choices

It’s Not The Pain That Helps Us Grow, It’s Our Response To It

Before I stepped onto this path, I walked through a lot of pain.

Not gracefully.
Not reflectively.
More like a storm spinning out of control—reactive, destructive, and exhausting.

I told myself, and was often told by others, that the pain was making me stronger. That suffering was proof of growth. That endurance alone was somehow building character.

But looking back, I can see the truth much more clearly now:

The pain wasn’t strengthening me.
My response to it was weakening me.

And in many cases, I was the source of my own pain.

That realization wasn’t comfortable—but it was freeing. Because it showed me that growth was never about how much pain I endured. It was about what I did after the pain showed up.

Pain Is Inevitable Suffering Is Optional

Pain is part of being human.

We get hurt.
We get disappointed.
We get blindsided—sometimes by others, sometimes by life itself.

But pain alone doesn’t create growth.

Pain without awareness creates repetition.
Pain without reflection creates cycles.
Pain without honesty keeps us stuck.

What determines growth isn’t the pain itself—it’s whether we react from old wounds or respond with clarity.

And there is always a choice.

Reaction Keeps Us Stuck Response Moves Us Forward

There’s a difference between reacting and responding.

Reaction is impulsive.
It’s emotional.
It’s driven by fear, old stories, and survival patterns.

Response is intentional.
It’s grounded.
It’s guided by truth instead of triggers.

When I reacted to pain, I made choices that caused more pain—burning bridges, sabotaging myself, repeating patterns I swore I wanted to escape.

When pain wasn’t self-inflicted, that was where growth became possible—if I was willing to respond instead of explode.

The Myth That Pain Builds Strength

One of the most damaging stories we tell ourselves is that pain itself makes us stronger.

That belief often keeps us tolerating what we shouldn’t.
It keeps us in harmful relationships.
It keeps us justifying self-destructive behavior.

Pain doesn’t build strength.

Choices build strength.

The strength comes from what you learn.
From what you release.
From what you decide not to repeat.

The old narrative—that suffering proves worth or resilience—often keeps us returning to the same sources of harm, believing it’s “part of the process.”

It isn’t.

Getting the Facts Is How We Grow Safely

One of the core truths I return to again and again is this:
When we have the facts, we are safe.

Not the feelings.
Not the assumptions.
Not the stories shaped by past wounds.

The facts.

Looking at pain honestly—without embellishment, blame, or denial—allows us to understand its source. And once we understand the source, we gain power.

Power to choose differently.
Power to set boundaries.
Power to walk away instead of reenacting.

Pain becomes useful only when it’s investigated.

We Always Have More Control Than We Think

Here’s the part that changes everything:

We don’t control whether pain shows up—but we do control how much we let it stay.

We can:

  • Let it fester

  • Turn it into resentment

  • Use it for sympathy

  • Or learn from it and release it

Sometimes simply letting pain go is growth.

Not every wound needs a deep dive. Some lessons are learned by choosing not to engage again.

And when you’re living from self-love and honesty, destructive reactions stop feeling good. Self-sabotage loses its appeal.

Because why tear down something you’re finally learning to build?

Pain Is a Teacher Not a Home

Pain is meant to inform you—not define you.

It shows you where boundaries are needed.
It highlights what isn’t aligned.
It reveals patterns asking to be broken.

But pain is not meant to be lived in.

When you respond with curiosity instead of chaos, pain becomes data. And data leads to discernment. And discernment leads to peace.

That’s growth.

Turning Pain Into a Gift

You may have never paused to ask yourself how you typically respond to pain.

So the next time it shows up, try this:

Strip away the story.
Remove the emotional overlay.
Look at the facts.

What actually happened?
What role did you play?
What part was within your control?
What can you learn?

When you do this, pain stops being something that happens to you—and becomes something that works for you.

The greatest gift pain can offer is information.

