pain

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Once you choose hope, anything is possible.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Healing

 

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! A lie is like a pain killer, it gives instant relief, but has side effects forever.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Truth Like Surgery

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let to of what you cannot change.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

state of slay pain holding on

Holding On To Pain

I recently started working with a new Chiropractor. I have injuries from a car accident I was a passenger in about a year and a half ago. I have been in treatment for most of that time and am still suffering from lower back and neck pain. In speaking with this new doctor, I described the accident and what happened to my body during impact. She then turned to me and said, “you don’t ever have to tell that story again, in fact, I want you to let it go because it’s preventing you from healing from your injuries.” As someone who is very active and self-aware of my body and how it feels each day, it had never occurred to me that I could be getting in the way of my own healing by still holding on to anger towards the person who was driving the car I was in. This person, still to this day, has not taken responsibly for the accident, in fact, on more than one occasion actually blamed me for causing it from the passenger seat. I realized as she had said what she did that I was indeed holding on to a lot of anger and resentment for this person’s actions that day, and the days that followed, and that I was likely storing all of that negativity right in the center of my injury.

Having practiced yoga, and as someone who actively stretches, I know that we can store negative thoughts and emotions in our bodies. I’ve managed to jar those loose many times in a class or at home through stretch and suddenly that feeling or emotion comes pouring out at me, unleashed by the movement of my body. So I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me that I could be doing that with this injury, and that in doing so, I could be preventing myself from getting better. It’s true that every time I moved or felt discomfort from my injuries I would immediately think negative thoughts toward the situation and the person who caused them, I then would think about all the other things that person had done and never apologized for and nor ever would, I suppose, I stored those thoughts and feelings where he had done the most damage. But it’s time for that to stop. It’s time to let go of what was done so I can heal and move on. I have made other changes in my life to no longer include this person in my day-to-day life, and so now I need to cut the cord on my anger and set myself free.

Anger and resentment are tricky to let go of sometimes, and, they also can be very enticing. I know I can’t afford to hold resentments in my life, that is something I have learned and worked on for over a decade, they steal my peace of mind and serenity, so how have I let this go on for a year and a half, and let it affect my physical health? How did I not see the connection between my anger and resentment and my injuries? As I said, they can be tricky, cunning little suckers, but now the jig is up, their cover has been blown, so it’s time to get to work and release those feelings so I can get on track to recover from the trauma that was done. And, even though I know how to release my anger, I know the tricks, the places to go within myself, there’s a part of me that holds on, and when I do, I feel it physically in my body, so, as of today, I say no more, I am taking my body back, my health back, and my peace of mind back. I will no longer give it to this person who doesn’t deserve to hold that energy in my life, I will focus on the good, and there is a lot of it, I will stay in the light, I will practice extra self-care and love myself, and those who love me in my life, and I will let it go.

How much of the physical ailments and injuries we experience are caused by our unwillingness to let go? What damage are we doing to ourselves by holding on to the past? Today is the day we take our bodies back, we begin to heal what we can by letting go of the past, forgiving ourselves for hanging on, and no longer giving power to those who have done us harm. Fill up those hurt places with love, with care, and hope, and free ourselves from the shackles that we’ve put on ourselves by imprisoning ourselves in the past. Let go SLAYER and set yourself free. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you see how holding onto resentments and anger from your past could manifest itself into physical ailments, or prevent you from recovering from an injury? Is there something in your life that this may apply to? What it is it? Why haven’t you let it go? How does it get in the way of your recovery? What can you do today to let it go, or at least start the process? Imagine yourself having already done it, how does it feel? What does that look like? Stay in that place SLAYER, from that place it is easier to let go and to release yourself from what is holding you back and holding your peace hostage, you hold the key to your own release, turn the key and walk into freedom.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone.

SLAY on!

state of slay help 2

H.O.P.E. – Help Other People Everyday

There was a time in my life when I wasn’t sure I wanted to keep living.

I kept everything bottled inside — my fear, my pain, my confusion, and the constant battle in my head that told me I wasn’t enough. I carried that darkness quietly, pretending I could handle it alone, that asking for help was weakness.

But eventually I hit a moment I couldn’t escape:
I was scared of what I might do to myself just to quiet the pain.

It was in that darkest moment that something shifted.

A story came back to me — a story a friend had shared about his own struggle. At the time I heard it, it was just a story. A powerful one, sure, but still just something I listened to and admired from a distance.

Months later, on that frightening night, I recognized myself in the beginning of his story — the part where suffering feels endless and hopeless.

