power

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Life is 10% of what happens to you, and 90% of you react to it.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Reaction

Healthy Fear

Until stepping onto this path my life was ruled by fear. Fear ran my life and was the basis of all my decisions. I would never have admitted that, or even identified it as such, but that was the truth. I was in fear of missing out, I was in fear of not getting what I wanted, I was in fear of loosing what I had, I was in fear of not being good enough, I was just in a constant state of fear. In my journey of recovery I’ve managed to lose most of my fear. That has come with living my life in a rigorously honest way and having found my way to self-love love and acceptance. When I’m living in that place, and connecting to a power greater than myself, I am very rarely in fear, but, some types of fear can be healthy.

Healthy fear motivates us, it stops us from procrastinating, or may shorten the length of time we procrastinate, it can help us take the right action, even if there is an easier one that may not be right, it can help us in many ways to do what we need to do when we need to do it. We can use healthy fear to our advantage if it gets us to where we need to be and where we should be.

For me, I have a fear of not being prepared. So I can use my healthy fear around that to make sure I’ve done my homework. Whether that’s in my career or a meeting with the bank or a lawyer, my healthy fear causes me to research, to ask the questions I need to ask, and get the information I need to to feel safe and educated in that area. I have also turned a great fear, a fear that kept me distant from people, or isolated, and turn that into healthy fear by asking the right questions when I meet someone new, whether in business or personally, because I have issues with trust, I know I need to take the initiative to find out about that person or people and once I feel like I know the kind of person or people they are, and what they’re intentions are, I have used my fear in a healthy way, and, once I know the facts, I am safe. Fear for me has always been around feeling safe, so I use my healthy fear today to find that safety, as best I can, in asking questions and doing my homework. And that goes for anything in my life, if I have a fear of something I can choose to turn that fear into healthy fear by taking some action around it and not let paralyze me, or keep me away from people. I have the ability to make change happen and stamp out that fear, or reduce it greatly. I am no long manipulated by it, I address it, tackle it head on and use it to my advantage. Now, that’s not to say sometimes my old foe, fear, doesn’t pop up and stop me in my tracks, it does, but I now can work through that fear, get to the source or root of that fear and begin to work through it, many times that fear is from my past, and not actually a threat in my present life, so it’s recognizing that and getting to work on letting it go.

Fear will always try to keep us in it’s grips, but we have the power to turn our fears around and have it work for us to achieve the goals we want to achieve or to live the life we have imagined for ourselves. It’s all there for the taking, if we choose to take it, and make our fear work for us, letting go of what doesn’t. I recently made the choice to walk through some major fear in my life that was tied to my past, but affecting my life today and my future, and because I set out to let that fear go, because it was no longer valid, something really wonderful is happening in my life because I was able to leave that fear in the past. It’s up to you SLAYER, do you want to be a prisoner to your fear, or leave it behind and go after your dreams? SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let fear take over when making decisions or taking action? Does fear stop you from taking action? What has fear gotten in the way of in your past? Do you regret that? What can you do today to let go of that fear? How can you change that fear into healthy fear? What other healthy fears do you have in your life? What can you change into healthy fear? Fear can only rule our lives if we let it, it is up to us to live in our truth, to let go of the past, to investigate and find out the answers we need in order to move on and leave fear behind. You can do it SLAYER, I know you can.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! There is no good or bad in the universe, only action and consequence.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Consequences Today

Are You Happy With The Consequences You’re Getting?

As we start the new year it’s a great time to do a check on where we’re at in our lives. To look at what we like, what we don’t, and to ask ourselves if we are happy with the consequences we are getting? As I have said many times at State Of Slay, our lives are what we make of them, they are the result of choices we are making and if we don’t like the results we have the power to change a lot of that if we make different choices. Now, there are always things that are out of our control, but even within those circumstances we do have a choices on how we react to those things. So, if we’re not liking the consequences you’re getting in your life, then you have the power to take different action, or, choosing a different reaction.

As I’ve said in previous blogs, before stepping on this path I believed that life was just something that happened to me. I didn’t think I had much say in how things went, and when things went badly, I always blamed someone else for the result. I also was making choices that could only result in bad consequences which allowed me to continue telling the narrative that I was a bad person who didn’t deserve good things. It wasn’t until I committed to working on self-love and living in the light that it was pointed out to me that I had more power than I thought in all of those things, in fact, I, in many situations, caused the negative outcome myself. It was tough to accept that at first, as it was much easier to point fingers and blame others for my misfortune, but once I was able to wrap my head around that, and, find forgiveness in myself for all those consequences, I realized that I had much more power than I ever thought. That, was something positive I could focus on. If I was able to cause so much chaos in my life, could I not use that same energy and power to now bring good into life? I found that I could, and I still do everyday.

