Good morning SLAYERS! The more you deny your feelings, the more power they have over you.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!
Self Love
Are You Disconnected From Yourself?
For much of my life, I felt like I had stepped out of myself and was observing my life from a distance. Not having a way to feel my feelings in a healthy way and a way that promoted my growth, I hide from my feelings and eventually, when the pain got to be too much, disassociated from them and myself. It was a very lonely existence knowing I didn’t have myself on my own side, and feeling like someone else, or something else, was running the show. And even on a night when I made a decision that could have proved to be fatal, I sat back and watched it happen until the fear of what I had done brought me back to myself long enough to surrender and ask for help. It’s frightening to think about now, as I have worked over the past 14 years to be present and in the moment, no matter how uncomfortable or painful that might be, it is important to me to feel my feelings and work through them in a healthy and productive way. To get to this point in my journey, I had to get honest and I had to learn to feel.
I had, at a very young age, stuffed down my feelings. I was afraid to share how I felt, feeling I would be judged for it, made fun of, I would not look smart, or, that I was wrong feeling what I felt. That thinking caused me a tremendous amount of anxiety, which made me feel even more self-conscious and made me disconnect from myself even more. Not giving myself permission to feel my feelings I never learned how to process them when they came up, so I started looking for outside things to change how I felt or to mask or numb what I didn’t want to feel. I constantly lived in my own head, creating other places for myself to go, then I started to control what I ate, then how I did things, having to do them in very specific ways or that anxiety or feeling of dread would pop up again, and on and on it continued, until what I needed to do to stuff down my feelings became bigger and bigger, and, would later threaten my life. Having to sit in the uncomfortableness of my feelings was difficult at first, but I was taught to breathe through it and to acknowledge how I felt, but then let it go, some things were easier to let go than others, but the more I practiced it the easier it got. I began to write down how I felt, which I found to be helpful in showing patterns of when my feelings popped up and what they were attached to. I worked with a counselor to help me make sense of the feelings I didn’t understand, and I began to carve out some quiet time each day to find some peace and to focus on finding a foundation I could build on in this new journey. Feelings aren’t facts, and most times they are tied into something that has nothing to do with our present circumstances, they are old ideas, stories and narratives we’ve told ourselves, or have been told, that we cling to making them our truths even when they are not, or may not be anymore. But feelings can be indicators that something is wrong and can be used as tools if we acknowledge them and process them as such, and they can be wonderful, positive and something we can cherish and enjoy. The bottom line is we have to stay connected to who we are and what we feel and making sure what we feel is accurate, or take note of what they’re telling us as they might be what we need to know to move forward.
Staying connected and present can be challenging at times, we don’t always want to feel our feelings, but avoiding them only puts up a wall between them and us, and the more we avoid them the higher that wall becomes until we may not be able to see ourselves anymore. Stay connected to who you are and know that, even if you don’t want to feel what you feel, feelings pass, and they may be trying to tell you something you should know. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel like you are connected to yourself? If not, why not? Why do you think you disconnect from yourself? How do you think it helps you? How does it harm you? What type of feelings you do try to avoid? Why is that? How do you avoid them? Do you go to unhealthy lengths to avoid your feelings? How do you do that? What can you do to stay connected with yourself and how you feel today? What type of things can you do to keep that connection? We are not meant to live a life disconnected from who we are, we are meant to find a connection within ourselves and to what is around us, to live in harmony within our own lives but within a community that we identify with and fills us with joy. Find your own joy within as you love yourself and honor yourself in each present moment.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is believing you’re worth the trip.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!
You’re Worth It
Fourteen years ago today I surrendered. After years of suffering, I finally admitted defeat. And although that may sound like I failed in some way, I really won that day. I finally found the humility and courage to ask for help, and I had just enough hope to stand up and fight for myself. That hope was really dim, but it was there, and I held onto that little light inside of myself as I set foot on a new path, my hands may have been shaking, but my heart gave me just enough strength to keep stepping forward, even if those steps, to start, where small.
I learned, early on, that my secrets, those things I fought to hide, those things I thought would show you I was weak, unlovable and ugly, those things were the things that there going to connect me to those who would understand me, lift me up, and love me before I could love myself. What I thought was the ugliest part of me became my ally and admitting my faults was the key to finding self-forgiveness and strength. I would also learn that admitting my faults would not push those away who were true friends and family who wanted the best for me, but it would bring us closer together, it would bond us, open the door to understanding and create a support system for me that I still hold close today. It would also surround me with people like myself who were working to do the best they could with what they had, and had also made the choice to fight for their life. And, that’s truly what I was doing every day, and every day since then, chosen to fight for my life. That fight has become less strenuous over the years but still can be on certain days, but I know today that I never fight it alone, I have a whole army of warriors around me, and I need to, I know, from when I was living in the dark, that I can’t fight alone, and am not meant to, we have far more strength together, and when we are weak, tired or feel we can’t go on, we pick up those who are struggling until they are able to get up and continue their fight alongside us.