And that recognition changed everything.

Hope Isn’t Just a Feeling — It’s Something We Receive and Give

I often wonder how many times we underestimate the power of connection.

That story my friend shared didn’t cure me. It didn’t fix everything. But it showed up in the exact moment I needed it — and that was enough to keep me moving forward.

Not because the pain was gone…
But because I finally saw that I wasn’t alone.

That recognition — that someone else had walked through darkness and found light — gave me a reason to keep going. That was the beginning of my own journey back to life.

And because someone shared their truth, I found hope.

Showing Up Is the Smallest — Yet Most Powerful — Act of Service

Hope doesn’t always arrive in grand gestures.

Sometimes it shows up in the simplest things:

A smile.
A hello.
A listening ear.
A message that says, I see you.

When we simply show up, we affirm someone’s worth — even when they can’t feel it themselves.

You never know who’s watching quietly from the sidelines, waiting for proof that they matter. You never know whose heart is in the dark, searching for a light.

That’s why helping others — even in small ways — matters more than we can imagine.

What We Give May Be the Hope Someone Needs to Survive

One of the most humbling things I learned is that stories matter.

Not because they are polished or perfect —
but because they are real.

When I finally shared my own journey — not just the finished version but the messy, painful beginnings — something clicked. Other people saw themselves in it. They recognized their struggle in the cracks of my story. It reminded them that they, too, could keep going.

That’s the power of truth.

It connects us.
It heals us.
It saves lives.

And sometimes the hope we give to others becomes a source of strength for ourselves.

You Don’t Have to Fix Someone to Help Them

Helping others doesn’t always mean solving their problems.

Sometimes it means:

Showing up
Listening without judgment
Sharing your story
Being present
Being consistent
Offering compassion
Willingness to care even when it’s hard

Helping others is how we remind them —
and ourselves — that we matter.

Hope Isn’t About Perfection

Hope isn’t a destination.
It’s a presence.

It doesn’t mean everything is okay.
It doesn’t erase pain.
It doesn’t suddenly make life easy.

But it reminds us that we don’t have to walk through pain alone.

And that it’s okay to ask for help.
Not just once — many times.
Not just when it’s convenient — but when it’s hardest.

Because in asking for help, we make space for others to help us — and through that exchange, something powerful unfolds.

You Never Know Who Is Watching

There’s a truth we overlook:

When you help someone — even with the tiniest kindness — you never know how far that ripple goes.

Your story might be the reason someone keeps going.
Your presence might be the reason someone feels seen.
Your kindness might be the moment that lights someone’s path.

And sometimes — years later — that person you helped could tell someone else about it.

Hope multiplies.
It doesn’t stay in one heart.
It spreads.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect, SLAYER:

S: Who in your life gave you hope when you needed it most?
L: How has someone else’s journey inspired your own healing?
A: What simple action can you take today to offer hope to another person?
Y: How might your vulnerability be a gift to someone else who feels alone?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
When has someone’s presence or story given you hope — and how did it change your journey?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who might be struggling today, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder that hope exists.

It’s Not The Pain That Helps Us Grow, It’s Our Response To It

Before I stepped onto this path, I walked through a lot of pain.

Not gracefully.
Not reflectively.
More like a storm spinning out of control—reactive, destructive, and exhausting.

I told myself, and was often told by others, that the pain was making me stronger. That suffering was proof of growth. That endurance alone was somehow building character.

But looking back, I can see the truth much more clearly now:

The pain wasn’t strengthening me.
My response to it was weakening me.

And in many cases, I was the source of my own pain.

That realization wasn’t comfortable—but it was freeing. Because it showed me that growth was never about how much pain I endured. It was about what I did after the pain showed up.

Pain Is Inevitable Suffering Is Optional

Pain is part of being human.

We get hurt.
We get disappointed.
We get blindsided—sometimes by others, sometimes by life itself.

But pain alone doesn’t create growth.

Pain without awareness creates repetition.
Pain without reflection creates cycles.
Pain without honesty keeps us stuck.

What determines growth isn’t the pain itself—it’s whether we react from old wounds or respond with clarity.

And there is always a choice.

Reaction Keeps Us Stuck Response Moves Us Forward

There’s a difference between reacting and responding.

Reaction is impulsive.
It’s emotional.
It’s driven by fear, old stories, and survival patterns.

Response is intentional.
It’s grounded.
It’s guided by truth instead of triggers.

When I reacted to pain, I made choices that caused more pain—burning bridges, sabotaging myself, repeating patterns I swore I wanted to escape.

