Interview

New Podcast Episode Alert

Slayers, I’ve got something super special to share with you today! I had the absolute joy and honor of being a guest on the Girls Talk Healthy Aging podcast, and the episode just dropped!

🎙️ Episode 80: “Discovering Your True Self: With Carrie Genzel”
Hosted by the dynamic duo Alli Kerr and Shawna Kaminski, this conversation dives deep into authenticity, self-discovery, and the journey of aligning with who you truly are.

We talked about embracing our evolving selves, shedding the labels and expectations that no longer serve us, and how I’ve navigated my own path—personally, spiritually, and creatively. It’s raw, real, and full of the kind of honest talk I know you come here for.

Whether you’re in a season of reinvention or simply curious about the ways we grow and show up fully in our truth, this episode is for YOU.

Here’s how you can listen: 👉 Spotify

👇 YouTube version embedded right here so you can watch/listen:

I’m so grateful to Alli and Shawna for holding such a beautiful, open space and allowing me to share my story. Give it a listen, and if it speaks to you, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Slay On!

Actress Carrie Genzel Shares Her Coping Strategies During the Pandemic

Continue reading →

Not Everything That Weighs You Down Is Yours To Carry

This week has been heavy.
Not just in the day-to-day busyness, but emotionally, mentally, spiritually.

And as I took a step back, I asked myself a question I’ve learned to come back to again and again:
Is all of this mine to carry?

The answer?
No.
But that hasn’t stopped me from dragging it around—tight-chested, overwhelmed, and bone-tired.

Like many of us, I juggle a lot every day.
And most of the time, I believe I can handle it all.
Until I can’t.
Until I hit a wall.
And when I do, I don’t always meet myself with grace.
Sometimes, I meet myself with frustration and shame.

Even when I know better, I still find myself slipping into old habits—trying to carry it all.
No one is asking me to.
Help is there if I reach for it.
But there I go, dragging the weight of the world across some invisible finish line I made up in my head.

It’s time to pause.
To take a breath—or a few—and ask myself what I’ve picked up along the way that never belonged to me in the first place.

We Learn to Carry What We Don’t Need

Before recovery, I carried everything.
It never occurred to me that I could set anything down.

The emotional weight.
The resentment.
The guilt.
The responsibility for people and problems that were never mine to begin with.

I just kept going—until I couldn’t.

Eventually, I hit a wall.
Hard.
And that wall was the wake-up call I needed.
I couldn’t live that way anymore.
It was slowly destroying me.

So I asked for help.
Not just with what I was carrying—but with how I lived.

Learning to Let Go of What’s Not Yours

Through recovery, I discovered something profound:
A lot of what I was carrying wasn’t mine.

Some of it was inherited—passed down through family, expectations, trauma.
Some of it I volunteered to carry—because I wanted to feel helpful, needed, or in control.

And some of it… I carried on purpose to sabotage myself.
To stay small.
To stay exhausted.
To prove that I couldn’t do more, be more, live more.

That’s the hard truth.
Sometimes, we don’t just carry what’s not ours—we choose it.

But once I got honest with myself, I realized I had a choice.
To let go.
To say no.
To only carry what actually belonged to me.

And that changed everything.

What’s Yours—and What’s Not

There will always be people who would gladly let you carry their weight.
There will be moments when you try to carry someone else’s pain, fear, or responsibility—uninvited.

But that doesn’t mean you have to.

Being helpful doesn’t mean taking on someone else’s journey.
Being strong doesn’t mean carrying more than you should.
Being loving doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself.

We are responsible for ourselves.
For our peace.
For honoring what we need.

That starts with putting down what was never yours to carry in the first place.

SLAY Reflection: What Are You Carrying?

  1. Do you tend to carry more weight than you need to—physically, emotionally, or mentally?
    What does that weight feel like?

  2. What are you carrying that doesn’t actually belong to you?
    Who gave it to you—and why did you accept it?

  3. Are there responsibilities, emotions, or expectations you’ve taken on to feel valuable or in control?
    How are they serving you? How are they hurting you?

  4. What would it feel like to put that weight down—even just a little?
    What would change?

  5. What can you do today to lighten your load and honor your limits?
    Where can you say no, ask for help, or simply rest?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one burden you’ve been carrying that isn’t actually yours—and how are you learning to let it go?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s overwhelmed by weight they were never meant to carry, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

If You’re Not Changing You’re Choosing

I would not have liked that statement at all when I was living in the dark. I always pegged myself as a victim of life and circumstances, I never took responsibility for my own decisions or part in where I found myself. I did want change, but I never took action to make it happen, or if I did, I would start, experience a set back and then give up saying there was no hope. I lived life like life owed me, but it was me, who owed it to myself to make the changes to have the life I wanted to live. Living in the headspace I was, I didn’t even know if what I wanted was realistic, I just knew I couldn’t keep living the way I was, and that time was running out.

