When I finally found the courage to ask for help, I was told I was going to need to get rigorously honest with myself to get well. Even thought those words seemed scary to me I was at such a low I was willing to do anything, so I of course agreed and set out on this path. At first it was difficult, I had a lot of fear about sharing my truth with others, I thought I would be judged, I even thought those I was connecting with, who were just like me, wouldn’t want to be around me if they knew my truth, even though their truth looked and sounded very much like mine. I had lived in so many lies for so long it was difficult to start telling the truth, even figuring out what it actually was, especially with the stuff that was most painful, or, in my mind, the most horrible. Knowing I had to make changes because my life was literally hung in the balance, I had to walk through that fear and share as much of my truth as I was able to in the moment. I still had some fear that after I did share it that I would expose myself as the awful person I still believed myself to be, but I shared it all anyway, and the more I did the easier it got, and, the more I did the more it connected me to those just like myself, which made me feel not so alone.
I have heard, countless times, over the course of my journey, “you’re only as sick as your secrets,” and it’s true. It is incredible what can be forgiven and forgotten if we are able to be honest about where we’ve come from and who we truly are. Everyone makes mistakes, has done bad things, or lied, cheated, or even stolen, to varying degrees, we all at some point have done these things, so in no way are you the only one. And, I’ve learned from living on this path, a path of rigorous honesty, that everything can be forgiven if you’re willing to be open and honest about them. Most times, just opening up about what was done and apologizing, or making amends, the issue is resolved, it’s when we try to bend, or dance around the truth that things get muddy, and the sincerity is lost and the problem still remains, and, we have not learned to change our ways for the next time. As scary or uncomfortable as you may think it may be to admit your faults, is nothing compared to carrying them around and trying to hide them. And admitting half truth doesn’t get you off the hook either, because that lie is still in there, to actually heal and move on, for all parties, it’s important to tell the whole truth, and to sincerely mean it.
My whole life, until the moment I asked for help, was a series of lies and half truths, and because I wasn’t being honest about anything, and would often bend the truth to suit my needs, I got sicker, and the lies got bigger and tangled within each other until I couldn’t remember the truth anymore. The only way I could get well was to start telling the truth, and start living in the truth, that was the key to my survival and recovery.
It’s easy to hide behind the lies we tell ourselves, or others, we think it’s to keep us safe, or may tell ourselves it’s to protect someone else, but the truth is, they’re not doing any of those things, they’re keeping us sick and keeping us from being our best selves, or possibly knowing who we are at all, we can’t get better until we get honest, truly honest, only then can we walk on the path of healing and recovery. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you bend the truth? Why do you do this? What keeps you from telling the truth? Have you had bad experiences in the past from telling the truth? What happened? What about those experiences could you change so you’re able to tell your truth without a negative result? What experiences have you had with telling the truth that have ended in a positive result? Living in truth, the whole truth, is the only way to live in the light, to heal from your past and become your best you.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you