Good morning SLAYER! Instead of dwelling on what went wrong, focus on what to do next, and spend your energy moving toward finding those things that are going right.
SLAY on!
Self Love
Life Is A Road Not A Rest Stop
Most of us set goals for ourselves, or have a destination in mind we’d like to get to. We keep working and striving to get where we want to be, or may get diverted to where we should be. But there are those of us too, or times in our lives, that stop. Sometimes those rests are needed, we do need to take breaks and allow ourselves to regain focus, recharge or rethink where we’re headed, but keeping ourselves in check so we don’t get too comfortable where we are and overstay our welcome is important. We’re not meant to stand still and remain where we are, we are meant to learn, grow and move forward, even though that place where we may find ourselves may feel safe, or all we can every attain, it is not, on both accounts, unless we believe that, and we shouldn’t allow ourselves to.
I used to talk myself out of many opportunities even before they started. I would allow my negative self-talk convince me that I wasn’t good enough, or it was too difficult or I didn’t deserve what I wanted or what was presented in front of me. I had goals, there were things I wanted, and if I obtained them enough, I would sit tight and hide, thinking it would be taken away or in fear of the next goal or milestone. I would let the entirety of the journey ahead stall me before I even left the gate, and those voices in my head would tell me I was reaching too high and could never get there. It wasn’t until I changed paths and started on the path I am now that I was told that all I had to do was what was in front of me today, and do the best I could within that day, that things changed for me. Just focusing on today was much more manageable, and sometimes at the start, it was focusing on minute by minute, but it helped me to break it down into more manageable parts. As I began to practice this new way of life I started reaching new milestones and goals I had set for myself, my life was moving forward and I was leaving my old life behind. I attribute that to the work I was doing and my change in method, but I also attribute that to finally being in the right path, the path I was meant to be on. I find that when we are trying to force a certain path that movement forward is painstakingly slow, if at all, and each step feels like trying to run through quick sand, but when we are where we are meant to be, those steps can easily turn into long strides of achievement. I was not mean to stay where I was, in fact I would have died there, I was and am meant to be exactly where I am today.
It is always important to take breaks and rest, but we need to make sure we haven’t lost track of time and have stayed in a rest stop when we are meant to be back on the road. We all have a purpose, a reason for being here, whether you know what your calling is or not, it’s about following your heart, your soul, that inner voice inside of you that guides you and shows you the way, or it may be finding that to start, but it’s there, if you let yourself be quiet enough to hear it, maybe that is your path, right here, right now. Many times life doesn’t look the way we thought it would be, or should be, but we are shown different paths or lead to them for a reason, if you don’t like the one you’re on, stop and look around, listen, take rest, and then get back on the road that calls your name. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel like you’re on road or stuck in a rest stop? Why do you feel this way? Do you feel like you need a rest, or got stuck there? Or, are you afraid to leave there? Are you happy with the road you find yourself on today? If not, why not? How can you find the right road for you? What road would you like to find yourself on? What steps can you take today to get yourself closer to that road? Each and every day there are many roads in front of us, with many exits and rest stops, take the road that feels most authentic to you, even if it’s the more difficult, if it is where you are meant to be, that road will become less treacherous, and you may just find yourself on the expressway.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Focus on creating the story you want to be in, not the one you’re still angry about from your past.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! You are strong when you know your weaknesses.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Our Weaknesses Are Often An Overuse Of Our Strengths
We typically are quick to point out our weaknesses, whether to others, or within ourselves. We can often fixate on those perceived weaknesses giving them more weight than our strengths and positive attributes. But often, those “weaknesses” are our strengths, we may just be overusing them.
When I look back to my life before walking this path, I often fixated on things to the point of obsession. Those things I obsessed about easily turned into dysfunction or behaviors that could easily become harmful. But when I started to get well I was asked to write down all the things I perceived as wrong, or the things I thought made me weak, now, I would have never described myself as weak, and still wouldn’t, but I certainly thought I had weaknesses and shortcomings. One of the things that was first on my list was my stubbornness.
I knew my stubbornness had been my downfall many times in the past, and, had kept me sick to the point of almost no return. My stubbornness along with my pride and ego, had to be redirected if I was going to get well. I thought to myself, if I could use my stubbornness for bad I can certainly turn that around and use it for good. I worked on using that same stubbornness to fight for my life and my health, and I reserved my pride for the milestones I reached in my recovery, the ego, well, that had to be sidelined, as it always seemed to get in the way of my best self and making the next right decision, but I learned to let go and trust the path I was on, and learned to sprinkle my stubbornness and pride with some humility to keep them right-sized as I set out on my path of well-being. There were other lessons I learned along the way, my impatience with myself was an overuse of my drive and ambition, both attributes could be strengths, and are in my life today, but an overuse of them leads me to be short of temper and impatient with those I see as standing in my way or slowing me down. I still struggle with that one today at times. But there were many examples in my life, that when I looked at my weakness list and really got honest about the root of where they came from, most of them did come from strengths I had, I had just supercharged them so much they turned into weaknesses.