And information, used wisely, changes everything.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect, SLAYER:

S: What do you believe is the main source of pain in your life right now?
L: How much of that pain are you creating, allowing, or repeatedly engaging with?
A: When pain shows up, do you tend to react or respond—and how is that serving you?
Y: What could change if you chose to learn from pain instead of letting it control you?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
How has your response to pain shaped your growth—or where do you feel called to respond differently now?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck believing pain itself is the path, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Sometimes You Face Difficulties Because You’re Doing Something Right

There’s a belief many of us carry without ever questioning it:
If things feel hard, we must be doing something wrong.

So when resistance shows up — discomfort, fear, pushback, uncertainty — we assume it’s a sign to turn around. To retreat. To go back to what’s familiar.

But sometimes, the opposite is true.

Sometimes you face difficulties not because you’re off track — but because you’re finally on the right one.

Especially when you’re choosing something new. Something honest. Something that honors who you actually are instead of who you’ve always been expected to be.

Familiar Paths Feel Easier Because They’re Familiar Not Because They’re Right

We are creatures of habit.

We do what we’ve been taught.
What we’ve seen modeled.
What feels easiest in the moment.

Even when those patterns don’t serve us, they feel safe because they’re known.

But “easy” doesn’t always mean aligned.
And “comfortable” doesn’t always mean healthy.

Sometimes the path that looks smooth is the one leading you further away from yourself. And the path that feels difficult is the one asking you to grow into someone new.

New choices almost always come with new discomfort — not because they’re wrong, but because they’re unfamiliar.

The Cost of Taking the Easier Softer Route

For a long time, I chose what felt easier on the surface.

I avoided conflict.
I tried to minimize attention.
I looked for solutions that required the least resistance.

But those choices didn’t bring peace — they brought consequences.

I didn’t get what I needed.
And when I did, it often came through manipulation, avoidance, or dishonesty with myself. I ended up doing far more emotional labor trying to maintain something that never truly fit.

What I thought was “keeping the peace” was actually betraying myself.

And over time, that betrayal showed up as anxiety, resentment, and exhaustion.

People Pleasing Is a Survival Strategy Not a Solution

Many of us learn early on that being agreeable feels safer than being honest.

So we prioritize other people’s comfort.
We swallow our needs.
We tell ourselves it’s not worth the trouble.

But unspoken needs don’t disappear — they turn inward.

They become anger.
They become sadness.
They become numbness.

And eventually, the weight of living out of alignment becomes unbearable.

That’s often the moment when people turn to outside fixes — anything to quiet the voice inside that says, This isn’t right.

I did too.

I tried to numb myself.
To silence the discomfort.
To convince myself I could stay somewhere I didn’t belong.

But I couldn’t — because I wasn’t supposed to be there.

The Truth Always Finds You

We can hide from the truth for a while — sometimes even for years.

But deep down, we always know when we’re not living authentically. When we’re shrinking. When we’re dimming ourselves to fit into spaces that don’t allow us to grow.

And when we finally start making decisions that honor our truth — maybe for the first time — the difficulties that arise can feel overwhelming.

But those difficulties aren’t punishments.

They’re signs that you’re walking where you’ve never walked before.

New Difficulties Mean New Growth

The challenges that show up when you choose yourself feel hard because they’re unfamiliar — not because they’re wrong.

They require courage instead of compliance.
Honesty instead of avoidance.
Boundaries instead of people pleasing.

But here’s what matters:
These difficulties are far healthier than the ones you lived with while betraying yourself.

Fear shows up when we’re letting go of old versions of ourselves.
Uncertainty shows up when we’re stepping into something real.

That doesn’t mean stop.

It means keep going.

Doing the Right Thing Doesn’t Mean Everyone Will Understand

Choosing what’s right for you doesn’t mean you don’t care about others. It means you care enough about your life to live it truthfully.

If you’ve chosen the right people, they’ll want the best for you — even when it’s uncomfortable. They may walk beside you through the difficulty.

And if they don’t — that tells you something too.

Sometimes growth requires moving forward without everyone coming along.
Or continuing relationships in a different way.

That isn’t cruelty.
It’s clarity.

Only You Can Walk the Path That’s Meant for You

Only you know what’s right for your life.
Only you can do the work to build it.
Only you can walk through the fear that stands between where you are and where you’re meant to be.

