Walk Up From The Basement

We forget sometimes that we have the power to walk away from a situation that no longer serves us, or maybe never did. We don’t have to stay down in the basement. In the dark. We can walk up those stairs and live the life we want, have dreamed of, and truly deserve.

We sometimes keep ourselves in the dark, thinking we deserve to be there, or don’t deserve any better, but we are the only ones who our holding ourselves back, we are the ones telling ourselves those lies that prevent us from finding our own happy ending, or maybe beginning, but finding our happy. It’s out there for the taking, but you have to have the courage to take it.

Before walking on this path I lived in the basement of my own life. And I was the only one in the house! No one was keeping me down there except myself. And I had lived there so long that I couldn’t remember living anywhere else. I didn’t like it there, but it was what I knew. I told myself it was safer there, even though I felt alone there. I thought I deserved to live in the darkness, where it was cold and damp. It clung to me when I tried to step into the light, like it was reaching out for me from the shadows, and I would let it pull me back down, retreating from the world and from my true self. I played the victim and would say that I didn’t deserve good things because I was a bad person. I wasn’t a bad person, I just wasn’t being good to myself. And didn’t believe in myself.

When I finally found the courage to reach out for help, I was told that my recovery, the improvement of my life, was in my hands, that I had the power to change, and I was the only one with the key to unlock the door and step out into the light. It had never occurred to me that I had that key. I used to blame everyone else, or just the world in general, for my life in the basement, but it was me who kept me down there all along. And once I had realized that it was my job to come up those stairs and live the life I was meant to live. Letting myself come up from the basement was the first of many big steps. Learning how to live outside of it came next, and it wasn’t always easy, as that basement was always calling me with it’s familiarity and it’s cloak of sadness a part of me still believed felt right. Change can be difficult. But it can be done. And as I kept taking more and more steps into the light, that basement didn’t seem so appealing anymore. And that feeling of familiarity started to fade. I started to crave the light, and living in it, and eventually threw away the key that opened that basement door.

We all have a choice, ever day, where we want to live, not necessarily physically, but mentally and spiritually, but we have to believe we deserve more than we have, if what we have doesn’t fill our hearts and minds with love. We are only as stuck as we allow ourselves to be, and sure, sometimes circumstances may make it difficult to extract ourselves from our current situation, but it can be done, and if need be, there are always people out there willing to lend you a hand for a better opportunity or place you can call home. Share you truth, let go of your fears and start climbing that staircase, there’s a bright future waiting for you up there. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you keep yourself locked in the basement when you should be living your life upstairs? Why do you think you do that? What do you do to keep yourself there? What can you do to get yourself out? What do you imagine your life would look like out of the basement? Have you lived in the basement so long you’ve forgotten, or don’t know? You hold the key SLAYER to your own freedom, but first you have to believe that you deserve to be set free. You also have to let go of the lies you’ve told yourself, or maybe someone else has told you, to let yourself live freely in the light. It’s all there, what you want, what you imagined, on the other side of that basement door, you locked yourself.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Stand tall and find the courage to be exactly who you are, without apologies. You are enough, right here, right now.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Perfect Day

Sometimes All Someone Wants To Hear Is, I’m Sorry

There are moments when nothing can be done—when there’s no way to fix a situation or make it better. And in those moments, sometimes all someone wants to hear is, “I’m sorry.” Even if we’re not responsible for what happened, acknowledging someone’s experience can mean the world.


A Simple Yet Powerful Gesture

I think back to my life before walking this path, and how much it would have meant to hear those words. The power of a heartfelt “I’m sorry” is incredible. It connects us, makes us feel seen and valued, and reminds us that our feelings matter.

I remember sharing my story with someone I trusted, and when she gently put her hand on mine and said, “I’m sorry,” it felt like a wave of warmth washed over me. She had nothing to do with the events that led me to that moment, but her simple words were the first real validation of my pain and struggle. It helped me exhale. It helped me start to let go.


Owning Our Part

When we do have something to apologize for, those words carry even more weight. Saying “I’m sorry” for something we did—whether intentionally or not—shows strength. It honors the other person and ourselves. It’s not about weakness or surrender, but about standing in our truth and striving to be better.

As SLAYERS, we’re constantly working on ourselves. Yes, we’ll slip. Yes, we’ll make mistakes. But admitting our wrongs and saying, “I’m sorry,” can mend broken relationships and open the door to healing.


A Path to Healing

There’s magic in those words. “I’m sorry” can be the start of a new chapter, whether it’s in a relationship scarred by past pain or for someone still carrying the weight of old wounds. Sometimes, the apology won’t come from the person who caused the hurt. But when it comes from someone who cares—someone willing to listen and extend compassion—it still holds power. It’s a first step toward healing.

