We’ve all been there, those moments when we feel 100% in the right and 100% wronged. Our anger flares up, we warned them not to do this, we told them it was coming if they did, so stand back and take my wrath. At the end of the day if we have a problem with someone, it is our problem, not theirs. We get to decide who we engage with and who we let in to our lives, and by let in, I mean, how far we let them in. There will always be people we have to interact with that may not be our choice, whether a co-worker or family member, but we set the boundary of how much we let them in. This goes back to a lot of the topics I’ve touched upon before, it goes back to People Picker, choosing the right people, and situations, to have in our lives. It goes back to Ask For What You Want, asking for and making it clear what you want with those people you’re engaging with. It also goes back to Intentions: The Truthseeker, making sure your intentions are known and shared and making sure they align with those around you. It’s also Finding Grace In The Gray Areas, seeing that not everything is black and white and a lot of times things fall into the middle, in the gray areas of life, and not getting stuck with things only going one way, your way.
Sometimes to, we get ourselves into situations we know are not good for us, that we know are not going to end in a solution we are looking for, and we get ourselves involved anyway, so we have a reason to feel superior, so we can say “I told you so,” or we can get angry at that person. Anger is like a fire, it grows as more fuel is added, and sometimes when we feel less than, we use that fuel to add flames to the fire so we can feel better about ourselves, and it may in the moment, and then the fire dies down and we feel empty. We feel empty because we started that fire only to satisfy a hunger inside of us, or to fill a hole that can’t be filled with outside things, so we cause drama, we yell, we scream, to no avail, we still don’t feel whole.
When you feel righteous, when you feel justified, when you feel like lashing out at someone to “teach them a lesson” ask yourself why, ask yourself if you could have avoided this situation, ask yourself if you knowingly entered into the situation to justify your anger, your behavior, or your engagement with someone you shouldn’t have been involved with. It can also be a matter of control, of finding that you are not in control of the situation so you get angry and try to manipulate it into what you want by sheer force. This is a cycle that never brings good results, we only have control over our own actions, so trying to control others will always bring us back to the same place, a place of disappointment, frustration, or anger.
So how do we avoid self-righteous anger? By engaging with people who are aligned with our way of thinking, who want what we want, by being flexible and always ready to learn, but setting boundaries to protect yourself from those who may not be on the same page, but you have to engage with them anyway, by making yourself clear, and, by not exploding when someone does exactly what they always do and you expected something different due to wishful thinking. Getting angry rarely gets us what we want, and acting morally superior to someone else within that anger is only meant to belittle them and make yourself feel bigger and better, but in the end it only shows your insecurity, self-doubt, and emptiness to those you’ve targeted. As SLAYERS we are responsible to engage with others in a compassionate and caring way, we engage with others in a way we want to be engaged with, and we love and respect ourselves enough that we don’t engage with people and in situations just so we can justify our anger. Our anger is our business, if you have it, figure out why, and take care of it. SLAY that dragon and go on to live a happier and healthier life.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you find you get involved in situations or with people who you know will disappoint you or let you down so you can get angry? Why do you think you do this? How does this behavior benefits you and those around you? How does it hurt you or those around you? How do you think you can stop from doing this? What do you think the benefits of stopping this behavior would be? Write them down SLAYER, and next time you want to lash out, look at that list, before letting yourself engage in self-righteous anger. SLAY on.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you