teachable

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The one thing you’ve got that no one else has is you. Your voice. Your Mind.  Your story.

SLAY on!

state-of-slay Living Breathing Novel

Maybe It’ll Turn Out Better Than Expected

Before walking this past I was a pessimist  in optimist clothing. I would hope for the best, and talk about it, and even want it, but never believed it would happen, or that I even deserved it. I never expected the best, I would walk into situations or new projects with flimsy hope it would be but never really expecting it actually work out that way. Much of that was not believing I was worthy of good, but also not doing all the footwork to set up a good or better outcome. In a way, it was as self-fulfilling prophecy, I wouldn’t put in the work and then when things didn’t go well it was proof to me that I wasn’t deserving of better.

When I began my journey in recovery, I was told, even if I didn’t believe something, to do the work and then act ‘as if.’ I felt like I had been doing that, but I had been missing the ‘doing the work’ part, I was just wanting things and acting ‘as if’ they were going to magically happen. My negative mind told me that this new approach wasn’t going to work, but my negative mind also wanted me to stay sick, so, off I went, doing the work that was suggested to start my life on a positive path. When I set out on something new and my mind wanted to tell me the result would be negative, I did the work anyway and acted ‘as if.’ It took a while to trust that I really didn’t have anything to lose by trying this new method, but I did it anyway because it seemed better than the alternative, which was what I already knew and had experienced every day. And, as I trusted and kept putting one foot in front of the other, many steps I made in fear, or in a state of utter uncomfortableness, I was surprised to find more and more that things would turn out better than I had expected. I appreciated each and every time they did, and always felt a sense of gratitude. Many times, when I was stuck in a negative space, I would suit up and show up anyway and would set out to act ‘as if,’ as I begrudgingly stepped forward I would ask the universe to surprise me, and many times I was surprised. I realized that I could change my negative thinking and expectations and that by doing so, many times, things did turn out better than I expected, and each time it did, I would focus on making that place my base and foundation to operate from as I moved forward, and as I did that I began to anticipate good things as I moved forward from there.

There are still times when my thoughts will fall back to negative thinking, and I have to remind myself to leave room for the possibility that things will turn out better than expected, also leaving a space open for hope and to be surprised, something that lends itself to positive thinking and with remaining teachable. I don’t know everything, and even though experience may lend it itself to one response, perhaps my growth and the timing of this particular moment can open new doors. This is a much better place to live my life than always expecting the worst, because in my experience, what we expect is often what we get.

Give yourself permission to allow things to turn out better than expected, to know you deserve good things and when you do the work and put out positive energy you leave room to be surprised by the result, or what is found in the process. Always leave some room for some magic. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you expect good things or focus on the negative? If you focus on the negative, do you find that you get a negative result? Do you think you deserve a negative result? Why is that? Have you ever been surprised with a result you weren’t expecting? What was that? How was that different than what you typically expect? How can you open yourself up to expecting a better result? What if you practiced ‘as if’ and tried to act as if you were open to a better result? We have more power than we think, but what we think gives our thoughts and energy power, why not ignite that power with positivity and watch that positive power power light up your life!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Sometimes you face difficulties not because you’re doing something wrong, but because you are doing something right.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Find The Signs

All The Wrong Reasons

I believe we are guided to where we are meant to be. I believe we can connect to something greater than ourselves through a spiritual practice or faith for continued direction in our lives. But regardless of what we may or not believe, when we look at our lives we can typically find a reason why we may have been lead down certain paths, both good and bad.

