honesty

You Can’t Mend If You Bend The Truth

There was a moment in my life when the truth became a matter of survival. I had finally found the courage to ask for help, and the first thing I was told was this: “You’re going to have to get rigorously honest with yourself if you want to get well.”

That word—rigorous—felt terrifying. But I was so low, so broken, that I was willing to try anything. So I said yes.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that living in truth wasn’t just about not lying—it was about letting go of every version of myself I had created to survive. I was terrified of being judged. What if they knew the real me? Would they leave? Would they hate me? Even among people whose stories mirrored mine, I still feared I was the worst of us all.

But the truth was the key to my healing.

You’re Only as Sick as Your Secrets

I’d spent so many years twisting the truth that I didn’t even know what was real anymore. I had lied to others, yes—but more dangerously, I had lied to myself. Especially about the parts of me that hurt the most.

I started small. I shared only what I could in the moment. It wasn’t perfect. But it was honest. And with every truth I spoke, I felt lighter. Less alone. More connected.

I learned that almost anything can be forgiven—as long as we’re willing to be honest about it. People aren’t looking for perfection. They’re looking for sincerity. Most of the time, just saying, “I messed up, and I’m sorry,” is enough. But when we bend or dance around the truth, that connection is lost. The wound remains open.

Half-truths don’t set you free. They keep you locked in a pattern of shame.

The truth might be uncomfortable—but it’s nothing compared to the weight of carrying secrets. When we hide behind lies, we stay sick. We stay small. We stay stuck.

Truth Is the Path to Healing

Before I asked for help, my entire life was a tangled web of excuses and justifications. I bent the truth to protect myself, but it only made things worse. The more I lied, the sicker I became.

The day I began telling the truth—to myself, to others, and to the people I had hurt—was the day I started to get well. It was messy. It was raw. But it was real.

And real is where the healing lives.

It’s easy to tell ourselves that we lie to keep others safe. That we hide things to avoid hurting people. But those are just more lies dressed as protection. The truth is, we lie because we’re afraid.

But if we want to grow, we have to get honest—not just in part, but fully. Healing requires the whole truth. That’s how we clean the wound. That’s how we rebuild trust. That’s how we find peace.

You can’t mend what you won’t face.

Let your purpose lead. It knows the way.

SLAY Reflection

  1. Are there places in your life where you bend the truth? Why?
  2. What would change if you told the full truth—first to yourself, then to others?
  3. Have you experienced healing from being honest, even when it was hard?
  4. Are there secrets you’ve been carrying that are weighing you down?
  5. What’s one small truth you can speak today that might set you free?

S – Speak honestly, even when it’s hard
L – Let go of the stories that keep you stuck
A – Acknowledge the pain, then face it with courage
Y – Yield to truth—it’s the only path to healing

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s a truth you were once afraid to share, but feel proud for having told?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s been carrying a heavy secret, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Never make a permanent decision based on temporary feelings.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

state of slay goal

Hyper-Vigilance: Looking For Danger

When we’ve come from a situation, whether from our childhood or as we’ve moved through life, where we felt, or where, in danger, we move forward from that place always looking for danger. We are in a constant state of alert, always looking for what is coming next to hurt us, or knock us down. It’s a horrible place to live, and steals our peace of mind, never allowing us to fully relax and enjoy where we are if we’ve finally found good and love in our life. And even when we do, there is still an underlying concern that something is about to happen, so we always have a suspicious eye, or are constantly scanning for any signs of danger.

Living in that place is exhausting, and causes us to miss genuine moments with those we love because we’re so busy looking for, and waiting for, the next bomb to go off. I know for myself that there have been many moments from my past that have caused me to always be on the lookout of the danger that may be lurking ahead. But there is no danger. There is no danger because I have learned from my past. I’ve chosen to weed out those people in my life who wish to cause me harm, or may be insensitive to my well-being, and for those I can’t remove from my life, I have learned to set boundaries or not engage with them in a way that will allow them back into my life and give them access and have the power to wreak havoc in my life today. And yet, sometimes, I will still look for danger.