Difficulties don’t always mean danger.
Sometimes they mean direction.

So suit up, SLAYER.
Step onto the path that asks more of you — because it gives more back.

You’re not alone.
Plenty of us are walking beside you.
And we’re cheering you on.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect, SLAYER:

S: Where in your life are you choosing what’s familiar instead of what’s true?
L: When have you ignored your needs to avoid discomfort or conflict?
A: What difficulty might actually be a sign that you’re on the right path?
Y: What would honoring yourself look like today — even if it feels uncomfortable?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Where have you faced difficulty because you were finally doing something right?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s questioning their path because it feels hard, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

If It’s Happening To You You Must Need It

I used to think that life was just something that was happening to me. Now, after being on this path for many years, I realize that life is something that is happening for me. And what I mean by that is that what life gives me is what I need. What I need to be a better person. What I need to move forward. What I need to learn, to grow, to give me the opportunities to reach my full potential, and to help me make better choices so I don’t keep making the same mistakes.

I find that when I don’t make the right decisions, or take the right actions, life has a way of giving me those same situations over and over until I do. When I was living in my disease and mentally sick, I would often think, why does this keep happening to me, I was always the victim, never looking at the actions I had taken to get me back to that same place. I didn’t realize that I had the power to stop myself from getting there time and time again. All I had to do was learn and make better decisions and I wouldn’t keep finding myself in those same places. The opportunity to make a better choice came to me yesterday morning. I had handled something poorly a few days prior, and was upset at myself for how I let a frustrating situation affect me, and ruin something else I enjoy because I couldn’t let go of the frustrating situation. I thought about it after, how I could have handled it better, and lo and behold that same frustrating situation popped up again, around the same event, I could feel the frustration bubble up from my belly, and I took a deep breath and stayed calm. Ultimately it situation was worked out, it didn’t go as smoothly as I would have liked, but it got done, and, I handled it with much more grace than I had a few days before. When I thought about it later, I smiled, because I realized that things didn’t go smoothly yesterday morning so I would have the opportunity to do it better than I had, and when something like that pops up again, I can think back to yesterday morning and remember what the right action is to take, and how much better it felt to not let it get the best of me.

When I look back at my life when I lived in the darkness, I am grateful for it. I am grateful that I survived, because I shouldn’t have, and I am grateful for all of those things that didn’t go my way, or didn’t go well, or just didn’t go, because I have since learned from them. I look at them all as lessons, as information and chances to do better today, to know what I don’t want or need, and to know that I have the power of choice today.  I have more knowledge and I have enough self-love to make the right decisions and choices for me, so when things happen that I may find frustrating or aggravating, I now know that that is happening for a reason, that I likely need to work on this part of my life, or fine-tune what I’ve already worked on so that as I move forward I’ve done the work I need to bring me to where I need to be going. Life builds on itself, and if we try to skip the steps or ignore them, we don’t get to move forward and just leave those lessons behind, we stay stuck where we are while life goes on without us.

Look for those lessons in your life. Look to make a situation you might find frustrating into an opportunity to do better, or make different choices, and maybe look at the times in your life that you may have been given this opportunity before and the choices you made around that opportunity. There may just be room for improvement SLAYER, and, that may just be why you find yourself in that space once again. How can you make better choices today so that you don’t have to make the same mistakes again tomorrow? SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you see patterns in your life where you’ve always done certain things one way and the same people, places and things keep coming up as a result? Write down those patterns in your life and what you’ve done about them in the past. What can you do today that may be better choices for you? Do you look at life as something that is happening to you, or do you see the opportunities it provides to teach and challenge you for what may lie ahead? Write down when life gave you an opportunity to do something better. Did you make the improvement? How did that feel? That’s all those events are in our lives. Those little lessons that pop up to challenge us, look at them as your chance to do better for yourself and you may just find they stop popping up, because you’ve moved past the place you were and are on to the place you’re supposed to be.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You don’t have to fight every battle. You don’t have to respond to every critic.. You don’t have to be offended by what others say. You can simply walk away.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Argument