It’s about letting go a little, not trying to force the outcome we want and trusting that we are where we are meant to be in that moment, even if it’s uncomfortable, it may be just where we should be to learn what we need to learn. Trust. Learning to trust. And learning to focus on our strengths, those positive parts of us that make us unique, or successful, or shine bright, learning to love all the parts of us that make us us. And finding a way to turn those weaknesses back into the strengths they were born from, so that we can be the people we were meant to be before we got lost in who we thought we were not. It’s also about allowing ourselves to continually become who we are, to remain teachable and open to new ideas, and give ourselves as much time as we need to find our path.
Look at your weaknesses today and see if they may just be an overuse of your strengths. Then ease off and let those overused weaknesses slide back to the strengths column. You have more strengths than weaknesses, you’ve gotten this far, but just think how much further you may go with more strengths working for you instead of against you. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do tend to focus on your perceived weaknesses? What do you think they are? What don’t you like about them? Can you identify what strengths they may be? For each weakness, write down the opposite attribute. Do you recognize those opposite attributes in you? Do you see a connection between what you see as weaknesses and the positive attribute is? How many connections can you make between your weaknesses and your strengths? How can you work on redirecting those weaknesses back into strengths? Many times what we think are our greatest weaknesses are an overuse of our greatest strengths, it’s all in how we choose to look at them.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYERS! Let go!
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Anger is like acid, it can do more harm where it is stored than where it’s poured.
SLAY on!
Are You On Your Resentment List?
When I was on the path of recovery I was told to make a list of all the people who I thought had harmed me. I vigorously started writing. When I was asked to read it aloud, I was asked why I wasn’t on that list. I stopped and thought about that. I wanted to point the finger at everyone else for the pain and anger I felt, but when I thought about it honestly, no one had caused me more pain than myself, and I had a lot of anger toward myself for not being good enough, in my eyes, so why was I so quick to point the finger elsewhere? It was part of my sickness, that part that uses other things to distract me from what’s really going on. My disease wants to me think everyone else is to blame, because as long as I am pointing the finger outward I’m not going to look inward for a solution. On the flip-side, I also couldn’t focus on myself on that resentment list as a way to bash myself further. I had to find a way to use it to heal and to be accountable for my own actions.
I had always resented myself. In my eyes, I had always failed at being who I wanted to be or thought I should be. I never measured up in my eyes. I spent my life with almost unattainable expectations of myself and when I didn’t meet them I would mentally and verbally beat myself up. I not only resented myself, I hated myself for most of my life. But you would never know it. Outside of some self-deprecating comments, I put on a brave face and an air of “I’m fine,” while I was slowing rotting from the inside from my self-hatred. I talk about “my disease,” it wasn’t until I sought out help that I realized I had one, mental illness is cunning and it hid itself in my life from as far back as I can remember. Learning that I had an illness helped me to find some understanding, and eventually some acceptance and forgiveness for myself. It also helped me to find some new tools to live a life that I can be proud of, and one where I would take responsibility for my actions, instead of pointing my finger elsewhere. I don’t resent myself today, nor do I resent those other people who were on my list back then, because I know that for the most part, I played a part in those relationships, circumstances or altercations I was so upset about, and for those I had no part in, I could see that those people were, and are, fighting their own sicknesses and illnesses, and I can, today, find some compassion there, and in some cases, even relate to their struggle.
Beating ourselves up for past mistakes, or for being less than what we think we should be doesn’t make things any better, it never will, all it will do is keep us down, keep us sick, and keep us from reaching our full potential. Learning to love ourselves is the greatest gift we can offer to our heart and our spirit, finding those things we love about ourselves and celebrating that, not what we don’t like. Find more of what you do like, find the good in you and what makes you you, what makes you special, and you are special SLAYER, we all are in our own way, reach deep inside and find the light that is your special light and let it shine, not only out in the world to share with others, but shine it back at you and heal your hurt. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you resent yourself? If so, why? Do you have resentments towards others? Why? What, within those resentments, did you play a part in? If you had no part, can you identify the sickness in those people that may have caused them to act a certain way? Has an illness affected the way you’ve acted, is there something you’re struggling with and working to overcome? We all have our own battles SLAYER, it is important to love ourselves through our difficulties and also those around us, to find some understanding of what others may also be struggling with, and to not engage and put ourselves in situations that may harm us, or others, because it’s something we want or are trying to force into happening. Honor yourself, and those around you.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Forgiveness does change the past, but it does enlarge your future.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
The Shame And Guilt Quilt
When I was deep in my illness, I walked around constantly wrapped in the shame and guilt quilt. I had draped it over myself so long it became familiar—almost “safe.” But it wasn’t protecting me. It was hiding me.
