Good morning SLAYER! Everything in life is easier when you don’t concern yourself with what everyone else is doing.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!
Self Love
Do It For You
You have to get well, or improve your life or self, for yourself. Doing it for someone else usually doesn’t work, unless you believe you are worth it. Many times I have seen and heard people say that they’re making the effort for a spouse, boss, child, or family member, but without truly believing that you are worth the work you take the focus off of you and place it where it where doesn’t belong, on someone else. There are many of us too who believe that it’s not OK to be OK if others in our life are not. There’s a co-dependency in many of us who feel responsible to stay in a place that makes others comfortable and we don’t want to make waves by breaking from the pack and moving forward without them. Move forward. We are not here to please others, we are here to learn to be our best selves, to discover our purpose and calling and to share that with the world. We are not capable of any of doing any of that when we hold ourselves back to someone else’s standard of living or effort. And, it has been my experience that when we do make the necessary changes for ourselves and others see that change, that many times they will ask about it and my be inspired to do it themselves, but that change has to come from a belief that it is our right, and is right, to do so.
When I made the decision to seek help I did it for me, because I believed I was worth fighting for, and I was and still am. I was fortunate that I had the support of friends and family, but there were those in my life that also weren’t well. I was concerned how my decision to get better was going to affect those relationships, but I had to do what was best for me and my life and let someone else follow their own path, or perhaps join me on mine. Some did. Others fell away as my new way of living didn’t fit in with theirs, and there were others who came to me, over time, to ask how I had changed things around. I’ve found that when we follow our true path and live our lives doing what’s best for our mental, spiritual and physical selves that miracles can happen, not only for ourselves, but possibly for those around us. Everything we do has a ripple effect, and when we make positive changes in our lives people take notice. I discovered the path I have been on for over 13 and a ½ years because someone had shared the change they made for them selves many years prior with me and his story inspired me to seek out a solution for myself. I could see that he had found something that worked for him and I took a chance that it might for me too, it did.
When we focus on what is best for us and not what everyone around us needs or worry about how they may react, we are on our true path, and as we grow on our journey we have the opportunity to show others how they may find theirs, or inspire them to seek that path out for themselves. We cannot control whether they do or not, but when our light shines bright it makes it easier for others to search for theirs. And, for those who are stuck in their ways, and may not like to see the change, yes, there are those people, we can set a boundary with them to respect our choices and way of life, they don’t have to like it, but they need to acknowledge that we do to stay as an active member of our lives.
We don’t owe our well-being to anyone but ourselves. We are the only ones who can hold ourselves back, no one else has the right to do so, and, we shouldn’t even be doing it ourselves, but who we are, how we live and what we want is up to us, the only person we should measure ourselves up against is our own self, from where we have come from and where we want to go.
Let go of the attachment of having to please others, or stay in a place that does not serve you. Let go of the fear of what others may think or do if you break free and find your freedom in ourselves. Let go of the idea that you are not allowed to succeed when others may not. Find your path, ask for the help you need to become your best self and make no apologies to those who may not be ready to join you. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you hold yourself back to please others? Do you choose to spend time with people who make you feel better about yourself and your choices so you feel better about not taking action where you should be? Do people in your life put pressure on you to stay where you are and not move forward? Who are these people? Why do you let them dictate what you deserve? Do you fear the consequences if you stray from their expectations? What do you think they would be? What do you think the consequences will be if you do stay and not follow your true path doing what’s best for you? Always do what is best for you SLAYER, no one has a right to hold you back from where you are meant to be, or where you want to go. Go, be your best self, or find the path that will help get you there.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Grace means that all of your mistakes now serve a purpose instead of serving you shame.
SLAY on!
Living In Grace, Not Mercy
My life before was one based in fear. I was in fear of what was to come, I was in fear of what I had done and I was constantly asking for forgiveness and mercy when I had no intention of changing or following through on what I had promised. I walked with my head down, and felt that everyone I passed knew what I really was. I was ashamed and didn’t think I even deserved the mercy I was seeking. The burden and consequences of the choices I had made weighed me down like I had lead sewn into the lining of all my clothes. Until one night I was offered some grace.