Hate Only Wears You Down, It Does Nothing To Your Enemy

I know for myself, I don’t have the luxury of carrying around resentments. Those resentments end up consuming me. They become larger than the actual issue that sparked the resentment, and, really, all I’m really doing by carrying around my anger or hate around is I’m giving the person it’s directed to all my power. Hate does wear me down, I know, because I used to carry a lot of it around. I was always the victim, nothing was every my fault, and when things went wrong, or someone hurt me, all of my power went into that hate, and I would set out to hurt that person as much as I felt I had been hurt. The only problem is, I was only hurting myself over and over, and the other person was walking around scot free. We only hurt ourselves when we carry around hate, something I had to learn on this path if I was to live a healthy life.

A resentment, they say, is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. You can wait all you like, but the only person you’re killing is yourself. Letting our hate go goes back to a few topics I’ve written about before. One, taking responsibility for our part. Typically, we always have one. Now, that doesn’t mean someone shouldn’t take responsibility for their actions, but we have to look at what our actions where in the offending situation because we may have been able to prevent getting ourselves there in the first place, or even, could have made choices that would have led to a different outcome. Now, there are times when we do what we can and the result is not what we would have wanted, or, someone does do something that is meant to hurt or harm us, and our part may only really be that we shouldn’t have trusted them, and, knowing what we know now, we won’t in the future. But even when we have been wronged carrying that anger around only now harms us. Which leads us to acceptance. Yes, that can be a hard pill to swallow, but it truly is our only freedom from resentment and anger. I’ve mentioned this many times before, all the “bad things” really are are information. We place value on them as to how bad they are, but really, if we only look at them as information to help us in the future, we take their power away. It is valid to be frustrated, or disappointed in the outcome, but it’s when we dwell on the circumstances that we start to get into trouble. Let yourself feel, but then learn to love on. Talking about how you feel often is the first step to releasing those feelings, and to getting on a path of letting go, or even, forgiveness, even if it’s just in yourself for engaging with the person in the first place. But, give yourself a time limit to move on, to get yourself moving forward and not getting stuck in the past.

We as SLAYERS learn from our past and continue our journey forward. Sometimes, those bumps in the road, are harder to recover from than others, but we keep trudging forward. In the times when we struggle, we reach out, we share, we write, we do what we need to do to let go what has happened so we can get back to being our best selves, make the best decisions for ourselves in each given moment. And, when we’re really hitting our stride, we may even thank those people who we would consider our enemies, because they made it possible to learn these skills, and learn that we are bigger than what happens to us, we are here to learn, we are here to shine our light, we are here to find our purpose and to share what makes us uniquely us, we don’t have time to muddy that up with hate for something we no longer have control over, what we have control over is the here and now, and here and now, we are strong. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you hold on to resentments from your past? How does this help you? How does this hurt you? What is something you are holding onto that holds you back? Why can’t you let it go? Why should you let it go? What can you do to let it go? What can you do differently in a situation like that next time so you don’t get a resentment? What choices can you make moving forward to keep yourself from having experiences like the one that you resent? I challenge you SLAYER this week to let go of something you are holding onto, to talk about it, to let it out, and let it go. You don’t need it. You’ve learned from it. You’ve had the experience. Now cut the cord that holds you to it and set yourself free.

 S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Our Darkest Parts Can Bring The Most Light

Those parts of us, the darkest parts, those parts that we may think we should hide, the parts we had to fight the hardest to overcome, or are still fighting to overcome, the parts where we may have almost lost ourselves, those are the parts that can bring the most light. I used to be ashamed of those parts. I would hide them at all costs, never sharing my truth with those around me, even when asked. I thought they made me a bad person, weak, or not capable. It took a lot of pain and suffering, alone, to realize that maybe me hiding those parts wasn’t the best course of action, because hiding them was only leading me down one path, and that path had a dead end.

