control

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! You can’t control the wind but you can adjust your sails.

SLAY on!
In A Storm

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! To fear is one thing, but to let it pick you up by the tail and swing you around is another.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!
Awareness is the key to making change.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The more we value things outside our control, the less control we have.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

When you try to control

Slay Say

Good morning  SLAYER! Jealousy is the cousin of greed. When we focus on what we want and lose sight of what we need.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Consumes You

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER!  You might not be able to control someone else’s bad behavior, but you can control if you participate in it.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Bad Behavior

Living In Grace, Not Mercy

My life before was one based in fear. I was in fear of what was to come, I was in fear of what I had done and I was constantly asking for forgiveness and mercy when I had no intention of changing or following through on what I had promised. I walked with my head down, and felt that everyone I passed knew what I really was. I was ashamed and didn’t think I even deserved the mercy I was seeking. The burden and consequences of the choices I had made weighed me down like I had lead sewn into the lining of all my clothes. Until one night I was offered some grace.

That grace came as a result of me doing something I had never done, I surrendered. I admitted defeat and asked for help. It was in that moment that I was given grace. I wasn’t sure I wholeheartedly deserved it, or could accept it, but I did the best I could to take it, hold it close to my heart and step into the unknown. I worked to let go of the thinking of my past, believing that I only deserved bad things, that I was a bad person and that my only way out was asking for mercy. None of that was true, and the truth was, I always had a way out, I just have to find the courage to leave. Once I did I had some work to do to believe I deserved the grace I was given. I had to let go of the notion that I could control everything, I was never really able to, no one is, but I would attempt it every day to the brink of exhaustion and insanity. I had to learn how to forgive, starting with myself, but those who I had blamed for all my misfortune, I had to take responsibility for my part and I had to find compassion for those, who like me, where sick in some way, who’s actions may not have been right, but were limited by their own illnesses and self. To allow myself to dwell on my negative thoughts and emotions was a sure-fire way to fall back into the darkness I was working so hard to climb out of. I was not able to change the past, but I was, and am, able to create the future. That is what I had to focus on. I had to learn to have faith and to trust that what was in front of me was there to help me, to teach me and to guide me to where I was meant to be. I had to let go of what I thought things should look like and accept them as they were, and are. I had to learn to be thankful and grateful, even on days when I didn’t feel so. It was important for me to keep my thoughts positive and even if I could only think of one thing, I kept that one thing in my heart until I could think of more. And in doing so I was able to start expecting the best, looking for the good instead of the dark doom and gloom of my past. When I looked for the good, I found the good, even if it was the smallest good, it was there, and from there it kept growing the more I looked and nurtured it.

Today I aim to live in grace, and know I deserve to. I allow myself to be seen just as I am, flaws and all, and am able to share my journey from mercy to grace with others so that they may start their own, or, may be encouraged on their path. I have nothing to fear from my past, and nothing to be ashamed of, all of those moments, those choices, that darkness brought me to that moment of grace, and it probably couldn’t have happened any other way, it took that amount of darkness to see the light.

You have a choice of where you live your life, but I highly recommend living in grace, sure, it will probably take some work, it took quite a lot for me, but it was worth each step, each moment, each struggle I was able to overcome so I can stand tall in the light and appreciate all of the beauty in my life, and am able to recognize that it had always been there, even when I couldn’t see it. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you live in grace or mercy? If you live in mercy, describe how. If you live in grace, describe how. Have there been times in your life that you switched one for the other? Describe that time and what happened? What can you do today to live in grace? What do you struggle with? What keeps you from living in grace? We are all worthy of grace, but we have to believe we are, and, it may take some work to get there, and sometimes just by letting go of who you used to be is enough to open the door to your own place of grace.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Forgiveness is a daily practice.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

state-of-slay Free Of Hurt

When People Only See Who We Used To Be

I have changed a lot over the past 13 plus years. That core person I am is still there, and always was, although she was buried under a lot of junk I piled on top of her, but the essence of who I am has walked with me, that is person I fight for every day, but a lot has changed, I have changed, and not every person from my past has changed along with me, or, has been accepting of those changes. Just because we make a commitment to change ourselves for the better doesn’t mean everyone else has, or wants to, or, wants to see us do it. By us changing we put the spotlight on us, our behavior and choices, but by changing those things to better align with a healthier and happier us others may question their own decisions, or, not be comfortable with us not being who we used to be. That, is not our problem, or responsibility. Our responsibility is being our best selves, to learn from our past and to make decisions that are right for us today. That is what we are responsible for. People may want to keep us where we were, but only we can keep ourselves, or put ourselves, back there.