That grace came as a result of me doing something I had never done, I surrendered. I admitted defeat and asked for help. It was in that moment that I was given grace. I wasn’t sure I wholeheartedly deserved it, or could accept it, but I did the best I could to take it, hold it close to my heart and step into the unknown. I worked to let go of the thinking of my past, believing that I only deserved bad things, that I was a bad person and that my only way out was asking for mercy. None of that was true, and the truth was, I always had a way out, I just have to find the courage to leave. Once I did I had some work to do to believe I deserved the grace I was given. I had to let go of the notion that I could control everything, I was never really able to, no one is, but I would attempt it every day to the brink of exhaustion and insanity. I had to learn how to forgive, starting with myself, but those who I had blamed for all my misfortune, I had to take responsibility for my part and I had to find compassion for those, who like me, where sick in some way, who’s actions may not have been right, but were limited by their own illnesses and self. To allow myself to dwell on my negative thoughts and emotions was a sure-fire way to fall back into the darkness I was working so hard to climb out of. I was not able to change the past, but I was, and am, able to create the future. That is what I had to focus on. I had to learn to have faith and to trust that what was in front of me was there to help me, to teach me and to guide me to where I was meant to be. I had to let go of what I thought things should look like and accept them as they were, and are. I had to learn to be thankful and grateful, even on days when I didn’t feel so. It was important for me to keep my thoughts positive and even if I could only think of one thing, I kept that one thing in my heart until I could think of more. And in doing so I was able to start expecting the best, looking for the good instead of the dark doom and gloom of my past. When I looked for the good, I found the good, even if it was the smallest good, it was there, and from there it kept growing the more I looked and nurtured it.
Today I aim to live in grace, and know I deserve to. I allow myself to be seen just as I am, flaws and all, and am able to share my journey from mercy to grace with others so that they may start their own, or, may be encouraged on their path. I have nothing to fear from my past, and nothing to be ashamed of, all of those moments, those choices, that darkness brought me to that moment of grace, and it probably couldn’t have happened any other way, it took that amount of darkness to see the light.
You have a choice of where you live your life, but I highly recommend living in grace, sure, it will probably take some work, it took quite a lot for me, but it was worth each step, each moment, each struggle I was able to overcome so I can stand tall in the light and appreciate all of the beauty in my life, and am able to recognize that it had always been there, even when I couldn’t see it. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you live in grace or mercy? If you live in mercy, describe how. If you live in grace, describe how. Have there been times in your life that you switched one for the other? Describe that time and what happened? What can you do today to live in grace? What do you struggle with? What keeps you from living in grace? We are all worthy of grace, but we have to believe we are, and, it may take some work to get there, and sometimes just by letting go of who you used to be is enough to open the door to your own place of grace.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYERS! Don’t aim for perfection, aim for better than yesterday.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!
From Victim To Victor
Before walking this path I thought of myself as of victim. I felt I was a victim of those around and me and a victim of life. I truly believed that everything and everyone was conspiring to get me. And, my disease told me that I deserved it. I used the victim label like a get out of jail card, I used it to excuse myself from bad behavior or for not taking action where I should and could have. There was a lot I could have done over the years to help myself, but not as long as I could only see myself as a victim. Even when I made the choice to get better I still believed I was a victim, but my path of healing was about to reveal to me that I had been a victim, most of all, to myself.
Stepping into a new way of life and interacting with new people who were battling the same issues as I was, I noticed that these people were not victims, they were fighters, survivors, warriors and victors. It was inspiring, but I still had to be willing to let go of the victimhood that I had used to shield myself from the responsibilities of my own actions. If I was going to find victory in this new way of life I had to let go of being a victim. Shedding that label was scary, as letting it go and not identifying myself as victim meant that I had to take responsibility for my part in the activities and events that lead me to my personal bottom. That was a lot to face up to. When I was able to be rigorously honest with myself, there was very little that I had been a victim to, most everything I had labeled as something I had no part in was absolutely false, my part was all over those things I wanted to make others responsible for. With the exception of our childhood, when we’re young and do not have the ability to make choices, we play some role in most of everything that happens in our lives. There are those instances we do fall victim to a crime or unwittingly get involved in something, but for the most part, even if it’s just engaging with someone or something I shouldn’t have, I played a part in it, or, at the very least, I still had a choice of how I react to what was happening around me. I was no victim, I contributed to much of my heartache and even, at times, purposely led myself down a path to get hurt or betrayal because I thought I deserved it. That victim cloak I draped over myself was mostly made up of excuses to not take ownership of my actions and to a life that I was ashamed of. I certainly had mental health issues working against me, but had I been honest and had the courage to share my truth those issues, as I’ve learned on the path I walk now, are not insurmountable. When I finally took responsibility for my part in all that led me to a place of incomprehensible demoralization, in that moment, I stopped being a victim and became a victor. It took much more work than that to really take ownership of it, but that was the first step, admitting where I had played a part in my own demise.
Today I know I am a victor, I have been victorious over many things, for many years. I will no longer allow myself to be a victim and I will take responsibility for my actions and my part in things. When we admit our part and see where we contributed to our own misery and wrongdoing we take our power back, or perhaps gain it for the first time, that power gives us the fuel to take part in our own recovery, in the ownership of our actions, and reactions, and allows us to find and learn a better way of life. For those of us who have made the move to victor we know the strength we have found in that, and we encourage those who have not yet crossed over to join us as we walk in victory together on this new path and the road beyond. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you think of yourself as a victim? Why is that? Have you played any part in what causes you to think of yourself as a victim? Even if it’s just your reaction to it? How have you played the victim in your own past? Have you used that to gain sympathy or to manipulate in the past? Do you still do that? Why? How does that hurt you? Have others tried to place a victim label on you? Why do you think that is? Are you willing to look at your part in the events that lead you to believe you are a victim? How can you take your power back? We are strong men and women who cannot be defeated unless we allow it, we can overcome anything we put our minds to, and we can use the strength of those around us to help us when we feel weak, or unsure what the next step may be. Find your strength, hold on to us as you make that step from victim to victor and soar.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! An apology can be the super glue of life, it can repair just about anything.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!
