self respect

Accountability

A huge part of my recovery has been my ability to be accountable. That is something I had to learn, as I certainly wasn’t practicing it while living in the dark. Back then I often would say and do things and then blame them on others, pretend it hadn’t been me who had said or done something, or denied my involvement in something that I alone had orchestrated. Being accountable was not something I looked at as an attribute, I wanted what I wanted, and I was going to do whatever it took to get it. When I sat down to look at my life, I had failed myself and others by not being accountable, and if I had any hope of getting better that had to stop.

At first it felt like protective curtain had been lifted from me, that I had nowhere to hide, and I didn’t, but that was the point, I shouldn’t have to hide anything if I’m living an honest life and being forthright with my intentions and expectations. I was told to suit up and show up when I made a commitment, and if there was a reason I could not, I needed to let that be known and why. I found it difficult at first, as I had operated under this smokescreen of mystery for most of my adult life, never really committing to things, being vague and manipulating those around me to produce a desired outcome for myself, but all of that really got me was continued suffering in my disease, my head would tell me that I had won, but each time I wasn’t accountable and honest I was actually loosing, and that was happening daily as I slipped deeper and deeper into darkness and despair. I knew if I was going to save my life I had to get honest, so no matter how uncomfortable it felt a the start I walked through it and trusted it was better on the other side. And, being uncomfortable was the worst of it, it didn’t kill me to be honest and accountable, in fact, it was a big part of building my self-esteem and self-respect, both of which I was lacking. Being accountable was my ticket to better health, better relationships and a better life, so I trudged forward, even when it made me nervous to do so, and I have to say, that never once did it produce a negative effect. Being accountable did exactly what was promised, I began feeling better about myself, I started to make better choices and engaging in healthy activities I was actually excited to be a part of and participate in, I was no longer finding the need to hide from people because I had promised too much, or something I had no intention of following through with. Being accountable forced me to make better choices for myself and telling on myself when I didn’t, which eventually got me in the habit of making those better choices the first time. It was the filter I used before I said or did anything, and it kept me on the path I am now. When we are being honest and accountable for our actions there is no need to hide or feel nervous about any situation, we are being true to ourselves, our motivations and our journey. When we are accountable miracles happen, people and situations can change that we would have never seen otherwise, it’s what keeps us in the light and doing what’s right.

You may have lived your life believing that you have to hide your true intentions or your truth from those around you, but when you do you keep yourself sick, being accountable gives you the tool to live your life with far less complications, to have open and honest relationships with others and to be your best self. Accountability is the key to unlocking a life of better decisions and an anchor to keep you grounded as you walk onto a path of a fulfilling life, one where you are taking care of yourself while achieving the things that you could only hope for in the past and that never seemed to materialize while you were hiding in the shadows. Being accountable puts the spotlight on you and in that light you can learn to shine bright. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you think of yourself as accountable? If yes, how are you accountable in your life? In what areas do you struggle to be accountable? How can you improve those areas? What stops you from being accountable? How can you overcome what stops you? In what areas have you improved your accountability? How has this changed your life? Your life will continue to improve the more accountable you are. Accountability means being more reliable to yourself and your needs and to those you choose to have in your life. When you are accountable you can’t go wrong, and even if your plan does go wrong, being accountable provides you with the tools to admit that and move on. In a way it’s a type of superpower, and when you master it, you’ll have the power of good in your life.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Don’t Let Your Mind Bully Your Body

It was in my teens that I first remember turning against my body.

I had been a thin, athletic kid, comfortable in my skin — and then things started to change. My body began doing things I didn’t understand and didn’t want. It started drawing attention I didn’t ask for. And instead of curiosity, I felt betrayal.

I felt like my body had turned on me.

I already carried discomfort inside myself — parts of who I was that I kept hidden — and when my body began changing, it only amplified that discomfort. I started comparing myself to everyone around me. Measuring myself against them. Finding myself lacking in every direction.

Nothing ever felt good enough.

And that’s when the spiral began — not in my body, but in my mind.

My mind started bullying my body.

When Control Becomes the Goal

Looking back now, I can see it clearly.

What I was really afraid of wasn’t my body — it was not being in control.

There were so many things in my life I felt powerless over, and my changing body felt like the final betrayal. So I did what I thought would give me control back.

I tried to stop it.
Manipulate it.
Shrink it.
Silence it.

That path led to an eating disorder — one I was lucky to recover from.

It took years to heal. Years to rebuild trust with food. Years to rebuild trust with my body. And even now, there are still days I have to stay conscious and accountable with my thinking.

What makes me sad looking back isn’t my body — it’s the hatred I had for myself.

There was never anything wrong with my body.

The Voice Was the Real Problem

I see now that the damage wasn’t physical — it was mental.

The voice in my head was cruel.
Relentless.
Unforgiving.

The more I hated myself, the louder it got.

I wanted to disappear into the crowd.
Blend in.
Not be noticed.
Not be questioned.