SLAY on.


SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you struggle to say “I’m sorry”? Why?

  • What do you think it says about you if you apologize?

  • Have you ever seen “I’m sorry” as a sign of weakness? Can you shift that perspective?

  • Do you appreciate hearing someone say they’re sorry, even if they weren’t directly involved? How does it make you feel?

  • Do you offer that same compassion to others when they’re hurting? Why or why not?


Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
When was the last time you heard—or said—“I’m sorry”? How did it change the moment?
Share your thoughts in the comments. Let’s build each other up with honesty and compassion.

And if you know someone who’s been holding on to pain, send this to them.
Sometimes, just hearing those words is a step toward healing.

Ignoring The Facts Doesn’t Make Them Go Away

You can’t pretend the facts don’t exist.
You may ignore them, twist them, or bury them deep—but they don’t vanish.

When we avoid truth—because it’s too painful, too inconvenient, or too scary—we don’t protect ourselves. We injure ourselves.

Truth, no matter how sharp, is the foundation for growth. Without grounding in what is, we drift into fiction, stories, and confusion.


The Temptation to Deny

Feelings are persuasive. Our minds can convince us “this isn’t happening,” “that person didn’t mean it,” or “I’ll worry tomorrow.”

I used to be a master at it. I saw only what I wanted to see to preserve my story. Over time, I blurred the line between fact and fantasy until I couldn’t tell the difference.

But ignoring the truth doesn’t erase it—it delays the consequences. The costs only build: regret, confusion, broken relationships, self-betrayal.

Avoidance is a short-term refuge with long-term bankruptcy.


When Facts Feel Too Heavy to Hold

Sometimes the facts we need to face are terrifying.

  • “This relationship is toxic.”

  • “I’m not being honest with myself.”

  • “I’ve been settling.”

The pull to deny them is real. It’s easier to live in a comfortable lie than wrestle with the weight of truth.

But the irony is this: truth brings liberation. Even when it hurts, it frees you from the prison of your own illusions.


What the Facts Give You

When you embrace reality—even the parts you don’t like—you gain:

  • Clarity. You see what’s actually happening, not what you fear is happening.

  • Authority. You can act from truth, not fear.

  • Power. You no longer cede control to illusions or assumptions.

  • Growth. You move forward with integrity instead of spinning in confusion.

Facts aren’t magic. They don’t always heal instantly. But they give you the platform to heal intentionally.


How to Face the Facts

It takes courage—and consistency. But here’s how you begin:

  1. Ask yourself: What do I know to be true?
    In moments of chaos, pause. What fact can you anchor to—no matter how small?

  2. Stop arguing with evidence.
    When you catch yourself resisting what’s clear, name it: “I’m fighting the facts because I’m scared.”

  3. Document what you see.
    Journaling, voice notes, voice memos—let the truth come out in the light.

  4. Let the facts guide action.
    Knowing something is true isn’t passive. Use it to make decisions, to set boundaries, to course-correct.

  5. Practice radical acceptance.
    Acceptance doesn’t mean liking what is. It means not wasting your energy resisting it. Use your focus for forward motion.


Truth in the Toolbox

I now carry “facts” in my SLAY toolbox—tools I use daily.
They help me discern between inner drama and real problems.
They help me take responsibility where I need it, and release what isn’t mine.
They help me walk confidently in my life, not guided by fear.

Yes, sometimes facts will cut deep. But you’re meant to walk through the fire—not be burned by it.


SLAY Reflection

  1. What facts in your life are you avoiding or denying?

  2. How has ignoring them hurt you—emotionally, mentally, relationally?

  3. What’s one small truth you can own today (even if it feels scary)?

  4. How might your life shift if you stopped arguing with evidence?

  5. What action can you take now based on what is, not what you wish it were?


S – Stop ignoring what you already know
L – Let truth, not fear, be your guide
A – Act from what you see, not what you imagine
Y – Yield to integrity—let your life be shaped by real facts


Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one fact you’ve been avoiding—and how could facing it change your life?
Share your reflection in the comments. Let’s grow together in honesty.

And if you know someone who’s trapped by denial or stories, send this to them.
Sometimes, truth is the first arrow we need to slay illusions.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When you let go of who you were, you allow yourself to become who you are meant to be.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Courageous

Peaceful Warrior

I was sitting across from someone the other day who was wearing a cap that said Peaceful Warrior. I watched him, and he certainly did look like a warrior—he was a solid guy—but he also looked grounded, and, as advertised, peaceful.