When pain wasn’t self-inflicted, that was where growth became possible—if I was willing to respond instead of explode.

The Myth That Pain Builds Strength

One of the most damaging stories we tell ourselves is that pain itself makes us stronger.

That belief often keeps us tolerating what we shouldn’t.
It keeps us in harmful relationships.
It keeps us justifying self-destructive behavior.

Pain doesn’t build strength.

Choices build strength.

The strength comes from what you learn.
From what you release.
From what you decide not to repeat.

The old narrative—that suffering proves worth or resilience—often keeps us returning to the same sources of harm, believing it’s “part of the process.”

It isn’t.

Getting the Facts Is How We Grow Safely

One of the core truths I return to again and again is this:
When we have the facts, we are safe.

Not the feelings.
Not the assumptions.
Not the stories shaped by past wounds.

The facts.

Looking at pain honestly—without embellishment, blame, or denial—allows us to understand its source. And once we understand the source, we gain power.

Power to choose differently.
Power to set boundaries.
Power to walk away instead of reenacting.

Pain becomes useful only when it’s investigated.

We Always Have More Control Than We Think

Here’s the part that changes everything:

We don’t control whether pain shows up—but we do control how much we let it stay.

We can:

  • Let it fester

  • Turn it into resentment

  • Use it for sympathy

  • Or learn from it and release it

Sometimes simply letting pain go is growth.

Not every wound needs a deep dive. Some lessons are learned by choosing not to engage again.

And when you’re living from self-love and honesty, destructive reactions stop feeling good. Self-sabotage loses its appeal.

Because why tear down something you’re finally learning to build?

Pain Is a Teacher Not a Home

Pain is meant to inform you—not define you.

It shows you where boundaries are needed.
It highlights what isn’t aligned.
It reveals patterns asking to be broken.

But pain is not meant to be lived in.

When you respond with curiosity instead of chaos, pain becomes data. And data leads to discernment. And discernment leads to peace.

That’s growth.

Turning Pain Into a Gift

You may have never paused to ask yourself how you typically respond to pain.

So the next time it shows up, try this:

Strip away the story.
Remove the emotional overlay.
Look at the facts.

What actually happened?
What role did you play?
What part was within your control?
What can you learn?

When you do this, pain stops being something that happens to you—and becomes something that works for you.

The greatest gift pain can offer is information.

And information, used wisely, changes everything.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect, SLAYER:

S: What do you believe is the main source of pain in your life right now?
L: How much of that pain are you creating, allowing, or repeatedly engaging with?
A: When pain shows up, do you tend to react or respond—and how is that serving you?
Y: What could change if you chose to learn from pain instead of letting it control you?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
How has your response to pain shaped your growth—or where do you feel called to respond differently now?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck believing pain itself is the path, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

If You Only Knew What The Other Side Looked Like

I know things can be tough. Dark. Hopeless. And full of pain. I know because I’ve been there. I lived there for many years. I lived there thinking there was no way out. Well, I only thought there was one way, to end my suffering. I’m glad that the way I thought of wasn’t the way, that the universe had plans to show me the right way, and guide me to the light.

I was speaking to someone today who had been where I was, who had attempted to take her own life, and now she stood before me, three years removed from that experience, happy, healthy and celebrating the day. We talked about the way it was, for both of us, and those who are still out there struggling, sitting in the dark, and we both said, if they only knew what the other side looked like.

I do know, I’m typing this from the other side right now. And let me tell you, it’s great over here. Now that’s not to say that everything is just rainbows and unicorns, there are some of both though, life still happens, but I have changed, and because of that I continue to be blessed with people and things in my life, and beautiful experiences I never would have had had I not fought my way out of the darkness.

When I was living in the darkness that is all I saw. There were beautiful things and beautiful people in my life, but I couldn’t see their beauty, not like I do today, my mind would put a cloak of darkness over everyone and everything so it could keep telling me the story it wanted to, that there was no way out, that no one really cared about me, and that the world would be better off without me in it. I believed those lies, I believed them for as long as I could stand it, and when it became too unbearable I was brought to me knees, and in that moment I reached out for help, to whomever or whatever may be listening, I had nothing to lose by asking, so asked for help and I surrendered my willpower and let go. What happened is nothing short of a miracle, but I couldn’t just rest on that miracle to get me better, I then had to roll up my sleeves and get to work. I was given a look at what was on the other side, through people who had gotten there, and with their direction, and others, I was able to get there myself, I wasn’t sure I could, but I fought like hell to get there, and I made it.