I was speaking to someone yesterday about this topic, and she smiled and said that the two most important things in her life, those things that contribute to her overall wellness she entered into for the wrong reasons but found something very valuable there. It got me thinking of situations in my life when I may have had different intentions, or even selfish or wrong intentions, but those actions lead me to something beautiful. I do believe that there is a force that guides me, protects me, and wants the best for me, I’ve seen many examples of this in my life, the one most important, is the night I should have lost my life, I wrote about that experience in my blog “A Power Greater Than Myself,” which you can find here A Power Greater Than Myself, and as a result of having been shown that that guidance is there I know now not to question it, or the directions I may find myself heading to, as long as it feels right to my mind, body and spirit. The universe, God, spirit, whatever you believe or may call it, may guide you to something using whatever will be most attractive to you in the moment, to get you to where you need to be, almost like dangling a carrot, and likely, you have been given the clues or shown the way many times before and had chosen not to take the path you are meant to be on, so, a different direction is taken to get you where you should be. We all have freedom of choice, but we don’t always make the best decisions for ourselves, I know this all too well from my past, so sometimes a little bait and switch happens to bring us to that place we ultimately will find beneficial to us.

It doesn’t matter what gets us to where we are meant to be, what matters is that we remain teachable and open to new experiences, new places and new ways of thinking. We don’t know everything, there’s no way we could, the world and what is out there is far beyond our comprehension, we only know what is in front of us and what we have experienced, so when something new is presented to us, we should take that opportunity and explore what’s there, we can always say it’s not for us, but what if if is, and what if it’s exactly what we’ve been looking for, but it just doesn’t look the way we thought it would.

It doesn’t matter what reasons get us to where we are meant to be, what matters is that we are open to what what we may find there. Life does have a way of showing us one thing just so we’ll discover something else. Be open to where your path may lead you and to what you may find there. You may be directed to someone or something that will completely change the direction of your life through a situation that may have been your worst, there is always a reason for everything. Stay true to who you are, trust, and look for the signs, they are pointing you in the right direction. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you believe in something greater than yourself guiding you to where you are mean to be? If not, why not? Can you see examples in your life where you may have changed direction or had been shown a new way of life? Write down that example. Can you think of times when you may have not taken the direction and found yourself repeating the past where you had not been happy? What can you do to change your view, to be open to new things and possibly new roads? The answers, and solutions, you are looking for may just be there in front of you, look for the signs, take a chance on new opportunities and new roads, and be open to things, when you do, the possibilities are endless.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Humility Coming From Pain

I know for me, it took a lot of pain before I found any humility, it actually took me getting knocked down to me knees, time and time again, until I finally surrendered. Up until that point, I thought I knew better, knew what was best for me, and usually, what was best for you too. My ego kept me sick, and it kept me from having meaningful honest relationships in my life. I was never going to find or see a solution when my ego was running the show, and it was my ego that nearly cost me my life. Humility is where we’re teachable, it’s where the light comes in and the healing can start. It’s that place where we give ourselves permission to ask for help, and where we find the willingness to do the work to find peace. Why do we put ourselves through so much pain until we are able to find humility?

I used to think that humility meant weakness. That it meant I couldn’t fail or make excuses for myself, that I had to have it all figured out, and be successful in everything I did. Now that is one tall order I was never going to live up to, no one could. And, not at all what humility actually is. I also used to confuse humility with self-deprecation. I would tell myself I was being humble but really just putting myself down or not taking credit for a compliment or appreciation of a job well done. That was as close to humility as I ever got, self-abuse to beat my ego down for a moment before it inflated back up to it’s super-sized proportion.

When set out on a path of recovery, I was told I needed to stay right-sized. That struggle inside of me of thinking I knew everything but that I was also a piece if crap didn’t know what to do with that. What size was right? I needed to find some humility and figure it out.

The first step of humility for me was asking for help. A phone call that opened the door, and it was from that step that I was able to find some humility from there, but it took some work to get my ego “right-sized” and admit that not only did I not know everything, I probably knew very little. In fact, considering where I found myself, I probably didn’t know much of anything in that moment. That was scary, but also exciting, to know that, if I let myself, I was about to embark on a new way of life that was going to teach me how to live in a healthier happier way. I had to push that ego aside over and over, as being teachable was the most important thing I needed to get better, and still is today. I needed to look at my part of things, and my part was all over the misery and heartache I had felt in my past, and learn to forgive myself and not blame others for my mistakes and choices that had gotten me to that place. I had to learn what true humility was, and I had to learn that when I let my ego run the show again that the only result was pain, pain that would eventually bring me back to humility.