It reminded me how, as we walk our paths and go to battle each day—fighting for ourselves and those we love—we often don’t do it peacefully. We may start out that way, but once we get caught in the charge of action, the adrenaline, we lose that peace. We lose our serenity. And, often, we lose ourselves to anger, rage, or fear.

The idea of being peaceful among chaos is beautiful. Like a Matrix-style calm, where the action slows around us and we remain still and focused. While we can’t physically create that, we can spiritually and mentally.

So how do we keep the peace in our daily lives, with chaos all around?


Manage Our Fear

Fear sets us into overdrive. It removes calm and peace, puts us into reaction mode, and blinds us to what’s real. To find peace, we need to manage our fears. Remember—fears are not facts. Stick to what’s true. Stay present. Focus on what you can do in each moment to move forward.


Keep Our Intentions Pure

Do things because you want to, not for what they’ll get you or how they’ll make you look. That’s the way of a peaceful warrior. Focus less on the outcome and more on the reasons behind your actions and the journey itself.


Let Go of Old Ideas

Past experiences or old beliefs can limit what we can accomplish. We are evolving every day. Let go of the past. Believe in who you are becoming. When you do, limitations fall away and new possibilities open up.


Avoid Over-Scheduling

We juggle a lot, but when we over-schedule, we lose peace and scramble for control. We risk losing sight of who we’re working to be. Set realistic goals. Focus on each task. If you can’t finish it all today, that’s okay—tomorrow is another chance.


Win or Lose, You Win

Stop framing everything as a win or loss. The fact that you’re trying is a win. If things don’t go as planned, that’s a lesson. Maybe it wasn’t supposed to go your way that day. Now it’s your turn to handle it in a way that builds your growth.


Don’t Judge Your Thoughts

Negative or surprising thoughts will pop up. They’re not your truth unless you let them be. Notice them, ask yourself why they’re there, and let them go. Often, these thoughts come when we’re in H.A.L.T.—hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Check in with your self-care when negativity creeps in.


SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you think of yourself as a peaceful warrior? If yes, why? If not, why not?

  • Are there things you can tackle peacefully and some not? List what you can, and what you cannot. Why do you struggle with the ones on your not list?

  • What can you do to change that?

  • How can you practice being a peaceful warrior, even on the tough days?

  • What will it take for you to lose peace, then find it again—and not let that loss be a loss but a lesson?


Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you can step into your power as a peaceful warrior today?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s support each other in finding peace.

And if you know someone who’s navigating chaos right now, send this to them.
Sometimes, a little encouragement is all we need to rediscover our peace.

Be The Mountain, Not The Weather

I was talking to someone the other day. They were struggling with something, and before he finished sharing, he said, “I know, I need to be the mountain and not the weather.”
It made me smile.

Yes, we should all be the mountain.


Solid vs. Shifting

The mountain is solid. It has a strong foundation. Nothing is moving a mountain—it stands tall.

The weather, on the other hand, comes and goes. It shifts and swirls. It can change completely in a day, be unreliable, unstable, surprising, and even destructive. Sure, there might be days when having the force of the weather sounds tempting—when it feels like release—but in the long run, what we need is to be the mountain.

So, how do we become more like the mountain and less like the weather?


Be Flexible

It might sound strange to say a mountain should be flexible, but building your own solid foundation means being open and adaptable.

I’ve written before about the importance of staying teachable. To remain teachable, we have to stay flexible—open to new ideas, perspectives, and information. It’s great to have convictions, but it’s also essential to listen to other viewpoints. You never know when you might learn something that shifts your understanding or reaffirms your stance.

Stay flexible. Look at situations from all angles. Make sure your perspective rests on solid ground.


Give Yourself Permission

Be confident in your decisions. Allow yourself to try new things—without waiting for approval.

Too often, we look to others for validation when we should be checking in with ourselves. If it makes you happy, inspires you, or fills you with joy, do it. It doesn’t matter if others understand or approve. This is your life.

Give yourself permission to change. To grow. To become.


Find Forgiveness

Let go of what no longer serves you. Release the grudges, the regrets, the “should-haves” that weigh you down.

Forgive others for what they did—or couldn’t do. More importantly, forgive yourself. For not knowing better. For not making the best choice in a moment. We’re all human, and none of us gets it right all the time.

Holding on to past hurts chains us to the past. Letting go frees us to move forward.


Be Mindful

With forgiveness comes mindfulness.

When we practice mindfulness, we make choices that serve us—decisions that help us grow, strengthen our self-esteem, and build true confidence.

Stay present. Stay grounded.


