Want Without Work Is Dead

We all want things, and there are days, or nights, that we sit and dream about the ways we would like them be, but wanting them and working for them are two different things. You have to take action. I used to sit at night and dream up all kinds of things that I wanted for myself, I could visualize it, then I would go bed, wake up, and do the same things I did the day before, never getting anywhere. I did that with a lot of things in my life and wondered why things didn’t change, they didn’t change because I didn’t change. Doing the same things that haven’t brought you happiness, self-love, and fulfillment are going to continue bringing the same thing, nothing, nothing but frustration, despair, and depression. It is up to you to do the work, and yeah, I know that sounds crappy, I mean, isn’t there some kind of pill or magical potion that you can take to make it better, no, no there isn’t. You have to roll up your sleeves, put pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard, and work, and talk, for things out to move forward.

I was famous for reading all kinds of inspirational things and walk around feeling, well inspired, ready to do something, and then I wouldn’t. So, my challenge to you, and hopefully you have, but my challenge to you is to do the work, the writing at the end of each of these blogs, they’re there for reason, and they’re all things I do and have done, questions I’ve been asked, and work I’ve done that has helped to get me to the place I am today. It’s hard sometimes to sit down and answer these honestly, without any bullshit, but there’s a reason for it.

For too long we have hid behind our disease, or being a victim, or our fear, no more! It’s time to pick up our swords, or pens, and go to battle. Go to battle for ourselves, fight through the fear, and maybe the cold hard facts of what we have done or not done, how much we may have harmed ourselves, but hiding from it, stuffing it down, numbing it, isn’t helping us, trust me, it almost cost me my life, and to that I say, I am not going down because I couldn’t get honest with myself, that is the ultimate loss, loosing you to you at your own hand because you didn’t fight for the most important person in your life, YOU.

I’m not going to lie, things might seem shaky, they will probably be uncomfortable, and they might feel upside down, THAT’S EXACTLY WHERE YOU WANT TO BE! That means you are changing, shaking things up, breaking the patterns you have made in the past, that’s progress! We have to learn to get comfortable in our uncomfortableness, and you will, I did, I mean, there were days I felt like I was going to crawl out of skin, but I didn’t, it passes, and the more we do it, the easier it gets, and, the more we do it the more uncomfortable we get when we don’t do it. True story.

I know you have it in you SLAYER, you’ve come this far, and as I’ve said before, there is nothing that you have done, or a situation you’ve been in that hasn’t been done or happened before, people have managed to move passed it and make better lives for themselves, I have, and know many who have as well. If you find it’s getting too overwhelming or need help making sense of it all, ask for help, seek out someone, or a professional to help you put the pieces together, I have many times on my journey SLAYER, there’s no shame in asking for help along the way. The point is to move forward, learn from our past, our present, and find new tools for our SLAYER chest to move us forward with love and strength.

So, pick up your sword, call out your battle cry, scream, shout, summon all your strength and go to battle, for you!  SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: My challenge to you SLAYER is to do the work. If you haven’t been doing the writing, go back and start, and if you have, re-read what you’ve written and see if what you’ve written has changed, if so update your answers, and be proud SLAYER, that’s growth. We SLAYERS don’t shy away from the truth, we are truth seekers, from ourselves and others, because when we live in truth we are safe. Don’t forget to smile, you are a SLAYING IT!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

9 thoughts on “Want Without Work Is Dead

  1. Truth. God damn that’s scary. So, because it’s scary, I’ll tell you, Carrie, what truth I’ve been dealing with, today.

    My mother is dying because of her alcoholism, and I can’t fix it. Last year, around this same time, she was hospitalized because of it, and her doctors told me she had been days away from death. That if I hadn’t realized how bad off she was, taken her blood pressure, and insisted on her going to the E.R., I’d have found her body cold, maybe two days later. Extreme dehydration, sleeping pills, drinking, liver damage.. the list goes on.

    So, I sold my home, and moved in with her. I started taking responsibility for her meds schedule, her caloric intake, her liquid intake, measuring her output, and trying to get her back to some semblance of life, rather than the walking dead she’d become. And through it all, she’s resented every single day that she’s lived, since leaving the hospital. She cusses me, calls me horrible names, throws things, hides pills, and still drinks.

    My granddaughter will be two years old, next month, and Mom’s not even happy about it. She says the baby is just a reminder that her life will never be happy, again. What can you say to someone who can’t even find simple joy in a child’s laughter? I’m crying as I type this, so please forgive any mistakes. I don’t know what to do, about her, so I’m trying to work on me. I joined AlAnon, and I go once or twice a week, when I feel like I can leave Mom for an hour, without coming home to some disaster. Usually, she just drinks until she passes out.