For me, I was fortunate to have gotten to myself to a place of such desperation that I finally had to let those dark parts out. Share them. And find others who were also working to overcome their dark parts. It took time, and practice, learning to let go of the fear of what I thought you would all think of me and just be honest about where I was coming from, what I was thinking, and what I had done to get myself there. What I discovered is that as I shared my dark parts they felt less dark, because I was able to bring some light to them and learn to make better choices to shift my path onto a better one. And as I continued to share, and continued to get better, I started to see that even though I still have a long way to go to get better, I was still able to shine the light I had on those who were just starting their journey. To them, I had made great strides from the darkness and was living positive healthy life that they had only dreamed of. A lesson that, no matter how far down we may think we are, there is always someone else who may be, or feel, lower, who can be helped by your experiences, courage and story so far. Even on our darkest days, we still have something to offer.

As I got better and many years passed, and, my light got brighter and brighter, I realized that talking about those dark parts was not only essential for my continued growth, to remind myself where I had come from, but also sharing them was like a beacon to those still sitting in the dark. I say this all the time, if someone who has never been through darkness the way we have gives us advice, or offers some suggestions, we are most likely not going to listen or take them, but when someone has come from the places we’ve come from, and offers up what they’ve done to get out, that is something we’ll connect with, and may inspire us enough to take action in our own lives. Never think that your past is something you should hide, or shouldn’t share. On the contrary, share your past, your story, your dark parts, because you never know who can be helped by it, and I guarantee, you will.

Today I make a point to share my dark parts. I share them to show others that there is hope, a solution, I celebrate those dark parts because they give me the opportunity to give back, to be stronger, to share with all of you. Those parts of us in the dark are the parts that connect us to others, and we give them permission to share their dark parts which may in turn shine some light into those dark places. It is the darkest parts of us that, when we share them, give off the most light. Share your truth. Let those dark parts shine bright.

SLAY OF THE DAY: How do you feel about your dark parts? Do you keep them hidden? Do you share them with others? If you don’t share them, why don’t you share them? What are you afraid of? Has someone shared their dark parts with you? How did that make you feel? Did it make you feel that you weren’t alone? That you had a connection to this person? You sharing your dark parts can do the same, not only for them, but for you as well. When we share those parts of ourselves that live in the dark, they get brighter, they loose their power over us, and can bring comfort to someone else. It’s important to share our truth, not only for ourselves to but show others that they are not alone. Let yourself shine bright, share the dark parts and allow yourself to be honest about your journey, that honesty will not only help you grow, but will give someone else hope they can as well. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Possibility vs. Comfortability

We all love the possibilities of possibilities. Possibilities are new. Fresh. A place we may have never gone before, or a place, we’ve always wanted to go. And as exciting as possibilities are, they can also be scary, because, of all the same reasons. Those reasons can sometimes paralyze us and keep us in a place of being comfortable instead of taking the chance on something new, even if the place we’ve been comfortable is no longer so. We may also believe that what we deserve is what we have, even if it’s not a good place, because it’s what we know, and where we’ve always been. It takes courage to take action on possibilities because possibilities aren’t a sure thing, and they are a new thing we’ve possibly never conquered.

Speaking from my experience of always have a head full of dreams and, yes, courage to reach for them, but, fear I wasn’t good enough to actually accomplish them, or be worthy of them, I know this tug-of-war all too well. I love the idea of new possibilities, but I wasn’t always confident enough in who I was, or believed I could get them. The place I was, I told myself, was comfortable there, but it was a horrible place, it was a horrible place I knew, so it became comfortable, even though I didn’t want to be there, and, the longer I stayed the harder it was to get out. We often stay in situations because we know it, rather than go after something that is better for us, healthier for us, and where we’re supposed to be. Typically those things, those possible things, aren’t the safe choice, or the easy choice, but they are the choices that make our soul smile, they are the choices that will allow us to be our best selves, our authentic selves. And sometimes, that’s what scares us. Especially when we don’t truly know who we are, and what we deserve. That’s the journey that comes before taking action on all those possibilities, self-awareness, and yes, our favorite, self-love.

