When I was in my downward spiral, a good, and wise, friend came to stay with me for a few days. We never talked about what was going on for me, nor did he even elude to the fact that he could see what was going on, what I was trying to hide. Before he left he gave me a movie, said he thought I should watch it. The movie was INSTINCT, I had never seen it. I left it sitting on my coffee table for months until one day I popped it in and gave it watch. Great performances, good story, but why had he given to me? It wasn’t until I started on this journey 6 years later that I realized why he had. See, there is a character who is struggling to find his way in society, for who he is, and what he’s done, and in a goodbye letter this is said, “Freedom is not just a dream. It’s there, on the other side of those fences we build all by ourselves.” It hit me like a ton of bricks all those years later. My friend, in his wisdom, was trying to tell me that I alone had the power to freedom, I just had to take it.
We all build walls and fences around ourselves to protect ourselves and make us feel safe, but many times not only is it keeping people out, it’s keeping us in. And, the longer we sit in those walls or behind those fences, the more we start believing the negative chatter in our heads, the more we give fear power over us, and the harder it gets to step out of our ‘safety zone.’ We are not safe in there, we are not safe from our own thoughts, and we are not living life, we are hiding, resentful of all the others we can see passing by living theirs.
The good news is we can change that. We can tear down those walls, fences, and run free! If that just sent a quiver of anxiety throughout your body, don’t worry, you can tear a hole first, no need to take a wrecking ball to it all at once. But that’s exactly what I did. I tore it all down. It was scary. I felt like I was sitting naked on front of the world to see, and I thought, to judge me. But when I didn’t have those walls or fences to keep me in, and the world out, something started happening, the world did come in, because I was inviting it to, and I started to learn that the world wasn’t so bad, or at least some of it, there were others like me who were afraid, and when we stood together we became stronger, and braver.
We can make a lot of excuses in our lives to not do things, excuses we think are keeping us safe. But when we are picking the right people, places, and things in our lives, getting the facts, and living authentically, we are safe, don’t get in your own way of exploring who and what’s out there, again, yes, we have all been hurt before, but, that was the old us, not the SLAYER who stands before me today, we learn from what harmed us before, and we move forward, not by closing our hearts, but by opening them to the right people, the right things, and shining bright. We as SLAYERS can and should set boundaries, but these are guidelines that we set with each person in our lives to tell them what is or not appropriate on our road to SLAYDOM. For me, a lot of the time, it’s letting people know what is acceptable behavior to have me in their life, that’s different things depending on the relationship, but things like honesty, respecting my time, as I do theirs, speaking to me with respect, as I do to them, or sometimes taking a step away because at a particular time it’s not healthy for me to engage in that relationship because of where I am, or where the other person is. It’s about taking stock of where you’re at, what you need, and where the others are at in your life. We’re all constantly changing, so it’s finding the clarity in the moment, and when things don’t feel right, asking yourself what you need at the moment to feel safe. Ask for what you want and need. Now, that doesn’t mean that everyone is going to give it, but as a SLAYER, we make our intentions, wants, and needs clear, causing us to not need those walls and fences, so that we can run free.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you hide behind walls and fences to protect yourself? What are you afraid of? Can you see if you are making better decisions for yourself, getting the facts, and choosing the right people, that you don’t need those walls to protect you? What is one thing that you think you can let go of to help you tear down some walls? LET IT GO! Let it go, walk through the fear of your past, you are not your past, you are on a better path, and you have all us SLAYERS behind you. SLAY on.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you