Slay Slay
Good morning SLAYER! Celebrate how far you’ve come today.
New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Every day of your life is a special occasion and a reason to celebrate.
SLAY on!
Celebrate Instead Of Isolate
The holiday season is here and it’s a time that may not be all that jolly for everyone. I know for myself, before I started my journey on my current path, I dreaded all holidays. It was a time that made me feel like hiding or escaping and I felt pressured to have a good time and live up to not only my expectations but those around me. I just wanted to isolate, stick my head in the sand and wait for them to be over. Even in writing how I used to feel, I can feel my anxiety rising. Thankfully, I don’t feel that way today.
Before walking this path I was constantly hiding, even in plain sight. I could isolate anywhere, in a room of ten people or a stadium of people, it didn’t matter, if I felt uncomfortable, which was most of the time, I would find a way to distance myself from those around me. I thought it kept me safe, but all it did was keep me feeling lonely. What I didn’t know back then is that my disease, that negative self-talk that ran constantly in my head, wanted me to isolate so it could have it’s way with me, because if the voices in my head were the only voices I was hearing, I was going to believe what they were saying, and I did. Going into the holiday season felt like I was running a gauntlet of high pressured uncomfortable gatherings. The only way I could get through them back then was to numb myself, with whatever I could, even if it was dessert table and a tray of cupcakes, whatever it took to get outside of myself to get by. But that only worked while I was there, in the moment, then the sadness would kick in, that bullshit committee in my head would start up and I would beat myself up for not being “normal” and able to join in and have a good time. But, is everyone really having a good time? Probably not. And that brings me to the next hurdle I had to overcome, perception. Again, my head wants to tell me that everyone loves the holidays and all of the events of the season and everyone has a great time and finds it easy to socialize and engage with those around them. Now, I know today that isn’t true, and I’m sure you’re out there shaking your head too, but back when I was specializing in isolation my head told me the latter, and I believed it. There goes that anxiety spike again. The truth is that most people get anxious at gatherings and events and everyone is doing their best to look and sound like their not, and once I allowed myself to see that and believe that, my anxiousness became acceptable to me and I began to look for those people like myself, who seemed a bit awkward, and made a commitment to talk to them. Just like outside those gatherings, it’s all about finding your tribe and support group, and when you take off the “weirdo” glasses you think you’re wearing and look through your own eyes and the truth, you see that there are others, like yourself, who may be struggling out there. That’s when things started to change. I also used a back up system. I had my support team, those group of people who understood me and my challenges, and I would let them know I was venturing out for some holiday cheer, I would be accountable, and when I felt overwhelmed I would excuse myself and call and text someone on my team, then I didn’t feel like I was walking in alone, unarmed. When I let my team know I was nervous I would get messages back checking in or encouraging me to jump in there and participate, that made a huge difference to start, to know I had support. That support and my willingness to break out of my isolation was the key to learning to connect with people and actually starting to enjoy the holiday season by being in the moment rather than trying to live up to what I thought, or someone else thought, it should be. And for those gatherings that may not be healthiest place, having that support team in your pocket not only makes attending those functions easier, but also gives you some great conversation and connecting with that support on the ride home.
The holidays come ever year, whether we like it or not, so why not like it, maybe not all of it, but find the parts you like, or a willing to be open to liking, gather your support team and don’t head out there alone. Also, find a way to give back on those days that are most challenging. I have always found when I give back I find relief in my own anxiety or depression as the act of giving gets me out of my own head and allows me to see the good through others. So, if you find that you are finding this season particularly challenging, think about what you can do to make someone else’s day brighter, even if it’s just by picking up the phone. We all have the power to change our perception of the month ahead, why not find a magic in it that makes us want to celebrate instead of isolate. Change always starts with willingness. Be willing to find something to celebrate this holiday season. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you find the holiday season difficult? Why is that? Do you tend to isolate over the holidays? How does that make you feel? Does that help with your feelings about the holidays? Does it make it worse? What can you do to isolate less? How can you find some joy and magic in the holidays? Is there any part of the holidays you do enjoy? Can you add something of yourself or something you love to the holidays? What is that? Many people have trouble getting through the holidays, you are not alone, find and hook in with your support team, stay connected with them as you navigate through the holidays season, and, look for those little things you might enjoy, even just for yourself, those little things may just blossom into a personal appreciation and holiday spirit.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