For me, it comes down to practicing self-love and contrary action. I need to put my trust in the people I have chosen to be a part of my life and when my mind wants to head into  hyper-vigilance I need to focus on the good, focus on the love around me, and focus on staying in the moment and not looking around for things that are not there. It takes time to change this behavior, and for some of us, it may never really be gone, but we can certainly work to lessen it and allow ourselves to enjoy our lives and those we’ve chosen to be in it. This is when honing our people-picker comes in to play. Of really fine-tuning our choices of those we choose to trust and assuring ourselves that we have put ourselves in safer situations, assuming that we have, because there are those of us too who will continue to put ourselves in unsafe places because that is what we know, I have been guilty of this in the past, those choices not only keep us in a place that we know, they also give us the opportunity to tell that negative narrative we also know, so, it’s about being rigorously honest with ourselves about where we find ourselves and with whom,and making sure we are making better choices, healthier choices, for ourselves today.

As SLAYERS we are the guardians of our own well-being, we need to protect our safety and make sure we are living our lives in places that allow us to be our best selves, that allow us to shine, and share our light with those around us, we can’t do that if we’re always on the look-out for danger. Make sure you are giving yourself the opportunity to live without the fear of what may be coming next, find those places in your life that you are safe, loved and encouraged and live in those places, stay in those places, and don’t let yourself believe that you deserve anything less. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you put yourself in situations that may not be safe for you? If you do, why do you do that? How does constantly being, or feeling, like you’re in danger benefit you? How does it hurt you? Do realize you are doing it to yourself? What can you do to stop it? What signs do you see that you have put yourself in danger in your life? If you are not in danger, do you still look for it? How has this damaged your relationships? What have you thought was there, but really wasn’t? Looking back, why do you think you found danger when there wasn’t any there? What can you do to stop this behavior? SLAYER, you deserve to feel safe and out of harms way, but you have to make sure you are choosing the right people and right environment to find your safety, and, that safety comes from you first by learning to trust yourself and your choices. Only you can decide what is best for you, make sure you choose wisely.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! What we find disturbing in other people is often what we dislike about ourselves.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Point

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Make sure you’re in the right story, one that let’s you be your best you, not the one you want tell yourself, or the one others tell you. Who’s story are you in?

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Story

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! To heal a wound you have to learn to stop touching it.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Next Chapter

You’re Finding It Hard Because It’s Hard

I know when I started on this path it wasn’t easy. It’s still not easy on certain days. But I know that’s because it’s not an easy path. That’s part of the journey, the ups and downs, it just is, and the tough days always pass. But sometimes when we’re in them they don’t feel like they will. Sometimes when we’re in the them our head tells us they never will. That’s why it’s important to share our truth with those around us, and to find people like ourselves on the same or similar path. When we are working to do the next right thing, when we are facing our fears, our demons, things can get hard, but know that it’s because it is hard, not because you’re doing it wrong. In fact, if it were too easy, that is likely a sign you’re not being truthful, or, not doing all you can do.

I am a firm believer in always sharing your truth, especially when you are struggling, not just for yourself, but to let others who are struggling know it’s normal, and not just them. When I was just starting, and didn’t know what I was doing, just following the directions I was being given, everything was new, everything felt weird, everything felt hard, and when I would speak to someone who was also experiencing the same thing I felt better, like I wasn’t alone, and I wasn’t doing it wrong, it was just hard to throw away all the coping mechanisms I had used, the vices, the bad habits, and replace them with healthy choices, and not having those things I used to use to hide behind, I had to learn to stop hiding and face the truth, my truth, now anyone can imagine, just by looking at it in black and white, that is not an easy road. And why it’s so important to share that to ease that difficulty and possibly share that journey with others who are also in that same path. Life is not meant to be lived alone, we find inspiration, strength, encouragement from those around us, people who are trudging the road next to us, it’s easier when we do it as a group, we propel each other forward, we hold each other up and give each other strength, we cheer for each other when we succeed or go beyond anywhere we’ve been before. Good, bad, easy, hard, it’s important to share what’s truly happening for you each day. Yes, it’s going to be hard some days.