It can be difficult to accept that those we love and know may not want to see us grow or flourish. That they might want to keep us back to make themselves feel better, or to continue living their lives in a particular way, or because they might have to look at themselves and their own behavior if they accept this new us. Once again, none of this is our problem, or, something we can control. What we can control is the choices we make today, how we act or react to the world around us, and what goals we put in front of ourselves to get to where we would like to go. It can be heartbreaking that others in our life are not there to cheer us on as we would them, and try to sabotage us, or hold us back, even by just verbally telling us what we “deserve” or share their opinion of where they think we should be, and just as they probably wouldn’t like us telling them what we think they deserve, their opinion should be kept to themselves, but often isn’t. We can’t control that. But, we can control how much time we give them and their opinion, and, we have to decide that how much time we give them, my experience has taught me, very little to none. If I had listened to certain people who had told me I would never be more than I was, or would fail, or, was reaching too high, I would be dead. No doubt. Instead I followed my heart and spirit, I listened to those who had gone before me and were in the trenches with me who knew this journey and path, and I dug in my heels determined to win, for myself, and I have. If people were or are not able to see my progress and how the changes I’ve made have enhanced my life and those around me, then that’s unfortunate for them. Today I don’t give my time to jealousy, to ignorance or to someone stuck in the past, I can find compassion for them and look to find understanding for their way of thinking, but I will not let it affect my day or the work I’ve done. I have worked very hard to get to the place I have and I won’t let anyone rob me of what I’ve earned.

We all walk our own path. Our journey may look similar, but no two are exactly the same. It is no one’s business what yours looks like as long as your path is filled with honesty, hope and the steps you need to be and become your best self. Own who you are, who you’ve been, and who you are becoming, and never let anyone pull you back or make you believe you are anyone than who you are right now, and who you are is a survivor, a warrior, and a freedom fighter, a fighter for your own freedom. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let the opinions of others dictate who you think you are what you think you deserve? Why do you do that? Do you have people in your life who only see how you used to be? Who are they? Why do you think they only see the past? Have you shown them you are not your past? How? Do you spend too much time trying to show them instead of letting who you are today be your example? SLAYER, you are a living breathing example of change, and if someone is not comfortable with that change, or does not want to see it in you, for whatever reason, that is not your responsibility, stand tall in who you are, who you’ve become and what you are becoming, and never let anyone tell you who are allowed to be.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Peace requires us to surrender our illusions of control.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Surrender Difference

Surrender For The Win

Before walking this path I thought of surrender for a four letter word. I considered myself a warrior, a fighter and able to overcome anything that came my way, I had already overcome a lot, and wore those victories like badges of honor. But when I found myself in a downward slide, one that, no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t stop, that pride almost cost me my life. Surrender just wasn’t in my vocabulary, and yet that I would find out would be the key to my survival.

I thought I knew everything, or knew better, I thought I could out-think and power through the thoughts and feelings that were plaguing me day after day, but the more I tried to fight it, and control them, the more they had control over me. That tug-of-war became my insanity, of trying to control the uncontrollable, without changing my way of life. It took a lot for me to surrender, but when I did it came from a place of desperation and total fear of what would come next if I didn’t. The desperation was a gift, and I used to finally ask for help.

That surrender felt good, it felt like hope, even though there was still a part of me that thought it meant I had failed at life, but I had to cling to that dim light of hope to keep going. As I began to feel better I realized the power of that surrender. My surrender didn’t mean I had failed, it meant that I had found the power within myself to admit that I needed help, that the way I had been living my life wasn’t working, and, that I alone didn’t have the tools I needed to fix it. That surrender was a win, and the beginning of the life I enjoy today. I’ve watched people struggle with that surrender and lose their battle, those who could not accept it or questioned it, and it always reminds me of how lucky I was to have finally surrendered and to have continued to surrender every day since. For me, I need to do it daily, because my head wants to tell me I don’t. It still tries, after many many years, to tell me that I don’t need to do what I do to stay healthy, that I don’t have an illness and there is nothing wrong with me. I know it’s lying, so I continue to surrender.

Surrender today is a sign of strength. It is a sign of humility, of self-love and of remaining teachable, which is something I always need to be. The minute I think I know everything  and don’t need to listen to suggestions is when I start to slide back to that dark place. And I know how seamless it can happen, I remember the first time. I use my daily surrender as my sword, to cut through the lies and bullshit my head tells me as I continue to walk this path, my life depends on it.

We can live with outdated ideas about what surrender means to us, or perhaps we are carrying around an opinion we have been told by others, surrender for me was door to a better life and it also opened the door of willingness, with allowed me to seek the help and do the work I needed to do to have what I have today. Don’t let your judgment of yourself or what you think you should be doing cloud your vision of what can be. Let go of your ego and pride and surrender to trying things a different way, a better way, a way that may greatly improve your life, or save it. Surrender for the win. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: What does the word surrender mean to you? Do you look at it as a negative? Do you see how it can be used for positive change? Have you seen it bring positive change to your life already? How so? If you haven’t, what stops you? What areas in your life could use some surrender? How can you take steps to achieve that? Let yourself surrender to what is best for you, it may be the act of surrender that brings you your biggest win, you!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you