Mental Health

Getting There, Not Being Here

We all want to get to where we’re going, even if we don’t know where that is. We seem to want to get there even faster when we do know where we want to go and have been working to get there. We can get so focused on the finish line that we miss all of the days and moments in between, and may miss all those milestones we pass along the way that we should be acknowledging, celebrating and appreciating as we travel the journey to where we are meant to be.

I used to be guilty of this. I was so focused on what I wanted to accomplish that I had blinders on and would focus so much that I couldn’t see anything else, and was closed off to anything else other than where I wanted to get to. The trouble with living like that is that we are living the future, we’re not present and taking in life around us as we go. We can miss a lot when live this way, I know I did, and there could be many signs around us every day that we may actually be on the wrong path, but if we’re only open to seeing the the end result we want to see, we’ll never see those signs, good, or bad, and we’ll keep barreling along, perhaps in the wrong direction. For me, I also was so focused on the destination I wanted to get to because I was trying to force it into being by sheer willpower, and I used that drive to get to where I wanted to go to escape from what was really going on in my life. I thought, if I focused so much on where I wanted to go I wouldn’t have time to see where I actually was, and that the place I was at may actually prohibit me from ever reaching the goals and my dreams. That’s one vicious circle. It wasn’t until I made a commitment to live rigorously honest, and to stay present that I could really, truthfully, live in a way that honored where I currently was and what I was working towards at the same time. It also meant I needed to be flexible. To be open to new ideas and avenues and be willing to amend my plan because there might be something else out there that I hadn’t thought about or even knew about. Since walking this path my goals have shifted somewhat. There are things that remain the same, but because I’ve been open to new ideas and have said yes to things, so many more avenues have been revealed to me and have changed what gives me the most happiness. I wouldn’t have discovered any of those things if I had remained only focused on what I thought was going to make me happy or what I wanted to accomplish. Life will show you the way, if you are open to receiving it’s message.

Take time to look around each day and see what else may be out there, behind what you think you know already is. When you walk through life willing to take in new ideas and new goals you will be directed to where you are meant to be. There is so much more out there than what we can imagine in our minds, we only know what we’ve experienced so far, we don’t know what else is possible beyond that. Let others share their journey with you, be open to what may be out there, and work towards finding your best self, once you’re doing that, you are ready to reach those goals of your dreams. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you open to new ideas or do you stay fixated on where you think you want to go? If you’re not open to new ideas, what stops you? If you are open, how has your openness lead you to a place you never would have gotten to if you had continually said no? What have you accomplished that you hadn’t planned on, but because you were open find a new destination or goal to focus on you found another place for yourself? What have you taken a chance on and just said yes? What have you said no to that may have held you back? How can you still find your way to the place you may have meant to be when you said no? Allow yourself to enjoy the journey, there here and now, instead of just focused on where you want to be, because you’re never going to get somewhere by ignoring where you are right now.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Put yourself on the the top of your to-do-list every day!

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

state-of-slay Pause

It’s OK To Give Yourself A Break

I’ve been shooting on location, and the days have been long. The other night I got back to my hotel room and had many pages of dialogue to memorize for the next day, with an early morning start time. I sat, conflicted, as I knew I had a blog due to be posted the next morning. I needed to get to bed so I could be ready for work the next day. It would be the first time since launching the blog that I would not have a new blog posted when I typically do. I felt, for a moment, like I had failed. And then I remembered that failing would have been sitting up for an extra hour, when I should be sleeping, and forcing myself to write because that was what was expected instead of taking care of myself. Even as I have learned and practiced self-care, and talk about it’s importance here at State Of Slay™, I still fell victim to my old thinking of having to get something done ahead of my own need to rest. And, even when I made the right decision, to repost a popular blog from the past, I still had an inkling of guilt about not putting out a new blog.

So, last night I got home from set, late, and, had to memorize many pages of dialogue for today, and found myself in the same situation, and so I, last night, I also needed to give myself a break, do my work and get to bed.

A reminder to all you SLAYERS out there, to do the same, to recognize when you need to let go of what you think you have to do and just take care of yourself. Nothing is more important than that. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Once you choose hope, anything is possible.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Healing

 

Avoid Slippery Places

As we walk our own path, working to be our best selves, giving back to others, and challenging ourselves to grow and move forward, we can sometimes hit a slippery patch if we’re not paying attention to where we’re going. Those slippery patches can be different for all of us, depending on what we’re not wanting to slip back to. For an alcoholic it could be a bar or social situation that we used to drink at, for a gambler it could be a casino, for a overeater it can be passing by our favorite bakery, and it can be as simple as engaging with family and friends. Anyone, or anything, that triggers us to our old way of thinking can cause us to slide back to our old ways, if we’re not careful.