I think many of us have been told or have learned to put on a happy face and pretend that everything is OK, or good, when we may be struggling inside, but when we do that it’s not only a disservice to us, it’s also a disservice to everyone around us who may be feeling the same. It’s OK to be sad, it’s OK to not know the answers, it’s OK to say that you’re finding life hard. It’s more than OK, it’s required to live a life of rigorous honesty, and truthfulness about who we are each day, keeping ourselves and our lives transparent keeps us honest, and keeps us accountable for our actions, it also lets us be vulnerable with those around us which brings us closer to them, and them us. So even when things are hard, we feel protected, safe and loved.

Life gets hard, that’s just life, but when you try to hide your truth, you only make it harder on yourself. You’re not doing it wrong, those hard times are there to teach us things, to draw us closer to people, and to prepare us for what’s coming next. Trust them, share them, share you, and SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you think when things are hard that you’re doing it wrong? Do you feel like a victim, and that you are being punished? Why do you think that? You’re not SLAYER, life ebbs and flows, it can be easy and then hard, and then it gets easy again, it’s just the way life works, the hard times always pass. It’s important to share your truth doing those hard times. Do you have trouble sharing your truth when things aren’t good? Why? What are you afraid of? Does this come from an actual experience in your life, or something you’ve been told? Share SLAYER, share. Trust me, you’ll find many of yes by your side understanding where you are, and we are here to help you through it.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Bitterness and resentment only hurt one person, you.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Choose

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! People generally see what they want to see, and hear what they want to hear, but when you always speak your truth, you hold the key to your own peace of mind.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Truth 1

Sometimes All Someone Wants To Hear Is, I’m Sorry

There are moments when nothing can be done—when there’s no way to fix a situation or make it better. And in those moments, sometimes all someone wants to hear is, “I’m sorry.” Even if we’re not responsible for what happened, acknowledging someone’s experience can mean the world.

A Simple Yet Powerful Gesture

I think back to my life before walking this path, and how much it would have meant to hear those words. The power of a heartfelt “I’m sorry” is incredible. It connects us, makes us feel seen and valued, and reminds us that our feelings matter.

I remember sharing my story with someone I trusted, and when she gently put her hand on mine and said, “I’m sorry,” it felt like a wave of warmth washed over me. She had nothing to do with the events that led me to that moment, but her simple words were the first real validation of my pain and struggle. It helped me exhale. It helped me start to let go.

Owning Our Part

When we do have something to apologize for, those words carry even more weight. Saying “I’m sorry” for something we did—whether intentionally or not—shows strength. It honors the other person and ourselves. It’s not about weakness or surrender, but about standing in our truth and striving to be better.

As SLAYERS, we’re constantly working on ourselves. Yes, we’ll slip. Yes, we’ll make mistakes. But admitting our wrongs and saying, “I’m sorry,” can mend broken relationships and open the door to healing.

A Path to Healing

There’s magic in those words. “I’m sorry” can be the start of a new chapter, whether it’s in a relationship scarred by past pain or for someone still carrying the weight of old wounds. Sometimes, the apology won’t come from the person who caused the hurt. But when it comes from someone who cares—someone willing to listen and extend compassion—it still holds power. It’s a first step toward healing.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you struggle to say “I’m sorry”? Why?

  • What do you think it says about you if you apologize?

  • Have you ever seen “I’m sorry” as a sign of weakness? Can you shift that perspective?

  • Do you appreciate hearing someone say they’re sorry, even if they weren’t directly involved? How does it make you feel?

  • Do you offer that same compassion to others when they’re hurting? Why or why not?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
When was the last time you heard—or said—“I’m sorry”? How did it change the moment?
Share your thoughts in the comments. Let’s build each other up with honesty and compassion.

And if you know someone who’s been holding on to pain, send this to them.
Sometimes, just hearing those words is a step toward healing.