My gratitude for the last 14 years is immeasurable, as is my love for those who have walked this journey with me. Today, I walk in the light, because I choose to, and I let that light shine for others to see who may need that spark of hope like I did years ago. When we shine our light and fight to be our best selves, we give others permission to do so also, or perhaps offer a spark that sets them off on their own journey of recovery. That, I believe is why I am still here, to share a message of hope, of compassion and to connect with all of you from a place of vulnerability, transparency and healing, we all want the same thing, to be loved, to feel love, to feel we matter and are appreciated and heard, and I want to you to know, you are, I love you, and even if you don’t love yourself today, I still love you, perhaps even more, as I know that sometimes what we need to get started is someone else seeing us for who we are and loving us anyway. I hope one day you may find that you have always been worthy of love, especially those parts you think are unlovable. You are worth it, whatever it takes, find what works for you and fight, I am right there with you SLAYER.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel you’re worth fighting for? If not, why not? Is this something you think alone, or have you been told this? By whom? Why do you think they have said that? Why do you think it’s true? What if you didn’t believe them and fought for yourself anyway? What do you think would happen? What would you like to happen? It can. You hold the power to change, to seek help, to find those like yourself to support you, to share your journey with you. You have much more power than you think, but you have to believe you do, or at least have enough to get you started. That’s all it took for me, just enough strength to pick up the phone and share my truth, and that phone call started me on this path I walk today, and that path has given me a life beyond what I ever could have imagined. SLAY on!
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Comfort can be found in the quiet.
New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Quiet the mind and the soul will speak.
SLAY on!
Does The Quiet Scare You?
When I was living the dark I surrounded myself with a lot of noise. I didn’t realize I was doing it, or that I had stopped doing the things that used to ground me, or allowed me to find peace. My disease didn’t want me to find that peace, it wanted to keep its negative voice running constantly in my head. It wasn’t until I made a commitment to get better that I realized that the quiet scared me because when things were quiet, my negative voices got louder and it was terrifying.
Thinking back to the way things used to be, I always had music on, and loud, in the car, earbuds in while walking, the TV on at home, or stereo, there was always something on to drown out the silence. The silence held many truths, the truth of my situation wasn’t good, or something I was ready to face, there still was good in the silence, in the distance, but it was still there in between the negative chatter. When I made the decision to face my demons and get better I was faced with finding that peace again in the quiet, but at first, it was far from peaceful. Just thinking about sitting, for even a minute, in the quiet made my anxiety spike. It was like, each time I stopped and found some quiet, I was treated to a slide show of all of the things I was ashamed of and all of the ways was I was not enough, or a horrible person, turning that around took some work.
I had to learn to breathe through the uncomfortableness of the quiet, and I had to learn to distinguish between productive positive feedback and my disease trying to pull me back down, hitting the delete button on those negative thoughts became very liberating, but also accepting that they will come up, and still do, and not giving them any value, or judging myself for them. I remember being told in a meditation workshop to acknowledge those negative thoughts and then watch them pass by like a cloud. That imagery helped me to start to let them go. So much of my progress in learning to enjoy the quiet came from practice and patience, and, not judging myself when I wasn’t able to sit in silence, there were going to be good days and bad days, but really, as long as I was trying, none of them were really bad. Again, stopping the judgment and expectations of what I thought it was supposed to be. That was something that I carried over to all aspects of my life, at least, I work to do so. To observe, and if it doesn’t help me, move me forward or nourish me, to let it go. Now, some things are easier than others to let go, and sometimes the process takes time, or, I just get exhausted hanging on for far too long, but it always feels good to let it go without having to fix it or make sense of it, or make it look perfect. Even if it’s messy or unfinished, if it doesn’t serve you, let it go. Watch it pass by like a cloud.
Now I am able to sit in the quiet, in fact, I enjoy it, because, as I’ve shared before, I find many answers there. It is very rare today that I have music on in the car, or earbuds in as I walk outside, I enjoy the time alone, listening for answers and signs that are meant to guide me to where I am supposed to be, I missed many of those drowning out the quiet. Today the quiet is one of the best tools I have to connect with something greater than myself and to feel connected to what’s out there, it is part what anchors me and is a part of my foundation.
If the quiet scares you ask yourself why. Ask yourself what frightens you there, and also ask yourself what you may find there. I assure you, if you can find a comfortableness in the quiet it may become your biggest ally. Let go of preconceived notions of what you think it should be and just let it be, let it be your own experience and your own sacred space, a space where you can settle in and make it your own. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you make time for quiet in your day, or do you constantly bombard yourself with noise to drown it out? Why do you think you do that? Have you ever enjoyed the quiet? If so, what changed? What do you experience in the quiet? What would you like to experience in the quiet? What can you do to change what you experience in the quiet? How can you become more comfortable in the quiet? Our quiet space is our space, we can make it anything we want to, as long as it is contributing to our peace and positive direction in life.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! You are not your mistakes, they are what you did, not who you are.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Whoever is trying to bring you down is already below you.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!