For me, those emotional places are the trickiest, as specific situations or actions can cause me to recoil, reminding me of someone or something from my past. They can, at times, seemingly, come out of nowhere, and then BAM, they’re right in my face, and it’s in those moments when I have to make a choice, to do what I’ve always done, or to make a different and better choice than I used to. Those slippery places are much more difficult for me than any physical place, or object, that may remind me of my past. And, I also have to ask myself honestly, if I sought out a specific situation because it’s one I know, even if it wasn’t done consciously. I would have to say no, today, but the universe has a way to testing us, and disguising otherwise different looking situations and then we realize they are not. For me, it’s important to acknowledge what my part may be in finding myself there, and if there were no warning signs or self-sabotage, asking why the universe has chosen to place me there and what am I there to learn. You see, just because we find ourselves in a similar situation as we have before, doesn’t mean it’s necessarily bad for us, it may be just another opportunity to do things better than we have before and to move past that issue or pain from our past and finally let it go. It takes some sleuth work to look at it for what it is, and a lot of honesty, but if we walk our new path with awareness of who we are today, and where we don’t want to go again, most things should be easy to navigate through, some are a little more difficult to identify, which is why it always helps to have some good sounding boards in our lives, those people who are like us, and can help us walk through those murky waters.

It is up to us to stay away from the slippery places in our lives, and when we find ourselves there, to recognize them and safely walk ourselves through them. Life is full of slippery places, but it’s important to stay firmly on our path and continue to make decisions and choices that honor who we are today and the way of life we are currently living. There is nothing waiting for us in the past, it has already happened, and hopefully, taught us what we need to know today and in the future, nothing can be gained by sliding back. Watch your steps today and make sure you’re not unnecessarily tempting yourself by walking too close to your old way of life. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tempt yourself by putting yourself in old situations or with triggers from your past? Why do you do this? If not, why do you think you’ve stopped? Do you sometimes find yourself in situations that are the same or remind you of your past? How do you think you get there? Do you think you seek out those situations? Or, do you think that sometimes those situations look different to start and the universe has disguised them as something they are not to see if you’ve moved past who you were before? What situations today do you avoid to live a healthier and happier life? How did you overcome them? What can you still work on to avoid slipping back? We naturally do tend to look for situations we are familiar with, but it is up to us to not engage in those activities, or those people, who pull us back to who we used to be, we must be diligent about our path today and protecting it from the those slippery places that can cause us to fall.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Our challenges don’t define us, our actions do.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Act

We Become What We Do

Before walking this path I had become someone I wasn’t very proud of. It happened over time, each time I crossed a line I said I never would I became someone darker, more ashamed, and further away from who I truly was, and the more I made poor choices and didn’t honor my true self the easier it became to continue down that path and step all over the me that was dying inside. I didn’t start out a bad person, but I kept making a series of bad choices that lead me to a place of such emptiness and darkness I doubted I could ever find my way back. But I could, we all can. We are what we do, our actions determine who we are and who we become, talk is just that, talk, it doesn’t cause any change, it’s the action we take that can change us, either for the good, or bad.

Making a commitment to change and to not only reclaim who I knew, but find out who I truly was, I was told that my actions would determine who I would turn out to be. Thinking I was a horrible human, and being new on the path of positive thinking and actions, I wasn’t sure that I could change things around, I felt like it was a steep climb back, but I set out to do what was suggested, and I was told I only had to do what I could each day, and even if it was only one thing, that alone was enough to set me on a different path. I had to really focus on the good in my life, and even when it was hard to find it to start, I would find at least one thing and focus on that. I, first and foremost, made a commitment to be accountable, to myself, and to those in my life. If I made a commitment I had to stick to it, and if I couldn’t I had to reach out within a reasonable time and explain why I wasn’t able to follow through. That in itself kept me honest, and being honest was a big first step for someone who had been living her whole life lying to herself and everyone around her. Accountability kept me transparent, and even though I felt exposed at first, it didn’t allow me to slip back to me old nefarious ways, and if I did manage to briefly, it didn’t allow me to stay there. From there I started to make a point to be thoughtful, to find compassion for others, to not judge those around me, and myself, to find forgiveness, to be kind, and the more I practiced these actions the more I became those things, and, the more my old actions didn’t feel good, or like me anymore.

