Good morning SLAYER! What we find disturbing in other people is often what we dislike about ourselves.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Mental Health
If You Feel Like Shining A Flashlight, Pick Up A Mirror
There are times when we all judge people in our lives, we think we have a better solution, or better way of living, or we don’t agree with the decisions they are making. Before stepping on this path, I often had opinions of how others should be doing things, but never wanted anyone to do the same to me, and I certainly didn’t want to do it to myself. It made me feel better about myself to tell others what they should be doing, what they were doing wrong but that behavior was really must a smokescreen, what I was doing in my own life also could have been done better, and I was doing plenty of things wrong, even though I wouldn’t have admitted it then.
What I’ve learned on this path is that when those urges to direct other people’s lives comes up for me, that’s an indication that I need some direction myself. That I’m not practicing my own self-care and because of that old behaviors are coming up to deflect those feelings that I am not doing the work to give myself what I need to live a healthy life. For me, my mental health hinges on me taking care of myself and when I don’t, those voices, that negative bullshit committee, starts to chime in and get rowdy. It will tell me that I’m fine and have me look out instead of in. I used to fall for those voices, listen to them, and even though there were times I knew they were lying to me, it seemed easier to focus on everyone else’s life and what I thought they were doing wrong, than turn the spotlight on myself. Now, having been on this path for over 12 ½ years, I know when I start to have those thoughts or urges to direct others today, I need to look back at myself, because there is probably some work to do there.
What we typically find wrong with other people’s lives are the same things we also should change or look at within ourselves. We find those things in others so offensive because we recognize our own behavior in them and want to fix them, but may recoil at the thought of applying those same fixes to ourselves. We may have gotten comfortable being stagnant, we may have dug ourselves in there, thinking that’s where we belong, but to truly be happy, to truly reach our full potential and to truly live authentically we need to be constantly checking in to make sure we’re doing all the things we need to do to give ourselves what we need to be happy and healthy, and that does require some work. It’s funny how, when we’re in a lot of pain, we’re willing to be to great lengths to find a solution, but when things get good we can get lazy, and that’s when the bad sneak can sneak back in and find a home, because as much as we’re learning so is whatever drives the negativity of our mental health, it’s learning right along with us, and it’s always trying to figure out the workaround and how to crash that bus.
In those times when you feel the need to tell others how to fix their lives, pause, and use that opportunity to look within and make sure that all those things you like to do tell others to do, you are doing yourself. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel compelled to show or tell people how to run their life? Why do you think you do that? Do you take your own advice? How well do you receive direction or suggestions from other people? How does it feel when someone does it to you? Do you think about what is said? Do you take action on what they suggest? Do you see how your need to tell others what to do can be a deflection of work you should be doing and are not? Write down some examples of when you’ve noticed this. What was the result of not doing the work? Did you finally do the work? How did that feel? When you recognized what need to be done, was it the same work that you have suggested others do? When you have the urge to look out SLAYER, use that as an indicator to look within, to take inventory and see if there is work there that you have been putting off, or should do to be your best self.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! You don’t have to fight every battle. You don’t have to respond to every critic.. You don’t have to be offended by what others say. You can simply walk away.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! It’s not so much knowing when to speak, it’s knowing when to pause.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Talk Live Video
Hey SLAYERS! Missed us tonight for SLAY TALK LIVE, don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.
SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Know that whatever comes your way, you have the ability to accept the good and learn from the bad to allow yourself to be your best you.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Make sure you’re in the right story, one that let’s you be your best you, not the one you want tell yourself, or the one others tell you. Who’s story are you in?
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Are You Killing Yourself To Live?
Sometimes we stay somewhere that feels safe even though it’s killing us. Sometimes we go after a job, a relationship, a situation that we feel we want, need, deserve, but we don’t belong there, and the pursuit of it is killing us. Sometimes we believe if we don’t get something or can’t maintain something we will die, but it’s the forcing of our will or the story we tell ourselves that we don’t deserve more than we have, or things have to look a certain way, that slowly kills us inside.
Life shows us where we’re supposed to be, what we can attain and who we can attain it with. We don’t always listen, out of fear, or not believing it to be true, but the signs are always there. When we’re in a situation that does not serve us there will be many signs that we should get out, people in our lives may even tell us to get out. Many times we make excuses and may stay telling ourselves we’re better off where we are, maybe even safer there, but the truth is, if it is not where we are meant to be, if we’re not reaching our full potential, we will slowly die there. Our soul will atrophy, and we will never see and feel the things we are meant to. I find this so sad, and yet, for most of my life I was slowly killing myself to live in the shadows, to be invisible, and as I lived there, I slowly slipped away and was killing myself in the process. I did realize that at the time, and I welcomed it. I wanted to disappear from the place I was, it had become too painful to live there and to complicated to numb myself enough to make it OK. I stayed out of fear, out of shame, ego, and from self-hatred, not believing, truly, that I deserved better. I was lucky that someone came into my life and showed me that it was possible to have more than I did, and that I did deserve better, and then the work began for me to believe it myself and go get it.