In the end, I did make a choice, I had to make a choice out of self-preservation, but a choice was made to get well. I realized as I traveled the path to my recovery that I had made the same choices for years and years, expecting different results each time, instead of changing my behavior, and by doing so I had made the choice to stay sick, to not get help, to keep living in the dark even though it kept getting darker. My head told me I had no choice, this was it, and it was only going to get worse instead of better, but that was a lie. It took me almost making a choice I could not take back to realize I had other choices. Choices that could bring to the places I wanted to go, choices that were healthy and would bring about the changes I thought were out of reach.

We all have much more power than we may realize on any given day. Even though we can’t control people, places and things, we can control, or be in charge, of our reactions to them. We should be constantly changing and growing, that’s what this journey is about, to learn, discover, to challenge ourselves, so if we’re not changing we’re choosing to stay where we are, and even, right now, if that is a place you feel comfortable, you’re still not meant to stay there forever. I always say, if I’m too comfortable somewhere I’m probably meant to move on, or look for how I can challenge myself to fine-tune or do better in an area that I may just be getting by. It’s not necessarily about leaving everything, and everyone behind, but finding those areas to improve upon. I, now, get a little rush of excitement when I challenge myself, and I feel that uncomfortableness underfoot because I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone, it’s then that I know I’m where I’m supposed to be.

We are not victims of life, if we are not changing, adapting, growing, we are choosing to stay where we are, just as we are. The good news is, if we don’t like something, we can change it, and we may not get to the exact place we imagine, or would like, but just the act of making the change will bring us to where we are supposed to be, or where we are supposed to be next. Take the action or choose to stay stuck, it’s your choice. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you find that you get too comfortable where you are and don’t make changes to grow, learn or move on? What keeps you where you are? Are you where you’d like to be? If not, how can you take action to start moving in the right direction? Do you feel like you have no choice? You do SLAYER, if even it’s just making small steps to start, that movement and action will lead you to where you are supposed to be headed, just take the next indicated right action, or the one you think is right. Allow yourself to make mistakes, those are part of the process, and trust the path you are on. Don’t let life tell you you don’t have choices, you do, you always do, they may not always be exactly what you want, but they may get you there. Do what’s right for you and keep looking for your chances to change.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You are strong when you know your weaknesses.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Aspire Strengths

Validation: But What About Me?

Hey, we all love a little validation for a job well done, or a good deed, or just for being the best we can be right? It’s nice to feel appreciated, but when that validation becomes the only reason for doing something it becomes a problem. I’ve talked about how we shouldn’t do anything unless we want to, plain and simple. Without expecting anything else in return. Yeah, I said it, without expecting anything in return. Then and only then are we doing something for the right reasons. That got you thinking didn’t it? How many things do we do because we’re expecting something in return? Or because we think it might make us look good? Or because someone might owe us and we can call on the favor later? All we’re doing when we are acting with those intentions is setting ourselves up for resentments, because if we don’t get what we want, or expect, we’re going to get angry. But, we shouldn’t have been doing it in the first place. We need to be accountable to what is motivating us in the first place.

Some of us also use doing things for others to feel validated as a person. That we have no value if they’re not doing things for others. Also not the most healthy. Again, it’s great to do nice things for others but not if you’re using that as your sole source of self-worth, and putting that need of validation before your own actual needs. It’s important to find a balance, of taking care of yourself and what you need and if you have the time or ability to, then do something nice for someone else. It’s kind of like the flight attendant announcement at the beginning of a flight when they advise you in the event of an emergency to put your mask on first before helping someone else. That’s good advice. Because if you’re passed out, you’re not going to be able to help anyone else. Make sure your needs are taken care of and you’re not putting someone else’s needs before your own and not giving yourself what you need to be your best self.

For me I use to look for validation because I was typically doing things for the wrong reasons. I was looking for the validation to feel better about myself, because I hated who I was, I was looking for validation to feel smarter, especially smarter than you, and I was looking for validation to get something I wanted. Very few things just came from a pure heart of wanting to do something, but my heart was always in fear or resentment, so nothing good would come out of that heart when those where the chief factors of my motivation. It was hard to face the facts of why I was doing what I was doing, and to realize that I was only doing those “nice” things to fill a the void I felt inside, but that void could never be filled with those outside things, so it became a vicious cycle of trying to do them, and wanting recognition for them, but even if I got it it never filled me up.

