recovery

Entitlement, Entitlement!

When I first started to walk this path, I had to give up a lot of things, make changes, leave my old way of life behind. The ways I used to deal with problems or cope with life were killing me, literally, and so I had to learn new ways, and even though I knew what I was doing was for my greater good, it’s hard to let go of a lifetime of doing things a certain way, ways that my brain told me protected me and helped me to function in my dysfunctional world. But I did it. I dove in to these changes to the best of my ability and as I got better at implementing them in my life, without me even realizing it, I started to feel entitled to having things go my way. I thought, well, I’ve made all these changes, done all this work, how dare life just go on as normal and throw me these curve balls, or difficult things to handle, when I should now have everything go my way. Doesn’t life know how much I’m working to make positive changes in my life!? Well, sure I was working hard, and I was making progress, but that doesn’t mean that life now was going to roll out the red carpet and I would be on easy street for the rest of my life. Life still did what life does, it ebbs and flows, and, we have no control over that.

What we do have control over is our attitude, and how we look at perceived negativities in our life. Life may not always go the way we’d like it to go, but how do we know what way it should go anyway? We only have the tiniest bit of information, the part that pertains to us, we don’t know how our part plays into the big scheme of things, and how all of those, perceived, negative things may just end up being the most positive thing in our lives because they challenged us, and taught us, and coached us into being who we are today, or who we were meant to be. Life doesn’t owe us anything. We owe ourselves our best effort everyday, to be the best of who we are, or at the very least, the best we have in that moment. It’s up to us to find those positive places in our life and to let our light shine, not only for ourselves, but so others can see it, and know there is light in the world, even at it’s darkest. We are not entitled to anything just because we’ve made positive changes in our life, but, when we make positive changes positive things come, and some negative things will come as well, but when we live in the light those negative things may not seem to big as they once did, or, you may realize that they were never really negative at all, they were just shifting your path or direction slightly to align you to where you were supposed to be. Where we find grace in our recovery or positive direction is when we can ride those waves, accept what is, learn where we can, and make the best or better choices for ourselves, without making more waves.

During the years of living this way, I do expect the good, because I give and live in the good, but I by no means feel entitled to it. I know what comes my way is there to guide me and teach me so I can continue to learn on this path, so that I can continue to meet others, like me, on this path and learn from them, and so I may share what I’ve learned on this path with those who may have just started their journey. Life is going to do what it’s going to do, and I’m going to do what I’ve been taught, to except what comes my way as what is meant to, then, it’s up to me what I do with that. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel like life owes you something? If yes, why? Do you see that that kind of thinking only breeds resentments? What positive changes have you made in your life lately and what have been the effects of that? How does this change how you deal with negative things in our life? How has the way you deal with these negative things changed? How as that changed you? We are not guaranteed anything in life, but we can make the most of what we have and what we’ve been given. We can choose to learn from those things we may not have wanted for ourselves, and choose to see the lesson in them, or the opportunity to do better than we have in the past. Maybe even use them to help someone else, you never know what you are capable of as long as you live in humility and accept whatever life throws your way instead of expecting life to cater to your wishes and needs.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let to of what you cannot change.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

state of slay pain holding on

Holding On To Pain

I recently started working with a new Chiropractor. I have injuries from a car accident I was a passenger in about a year and a half ago. I have been in treatment for most of that time and am still suffering from lower back and neck pain. In speaking with this new doctor, I described the accident and what happened to my body during impact. She then turned to me and said, “you don’t ever have to tell that story again, in fact, I want you to let it go because it’s preventing you from healing from your injuries.” As someone who is very active and self-aware of my body and how it feels each day, it had never occurred to me that I could be getting in the way of my own healing by still holding on to anger towards the person who was driving the car I was in. This person, still to this day, has not taken responsibly for the accident, in fact, on more than one occasion actually blamed me for causing it from the passenger seat. I realized as she had said what she did that I was indeed holding on to a lot of anger and resentment for this person’s actions that day, and the days that followed, and that I was likely storing all of that negativity right in the center of my injury.

Having practiced yoga, and as someone who actively stretches, I know that we can store negative thoughts and emotions in our bodies. I’ve managed to jar those loose many times in a class or at home through stretch and suddenly that feeling or emotion comes pouring out at me, unleashed by the movement of my body. So I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me that I could be doing that with this injury, and that in doing so, I could be preventing myself from getting better. It’s true that every time I moved or felt discomfort from my injuries I would immediately think negative thoughts toward the situation and the person who caused them, I then would think about all the other things that person had done and never apologized for and nor ever would, I suppose, I stored those thoughts and feelings where he had done the most damage. But it’s time for that to stop. It’s time to let go of what was done so I can heal and move on. I have made other changes in my life to no longer include this person in my day-to-day life, and so now I need to cut the cord on my anger and set myself free.