Without even realizing it, what we do is what we become, it can happen so seamlessly we don’t even realize it’s happening, but if we don’t like who we are, or where we find ourselves, we have the power to change that. Focus on the good, focus on the attributes you had or want to have and act in a way that honors those attributes and you. Even the smallest act can impact us in a big way when we change our way of thinking and stop acting out in a way that harms us and those around us. Finding the love in our hearts and letting that lead us to the us we are meant to be, the us that is our best selves and the us we can share with others and encourage them to be their best selves on their path. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you see how your actions can affect who you become? How have your actions affected who you are today? What are you most proud of? What would you like to change? What action can you take today to change who you’ve become? Have you already changed who you are in a positive way? How so? We have the power to become whomever we want to be, or whomever we are meant to be just by changing our actions. Set out today to be your best self and taking action that supports that and allows you to shine.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Every time you’re able to find the humor in a situation, you win.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Laugh

Laughter: A Sign Of Good Health

When I first stepped onto my healing path, laughter felt impossible.

There was nothing funny about where I found myself. Emotionally, physically, spiritually I was exhausted. My life felt fragile. Every moment felt heavy. I was focused on survival, not joy.

So when I began seeking support from others who had walked similar roads, one thing surprised me.

They laughed.

Not in denial. Not in avoidance. Real laughter. Honest laughter. Healing laughter.

At first, I did not understand it. How could someone laugh about struggles, mistakes, pain, or dark seasons? But slowly I began to realize something powerful.

Laughter was not dismissing the pain.

It was proof they had moved through it.

And that realization gave me hope.

The Healing Power Of Humor

My mom has always said, “If I lose my sense of humor, I lose everything.”

She said it through illness, discomfort, uncertainty, and some very difficult seasons. Watching her hold onto humor even in pain showed me that laughter is not about circumstances. It is about resilience.

When I began my own recovery, I held onto that wisdom. The work ahead of me was serious. I had to face truths, take responsibility, and learn new ways of living. But I did not have to take myself so seriously all the time.

That distinction changed everything.

Humor did not erase the work. It helped me carry it.

And sometimes, laughter was the only light available in an otherwise heavy day.

When Laughter Becomes A Bridge

Something unexpected happened as my healing progressed.

I began laughing with others who had similar experiences.

We laughed about things that once felt devastating. Not because they were trivial, but because we had survived them. Laughter became a shared language of understanding. It created connection, compassion, and perspective.

There is something incredibly bonding about laughing with someone who truly understands your journey. It reminds you that you are not alone. It transforms isolation into community.

And that connection is powerful medicine.

Laughter does not isolate. It invites.

The Difference Between Healing Humor And Hiding Humor

I also had to learn an important distinction.

For years I had used humor as armor. I deflected serious conversations. I made jokes instead of admitting pain. I laughed things off rather than facing them.

That kind of humor keeps healing at a distance.

True healing laughter feels different. It comes from humility, acceptance, and growth. It does not belittle yourself or others. It does not minimize reality. It simply allows joy to exist alongside truth.

Once I understood that, laughter stopped being a shield and became a source of strength.

And that shift made all the difference.

Perspective Changes Everything

Looking back now, some of the choices I made during difficult periods honestly make me laugh.

At the time, I justified everything. I believed I was coping, surviving, protecting myself. But hindsight brings clarity. And sometimes, clarity brings humor.

Not mocking. Not shame.

Perspective.

Being able to laugh at past versions of myself means I have grown. It means I am no longer stuck there. It means healing happened.

And that is something worth smiling about.

Why Laughter Supports Mental And Emotional Health

There is actual science behind this too.

Laughter reduces stress hormones, increases endorphins, supports immune function, and improves emotional regulation. It relaxes the body, shifts perspective, and enhances connection with others.

But beyond biology, laughter signals something deeper.

Hope.

When you can laugh again, even gently, it often means healing has begun.

It means you are reconnecting with life.

And that is powerful.

Finding Light In Dark Seasons

There were days when finding humor felt impossible. Those days happen to everyone. Healing is not linear, and laughter does not mean everything is perfect.

Sometimes it just means you found one small moment of light.

One memory. One conversation. One silly observation. One unexpected smile.

And sometimes that small moment is enough to carry you forward.

Laughter does not deny hardship.

It coexists with it.

And often, it helps transform it.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect, SLAYER:

S: When was the last time you laughed freely, and how did it make you feel afterward?

L: Do you ever use humor to hide how you really feel instead of expressing it honestly?

A: What difficult moment from your past can you now look at with compassion or even gentle humor?

Y: How could inviting more lightness into your life support your healing and emotional health right now?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
How has laughter helped you heal, cope, or find perspective during a difficult season?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who could use a reminder that joy can exist alongside struggle, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The only thing you can change is yourself, but that can change everything.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Attitude