it.

A Small Gratitude Can Shift a Heavy Heart

When you feel yourself sliding, you don’t need a miracle.
You don’t need a life overhaul.
You don’t need everything to be perfect.

You just need one grounding thought — one spark of gratitude — to interrupt the descent.

It can be as simple as:

  • “I’m grateful for the breath that steadies me.”

  • “I’m grateful for one person who loves me.”

  • “I’m grateful for the strength I don’t always give myself credit for.”

  • “I’m grateful for the lessons that shaped me.”

  • “I’m grateful for this moment of awareness — it means I can choose again.”

Gratitude is not about pretending everything is wonderful.
It’s about remembering that not everything is falling apart.

It’s the shift that gives you back your footing.

Gratitude Helps You Regain Perspective — and Power

When we slide emotionally, our mind tries to convince us that everything is collapsing. Gratitude counters that narrative with something more grounded and true.

It:

  • Softens the panic

  • Brings the nervous system down

  • Helps you see the full picture instead of the distorted one

  • Reconnects you to what’s working, not just what feels wrong

  • Reminds you of your resilience

  • Guides you back to your inner stability

Gratitude says:
“You’ve survived every version of life you thought would break you. You can survive this, too.”

And when you remember that, the slide slows.
When you feel that, the ground steadies.
When you breathe into it, you begin to rise again.

You’re Not Failing — You’re Feeling

There is nothing wrong with you for having moments where your footing slips.
There is nothing wrong with you for needing support.
There is nothing wrong with you for losing your center and finding it again.

Strong people slide.
Resilient people slide.
Healing people slide.

But grounded people know how to climb back.

Gratitude is your rope.
Your anchor.
Your reminder that, even in the wobble, you are held.

SLAY Reflection

S — Sit With Your Truth

Where have you been feeling emotionally unsteady or overwhelmed lately?

L — Look at the Pattern

What small shifts or stressors may have contributed to your sense of “sliding”?

A — Align With Your Values

What gratitude practice — even a simple one — can help you feel grounded in this moment?

Y — Yield to Growth

What becomes possible when you anchor yourself in gratitude instead of fear?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What gratitude has helped ground you when life feels unsteady?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to find their footing right now, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Are You Happy With The Consequences You’re Getting?

As we start the new year it’s a great time to do a check on where we’re at in our lives. To look at what we like, what we don’t, and to ask ourselves if we are happy with the consequences we are getting? As I have said many times at State Of Slay, our lives are what we make of them, they are the result of choices we are making and if we don’t like the results we have the power to change a lot of that if we make different choices. Now, there are always things that are out of our control, but even within those circumstances we do have a choices on how we react to those things. So, if we’re not liking the consequences you’re getting in your life, then you have the power to take different action, or, choosing a different reaction.

As I’ve said in previous blogs, before stepping on this path I believed that life was just something that happened to me. I didn’t think I had much say in how things went, and when things went badly, I always blamed someone else for the result. I also was making choices that could only result in bad consequences which allowed me to continue telling the narrative that I was a bad person who didn’t deserve good things. It wasn’t until I committed to working on self-love and living in the light that it was pointed out to me that I had more power than I thought in all of those things, in fact, I, in many situations, caused the negative outcome myself. It was tough to accept that at first, as it was much easier to point fingers and blame others for my misfortune, but once I was able to wrap my head around that, and, find forgiveness in myself for all those consequences, I realized that I had much more power than I ever thought. That, was something positive I could focus on. If I was able to cause so much chaos in my life, could I not use that same energy and power to now bring good into life? I found that I could, and I still do everyday.

