I’ve always identified myself as a rule breaker. Someone who didn’t follow the pack and didn’t stay within the lines, and I did to an extent, but what I didn’t realize is that, even though I wasn’t following and staying in the lines that society told me I had to, that freedom I wore so proudly like a badge of honor, that freedom, was actually false, because I had imprisoned myself with my own set of lines to stay within. In a sense, those self-imposed lines were even worse than someone else’s because I had set them myself, and, I was in denial that they were even there at all. I walked around self-righteous about my freedom, but was keeping myself from the freedom I actually thought I had.
Much of those restrictions had to do with my own sickness. A way to keep myself within the lines of my own design to that I could function and still appear to be “normal” to the outside world, so that no one would ask any questions. I kept myself within those lines to keep things under control, or so I thought, and as I got sicker, I moved those lines around to accommodate my disease and to fool myself that I still was free even though I had built a prison for myself within those lines. I wasn’t being true to myself and who I was because I didn’t want to admit there was anything wrong. So, instead of getting help, I kept drawing more lines and those lines kept getting closer and closer to where I was standing, until I got boxed in. And I had no where else to go. I just stood there, terrified that I no longer had my freedom, so I just stood there hoping no one would find out I had boxed myself in.
Fortunately for me I realized that I could cross those lines I had drawn and by doing so I could regain my freedom, it wasn’t easy, but I found the courage to step over them to a healthier way of living, and a place to start over and erase all of those lines from my past to draw a new design for myself, one with a few simple lines to keep me healthy and safe, but one with a lot more room to move and discover who I really was.
Society, people in our lives, even our own minds, love to tell us to stay within the lines, but only we get to decide where those are, and what they are, and, if they’re healthy for us. And, if we find out that those don’t work for us, or don’t anymore, we get to step over them and live our lives in a way that suits us, that allows us to grow, to shine, to live out loud. Even as kid, I often would start a picture staying in the lines, and then would start to color over them, to make a new picture, or a different perspective, people didn’t always get it, but they didn’t need to, I did, and I could still see the perfect lines underneath, but then the flurry of my own creativity on top, even though I used to think I was supposed to do it perfectly, there was something in me that just didn’t feel right when I did it.
Set your own lines, or don’t set any at all, discover what works best for you, not what you’re told to do, step over some lines and allow yourself to make your own rules, feel what is right for you and give yourself the freedom to find your best you without the parameters set by others, or maybe even yourself. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you someone who stays within the lines or crosses them when those lines do not suit you? What keeps you from crossing them if you don’t? If you do, what lines have you crossed in the past that didn’t suit you? How did it feel to cross those lines? Do you still cross them? If not, why not? What lines in your life should you cross, but haven’t? What stops you from crossing them? The lines in your life, are they set by society, friends, family, or are they set by you? Why do you think you need to stay in any of them? You don’t SLAYER, you get to decide what works best for you, you can step over any line as long is it is for your betterment. Take a step, and maybe a leap of faith, and step over the lines in your life that no longer serve you, or maybe never did, and discover what’s on the other side. Freedom.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you