For me, once I learned who I was, and learned to love that person, I wasn’t OK with staying comfortable. I wanted to test out the new me on all the possibilities I saw in front of me, or had been dreaming of. Being comfortable didn’t feel comfortable anymore, because I knew if I felt comfortable where I was, I wasn’t learning, growing, or challenging myself enough. It was when I felt uncomfortable that I knew I was in the right place. That might sound a little strange to those of you who are sitting pretty where you are, but trust me, we don’t want to be sitting anywhere, we want to be in motion!

When we constantly challenge ourselves, who we are, and what we’re capable of, the possibilities are endless. Anything can happen. And often does. Just by saying yes and jumping into life, so many possibilities have come my way that would have never crossed my path had I stayed safe and where I was comfortable. It’s about getting out there, walking that high-wire, and knowing you’re safe, that there is a net under you. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen? You fall? We’ve all done that before, and we’re all still here to tell the story. It’s in the falling where we learn most, so if you’re falling, you’re doing something right.

Let go of the comfortable and reach for the possibilities, it’s within that journey that we really start to shine, and it’s within that journey that what was once comfortable becomes uncomfortable because we know we deserve more than we have, or something different, because we are now different. Challenge yourself SLAYER, the possibilities are endless.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to stay where you’re comfortable? Why do you do that? How does that help you? How does that hurt you? What possibilities have you not explored because of fear, or not believing you’re worth it? What action can you take this week to go after one of those possibilities? Do it SLAYER. Take some action that makes you feel uncomfortable, but will take you one step closer to the possibilities that you dream about, you just never know, that far out of reach goal, may just be within your grasp.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Rebounding From Regret

It’s rare today that I regret things. When things don’t go my way, or something negative happens based on choices, or I decision I made, I now, typically look at that as learning. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting anymore, it still does, but I look back to see where I could have done something differently, or made a better choice. That type of thinking keeps me out of regret and back into action because it’s in action where positive changes, or better choices, are made.

I wasn’t always thinking that way, in fact, for most of my life I was full of regret, and full of anger about past events. I was angry at others, blaming them for the outcomes, or I was blaming myself and beating myself up further, telling myself I was a piece of crap because I messed up again. That vicious cycle kept me in the darkness, and propelled me even further down.

Regret, really, is useless. We can’t change the past, we can’t go back and change what we did, so why do we spend so much time regretting the choices we made when we can’t do anything about them? What we can do is make better choices moving forward. To learn from our past and use that to help us in our present day. There may be things that we can fix, or make better from our past, and with the knowledge of what we had done, we can use that to possibly amend or make repairs on the things that didn’t go well, or we misunderstood, that, is truly the only way we can change the past, by taking positive action today. Again, it goes back to perspective. We can take a seemingly negative situation and make it positive by learning from it, or fixing what we can with the knowledge we now have. When we think of things that way, we don’t really have anything to regret. Now, there are things that we can’t go back and change, or make better, the opportunity may have past and there is no going back, I’ve had many of those, but again, it’s about learning from those experiences, and, forgiving yourself for not having the knowledge, or courage, or experience in that moment to do the right, or best thing. We can’t look back at who we were and expect ourselves to have been who we are today. We have to acknowledge that we are on a path of self-discovery, and that we typically learn the most when things go wrong, or possibly hurt, because we pay more attention to those things, so the reason it may have happened in the first place is a positive reason, to get us to change. There are no coincidences or accidents, I’ve said this before, even accidents aren’t really accidents, they may not have been what we had intended or wanted but there is a reason for everything, and sometimes it’s not your reason, but the other people, or person involved, but, usually there is something we can all take away from each experience, good, or bad, it’s just how we choose to look at those experiences that sets us a part.

I had an experience yesterday that I was really disappointed in. It was something that I may have been able to control somewhat, but it had a lot to do with me not feeling well and I wasn’t as sharp as I usually am. I was upset. And I found myself, for a brief moment, starting to get down on myself, and then I stopped and got into possible solutions. As a result, I was able to come up with one. Now, that is growth and learning. Instead of getting angry at myself and regretting all of my actions leading up to that moment, blaming them for the place I was now finding myself in, I started to look for other options. As a result I stayed out of self-hatred and self-pity and stayed in the self-love.