We have the power to change much of what we don’t like in our lives, even if it’s just our attitude or perspective of what we don’t like, but many times it is our choices and actions that may be bringing us unfavorable results, and instead of wallowing in our unhappiness or feeling sorry for ourselves, we can choose to make better choices moving forward to produce different results. That’s pretty powerful. Life is not something that just happens to us, we carry much more power than we realize, and when we live our lives in the light, take positive action, give back when we can, and focus on the good, those are the things that come back to us. If we find ourselves in a negative place, we can look for one thing that is good, one positive thing, or one thing we can find gratitude for, that is a start, that is enough to set us in the right direction, and once we find that one thing, we can keep building from there, keep training ourselves to look for the good, the light, and we will find hope, and if you find yourself not able to find the hope in your life, use mine, use me as a light, and use my hope to show you that you too can come out of the darkness and take your power back, I did, and I know you can too. Shine on. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel like you don’t have any power in your life? If not, why not? Why do you feel so powerless? Think about a situation you feel powerless against, what can you do, even small, to take positive action within that situation? Even if it’s just changing how you look at it, or realizing you do have some power, that is a positive step in the right direction, a step that could lead to bigger steps and eventually a better way of life. Write down an example when you have taken positive, or different, actions than you have and saw a more favorable result. Use that example to fuel your actions moving forward, and make a commitment to make positive choices and to use your power to create positivity in your life and create the life you see and want for yourself.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Explosion In Reverse

I was with a group of people the other day and someone said, “watching you get better was like watching an explosion in reverse.” It made me laugh, but then when I thought about it, it was the perfect analogy. I myself had certainly imploded years ago, and even after the implosion I still went on for years before seeking help.  It’s like all of the good parts of me, my heart, my soul, had blown away in an explosion and yet I kept on going, an empty vessel propelling itself forward, until it just couldn’t anymore. All of my pieces had blown away and there was nothing left but a shell. Imagining myself, and all those pieces coming back to together is a beautiful image. I like to think they came back in a different order, or arrangement then they weren’t in before, and, perhaps, picked up some new ones, better ones, along the way. But that statement got me thinking about what happens to us as we break down, as we lose parts of ourselves as we slowly, or with one big bang, explode from the inside out.

I’ve talked a lot about feeling empty and hollow, and that I’ve seen pictures of myself from that period of time in my life and have not recognized the person in the picture as me. Not only were all the good pieces gone, but my light had completely gone out, just leaving the darkness, and a deadness in my eyes. The first time it happened it scared me, it scared me to look at that woman and know that had been me, that woman looked like the walking dead, and the part of her that was still walking was wishing she was dead. I tell you this because that’s how far down I had fallen, I had reached a place where there wasn’t much left, and there wasn’t much to lose, but even when you’ve fallen that far down I can tell you, you can still climb back up, and, find those pieces you lost again.

I think about an actual explosion, that there is that moment where something ignites and boom! So when I think about an explosion in reverse, of ourselves, coming back to together, I think there is a boom and eventually, and ignition, that is when our light comes back on, when all those pieces we’ve lost come hurling back together, boom! There we are. It can be hard to muster the energy needed to pull off an explosion in reverse, I know for me, there were many days I didn’t think I had it in me, but I would rally my energy, and I would surround myself with others who had done it, or where doing it, so when I felt I couldn’t do it I used their energy, their light, to gather strength, to find the light within them to light my path until I had enough of my own to create my own explosion, the one that put me back to together.

I never want to forget that woman with dead eyes, that woman who stares back at me sometimes from old photographs, as hard as it is sometimes to look at her, I never want to forget her pain because if I do, and I forget that she still lives inside of me, I may forget why I work as hard as I do to keep her safe, to keep me safe from an explosion that could blow all my pieces away again.

SLAY OF THE DAY: When you think about yourself, do you feel like there are pieces of you that you’ve lost? What parts? How do you think you lost them? How can you get them back? Do you see a moment, or a time in your life, that you feel like you blew apart? What has been the result of that? What parts have you managed to recover? What are you still looking for? Find those parts SLAYER. For me it took different things, a lot of support from others, it took counseling, a lot of journaling, sharing my story with others, allowing others in, letting them love and support me, and learning to love myself. It didn’t happen overnight, but it did happen, a beautiful explosion in reverse. Let yourself go boom SLAYER, and come back to together.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you