Good morning SLAYER! Happiness is letting go of what you thought your life was supposed to look like and being open to a life beyond what you could have imagined.
SLAY on!
State Of Slay
Losing Touch With Who You Used To Be
I’m often reminded of who I used to be. Gratefully, I get many chances to share my story of where I came from with people like myself, who are on this same path, or just beginning their journey, and it’s in sharing what I used to be like that I realize how far away I am from the woman I was. I am relieved, as she was in a lot of pain and suffered a lot at by her own hand, but she’s still a part of me and the reason I work each day to keep her in the past.
It’s important to remember where we’ve come from, how much we’ve changed, and the work it’s taken to get where we are right now, and the more we focus on the good, on this moment, the here and now, the more we let go our painful past and those parts of us we had to let go to get to this place. It feels good to feel so far away from who I used to be, but I’m also reminded that if I don’t take care of myself, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, that woman, from the past starts to creep back into the present. She’ll never go away, and there’s a part of me that knows it’s important that she doesn’t, so I don’t forget the woman I’ve worked so hard to leave behind. But the more I live as my true self, the me of today, the more I let go of her and lose touch with that me and focus on my life today, a life I can be proud of.
When I was in my disease, and who I used to be, I never imagined the me of today was possible, all I saw was darkness and those things I hated about myself. The negative bullshit committee in my head would tell me that my life was never going to get any better and neither was I. Life seemed so bleak, without any light, and I wasn’t so sure I even worthy of the light, and so I kept sliding back into the darkness. I thought, who I was kept me safe, but what it did was kept me isolated and away from a solution. I identified with who I was, I knew her and I suppose, I hid behind her when life felt too overwhelming or I didn’t want to feel what I was feeling. It was hard to let her go, she was the me I had known most of my life, the me I had grown up with and the me I thought I’d always be, but there was a new me waiting on the other side of humility, courage and hope. Slowly, as I began to build who I am today, I let go of who I used to be, and she, over time, melted into the background.
We get to choose who we are, and if we don’t like who we’ve become, we can do the work to change. It may take some help, it certainly did for me, a lot of it, but with love and support from those who were walking the same walk I was on, and some professionals, I was able to let go and let the love surround me until I felt safe, and from that place of safety I was able to change, a little at a time. You can too. It is within our power to lose touch with who we were as we become or focus on who we are meant to be, to let go of old ideas and concepts that no longer serve us, or never did, to forge a new way of life that let’s our heart and soul shine. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Have you lost touch with who you used to be? How have you done that? What have you done to change? Why did you make those changes? How did those changes allow you to let go of the old you? What parts of the old you do you still cling to? Should you let them go? How can you work on letting them go? What are you most proud of today of who you’ve become? Focus on that SLAYER, those qualities that make you you and allow you to be your best self, and keep challenging yourself to find more of those qualities, the more we focus on our positive attributes, the more we find, until soon, we no longer feel the need to hang on to who we used to be.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Family isn’t always blood, it’s those people we choose to have in our lives who want us in theirs, who accept us for who we are, and would do anything to see us smile.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Motherly Things
Today is Mother’s Day, and we honor our all of our Mom’s on their special day, but we also honor those women in our lives who do motherly things. Those women who go above and beyond to share themselves with us, who listen when we need an ear, and who step in when they see a motherly act is needed, or would be appreciated. None of these women needs to do this, they are not obligated to step in at times when our own Mothers may not be available, able to give us what we need, or, just see that we need a little extra motherly love. Sometimes too, we find a special bond with these women, that even though they may not be family, they become our chosen family, or they may be family, an Aunt or other relative, who we’ve connected with in a special way. These women don’t have a day dedicated to them, and most of them would tell you they don’t need one, but it’s on a day like today that we can also honor all that they do for us, and perhaps, what we also do for them.
Relationships aren’t a one way street, or they shouldn’t be, there should always be an exchange, and even when we feel we have nothing to give, we may be giving enough just by receiving what they have to offer. Acceptance is a great gift to give, and one we hope to all have. We hope to be accepted for who we are, but we also hope that what we give is accepted in the hopes that what we give may make someone else’s day better or brighter. Those things can be as simple as a smile, a wave, a hello, or remembering someone’s name next time you see them, it’s about letting someone in, even for a moment, and letting them know they are important. Those motherly women in our lives know this, and make us feel special time and again with their warmth and generous spirit. They make us laugh, they let us cry, they check in on us when we get quiet and they know when to give us our space. They can be the unsung heroes of our lives coming in to save the day or just adding something special when we need it most.
