The Power Of Not Engaging

We have the power to not engage. We are the managers of our own lives. We decide who we speak to, who we let into your lives, what we let into our lives, and when we walk away. Sometimes we forget that we are the gatekeepers of us. We, and only we, hold the key. If there is someone or something that is bothering us, and by bothering I mean not honoring who we are, not listening to us, not living their life in way that supports how we’re living ours, we have the power to put an end, or to pause, that relationship, or engagement. I talked about this somewhat on SLAY TALK LIVE last week, more so about social media, and how people can get sucked into the drama, the negativity that can happen, and really, at the end of the day, we are the ones choosing what we see and who we respond to, that’s on us. Especially on social media, we have a lot of choices when it comes to who or what pops up in our daily feeds, and yes, there are times that those mysterious algorithms think we should see things that they think are important, but we still have the power to mute, to unfollow, to hit the snooze button, or to ultimately block people, groups, or organizations that we don’t want to see. And yet, many of us don’t, and then complain about the negativity. We don’t owe anyone our time to read what they’re posting, or to listen to what they’re saying if it is upsetting us, hurting us, or triggering us in any way. I’m always someone who asks myself why something or someone is bothering me, in case there’s some work to do there, or some unfinished business on my part, but if there is not and I just don’t see value in what is being offered, I take the necessary steps to change that interaction, or eradicate it.

There are those battles to, that we cannot win. Even with those we love. Sometimes there is a disagreement, a differing of the minds or opinion and even though we feel we are right, and maybe we are 100% right, the other person also believes the same and neither are budging. I’ve written about this before in the blog, Do You Want To Be Right, Or Do You Want To Be Happy? And if you can’t be happy without being right, or knowing that everyone else thinks so, I suggest you read that blog, because at the end of the day it’s not about right or wrong, there are a lot of gray areas in life, and, as long as we know who we are and what we stand for, and, have spoken our minds in a concise and compassionate way, we’ve done all we can, slogging it out in the trenches just to prove a point is ego driven and who we are gets lost in that need to be seen as the victor in every argument. How we ultimately win is doing what’s best for us, staying true to who we are, and knowing when to walk away to protect and honor that beautiful soul that inhabits our minds and body. Sacrificing our dignity is never a winning move to prove our point, it only proves that we have a fear of losing and being wrong, or at least being seen that way.

There is so much power in not engaging, in not falling down the rabbit hole of past mistakes and suffering those same mistakes over and over, possibly with the same people. As SLAYERS we learn from the past, and we use what we have learned to make better decisions for ourselves, that includes learning when we need to walk away. Trust me, when you start to practice this you will feel the strength in it. And yes, those you have walked away from may shout and scream as you retreat, especially if you’ve been known to put up a fight in the past, but even they know that the stronger move is to stand tall and walk in the other direction, because some battles are not worth winning, and some, can never be won. Declare yourself a winner and always take care of you first, especially when you know that you’ll have to lose something in order to win.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have a need to always be right? Why? Do you always have a need to have the last word? Why? What do you think will happen if you walk away? Do you worry about what will be thought of you? Why? Does it really matter in the end? If you know who you are and what you stand for and someone disagrees, why is it so important to you to prove your point? Perhaps there is some work to be done there SLAYER, some work around ego and the need to always be right. I challenge you SLAYER to watch yourself, to make a note of who and what you choose to engage with, and notice the times it doesn’t feel good, notice when it makes you mad, sad, or you lose a little part of yourself from it, make a choice to not engage with those people or things, and make a choice to do what’s right for you. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

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