You Don’t Have To Be A Bully To Win
Choosing Strength Without Losing Yourself
There’s a moment many of us can point to — where we made ourselves smaller so someone else could feel bigger. Where we let a louder voice drown out our quieter truth. Where we convinced ourselves that the only way to keep peace, keep harmony, keep connection… was to let someone else take the spotlight or the power.
I’ve been there more times than I can count.
And for a long stretch of my life, I believed a dangerous lie:
That the only way to win was to push, dominate, or overpower.
That the world rewarded sharp edges, not steady hearts.
That kindness was weakness, and compassion was a liability.
Except… every time I tried to step into that version of “strength,” I felt like I was abandoning myself. Winning didn’t feel like winning if I had to step out of integrity to get there. It felt hollow. It felt false. It felt like I was playing a role someone else demanded of me.
It took years to understand what I know now:
The loudest person in the room isn’t the strongest — just the loudest.
Real power doesn’t need to humiliate anyone to stand tall.
And you never have to be a bully to win.
The Myth of “Hardness” as Power
So many of us grew up observing people who led with fear, not respect. Maybe it was in our home, our school, our workplace, or even our friendships. People who believed intimidation equaled leadership. People who measured their worth through dominance. People who confused cruelty with competence.
Maybe those were the people who seemed to get rewarded. They got attention. They got results. They got their way.
And somewhere along the line, we internalized the belief that:
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If we wanted to succeed, we had to be more like them.
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If we stayed soft, we’d get run over.
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If we stayed compassionate, we’d get crushed.
But here’s the truth we weren’t taught:
Strength without empathy is insecurity.
Confidence without humility is ego.
Power without kindness is fear dressed as control.
None of that is leadership.
None of that is winning.
None of that is sustainable.
Power built on intimidation crumbles the moment someone refuses to be intimidated.
Kindness Is Not Weakness — It’s Precision
People often misunderstand compassion. They confuse it with people-pleasing. They mistake boundaries for cruelty and softness for passivity.
But kindness is not a lack of backbone.
Kindness is not the absence of truth.
Kindness is not silence in the face of harm.
Kindness is precision.
It’s the ability to see clearly when others act from fear.
It’s the ability to hold your shape instead of collapsing into theirs.
It’s the bravery to choose integrity even when someone else chooses force.
Kindness is strength with the volume turned down — and the clarity turned up.
Winning with kindness means:
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You don’t betray yourself.
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You don’t hurt others to lift yourself higher.
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You don’t weaponize your voice or your power.
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You don’t step outside your values to gain validation.
It means you succeed as yourself, not as a costume someone else taught you to wear.
Standing Strong Without Striking Back
There is a quiet moment — the moment between hurt and response — where we decide who we want to be.
When someone else raises their voice, throws their weight around, or tries to provoke a reaction, you get to choose:
Do you match their energy?
Or do you rise above it?
Do you let their behavior define the moment?
Or do you let your integrity define you?
Choosing not to bully back is not weakness.
Choosing not to belittle is not submission.
Choosing not to retaliate is not letting them win.
It’s choosing peace over chaos.
It’s choosing self-respect over reactivity.
It’s choosing your future over a moment of validation.
Strength isn’t proven through force — it’s proven through discipline.
Winning By Staying in Integrity
Here’s what no one tells you:
When you stop engaging in someone else’s game, they lose control of the scoreboard.
Winning without bullying looks like:
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Setting a boundary and sticking to it.
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Walking away from disrespect instead of debating it.
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Saying “No” without explanation or apology.
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Refusing to match someone else’s cruelty.
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Choosing peace even when chaos tempts you.
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Being confident enough not to dominate.
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Leading by example, not intimidation.
When you choose integrity, you reclaim the power they hoped you’d abandon.
When you choose grounding, you interrupt the cycle.
When you choose compassion — for yourself and others — you create a new standard of strength.
And when you stop trying to outperform someone’s ego, you start outperforming your own past.
You Win Every Time You Don’t Become What Hurt You
What if winning isn’t about beating someone else?
What if winning is:
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Becoming who you needed when you were younger
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Responding instead of reacting
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Growing instead of repeating patterns
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Standing tall without stepping on anyone
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Being the person who breaks generational cycles
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Choosing softness in a world that worships hardness
What if the real victory is becoming someone you’re proud of?
Because every time you refuse to become what tried to break you, you win.
Every time you choose compassion over ego, you win.
Every time you stay rooted instead of rattled, you win.
Every time you lead with integrity, you win.
You don’t have to be a bully to win.
You just have to be brave enough to stay yourself.
SLAY Reflection
Take a moment and check in with yourself. Let these questions guide what comes next:
S — Sit With Your Truth
Where in your life have you believed you had to act harder, sharper, or louder just to be heard?
L — Look at the Pattern
Who taught you that compassion was weakness? And were they actually strong — or simply scared?
A — Align With Your Values
How can you choose strength with kindness in the next conflict or challenge?
Y — Yield to Growth
What becomes possible when you stop fighting battles that require you to betray yourself?
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
When have you chosen integrity over intimidation, and how did it change the outcome?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s trying to find their power without losing their kindness, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