I have been lucky enough to have had these women in my life, I am also blessed to still have my Mother, but it’s always nice, no matter what city I am in, to have women in my life who stepped in and shown my motherly love. It took me a while to accept it, and trust it. When I started this journey I didn’t trust women, quite honestly, I didn’t trust myself, so I had to learn to open up and let women into my life, I always had a small group of female friends, but aside from my inner circle, learning to trust was something I had to work at, that meant first trusting the right women, and trusting myself to find them. It wasn’t just about what looked good on the outside, I had to look for the qualities I was working on finding or achieving myself, women I could look up to, women who understood where I had come from and where I wanted to go, women I had things in common with, and women I could share with no matter how bad I thought things were. And, those women were out there, I did find them, and still do today, and as a result, of walking along those incredible women I too have been thanked for my motherly advice or caring, something that never would have happened before, but it’s because of those motherly women who taught me to think outside of myself, to look for the next right thing and to stay present, that I am able to offer that to other women who may need that today.
As we celebrate our Moms, let’s not forget those motherly women who share themselves with us and enrich our lives. Salute them and let them know just how much what they do means to you and how they’ve impacted your life and maybe, as a result, you’ve impacted someone else’s because of the example they’ve given you. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have women in your live who do motherly things? Who are they? What do they do? What do you they mean to you? How can you show your appreciation for what they do? How has their love changed or helped you? Have you been able to share that love, wisdom and knowledge with others? How? Do you look for opportunities to do motherly things for those who may need it or appreciate it? When we let love in there are many who step up to show us their love, and show us how to love, let’s show them how much we appreciate that love today but showing them love in return for all they do.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Give love because it’s what you feel, not what you want to receive.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Denial of what you feel destroys your self-worth, self-acceptance and self-love. Our feelings teach us where we are in life and show us what we need to work on. Honor you. Honor your feelings.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Talk Live Video
Hey SLAYER! Missed us tonight for SLAY TALK LIVE? Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.
SLAY on!
Feelings Can’t Kill You, But Avoiding Them Can
We can’t outrun our feelings forever. We try. We bury them, numb them, distract ourselves from them. But in the end, what we avoid will eventually rise. And for some of us, like it was for me, it can become a matter of life and death. This is a story about learning to feel again—and finding freedom on the other side.
The Fear of Feeling
Before I started walking the path of recovery, I did everything I could to not feel. I didn’t care if the feeling was good or bad—I just didn’t want it. I got so good at pretending everything was fine that I started to believe it myself, until all that was left was the heaviness I’d shoved deep down. The more I numbed, the more detached I became—from others, from joy, from myself.
I turned to anything I could: food, shopping, relationships, alcohol, travel. And it worked, temporarily. But the feelings always bubbled back up. The older I got, the harder it became to keep them down. I was a pressure cooker on the brink of exploding. And when I couldn’t keep the lid on anymore, it nearly destroyed me.
What I Didn’t Know Then
I thought the only way to escape the pain was to end the struggle altogether. I believed no one would understand, that I was alone in what I was feeling. But that wasn’t true. I was just hiding so well that no one had the chance to see me. Luckily, someone did. Someone who had been where I was bravely shared their story with me—and gave me just enough hope to reach out.
It didn’t happen overnight. It took time, more suffering, and finally a breaking point. But I reached out. And that changed everything.
The Tsunami of Emotion
When I began my recovery, I was told I’d have to learn to feel again—and that it would be OK. That idea terrified me. I hadn’t felt my feelings since I was a kid, and those childhood wounds were exactly what I’d been running from. But I couldn’t keep running anymore.
And when I stopped, it hit like a tsunami. Decades of anger, shame, fear, resentment, grief, and heartbreak came crashing in. There were days I could barely get out of bed. Days I clung to my mattress or curled in the bathtub, afraid I’d drown in it all. But you know what? I didn’t drown. I survived. And each time I allowed myself to feel, the intensity lessened. With the support of others, therapy, and time—I began to heal.
Feeling Doesn’t Mean Failing
What I’ve learned is that feelings are just information. They’re not good or bad—they just are. They tell us what we care about, what hurts, what needs our attention. Feeling them doesn’t make us weak. Avoiding them is what breaks us down.