We have the power to change much of what we don’t like in our lives, even if it’s just our attitude or perspective of what we don’t like, but many times it is our choices and actions that may be bringing us unfavorable results, and instead of wallowing in our unhappiness or feeling sorry for ourselves, we can choose to make better choices moving forward to produce different results. That’s pretty powerful. Life is not something that just happens to us, we carry much more power than we realize, and when we live our lives in the light, take positive action, give back when we can, and focus on the good, those are the things that come back to us. If we find ourselves in a negative place, we can look for one thing that is good, one positive thing, or one thing we can find gratitude for, that is a start, that is enough to set us in the right direction, and once we find that one thing, we can keep building from there, keep training ourselves to look for the good, the light, and we will find hope, and if you find yourself not able to find the hope in your life, use mine, use me as a light, and use my hope to show you that you too can come out of the darkness and take your power back, I did, and I know you can too. Shine on. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel like you don’t have any power in your life? If not, why not? Why do you feel so powerless? Think about a situation you feel powerless against, what can you do, even small, to take positive action within that situation? Even if it’s just changing how you look at it, or realizing you do have some power, that is a positive step in the right direction, a step that could lead to bigger steps and eventually a better way of life. Write down an example when you have taken positive, or different, actions than you have and saw a more favorable result. Use that example to fuel your actions moving forward, and make a commitment to make positive choices and to use your power to create positivity in your life and create the life you see and want for yourself.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Happy Hygiene

We always seem to know when we’re not happy, some of us also like to bring attention to our unhappiness, but as you SLAYERS know, I’m all about taking action, so those who may be complaining I ask you, what are we doing for our happiness hygiene? It’s up to us to make sure our life is filled with things that make us happy, and, just like our basic hygiene, our overall health depends on us making sure our happiness hygiene is on point as well.

Before I was walking in the light I was definitely failing in the happiness hygiene department. Everything I was doing was working against my own happiness, but I would admit to myself back then that that was true true. All of my actions were harmful, but I would tell myself I was doing things that were good for me, that they were acts of “self-care,” but I was really just trying to stuff down what was really going on, hiding behind the outside things I was using to try to fill the hole I felt inside. I had spent my life trying to blame others for not being happy, and using whatever I could to get a hit of instant gratification, that I never truly asked myself what made me happy, I don’t think that I really wanted to feel happy, even though I would tell myself that’s what I wanted, because if I wasn’t happy I could keep telling myself the story that I didn’t deserve it  or couldn’t attain it and keep falling down deeper into the pit of darkness I was living in. It wasn’t until I made a commitment to do what was right for my overall mental health, physical and spiritual health that things started to change. And I needed to bump up my happiness hygiene big time.

It wasn’t always clear to me what best for my happiness when I started. I took suggestions from others who had walked the path before me, I listened to my counselor and I set out to discover it on my own, to try new things and see what felt right. The more I did this the more I found healthier choices to replace my bad old habits, and as I continued to do this, the happier I felt. There were still moments when my old thinking would try to sabotage this new way of life, but the more I practiced my happiness hygiene the more I was able to quiet those voices and I began to start to crave the happiness, not the old habits that used to fuel me.

It is up to us, everyday, to do what’s best for us. We have that choice, and power, each day. We can choose to feed our sickness, or negative narrative we’ve been used to telling, or we can make better choices for ourselves and do the things that make us happy, truly happy, and keep us healthy. The more we do this the more of these happy tools we have in our toolbox, so when we need a hit of happiness, we have many to choose from and they’re easy to reach for and bring into action. We are not meant to suffer, we are meant to be happy, and one of my favorite happy tools to use today, now that I’ve found my own happiness, is to pass that gift on to someone else who may have lost theirs, or, doesn’t know where to find it just yet, because there is nothing that makes me happier, than sharing my happiness with someone else. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: How is your happy hygiene? What grade would you give yourself? Do you have healthy tools to use that give you happiness everyday? Do you use them? If not, why not? Do you still have tendencies to do things that harm you? If yes, why do you do that? How does that harm you? What can you do to stop that behavior? Why haven’t you done it? If you have stopped that behavior, what are 5 tools you use to find happiness in any given day? Are these tools something you can share with someone else? Have you shared them? How does sharing them effect your happiness? Has someone shared theirs with you? How has that made you feel? We are all meant to be happy, sometimes it takes time to figure out that we deserve it, and sometimes it takes time to figure out how to get it, and, sometimes it takes time to find out what it is today that makes us happy, because as we change and grow so do the many things that make us happy so we have to adapt them as we go. Let go of the thinking of your past, and focus on what makes you happy today.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Freedom Fighter

When we’re sitting in the dark we may dream of a hero swooping in to save us, a superhero, of sorts, who understands us and shows us the way out. Someone who can fix things and make everything better. Someone who will bring light into our darkness and use that light to show us the way. What we don’t understand when we’re in the darkness is that we are that hero, we have the power to save ourselves and we are our own superhero, we need to fight for our freedom and be a freedom fighter!

