As we grow up, especially if we participated in sports, we, many times, are bullied by our mentors to push us to our limits. They have good intentions for their approach, and, that may have been how they were coached or spoken to and see it as the best option to get the best performance out of someone. It can also be environmental, in our day to day lives we see a lot of bullying, whether it be in the news, in business, interaction by a neighbor, or even a family member. We seem, in our culture, to think that the only way to win is to bully our way to victory and that is just not true.
To me, bullying is cowardice, lazy, or the act of someone perhaps not intellectually refined enough to know that even that type of behavior may get you to where you want to go, but you won’t be respected if you get there. I’m not a win at all costs type of person today, but back in the days when I lived in the darkness, I did play to win at any cost. What I learned from that is that winning back then, many times, felt empty, or I was in fear of it being taken away, because I had bullied my way to get there, even if it was just myself I had bullied to make it happen. I spoke the harshest to myself and said things I would never tolerate from someone else, I also said them to others, but those words I said to others were still directed at myself. I have found that those who bully have low self-esteem, and they mask it behind bullying or a false ego they hold up to hide the fear they really feel, I know because I used to do it, and I recognize it in others.
I’ve also found that people can accomplish incredible things when they feel supported. When they feel they are not being judged for being human and are encouraged to do their best. We, as a society, put too much emphasis on the win, not the process, and every time, the process is the win, even if we win. We forget that the act of even trying or attempting to reach a goal is already a win, as it is far easier not to try at all. And, it is even more of a victory when we fall down, or fail, and get back up and try again, no matter what the result, because we found it within ourselves to not let the past define our future, to try again knowing that each time we try we get the chance to do it differently until we find the right way for us. There is also room for each of us to have our own way, there are usually certain basic guidelines or things we need to do to succeed, but by giving ourselves permission to do it our way we find a way that makes sense for us, that gives us the space to add our own personal flair to it and to make it special and unique to us. And if we’re able to find someone, or a group of people, who understands that, we have an incredible support system that can spring us forward beyond what we may be able to do alone.
I know for myself, that when someone is able to encourage, support and push me in a positive and constructive way I am able to perform at my best, but when that doesn’t happen, and I feel bullied I have to use all of those tools I have collected on this road of recovery to work past that energy to still try to do my best, before I had those tools, that type of behavior may have shut me down or caused me to retaliate, both of which would not have allowed me to reach my goal.
It is more important to be a well-rounded human than to just be a winner. Those accolades, ribbons or trophies don’t mean much if they cost us our humanity. We can all win by encouraging each other to feel good about ourselves, to feel good about our efforts and push each other to move forward when we see it’s possible. When one rises we all rise, and the encouragement you give out may just encourage you to reach for higher goals, or something new you didn’t know was within your reach. Positive energy directed at yourself, and others, is always going to make you a winner over any bully. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you use positive energy in your life to motivate you or others to reach their goals? If not, what approach do you use? Do you find it helps you to have a negative approach? Why do you feel it does? How do you feel when a positive, encouraging and uplifting approach is used? How do you feel when you use that to support someone else? Does the act of supporting someone else in a positive way also encourage you to move forward and reach your own goals? Positivity fuels success, not only for those receiving it, but for those giving it as well, when we encourage someone to be and do their best, we are at ours as well, and no matter what the outcome, everybody wins.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you