It took time, but I began to see that not only was it safe to feel my feelings—it was necessary. And it was also OK to feel good. That was a big one. After so much pain, it took work to believe I deserved to feel joy. But I did. And so do you.
Choose to Feel
Today, I still check in with myself often. Some feelings are harder than others. Some still scare me. But I know I can face them now. And I know I don’t have to face them alone.
Your feelings can’t kill you—but avoiding them can. They are part of your story, and they deserve to be heard. You deserve to feel, to process, to heal. Take your time. Ask for help. Let the emotions teach you something. Let them show you who you are.
Because when you stop running, that’s when the real journey begins.
SLAY on.
SLAY Reflection
- Do you avoid certain feelings? What are they?
- How do you typically numb or distract yourself when emotions get hard?
- What’s one feeling you’re afraid to face—and why?
- Who in your life could support you in feeling safely?
- What might change if you let yourself fully feel, without judgment?
S-L-A-Y:
- Stop numbing and start noticing.
- Let your emotions rise without shame.
- Ask for support when you need it.
- You are allowed to feel—and to heal.
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one feeling you’ve been avoiding—and what’s one small way you could start feeling it today?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s struggling to feel, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! The best is yet to come.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
The Yets
Many of us know we need to make changes in our lives, or may need outside help, but we delay what we need because we set boundaries or lines that we haven’t crossed yet. The yets are those things we have yet to do, those things that would make us see just how bad things have gotten and really prove to us that we need help or need to make some changes. We compare ourselves to others to gauge whether we’re there yet, we make sure that we spend time with others who we see as worse off than we are because we’re not there yet, and we try to diagnose ourselves with other things or make excuses for our behaviors or choices because we aren’t ready to admit the truth, yet. The yets keep us sick. The yets are also something that keep getting pushed further and further back to bigger stakes and more drastic results so that we can keep living the way we are and we never cross that final yet, until we do. Some of us do cross that final yet and never get the chance to recover. I’ve known people who never got that chance, there wasn’t another yet waiting for them, and even though they might not have wanted to die, that final yet was too much to come back from, or, they just ran out of chances.
We seem to think, when we’re living in the yets, that we’ll have infinite tries to get it right, infinite yets to cross, and infinite time to do it in. We don’t. And, what we don’t seem to realize in the yets is that just as we have control over how many yets we give ourselves, and how bad they get, we also have control of when we can say enough and stop the trajectory we’re on and seek help, or make some changes so we never get to that next yet. As I’ve said before, we hold the key to our own suffering, and we also hold the key to our own well-being.
The key for me was seeing that the yet that was waiting for me was death. There were likely some other bad yets I would cross before that last one, but at the rate I was ticking off the yets I would likely bypass those, and that suffering, to jump to the end. The reality of that end scared me enough I surrendered and asked for help. There’s a saying, you don’t have to ride the truck all the way to the dump, and it’s true, you can, but what’s waiting for you there is a pile of garbage, you can get off at any time, and likely should have already. I chose to get off the truck before it’s final destination and get help.
If you find yourself in a place of saying you haven’t done THAT yet, you’ve probably already crossed some lines in your life you’d thought you never would, and, you’re probably not living your life in a truthful and honest way that honors you and your spirit. The only place where the yets should be in your life is when you’re pushing yourself to grow, to push your own boundaries, to go after your dreams, to make positive choices in your life, because the yets can also be used as a positive tool to keep you moving forward so you don’t stay stuck.
See if you can turn your yets around and make them work for you to get you on a path of recovery, positivity and growth. Set yourself up for success by placing a road map of yets in front of you that will get you to the destination you’ve dreamed of, and, if you don’t know all of the yets that will get you there, start with the ones that you know, and trust that the rest will reveal themselves when you’re ready for them. Make your yets work for you, not destroy you. As in most things in life, the choices is yours. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have a list of yets you said you would never crossed, but have? What are they? What yets have you yet to cross? What do you think will happen if you do? Do you think you can come back or recover from them? What if you don’t, or can’t? What stops you from making positive changes in your life so you don’t reach your next yet? What can you do to change that? How can you make a positive list of yets to replace the old ones? What can you do to get to your first positive yet? We can use what used to destroy us to make us better, it’s just about changing our aim and focus, making better choices, and being accountable to this new way of life. We can choose to live our best life yet, one day at a time, starting right now.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