When I was living in the darkness I thought my life was hopeless. I didn’t see a way out and my head told me everyday that there was only one way out, to end my suffering. Because I wasn’t sharing those thoughts with anyone I believed what my head told me, I thought it was the truth. It wasn’t. I was blessed with another freedom fighter coming into my life who shared his truth with me, and the story of his fight into the light. It seemed like an incredible story, and it remained just that for months as I continued my downward spiral into my deep pit of darkness. On a particularly dark night that story suddenly rang true for me. For the first time I identified with the before part of the story, what it had been like for my friend, I saw myself in that story and that was the tiny bit of hope I needed to pick up my sword and start my journey as a freedom fighter, a fighter who was fighting for my own freedom.

You see, no one else can truly save us if we aren’t willing to save ourselves. Now, I’ve had a lot of help along with the way from some very amazing freedom fighters who have shown me the way, and I still have many in my life, and it’s important to me to light the way for others so that they might find the freedom fighter in themselves.

My sword, when I started, wasn’t nearly as mighty, in fact, many days I questioned whether I could pick it up at all, but I did, I used all my strength, even if I could only get it an inch off the ground, but I did it, and each day that sword got a little easier to carry, and then some days it got heavy again, and still does from time to time, but now I’ve got many years of carrying that sword under my belt, and I know, no matter how heavy it feels, it’s there, and I have the strength to pick it up, and if I still doubt that, I have many other freedom fighters around me to remind me, or, if I need it, to help me lift that sword.

We have the power to save ourselves at any given time. We may not know how, or why, or if we really can, but if we believe, even a little, that tiny bit of light may cause us to reach out for help, and that tiny bit of light may give us hope, and that hope may propel us to take action, any action, that will set us on a trajectory of blinding light. We just need to pick up our sword, even if we have to drag it at first, and find the other freedom fighters in our lives who lend us their strength as we fight the most important battle of our lives, the fight for our own freedom. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you know that you have the power to save yourself from the darkness? You do SLAYER. Even if that power is picking up a phone, or sending a message, or chatting with someone, you have the power to let some light in and possibly some hope. You have that light inside of you. You may have buried it under a lot of darkness, but it’s still there if you dig deep down and find it. I know because if it wasn’t there you wouldn’t be reading this right now. You wouldn’t be open to finding your own freedom fighter within. You wouldn’t be standing next to me in this path, and yet, here you are. You have it in you SLAYER, I don’t doubt you, even if you doubt yourself, know that I believe in you and until you can pick up your sword yourself, know that there are many of us here who will help you hold it high, until one day you can use it to tear down your darkness and let the light in.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Self-Forgiveness

That title made a few of you bristle I know. I remember when I was asked to make a list of people who I felt had harmed me, I feverishly started writing down my naughty list, finding satisfaction in naming all the people I felt had wronged me and made my life difficult. It was pointed out to me that my own name should have been on the top of that list. That made me pause. And, at first, a little angry, because I thought, no, this is my chance to point fingers and name all of the people who hurt me, but it was right to suggest I put myself on top of that list, because I had hurt myself the most.

When I looked back to all of those situations and people I had put on that list, the common denominator in of them is that I was also there, I had participated, allowed myself to be in those relationships, or situations that harmed me. Now as much as that was a hard pill to swallow, once I was able to take responsibility for my part, and in most instances I did have one, I was able to take my power back by choosing to make better choices today.

We can’t fault ourselves for not knowing things we never learned, well, I guess we can, I used to, but we shouldn’t. Punishing ourselves for our past mistakes is pointless, we can’t change the past, nor we are the same people who may have made those mistakes, in fact, if we’re on a path of self-love and self-discovery we are very likely not those people that we once were, so why are we beating ourselves up for being someone we aren’t anymore? Life is a journey, and we may travel the same road, but we each travel at our own pace depending on what we are able to handle, depending on what our personal experiences are, and depending on what life throws at us, we are doing the best we can with what we have. Recognizing that we did the best we can in our past, or that maybe we just weren’t able to do our best at that time, is the beginning of self-forgiveness.