    Today, her doctor called about high alki-phos (liver proteins). Mom’s are so low, that she’s going to need transfusions, soon. Her Vit-D is almost nonexistent, and that’s another problem. They’re both related to her drinking, and poor nutrition. I know what the literature says. I know it’s not my fault, but I feel like a failure. I can’t make her well, and it’s killing me, too. She’s so sad. Is it more loving to just let her go? Or, should I fight her to keep her here, knowing how much she wants out?

    Mom takes anti-depressants and, sometimes, they work. She smiles, and laughs, and it’s almost like she’s coming back to me. Then, something reminds her of her late husband, and she’s gone, again. She tells her doctor that I bully her, and abuse her. So, now, there’s notes in her chart about not believing her, because she can’t be trusted. But what if I was abusing her? I’m not, but what if? She can’t even speak up for herself, because nobody would listen to the drunk.

    When I was very young, maybe 5 years old, Mom tried to commit suicide. I found her, and called my grandmother. She fixed it, that time, but now, there’s only me. And I don’t know what to do. I feel just like that terrified little girl, so often, these days, but there’s no one to call. Everyone who should know, does.

    I’m so afraid, and angry. This feel too big and I’m not ready to let her go. Is that selfish? I think it is, and but I don’t know how to be both a good daughter and an effective caregiver. Yoga and medidtation only take me so far. Going for walks gets me out of the house, but my thoughts are still there.

    I’m sorry to dump all this on you, and I’ve been tempted, several times now, to just delete this and start over with something funny, but no. You said truth, and this is mine. I’m a fuck up and I can’t breathe.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Mel, I’ve had a lot of experience with this disease, and am very familiar with Al_Anon, I’m happy to hear you’ve found that fellowship, there is a lot of help there, and, many who understand what you are going through. Not sure if you’re working with a sponsor in that program but I would highly suggest it, and share at the meetings you to as much as you can, throw you’re hand up every time, whether you want to our not, you’ll get a lot of support when you do.

      All you can do is love her and try to look out for her, at the end of the day you can’t make someone want to live, or fight someone else’s disease. It’s like baking someone a cake to take their cancer away, it just doesn’t work. Alcoholics typically, and I know this first hand, don’t want to be told what to do, and doing nice things for them makes them angry, as they feel they don’t deserve it, or that it’s being done to make them feel guilty about how shitty they are, a tough position for anyone who truly cares and loves the alcoholic.

      I’m so glad you didn’t delete it Mel, this is your truth, and your life, your day to day struggle. You have an incredible heart, so big, and I can hear in your words that you just want your Mom, and everyone, to be healthy and happy, but, you can only do what’s within your power, and what’s not putting a strain on your own health and family.

      My suggestion to you is to dig into the Al-Anon program and fellowship as much as you can. Share, get phone numbers from women you relate to or have found solutions to problems you have, get a sponsor in that program, I think there are a lot of answers for you there, and a lot of women who are going to listen and understand.

      My love goes out to you today, do what’s in front of your hands, take each moment by moment, and, don’t forget to do something nice for yourself today, maybe even some of that special cream.

      I love you SLAYER.

      XO

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Thank you, Carrie. Feel free to keep telling me that. I love you, too.

    I do have a sponsor, and she’s fine. Great, in fact. She tells me to focus on my needs first, like the plane is going down, and the oxygen masks have dropped. She tells me that my mother can wait until I’ve taken care of me. I’m trying, even when it feels cruel. I’ll keep at it. It just feels bigger today, for some reason.

    My special cream is a damn good idea. I’m on it. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Putting in the work. Yes. It’s true. Nobody comes knocking at your door and give it, hand it on a plate. That’s what my therapist told me. Boy, did I not like hearing that. That meant I would have to put myself out there. Be vulnerable. One of my biggest fears. It took me a few sessions and some help of friends, but now I am doing it, well most of the time. There are a few things I want that I’m still working on. I guess there always will be. I guess I will even fail at some. But I’m okay with that. Those are lessons too.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. As long as you are working you are trying, that’s a victory. It’s not about getting it all the time, or even the first time, it’s about continuing to try, to making a commitment to yourself to always do what honors your true self.

      It’s hard to hear that it rests on our shoulders, but there’s also a lot of power in that. WE have the power to change things, WE have the power to get what we want, and WE are worth the work.

      SLAY on sister!

      Liked by 1 person

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