I carried guilt, shame, regret—and I let them keep me distant from the people I loved, from solutions that could have helped, and ultimately, from myself. I believed I didn’t deserve better. I believed the quilt was my identity.
When Shame Becomes an Identity
We’ve all done things we regret. We’ve made choices we’re not proud of, acted out of fear or desperation, or compromised who we were for what we thought we needed. That part is human.
What turns normal regret into something destructive is when we let shame and guilt become our identity.
We wear them like badges. We drag them into new relationships, new jobs, new eras. We whisper:
“I’m a shame-person.”
“I’m a guilty person.”
When you think that way, nothing positive can penetrate your armor. The quilt blocks the light. It keeps out healing, connection, authenticity.
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Why We Keep the Quilt On
There are many reasons we cling to the shame and guilt quilt:
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Comfort in the familiar. Even if the quilt stifles you, at least you know it.
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Belief in punishment. “I deserve this.”
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Fear of change. Letting go means vulnerability.
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Protection from hope. If you believe you’re unworthy, hope can feel dangerous.
For me, the quilt felt safer than the unknown. Better the pain I knew than having to trust someone else—or myself—to be different.
The Price of Carrying the Quilt
Pulling the quilt around your shoulders is exhausting. It weighs you down in unseen ways.
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You avoid connection because you think you’re “too much” or “not enough.”
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You hide portions of your life and truth, self-isolating in the name of “keeping up appearances.”
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You stop believing you deserve healing, comfort, or unconditional love.
And still—you keep it on. Because the cost of letting it go seems higher than the cost of carrying it.
But here’s what I discovered: the cost of carrying it was far greater than the cost of releasing it.
Choosing to Shed the Quilt
The turning point for me was nearly my last. When I realized I had to step out from under that quilt—or I would lose everything that mattered.
It took:
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Courage to acknowledge: “I’ve been hiding.”
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Humility to ask for help.
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Willingness to unwrap the quilt piece by piece, admitting mistakes, offering amends, offering self‐forgiveness.
One of the biggest revelations was this:
Forgiveness isn’t about excusing what happened—it’s about releasing what happened.
Once I forgave myself, the quilt began to fall. And with each piece I left behind, more light found me. More connection. More freedom.
What Happens When the Quilt Comes Off
When you let go of that old wrapping, a few things start to shift:
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Your identity changes. You stop seeing yourself as the sum of your mistakes.
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Your relationships open up. Others don’t have to tiptoe around your walls. You don’t have to hide.
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Your decisions become driven by growth, not by fear of being found out.
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Your mental & emotional energy frees up. You’re no longer spending 80 % of your day hiding what you’re trying to heal.
The quilt may have kept you “safe” from being seen—but spending life unseen is a cost you never wanted to pay.
How to Begin Removing Your Quilt
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Acknowledge what you’ve carried. Sit with one piece of the quilt—guilt, shame, regret—and name it.
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Write it out. Get the shame on paper. Speak out loud what you’ve been hiding.
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Ask for help. You don’t have to do this alone. Connection replaces isolation.
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Offer yourself forgiveness. “I saw, I felt, I made choices—and now I choose something different.”
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Choose differently today. One small boundary, one honest conversation, one act of self-respect. The quilt loosens.
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Celebrate unwrapping moments. Each time you live without the weight of a secret, light finds you.
SLAY Reflection
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Do you feel like you’re still wrapped in a shame and guilt quilt?
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How does carrying it help you—and how does it hurt you?
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What would letting it go allow you to feel or do?
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How would your day change if you didn’t have to hide parts of yourself?
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What is one small step you can take today to un-wrap something you’ve been carrying?
S – See the quilt you’ve been wearing
L – Let the light of truth and forgiveness in
A – Align with your worth beyond your mistakes
Y – Yield to freedom—un-wrap, un-hide, unleash the real you
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What part of your shame and guilt quilt are you ready to set down—and what might you gain when you do?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s walk out of the shadows—together.
And if you know someone who’s still carrying that quilt, send this to them. Sometimes, someone else saying: “You don’t have to keep carrying it,” is enough to help the process begin.
#SlayOn