Find Love and Gratitude

When we move through each day with love in our hearts and gratitude for what we have, we make better decisions.

Walking in love and gratitude keeps us centered in spirit, not ego. And it’s from this space that we find true peace—a peace that can’t be shaken by life’s storms.


Engage in Life

This is the result of it all.

When we practice these principles, we become more engaged in life. We care for ourselves and nurture relationships with others. Our world expands as we open ourselves to new experiences and connections.

We become the mountain—steady, solid, unwavering—no matter what storms may come. And we know the sun will always rise again.


SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Do you see yourself more as the mountain or the weather? Why?
Can you think of moments when you’ve been both? What triggered the shift?
What gets in your way of standing solid?
What can you do today to strengthen your foundation and embrace your inner mountain?
What action will you take to give yourself permission to grow, change, and forgive?


Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What does being the mountain look like in your life? How do you stay grounded through storms?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s support each other’s growth.

And if you know someone who could use a little extra grounding today, send this to them.
Sometimes, just knowing we have the power to stand steady makes all the difference.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The comeback is always greater than the setback. Never give up.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Courage

Are You In Love With Your Sadness?

I have to admit, I was. I had a total love affair with my sadness. I loved it. Sat in it. Relished it. It was my identity, the cloak I wore to protect myself from the outside world, a cloak that I thought kept me safe, but was slowly killing me, keeping me alone, and more and more disconnected from the world around me.

I used to wear my sadness like a badge of honor, I thought it made me a martyr, that I would get up and grace anyone in the day made me a hero, that I could overcome my sadness just long enough to participate in life made me a superhero I thought. But it was all self-indulgent bullshit. My sadness was within my control. My sadness was my choice. My sadness didn’t make me a martyr, it made me prisoner, but a prisoner of my own prison, that I had made. I would tell myself I was safe there, better off there, and deserved to be there, I thought it protected me from getting hurt, but it was holding me back from living life, from exploring new things, and from moving forward from the pain of my past. Looking back it was selfish, I cheated, not only myself, but everyone in my life from getting to know the real me, from me fully being engaged in my life and theirs, and from ever opening my heart.

When I look back at those years now I feel, well, sad. I feel sad for that girl who thought she didn’t deserve better. I feel sad that she wasted so many years hiding in the darkness when she could be been shining bright in the light. I feel like I never want to go back to being that sad girl and give up what I have now.

We get to choose, we get to say who we are, and how we’re going to live our lives, and today I choose happiness, gratitude, and light, to be brave and step out of the shadows, to connect with others like me, and to challenge myself to walk tall and be proud of who I am. Sometimes that sad girl creeps back, she finds me, and sometimes she’s hard to shake off, but I’m not her anymore, that dark cloak doesn’t feel good, it doesn’t feel safe anymore, it feels dangerous, and heavy, and suffocating. Thankfully that cloak doesn’t stay on too long today, my love affair with it has long past, even though the voices in my head will tell me that’s who I am, where I belong, I know different, I feel different, so I work to leave it behind. We have the power to leave it behind. We hold the key. And that key is light, a bright shiny light. When we let our light shine that dark cloak starts to disappear, the sadness starts to disappear, and we feel the warmth of our hearts, and who we are, who we are meant to be, anything else is a lie, a lie that we tell ourselves when we are afraid and we try to romanticize the darkness to make it OK to live there.

For me it took drastic changes to lose my love of my sadness, and it was hard to start, but just by doing loving things every day, for myself and others, the cloak of sadness slowly started to slip off, it slowly lost it’s place in my life, and it slowly went away.

It takes far more courage to live in the light than to bask in the darkness of our own sadness. We as SLAYERS don’t fear the light, we don’t back down from challenges and the work it might take to have a life that have dreamed of, a life full of goodness, love, and light. It’s there for us, if we choose to take it, and if we choose to shed our sadness for something brighter.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have a love affair with the sadness in your life? Is your sadness a place that you feel safe? Do you let it define you? Do you see how it can be keeping you from connecting with people and living life? What’s stopping you from letting it go? Is it worth giving up living a happy and full life to continue loving your sadness? What do you think you would gain by letting it go? Is your sadness even valid, or is it events from your past? You have the choice SLAYER to linger in your sadness, or to let it go and live your life. It’s your choice. Stand in the light and let it go, the love you may feel for it doesn’t compare to the love that is waiting for you if you let it go. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER!  It can be scary to begin, to make changes in your life, and start a new path, but the willingness to try is your key to freedom, just the act of being willing opens the door to a whole new world, and your willingness will help you take each step as you walk towards the life and goals you dream of.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Willingness