Regrets don’t move us forward, only back, they keep us shielded from the present and what we can do to make things right, or better for ourselves, they keep us from learning, from growing, they pull us back into the shadows when we need to stay in the light. Let go of past regrets, learn from them, use them to build a better you, and one day you may find that have nothing to regret, what do you think about that?

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to regret things from your past and hang on to them? Why do you think you do that? How does it benefit you? How does it hurt you? What can you learn from those things you regret? What can you do differently for next time? Are there ways you can now improve or better those situations you regret today? If so, what are they? Stay in action SLAYER, always focus on what you can do to make a situation or experience better, and if there is nothing, looking at you part and what lesson you can take away from those times to give you some positive actions to take the next time. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Good habits are formed the same way as bad habits are, through practice. Choose to practice for your good.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Rewarding

If Things Go Wrong It’s Just An Opportunity to Learn Or Do Better

We can place so much importance on something going a certain way, but no matter how much we plan, or prepare, or will it to happen, sometimes things go wrong, off course, or not at all how we intended. We can get caught up on that being a failure, and beating ourselves up for not doing it right, messing up, or add it to our long list of evidence that we are not good enough. All a failure really is is information. It’s just more facts, and those facts are telling us certain things. They may be telling us we should have done more footwork, more investigation, they may tell us we put our trust in the wrong person or people, they may tell us that our expectations were far too high and no one could have reached the goal we had set ourselves, that we may have set ourselves up to fail. Oh yes, some of us do that, I know I did in the past. Something you label as “wrong” is really just that, a label, and, well, wrong. We’re the ones who give it importance, or look at it as something negative, but most of the time we label it that way because we didn’t get our way. Nothing is right or wrong until we give it that value, so, how do we take those “wrong” things and make them into something positive.

Well, we can stop labeling them wrong to start. We can start looking at them as tools to learn from. Lessons that, if we choose to, can point us in the right direction of where we should be going, or how we can be doing better.

I used to be so stubborn I wasn’t able to get past the “loss” as I saw it, but once I started to use stubbornness for good, and got more determined to learn from my mistakes than getting caught up in not getting things my way, I started to lose that strong grip I used to try to have on all the people, places and things in life. As as I started to let go and trust that I was on the path I was meant to be on, and, that if I did the footwork to the best of my ability, even if the end result wasn’t what I had wanted or hoped for, it was what was meant to be and there was likely something within that loss that would help me grow and move forward. It’s really all just a matter of perspective, when we choose to look for the good, we see the good. Now, don’t get me wrong some loses do sting, but I’ve seen enough examples in my life of times when something didn’t go my way, only to realize later that I wasn’t ready for it, or it really wasn’t the best for me, or, there was something else waiting for me, that I have an easier time to let things go…most of the time. Getting into action, always lessens the blow.

If I’m able to look at my part, to look at where things went left instead of right, I can usually find some items that I can take action on, so that next time something like that comes up, I am better prepared to make a decisions for myself that are more aligned with who I am today, and where I am supposed to go. We don’t know everything, just what we can see and hear, but we can do our best to take the next right action or direction and not get stuck on it only be one way.

As a SLAYER we strive to walk through life with an open mind and an open heart, to learn to flow with life and all of it’s waves, twists and turns, and to learn as much as we can as we go. Once we label something bad, or wrong, we shut off much of that learning. By looking at what we can do to improve or what we can take away from a negative situation, we are setting ourselves up to grow and to trust that we have what we need at any given moment. Get out that detective hat once again and look for the facts, and, how they can start working for you. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: If something goes wrong, do you slide into a depression, or state of anger? How does that help you? How does that hurt you? What can you do to avoid that reaction next time? Think of something that seemingly went wrong recently and write down what you can learn from that experience, what you can do differently next time. Try to look at things through that perspective, to always try to strive to be better than you were yesterday. This is a lifelong journey SLAYER, there are no shortcuts, but there are do-overs, so why not make yours with better choices by using the information you’ve been getting to give yourself an easier path to navigate.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you