I now speak to you from that place, and I want you to know if you haven’t made it yet that we’re here waiting for you. It is possible. There are many of us here who were once like you, I was like you, and if I can do it so can you. First, you have to believe, believe it’s possible, find the little bit of light within you and hold onto as you step forward out of the dark, trust me, you won’t fall, and even if you stumble, we’ll be there to pick you up until you learn to walk on your own. Fight to find the light, fight to find your way to the other side, it’s there, and it’s even more beautiful than you can imagine. Come join us here, we’re waiting for you. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel stuck in the dark? Why do you feel stuck? What can you do to find the light where you are? Are there others in your life who have the light? Stay close to them SLAYER. Ask them to walk with you, to help you out of the dark. Do you believe you deserve to stay in the dark? Why? Are these old stories from your past or a belief here in the present? Why do you believe it? What if it’s not true? What if you made it not true? What if you fought to find our way into the light? What do you think that looks like? How can you get there? You can. You can SLAYER. Find those people in your life, or seek out new people, who live in the light, ask them how they got there, let go of old ideas that keep you in the dark, and be open to new ideas that will bring in the light. Dig deep, find the humility and allow yourself to be teachable to new things and new ways of living life. It does get better, it can better, if you work for it. The good news is, you hold the key to your happiness, no one else, you have the power to set yourself free.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

An Ending Brings A New Beginning

We tend to hold onto things. We hold on to them, many times, far longer than we should. We cause ourselves unnecessary pain and heartache, when we should really just let go. We sometimes live in denial that something has ended, we try to live in the past, to conjure up memories or feelings and try to hold on to them when they can’t live in the present. We drag our heels and drag our hearts through the dirt as we try to live in a place that no longer exists. Let go. And not just let go, look at it as an opportunity for something new. A new beginning.

Now I realize that that may have just sent a shutter down your spine. But really, honestly, it’s a good thing. The act of letting go. And the realization that you should let go is a huge act of self-love. To not cause yourself pain by trying to keep yourself somewhere you no longer have no business being. By being responsible for your own pain for not letting go and moving on. Walking away when it’s time takes a long of love and a lot of courage, to know that, if you move on, that is actually a positive act, an act that demonstrates self-respect and one that shows you know your worth. And when it’s time to go and you take that action, it allows something else to come in, something, perhaps, better suited to who you are today, or what you’ve been looking for. When we stay where we are no longer meant to be, we block anything new from coming in because we are spending all of our energy trying to make it right in the wrong place. We make excuses, concessions to stay, and while we’re doing that we’re not seeing that perhaps what we’ve wished for, or wanted,all along, is right within our reach. Putting an end to something takes some faith, faith in yourself that you’re doing the right thing, and faith that whatever inner voice guides you, or outer voice, that there is a plan for you, that you are being guided to whom, or where, you are meant to be. And once you start to take that direction, all roads start to open up to help you get there. So many times we’re heard saying, “why is this so difficult?” Well, it may be difficult because we’re not mean to be there at all. So the question should be, “if this is so difficult, is there somewhere else I should be?” There may be a reason you’re finding things so difficult, the universe may be trying to tell you something.

An ending is really a chance for a new beginning. And perhaps a place that lets you be you, that lets you shine bright. We have to go through the things that aren’t right for us to find out what is. It’s all just part of our journey, our learning of who we are and what we want, so don’t look at it as a bad thing, look at it as information, and a way to lead you to where you should be, and where you are mean to be. Life is already full of obstacles, why put some extra ones in your own way by hanging on when you should go? Why not look at the end of something as a chance to try something new, you never know, that ending may have been set up just to lead you to the beginning of the life of your dreams…but you won’t know if you stay stuck right where you are. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to hang on to situations or relationships even when you know you should move on? If so, why do you do that? Write down a time when you held on when you should have let go. How did that make you feel? Write down a time when you did let go. How did that make you feel? Which felt better? Within your life now, are there people, places and things that you should be letting go of or ending? What are they? Why are you hanging on? What do you think will happen if you let go? Are these feelings or concerns valid, or just fears? What are you afraid of? Are these fears based in fact, or are they tied to old stories and old ideas from your past? Look at your life SLAYER, and look at those things that you should end, end them, and don’t be afraid, when we let go of what we no longer want or need, we let the universe know we’re ready for what we do want and need, and we’re ready to turn an ending into a new beginning.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Let go of your hurt. Give yourself permission to feel, to grieve, to feel angry, but then exhale, and learn to let it go. Nothing from our past should have power over us today.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Hurt