So I tried to control myself into invisibility.

That voice told me I was the problem.
That my body was the problem.
That I had to fix it to be acceptable.

But the truth is: my body was never the enemy.

My mind was.

Learning a New Relationship

Today, I appreciate my body.

Not because it looks a certain way —
but because of what it does for me.

It carries me.
It heals.
It protects.
It supports my life.

And while I still have days where old thoughts creep in — because healing isn’t linear — I no longer live in war with myself.

I no longer punish my body for existing.

I no longer try to control it out of fear.

I no longer define my worth by how it looks.

Health Without Hate

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel healthy.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel strong.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to care for your body.

But when self care is driven by self hatred, it becomes harm.

We are not meant to all look the same.
We are not meant to fit one mold.
We are not meant to match one standard.

Different shapes.
Different sizes.
Different structures.
Different beauty.

Every body is valid.

Changing the Relationship, Not the Reflection

Healing doesn’t start in the mirror.

It starts in the mind.

In how we speak to ourselves.
In how we interpret our reflection.
In how we define worth.
In how we measure value.

Your body doesn’t need to be fixed.
It needs to be respected.

Your Body Is Not the Problem

Your body is not your failure.
Your body is not your enemy.
Your body is not your shame.

It’s your home.

And it deserves compassion — not cruelty.

Care — not control.
Respect — not punishment.
Safety — not shame.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect, SLAYER:

S: What negative thoughts do you carry about your body?
L: Where did those beliefs come from?
A: What would change if you spoke to your body with compassion instead of criticism?
Y: How can you start practicing care instead of control today?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What is one way you can start treating your body with more kindness today?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who struggles with body shame, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Happiness is letting go of what you think life should look like, appreciating your life for what it is, and finding your happiness there.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Pink Hunt For Happiness

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Protect your peace by eliminating what disturbs it.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Peaceful Mind

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Your decision to walk creates the road ahead.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Better Ahead

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Focus on creating the story you want to be in, not the one you’re still angry about from your past.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay The Past Future

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You are strong when you know your weaknesses.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Aspire Strengths

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! Let go!

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Define Me

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Loving yourself is the greatest revolution.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Love Yourself 2

Losing Touch With Who You Used To Be

I’m often reminded of who I used to be. Gratefully, I get many chances to share my story of where I came from with people like myself, who are on this same path, or just beginning their journey, and it’s in sharing what I used to be like that I realize how far away I am from the woman I was. I am relieved, as she was in a lot of pain and suffered a lot at by her own hand, but she’s still a part of me and the reason I work each day to keep her in the past.

It’s important to remember where we’ve come from, how much we’ve changed, and the work it’s taken to get where we are right now, and the more we focus on the good, on this moment, the here and now, the more we let go our painful past and those parts of us we had to let go to get to this place. It feels good to feel so far away from who I used to be, but I’m also reminded that if I don’t take care of myself, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, that woman, from the past starts to creep back into the present. She’ll never go away, and there’s a part of me that knows it’s important that she doesn’t, so I don’t forget the woman I’ve worked so hard to leave behind. But the more I live as my true self, the me of today, the more I let go of her and lose touch with that me and focus on my life today, a life I can be proud of.

When I was in my disease, and who I used to be, I never imagined the me of today was possible, all I saw was darkness and those things I hated about myself. The negative bullshit committee in my head would tell me that my life was never going to get any better and neither was I. Life seemed so bleak, without any light, and I wasn’t so sure I even worthy of the light, and so I kept sliding back into the darkness. I thought, who I was kept me safe, but what it did was kept me isolated and away from a solution. I identified with who I was, I knew her and I suppose, I hid behind her when life felt too overwhelming or I didn’t want to feel what I was feeling. It was hard to let her go, she was the me I had known most of my life, the me I had grown up with and the me I thought I’d always be, but there was a new me waiting on the other side of humility, courage and hope. Slowly, as I began to build who I am today, I let go of who I used to be, and she, over time, melted into the background.

We get to choose who we are, and if we don’t like who we’ve become, we can do the work to change. It may take some help, it certainly did for me, a lot of it, but with love and support from those who were walking the same walk I was on, and some professionals, I was able to let go and let the love surround me until I felt safe, and from that place of safety I was able to change, a little at a time. You can too. It is within our power to lose touch with who we were as we become or focus on who we are meant to be, to let go of old ideas and concepts that no longer serve us, or never did, to forge a new way of life that let’s our heart and soul shine. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Have you lost touch with who you used to be? How have you done that? What have you done to change? Why did you make those changes? How did those changes allow you to let go of the old you? What parts of the old you do you still cling to? Should you let them go? How can you work on letting them go? What are you most proud of today of who you’ve become? Focus on that SLAYER, those qualities that make you you and allow you to be your best self, and keep challenging yourself to find more of those qualities, the more we focus on our positive attributes, the more we find, until soon, we no longer feel the need to hang on to who we used to be.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you