Anger and resentment are tricky to let go of sometimes, and, they also can be very enticing. I know I can’t afford to hold resentments in my life, that is something I have learned and worked on for over a decade, they steal my peace of mind and serenity, so how have I let this go on for a year and a half, and let it affect my physical health? How did I not see the connection between my anger and resentment and my injuries? As I said, they can be tricky, cunning little suckers, but now the jig is up, their cover has been blown, so it’s time to get to work and release those feelings so I can get on track to recover from the trauma that was done. And, even though I know how to release my anger, I know the tricks, the places to go within myself, there’s a part of me that holds on, and when I do, I feel it physically in my body, so, as of today, I say no more, I am taking my body back, my health back, and my peace of mind back. I will no longer give it to this person who doesn’t deserve to hold that energy in my life, I will focus on the good, and there is a lot of it, I will stay in the light, I will practice extra self-care and love myself, and those who love me in my life, and I will let it go.

How much of the physical ailments and injuries we experience are caused by our unwillingness to let go? What damage are we doing to ourselves by holding on to the past? Today is the day we take our bodies back, we begin to heal what we can by letting go of the past, forgiving ourselves for hanging on, and no longer giving power to those who have done us harm. Fill up those hurt places with love, with care, and hope, and free ourselves from the shackles that we’ve put on ourselves by imprisoning ourselves in the past. Let go SLAYER and set yourself free. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you see how holding onto resentments and anger from your past could manifest itself into physical ailments, or prevent you from recovering from an injury? Is there something in your life that this may apply to? What it is it? Why haven’t you let it go? How does it get in the way of your recovery? What can you do today to let it go, or at least start the process? Imagine yourself having already done it, how does it feel? What does that look like? Stay in that place SLAYER, from that place it is easier to let go and to release yourself from what is holding you back and holding your peace hostage, you hold the key to your own release, turn the key and walk into freedom.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Never make a permanent decision based on temporary feelings.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

state of slay goal

Feelings: Changing What You Don’t Like

Feelings can help us, they can give us a sense of things, how we feel about someone, or something, but they can also deceive us, they can be tied up in old thinking, old behaviors, things that no longer serve us. When I was living in the dark, I didn’t want to feel anything, good, or bad. I just wanted to be numb,the bad feelings felt too bad, too much to handle, and I didn’t think I deserved the good ones, so I did what I could to not feel. I became so good at it, stuffing down my feelings and using outside things to shut them up, that I became dead inside. I told myself it was a way to protect myself, but I was slowly shutting myself down and, even though I couldn’t feel or hear them, all of those feelings were still there, including the ones that were hating myself for living the way I was.

When I sought help to get better, to learn to live in a healthier, honest way, those feelings all came at me like a tsunami. I used to wake up and hang on to my mattress thinking I would get blown off my bed from the sheer force of them if I didn’t hang on. I had to learn to process how I felt, to acknowledge those feelings, and to change the ones that no longer served me, or, perhaps never did. In this new way of life, I couldn’t hang on to my old ideas that had gotten me to a breaking point, I had to learn to let go and I had to learn to change what would stand in the way of my recovery.

My feelings can sometimes trick me, not as much today as they once did, but sometimes, those cunning little thoughts can make me think they’re valid to the situation I’m in, when really they’re dragging up old feelings from the past and trying to validate them in my present life. At the beginning, it was difficult to decipher if a feeling was how honestly felt in that moment, or my disease trying to pull me back. Staying present helped me filter through what was real and what was old and needed to go. Being honest with myself, asking myself how I really felt in that moment and why, what was making me feel that way, and if what was making me feel that way could actually make me feel that way or was it just my perception of what was going on based on the patterns of my life before. The waters sometimes got murky. But as I questioned it, things became clearer, for the most part, there are always some who are craftier about hiding themselves from the truth, but as I kept living in the truth, and looking at the facts, my feelings became clearer, and if I didn’t like how I felt, I learned how to change that feeling to something more constructive, or something positive, at the very least, something I could learn from, which, turned it into something positive.

We are not slaves to our feelings. We can use them to our advantage. We can let us show us what we like, what is good for us, who we should spend time with. We can let them warn us of repeating behaviors from our past, of people, places and things we probably not be around. We can learn to change them to fit in line with how we’re living our life today, or how we want to. Don’t like a feeling, change it. But only with healthy means.

For me if I’m feeling down, I ask myself why. I ask myself if this is a real, valid, feeling, based on facts, or if this is something imagined, or rooted in fear, once I get to the bottom of that feeling I can then work on changing it. I can do something positive for myself, which sometimes is as simple as going for a walk. The reason I might be feeling down is that I haven’t been getting out as much as I should, and those feelings may come from a need to get some fresh air. Sometimes, it’s as simple as that.