Why do we stay? Why do we try to force situations that don’t feed our soul, that don’t nourish us, encourage us, inspire us? Why do we tell ourselves it’s OK? It’s not. The price is too high to pay if something is killing you to stay there, killing any part of you, there is always a way out, another option if you look for it, if you’re open to it, if you allow yourself to look outside of where you are. We have the power to change our story, our situation, even a little, to make it better for us, to change the direction of where we are headed, or where we should be. Sometimes the greatest gift we can give ourselves is to pause and ask ourselves if we’re happy. If we’re living up to our potential. If where we are is true to who we are? And if it’s not, asking ourselves what we can do today to make a positive change in that situation, no matter how small, because that little crack through an open door, can sometimes let enough light in that you will find that door, and eventually, hopefully, kick it down, or at least turn the knob and walk through.
It’s time to get really honest with yourself SLAYER, it’s time to look at the place you stand, right now, and ask yourself if it’s killing you to be there, to stay there, or to get there? If it is, that price is too high to pay. Make the investment in you, in finding your place, what you love, where you need to be. All of those things you have dreamed of may be just within your reach, with a little work, trust and faith you are being led to them. Follow your heart, always, and get to work, your destiny is waiting for you.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you happy where you are today? If not, why not? How can you change your situation to become happier? To make it better for yourself? Do you try to force things to be a certain way because you think they should be that way? Is the fact that you are trying to force something to be a certain way killing you? Making you unhappy? Are there other options out there that may make you happier, even if they are different from what you think things should look like? What are they? What stops you from going after those things? Get quiet today SLAYER, ask yourself if you are truly happy where you are, if you’re not, ask yourself where you could be that will make you happy, and what step you can take today to get you there. It’s all within our reach with an open mind, open heart and the courage to walk through that fear to get what we truly want. SLAY on!
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Tough vs. Strong
Before stepping on this path I used to think tough and strong were interchangeable. I thought they meant the same thing. I had been through a lot in my life and I considered myself tough. I wore that like a badge of honor, but what I didn’t realize that what I was so proud of was keeping me sick, keeping me isolated and contributing to my loneliness.
Being tough, for me, meant putting on my armor, keeping everyone out, and keeping my sickness in. Being tough wasn’t kind, it wasn’t compassionate, it was cold, it could be mean, and it fed into my disease, it gave it fuel to grow and spread, and it kept me ashamed enough to not tell anyone, and the longer I lived that way the sicker I got. And even as I was getting sicker, I thought I was getting tougher, but really it was just my disease that was getting tougher as it rapidly took over and I got lost inside of it. That tough exterior was hiding a soft interior, one of a sensitive girl who was hiding behind that armor, to survive, she thought, but was slowly succumbing to her disease. We tell ourselves stories, to survive, to walk through pain, and my perceived toughness was a story I told myself to make it better for myself, to make the way I was living my life easier to accept, to make excuses for it, and if I was to get better, I had to drop that toughness and get vulnerable. The prospect of that terrified me, but the thought of totally becoming consumed by the way I was living terrified me even more.
Getting vulnerable, I thought was a form of weakness, at the beginning, it was something that frightened me, as someone who had lived as a tough girl for most of her life. Letting that armor go and standing in my truth wasn’t easy. But as I did it, as I let each piece of that armor go, and stood tall, I found my strength. It took time, and a lot of work, but living in rigorous honesty helped me to build that strength, and in time living in and speaking my truth is what gave my strength, and still does. My vulnerability, and learning to be vulnerable, gave me strength, and still does, because I learned in my vulnerability that I was OK, just as I was, that I was not my past, and that I had the power to change my story, there was strength in that. Strength, to me, is owning who you are, of not caring what others might think if you share your truth, of standing up for what you believe in, and who you believe in, and not being afraid to love. My strength is loving, kind, compassionate, supportive, inclusive and open, it’s always changing and growing because I make sure I remain teachable, and allow new things and possibilities into my life, I find my strength in all of these things, as well as a relationship in something bigger myself, something I tap into for guidance, and, more strength. But for all of that to grow, I need to remain vulnerable. It is our vulnerability that gives us strength, it allows us to connect with others and to ourselves. It teaches us that we are enough and what we have can help others if we share our truth with them.
I am proud of my strength today, and don’t miss that old armor I used to wear and carried around. That armor never did protect me, it stopped me from becoming the strong woman I am today. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you consider yourself tough or strong? When you think of your toughness, what does that mean to you? Do you feel like it’s a good thing? Do you see how it could be hurting you? How do you feel about being vulnerable? Have you been vulnerable in the past? What was the result? How did you feel? Did you choose the right person or people to get vulnerable with? Do you see how letting yourself be vulnerable could gather strength? Can you write about a time you were vulnerable with someone you felt strong as a result? What does strength mean to you? Do you feel you are strong? How so? How did you get your strength? SLAYER, let go of the past, of your fears, and let yourself speak your truth, stand in your truth, don’t be afraid to be vulnerable, it just may be the strongest thing you do as you discover your own strength.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