At the end of the day it’s our job to fill up our own hearts. To do things that make us feel good, because we want to do them, and to make sure if we’re feeling empty, that we don’t start looking outward to fill an inside job. We all have value, we all have worth, and when we learn to accept that in ourselves, and learn to fill those needs, we stop looking for outside validation to do it for us. We find it in ourselves. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: What do you think motivates you to do something? Are you looking for validation? If so, why? What does it mean to you to get validation for something you’ve done? What if you don’t get that validation? What do you do then? What do you tell yourself? Do you retaliate? How has seeking validation affected your relationships? How has it affected the relationship you have with yourself? What can you do to repair or change that relationship with yourself? What are 5 things you can do this week to show yourself some love, to validate yourself with acts of love and doing what fills you up inside? Do them SLAYER, and continue to do them, no need to validate yourself anymore than that.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You’ll never notice the beauty around you if you’re too busy running around trying to create it.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Flaws

It’s OK To Say No

I’ve written before that is it’s OK to be sad, it’s OK to not be OK, it’s OK to ask for help, it’s OK to say you don’t know, but it’s also OK to say no.

Before stepping on this path I never wanted to say no, even if saying yes made me angry or uncomfortable, I wanted you to like me because then you wouldn’t ask so many questions, so I figured if I wouldn’t say no, I would stay in all of your good graces. Consequently I made a lot of plans I didn’t like, I agreed to help even when I didn’t have time, or really didn’t want to, but I never wanted to be seen as ‘the bad guy,’ because in my own mind, I was the worst of the worst of all bad guys, and agreeing and saying yes, I thought, hid that from all of you. I carried around a lot of resentment towards all those people that I was not saying no to, but the resentment I should have looked at was the one towards myself, the one that had me saying yes over and over to things I shouldn’t have.

I’m a firm believer that you should never say yes to something unless you want to. Sure, there are things you have to do, like taxes, but in life, unless you want to, and are not expecting anything in return, you should say no. Saying yes to things you don’t really want to do only breeds resentments. When we say yes to things we don’t want to we’re going against who we are and we’re not being our true selves. We may say yes to look good to others, to get something in return, or even to get the credit for our good deed, but none of these reasons are reasons to say yes. And, all of these reasons will produce a resentment if the desired result isn’t received.

So, make it easy on yourself. Say yes if you want to say yes, and say no if you want to say no. It’s OK to say no. Typically I like to give an explanation if I say no, my reasoning for it, because people aren’t usually used to saying no and no can be quite jarring to some people, especially to those people who you’ve constantly been saying yes to. Be true to who you are, and honest, and only say yes when you truly want to say yes, and, don’t be afraid to say no. This also goes back to my blog Are You A People Pleaser? People-pleasers do not follow their heart, or what they want to do, they do what everyone else wants them to do, or, what they think they do. We, as SLAYERS, follow our heart, we help out where and when we can, but not at our own detriment, we are open, honest, and we look for ways to be of service, because we want to, period. No other other reason, no other motive. And, if you don’t want to do it, or can’t, it is OK to say no.

What’s your motivation for saying yes? And, should a lot of those yes’s really be no’s?

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have trouble saying no? Why? What are you afraid of? Where you told that you shouldn’t or can’t say no? To whom? Is this someone from your childhood? How did it make you feel when you were told you couldn’t say no? How do you feel about it now? What if you did say no, what do you think will happen? What’s the worst that could happen? Is that possible result worse than you not being true to yourself? When was the last time you said no? How did it feel? When was the last time you said yes when you would have rather had said no? How did that feel? SLAYER the only person you need to be true to is you, when you take action and it is of pure intentions, then you will never be disappointed, because no matter what the result, you did what you wanted to without expecting anything in return. So, no matter what happens, your actions were true to who you are, and what you intended to do. Be true to yourself, always, SLAYER, do what you want to do, say yes to new things, but it’s also OK to say no, when it’s not right, or you feel that saying yes will compromise your true you. Be honest SLAYER, and never be afraid to speak your truth, even if it is a no. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Talk Live Video

Hey SLAYERS! Missed us tonight on SLAY TALK LIVE tonight? Not to worry, catch what you missed here.

A great chat with best-selling author Kelly Martin about Dealing With Anxiety.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The struggle makes you stronger.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Brave