When feelings come up that make us feel uncomfortable there may be a reason for them, and once you find out why, or even if you haven’t and you just don’t want to stay in that place, find the counter action to change that feeling, once you’re in a better place, the reason you felt what you did, might become clear as day, and that gray day may just end by you liking what you feel. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel like you are a slave to your feelings? Do you feel like you have no control over them? How do they hold you back? How do you they help you? If they don’t, how can they? How can you use your feelings to guide you to where you are supposed to go, where you should be? How you can you use them to your advantage? How you can learn from them? How can you change them when they are not serving you? This all takes time SLAYER, it takes practice to acknowledge how you feel and learn why you do, but the more you look at the facts, what you know to be true, the easier it gets, and when things don’t seem right, they’re probably not, let your feelings guide you back to a place of self-love, of forgiveness, and the light, it’s from those places we learn to trust our feelings, and learn from them, instead of being enslaved by them.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone.

SLAY on!

state of slay help 2

H.O.P.E. – Help Other People Everyday

There was a time in my life when I wasn’t sure I wanted to keep living.

I kept everything bottled inside — my fear, my pain, my confusion, and the constant battle in my head that told me I wasn’t enough. I carried that darkness quietly, pretending I could handle it alone, that asking for help was weakness.

But eventually I hit a moment I couldn’t escape:
I was scared of what I might do to myself just to quiet the pain.

It was in that darkest moment that something shifted.

A story came back to me — a story a friend had shared about his own struggle. At the time I heard it, it was just a story. A powerful one, sure, but still just something I listened to and admired from a distance.

Months later, on that frightening night, I recognized myself in the beginning of his story — the part where suffering feels endless and hopeless.

And that recognition changed everything.

Hope Isn’t Just a Feeling — It’s Something We Receive and Give

I often wonder how many times we underestimate the power of connection.

That story my friend shared didn’t cure me. It didn’t fix everything. But it showed up in the exact moment I needed it — and that was enough to keep me moving forward.

Not because the pain was gone…
But because I finally saw that I wasn’t alone.

That recognition — that someone else had walked through darkness and found light — gave me a reason to keep going. That was the beginning of my own journey back to life.

And because someone shared their truth, I found hope.

Showing Up Is the Smallest — Yet Most Powerful — Act of Service

Hope doesn’t always arrive in grand gestures.

Sometimes it shows up in the simplest things:

A smile.
A hello.
A listening ear.
A message that says, I see you.

When we simply show up, we affirm someone’s worth — even when they can’t feel it themselves.

You never know who’s watching quietly from the sidelines, waiting for proof that they matter. You never know whose heart is in the dark, searching for a light.

That’s why helping others — even in small ways — matters more than we can imagine.

What We Give May Be the Hope Someone Needs to Survive

One of the most humbling things I learned is that stories matter.

Not because they are polished or perfect —
but because they are real.

When I finally shared my own journey — not just the finished version but the messy, painful beginnings — something clicked. Other people saw themselves in it. They recognized their struggle in the cracks of my story. It reminded them that they, too, could keep going.

That’s the power of truth.

It connects us.
It heals us.
It saves lives.

And sometimes the hope we give to others becomes a source of strength for ourselves.

You Don’t Have to Fix Someone to Help Them

Helping others doesn’t always mean solving their problems.

Sometimes it means:

Showing up
Listening without judgment
Sharing your story
Being present
Being consistent
Offering compassion
Willingness to care even when it’s hard

Helping others is how we remind them —
and ourselves — that we matter.

Hope Isn’t About Perfection

Hope isn’t a destination.
It’s a presence.

It doesn’t mean everything is okay.
It doesn’t erase pain.
It doesn’t suddenly make life easy.

But it reminds us that we don’t have to walk through pain alone.

And that it’s okay to ask for help.
Not just once — many times.
Not just when it’s convenient — but when it’s hardest.

Because in asking for help, we make space for others to help us — and through that exchange, something powerful unfolds.

You Never Know Who Is Watching

There’s a truth we overlook:

When you help someone — even with the tiniest kindness — you never know how far that ripple goes.

Your story might be the reason someone keeps going.
Your presence might be the reason someone feels seen.
Your kindness might be the moment that lights someone’s path.

And sometimes — years later — that person you helped could tell someone else about it.

Hope multiplies.
It doesn’t stay in one heart.
It spreads.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect, SLAYER:

S: Who in your life gave you hope when you needed it most?
L: How has someone else’s journey inspired your own healing?
A: What simple action can you take today to offer hope to another person?
Y: How might your vulnerability be a gift to someone else who feels alone?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
When has someone’s presence or story given you hope — and how did it change your journey?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who might be struggling today, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder that hope exists.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Get into the habit of being grateful.