We don’t have to wait for pain to push us to humility, but for many of us that’s what it takes. Sometimes a lot of pain. I am grateful that I was able to endure the pain I was to find my humility, and that I have learned over the years what true humility is and how to use it properly in my life. I know today that we are all important, and what we say, feel and do has the same level of importance and worth, we are all here to contribute and to share who we are and what we are, the best of what we have to offer, but none of us are better than any other, we are all here to learn, to grow, and, to remain teachable, because if we lose that teachability we probably setting ourselves up for more pain. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Has pain lead you to humility in your life? How so? What pain of you caused yourself with your lack of humility? Do you consider humility a bad thing? Why is that? How have you seen humility be a positive attribute in your life or the life of others? What can you do to find more humility in your life? No human being knows everything, and what we do know is limited to our perspective and experience, it is important to always remain open to new ideas and concepts, as well as the knowledge that there the world is much bigger than what we see everyday. We all have a great contribution to make, to share our best selves, but no one’s contribution is better than anyone else’s if it comes from your true self and shared from our heart.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

W.A.I.T. – Why Am I Talking?

I was with a group of people yesterday and we were talking about how the greatest gift, or way of being of service to someone, is to listen. Many times that’s all anyone wants, to be heard, and yet, too many times we chime in with our opinion or experience before they’ve had a chance to finish. One of the people in our group had said that he used to have that problem, of interrupting before someone was done, but he uses the acronym W.A.I.T! Now, before he speaks up he asks himself why he’s talking, if it’s important to interrupt what’s being said, is it adding to the conversation, is it useful, it’s helping the other person or people in the group, and is it the truth, or, is it his ego speaking for him to look superior to the group or in front of that person. I smiled. I used to be guilty of interrupting, especially when I knew I was wrong. I figured if I didn’t give the other person time to finish and finished it for them I would appear to have all the answers and already knew what they were going to say, or, that I knew better, so to save time they should just listen to me and stop talking. The truth is, I had a lot to learn by staying quiet and listen…and still do, we all do.

When we allow someone to finish what they’re saying, and may need to say, we are showing them respect, a respect we all deserve, and by pausing and listening to them we may also learn some new information, what we’re also saying by not saying anything is that we are still teachable and open to new ideas, something that is imperative for our continued growth, intellectually and spiritually. By pausing it also allows us to do a quick spot check, in terms of what we’re wanting to say, to ask ourselves why we feel we need to say it, and if it’s something that will move the conversation forward, or are we speaking up for different reasons that only serve us? Or, are we responding out of fear, anger, or jealously? Again, if we take a moment to pause and get in touch with our intentions for wanting to speak up, or respond, it gives us that moment to let those immediate emotions calm down so we can make a better decision about what and if we’re going to respond.

When I started on this path I had to basically throw out most of what I knew. I had to start from scratch. And I had to question my motives and instincts always at the start. My reactions to things were almost always fear based, so I was often quick to respond and jump in, many times regretting what I said and did later. I too, was told to W.A.I.T. and it was that pause that helped me not to hurt others by stepping all over their conversation and trying to sound smarter and better than they were. I also learned how important it was to be heard. I had a lot of questions, feelings and emotions at the start of this journey, many I had trouble making sense of, and if someone took the time to sit to listen to me, even when it didn’t make much sense, it meant so much to me, and most times, even just by saying it out loud, even without a response, I would figure out the issue, but also, many times, it allowed someone else who had been where I was to share their experience with me and offer some suggestions. Those exchanges helped me heal, and I learned a lot from them, not only by finding answers to my questions, but also it taught me how to be a good listener myself.