I found that finding forgiveness for myself happened in different stages. But as I began to forgive others and they found forgiveness in me it became easier to find some of my own. As I grew on my journey and was able to put more and more tools in my toolbox, I realized how few tools I had had up until that point, that also helped me with finding forgiveness, I couldn’t fault myself for not using what I didn’t have. And, truthfully, beating myself up over and over for my past only holds me back there, it doesn’t let me cut the strings and move forward, so for those of you struggling cut those strings and allow yourself to move forward and prove to yourself that today you are capable of making better choices, choices that are loving towards yourself, choices that honor who you are and the life you’ve built, or are building, and choices that, even if they prove to not be the right choices, are choices you can own and learn from so that you can make a better choice next time, without carrying a resentment for yourself and how you handled the situation. Set yourself free, look back only to learn as you continue on your road to who you are destined to be. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you hold a grudge against yourself for decisions you’ve made in your past? Why are you not able to move past those decisions and choices? Did you have all the knowledge, information and tools you do today back then? So why do you expect yourself to have known better? Did you know better but made a decision that wasn’t in your best interest anyway? Why did you do that? Where looking to harm yourself? Why were you looking to do that? Are you still looking for ways to harm yourself today? If yes, why? If not, and you did make decisions to harm yourself in the past and have stopped doing that today, then that is already a victory, you’ve already let go of the way you used to live, so why not let go of any guilt or resentments you may have been harboring and focus on loving yourself as you move forward from here.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Find a tribe that matches your vibe.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Spark The Magic

Slay On

Good morning SLAYER! You are not alone.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Let In

Alone In A Crowded Room

I’ve talked a lot at STATE OF SLAY about feeling different, less than, feeling awkward and anxious in social situations growing up, and into my adulthood, before walking this path. It’s a time of year when there are many social gatherings, parties and family functions and I was reminded how I used to feel alone in a crowded room. I could have been in a sold-out stadium and I still felt alone.

I never felt like I belonged, and because of that I kept my thoughts and feelings to myself, and later, as my disease progressed, I isolated, believing those voices in my head that told me no one would understand me, or want to be around me, if you knew my truth, those voices kept me isolated, alone, even though I had people around me. The more I stayed away from all of you the worse my disease got, when I was alone it had me where it wanted me, at attention, with nothing to distract me, no good could come in when all I was hearing was the bad. And, that feeling of loneliness, when I was with people, added fuel to the fire that I just didn’t fit in.

What I didn’t realize is that I didn’t fit in because I believed I didn’t fit in. And I kept believing that story because I wasn’t sharing it with anyone. I believed that all of you always felt like you fit in, even that you were all at ease in every situation, because that’s what my head told me. What I realized when I stepped on this path, and started to share, is that many of you felt like I did, odd, weird, like a misfit at times, but you either walked through your uncomfortableness, or you just found the other people who felt like you did. Now I know, you’re out there.

Feeling alone in a crowded room isn’t something you feel alone, I’ve been you, and there are more like us. And I’m here to tell you I’m here, I’m in that room with you and you’re not alone. I’m also here to tell you that you can overcome that feeling, because it’s something you have the power to change. Your head may tell you that you can’t, or that you’re not good enough to, or that no one will understand, but I’m going to rain on those voices’ parade and tell you from the other side that you are good enough and you can do it, it just takes some courage and honesty. When we share our fears or feelings with others we typically find that most people feel, or have felt like we do. We learn that we are not alone. And, when we realize that there are others likes us, many others, it may give us the courage to share with them and once we do, that fear starts to lose it’s power over us, it starts to fall to the ground like an old piece of clothing that no longer fits us, and the truth is, it never did fit us, we just put it on as a form of protection because we didn’t yet have the tools or awareness that we aren’t so different from those around us after all.

Sometimes the thing that separates us from our fellows is the one thing that will connect us, we just have to find the strength to let it out, to not let it control us, and continue to lie to us. Speak your truth and not only let it allow you to relate to others, but you may just be giving another lonely person permission to do the same. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel lonely in a crowded room? Why do you feel that way? Have you always felt that way? Write down the first time you remember feeling that way. What made you feel alone back then? Is that reason still valid today or an old story you’ve stuck to? How can you shake that story and live in the present? Who do you feel comfortable with? Why? Are you able to find other people like that? If so, where? Why don’t you find those people? What is your biggest fear in social situations? Is that fear a fact, or an old story from your past? What if you ignored those voices that tell you you’re different, that people won’t understand and like you? How would social situations be different? Do it SLAYER, be honest about how you feel, find someone in the next social situation you find yourself in who looks like they also feel like you do, let them know how you’re feeling, you may just make a connection to someone just like yourself, and, you can walk through your fears together.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you