New blog is up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

state of slay interrupt

If You Feel Like You’re Sliding, Ground Yourself In Gratitude

Because even the smallest anchor can save you from the storm

There are seasons in life when the ground beneath your feet doesn’t feel steady. You’re doing everything “right” — showing up, trying hard, taking care of what needs you — and yet somehow you still feel yourself slipping. Emotionally. Mentally. Spiritually. Energetically.

It starts quietly.

A missed step here.
A spiraling thought there.
A wave of heaviness that settles on your chest and won’t explain itself.

Before you know it, you’re sliding — away from your center, away from your peace, away from the version of you who feels grounded and clear.

I know that feeling well.
We all do.

And when life gets like this, it’s easy to panic.
It’s easy to think: What’s wrong with me? Why am I regressing? Why can’t I hold it together?

But here’s the truth most of us forget:

A slide isn’t a failure.
It’s a signal.
And gratitude is your handhold back to solid ground.

The Quiet Descent We Don’t Notice Until We’re Already Falling

Life rarely knocks us off balance with one big moment. Instead, it’s the slow accumulation of little things:

  • A slight disappointment

  • A broken routine

  • A lingering insecurity

  • A change in circumstance

  • A comment that hits us the wrong way

  • A feeling we don’t want to admit we’re feeling

The slide is subtle.

It begins when we stop listening to ourselves.
When we stop resting.
When we stop checking in on our heart.
When we slip into autopilot because being present feels too heavy.

Suddenly, we’re overwhelmed. Or discouraged. Or disconnected from the person we know we truly are.

The human instinct is to claw our way back through force — push harder, work more, suppress the feeling, pretend it’s not happening.

But the way back isn’t through force.

It’s through grounding.
It’s through presence.
It’s through gratitude.

Gratitude Doesn’t Erase the Hard — It Stabilizes You Inside It

Gratitude gets misunderstood as a way to bypass pain.
But real gratitude doesn’t ignore how you feel.

It simply gives you something to hold onto while you feel it.

Gratitude says:

  • “Yes, this is hard… and here is something still supporting you.”

  • “Yes, you’re tired… and here is something still holding you steady.”

  • “Yes, you’re overwhelmed… and here is something still working in your favor.”

It returns your mind to what is real — not imagined fear, not spiraling emotion, not worst-case scenarios.

Gratitude pulls you out of the fall and reorients you toward truth.

It doesn’t invalidate your struggle.
It anchors you through it.

A Small Gratitude Can Shift a Heavy Heart

When you feel yourself sliding, you don’t need a miracle.
You don’t need a life overhaul.
You don’t need everything to be perfect.

You just need one grounding thought — one spark of gratitude — to interrupt the descent.

It can be as simple as:

  • “I’m grateful for the breath that steadies me.”

  • “I’m grateful for one person who loves me.”

  • “I’m grateful for the strength I don’t always give myself credit for.”

  • “I’m grateful for the lessons that shaped me.”

  • “I’m grateful for this moment of awareness — it means I can choose again.”

Gratitude is not about pretending everything is wonderful.
It’s about remembering that not everything is falling apart.

It’s the shift that gives you back your footing.

Gratitude Helps You Regain Perspective — and Power

When we slide emotionally, our mind tries to convince us that everything is collapsing. Gratitude counters that narrative with something more grounded and true.

It:

  • Softens the panic

  • Brings the nervous system down

  • Helps you see the full picture instead of the distorted one

  • Reconnects you to what’s working, not just what feels wrong

  • Reminds you of your resilience

  • Guides you back to your inner stability

Gratitude says:
“You’ve survived every version of life you thought would break you. You can survive this, too.”

And when you remember that, the slide slows.
When you feel that, the ground steadies.
When you breathe into it, you begin to rise again.

You’re Not Failing — You’re Feeling

There is nothing wrong with you for having moments where your footing slips.
There is nothing wrong with you for needing support.
There is nothing wrong with you for losing your center and finding it again.

Strong people slide.
Resilient people slide.
Healing people slide.

But grounded people know how to climb back.

Gratitude is your rope.
Your anchor.
Your reminder that, even in the wobble, you are held.

SLAY Reflection

S — Sit With Your Truth

Where have you been feeling emotionally unsteady or overwhelmed lately?

L — Look at the Pattern

What small shifts or stressors may have contributed to your sense of “sliding”?

A — Align With Your Values

What gratitude practice — even a simple one — can help you feel grounded in this moment?

Y — Yield to Growth

What becomes possible when you anchor yourself in gratitude instead of fear?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What gratitude has helped ground you when life feels unsteady?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to find their footing right now, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Every day may not be good but there is good in every day.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

state of slay worrying