Everyone wants and deserves to be heard, make sure you’re not taking that moment away from someone who really needs it to feed our own ego. You might just learn something yourself by pausing and making yourself W.AI.T. and asking yourself, why am I talking? SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let others speak or are you always quick to chime in? Why do you think you do that? When you think about not doing that, what comes up? What do you feel? Where do you think that need comes from? What can you do to change it? When someone takes the time to listen to you, how does that make you feel? What do you think you can learn by pausing and not immediately jumping in a conversation? Try to pause SLAYER, and W.A.I.T., ask yourself, why am I talking? If it’s not adding something positive to the conversation, then maybe just listen and see what you can learn.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Failure Isn’t Fatal, It’s Feedback

I used to fear failure. I thought it validated me being not good enough, less than. Every time I failed it stung like it was proof I didn’t deserve to have what I wanted, or I wasn’t good enough to get it. But what it was really there to do was give me feedback. To show me what wasn’t working so I could learn from it and try again, or try something different, or maybe just a different approach. But I would let it defeat me every time. Back then, I think that I equally wanted to fail as I wanted to win, because when I failed it let me continue to tell the narrative my head liked to tell, that I didn’t deserve good things, and I was never going to get them. I know now then that thinking wasn’t true. Those were just the lies my disease would tell me to keep me sick, and keep me isolated, it was working.

When things don’t go my way now I try to look for the lesson in it. I look at how I approached it and ask myself if there was something I could have done better, or differently, that may have resulted in a better outcome. I’ve learned a lot from doing that, and I’ve also learned, that sometimes it was out of hands, and that goal or thing I was working for wasn’t meant to be mine, and it may not have because I was meant to be somewhere else or with someone else. You see, failure isn’t fatal, unless you let it be fatal, all it really is just information, or feedback. It’s the universe trying to show you where you are meant to be, and how to get there. We are programmed, by society, to look at failure as just that, proof we failed, or as failures, but that’s not what it’s mean to tell us at all. It’s direction. A nudge to head somewhere else, or try something different. Many of the world’s greatest inventions or successes have come from failure, and perhaps yours can too.

I look back at my life and at a very dark time I would have labeled a failure. A time when I didn’t even want to live. I looked at myself, and my life, at that time, and thought, wow, what a waste, all this potential and you messed it up, this is where your best thinking and best efforts brought you, but the reality is that getting myself to a place of total defeat brought me to a place of surrender, of complete humility, and willing to be teachable is the greatest victory of my life, and the start of the most incredible journey of my life, the journey I’m still on, and plan to stay on for the rest of my life. What I thought was complete failure, got me to a place that I was able to reach out and receive the greatest gift I could ever receive, the gift of desperation to finally look to and grab onto the light. And because I was willing, so many other gifts came my way that have helped me on this journey, and continue to, and when I attempt something new, or try something I haven’t before, and I don’t get the desired result, I know to keep going, and, to keep an open mind and an open heart, because that failure may just bring another incredible gift, in fact, it already has, and it can for you too, if you just allow it to. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: How do you handle failure? Do you let it defeat you? What do you say to yourself when you fail? Are those things true? If not, why do you say them? How those things help you? How do they hurt you? What if you stopped saying them? What if you started looking at them as just feedback? What if you let them guide you to where you are meant or supposed to be? What if you looked at them as just that, a guide? Can you write down some examples of good things that have come out of seemingly failures in your life? Can you write down examples of times you felt you failed, but can now look at those situations and perhaps find some feedback or guidance in those failures? Those times we “fail” we may be right on course to where we’re supposed to be headed, we may have never been destined to achieve what we set out to in the first place, because there is something else waiting for us that is better, or far more well-suited than what we think we should have, or be. Trust the process and don’t listen to your head that tells you your next failure is fatal, because your greatest victory may just be around the corner.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Most important thing in life?  To remain teachable.

New blog goes up on Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Learn 1

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! The most important thing in life is to remain teachable.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay New To Learn

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Always remain teachable.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Learn