positive

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Whoever is trying to bring you down is already below you.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Look Bad

You Don’t Have To Be A Bully To Win

Choosing Strength Without Losing Yourself

There’s a moment many of us can point to — where we made ourselves smaller so someone else could feel bigger. Where we let a louder voice drown out our quieter truth. Where we convinced ourselves that the only way to keep peace, keep harmony, keep connection… was to let someone else take the spotlight or the power.

I’ve been there more times than I can count.

And for a long stretch of my life, I believed a dangerous lie:
That the only way to win was to push, dominate, or overpower.
That the world rewarded sharp edges, not steady hearts.
That kindness was weakness, and compassion was a liability.

Except… every time I tried to step into that version of “strength,” I felt like I was abandoning myself. Winning didn’t feel like winning if I had to step out of integrity to get there. It felt hollow. It felt false. It felt like I was playing a role someone else demanded of me.

It took years to understand what I know now:

The loudest person in the room isn’t the strongest — just the loudest.
Real power doesn’t need to humiliate anyone to stand tall.
And you never have to be a bully to win.

The Myth of “Hardness” as Power

So many of us grew up observing people who led with fear, not respect. Maybe it was in our home, our school, our workplace, or even our friendships. People who believed intimidation equaled leadership. People who measured their worth through dominance. People who confused cruelty with competence.

Maybe those were the people who seemed to get rewarded. They got attention. They got results. They got their way.

And somewhere along the line, we internalized the belief that:

  • If we wanted to succeed, we had to be more like them.

  • If we stayed soft, we’d get run over.

  • If we stayed compassionate, we’d get crushed.

But here’s the truth we weren’t taught:

Strength without empathy is insecurity.
Confidence without humility is ego.
Power without kindness is fear dressed as control.

None of that is leadership.
None of that is winning.
None of that is sustainable.

Power built on intimidation crumbles the moment someone refuses to be intimidated.

Kindness Is Not Weakness — It’s Precision

People often misunderstand compassion. They confuse it with people-pleasing. They mistake boundaries for cruelty and softness for passivity.

But kindness is not a lack of backbone.
Kindness is not the absence of truth.
Kindness is not silence in the face of harm.

Kindness is precision.
It’s the ability to see clearly when others act from fear.
It’s the ability to hold your shape instead of collapsing into theirs.
It’s the bravery to choose integrity even when someone else chooses force.

Kindness is strength with the volume turned down — and the clarity turned up.

Winning with kindness means:

  • You don’t betray yourself.

  • You don’t hurt others to lift yourself higher.

  • You don’t weaponize your voice or your power.

  • You don’t step outside your values to gain validation.

It means you succeed as yourself, not as a costume someone else taught you to wear.

Standing Strong Without Striking Back

There is a quiet moment — the moment between hurt and response — where we decide who we want to be.

When someone else raises their voice, throws their weight around, or tries to provoke a reaction, you get to choose:

Do you match their energy?
Or do you rise above it?

Do you let their behavior define the moment?
Or do you let your integrity define you?

Choosing not to bully back is not weakness.
Choosing not to belittle is not submission.
Choosing not to retaliate is not letting them win.

It’s choosing peace over chaos.
It’s choosing self-respect over reactivity.
It’s choosing your future over a moment of validation.

Strength isn’t proven through force — it’s proven through discipline.

Winning By Staying in Integrity

Here’s what no one tells you:

When you stop engaging in someone else’s game, they lose control of the scoreboard.

Winning without bullying looks like:

  • Setting a boundary and sticking to it.

  • Walking away from disrespect instead of debating it.

  • Saying “No” without explanation or apology.

  • Refusing to match someone else’s cruelty.

  • Choosing peace even when chaos tempts you.

  • Being confident enough not to dominate.

  • Leading by example, not intimidation.

When you choose integrity, you reclaim the power they hoped you’d abandon.

When you choose grounding, you interrupt the cycle.

When you choose compassion — for yourself and others — you create a new standard of strength.

And when you stop trying to outperform someone’s ego, you start outperforming your own past.

You Win Every Time You Don’t Become What Hurt You

What if winning isn’t about beating someone else?

What if winning is:

  • Becoming who you needed when you were younger

  • Responding instead of reacting

  • Growing instead of repeating patterns

  • Standing tall without stepping on anyone

  • Being the person who breaks generational cycles

  • Choosing softness in a world that worships hardness

What if the real victory is becoming someone you’re proud of?

Because every time you refuse to become what tried to break you, you win.

Every time you choose compassion over ego, you win.

Every time you stay rooted instead of rattled, you win.

Every time you lead with integrity, you win.

You don’t have to be a bully to win.
You just have to be brave enough to stay yourself.

SLAY Reflection

Take a moment and check in with yourself. Let these questions guide what comes next:

S — Sit With Your Truth

Where in your life have you believed you had to act harder, sharper, or louder just to be heard?

L — Look at the Pattern

Who taught you that compassion was weakness? And were they actually strong — or simply scared?

A — Align With Your Values

How can you choose strength with kindness in the next conflict or challenge?

Y — Yield to Growth

What becomes possible when you stop fighting battles that require you to betray yourself?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
When have you chosen integrity over intimidation, and how did it change the outcome?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s trying to find their power without losing their kindness, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Do You Build Up Walls To Protect Your Disease?

When I was living in my disease I built up walls. I thought I was building them up to protect me from all of you. From the big bad cruel world that was out to get me. But what I was really doing was building walls to protect my disease so I could stay sick. I didn’t want to stay sick, but that’s what’s tricky about mental illness, it controls our thoughts and actions without us even knowing it, making us think what we’re doing is our idea, when it’s really not, or in our best interest. Those walls that I built to protect me, only protected me from getting well, and behind those walls I kept getting sicker.

When I think back to those years I struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts, and bad habits and decisions that did harm to my overall mental, spiritual and physical health, my decline was so seamless I didn’t even notice it until I felt overwhelmed by it. I had been setting up my own decent into darkness for years and years, and as each year passed, I built up more and more walls to keep me from connecting from those people, places and things that could have had a positive influence on me. I didn’t want a positive anything in my life, even though I thought I did, but truthfully as the years went on I didn’t feel I deserved it, so I set myself up to fail, to fall deeper and deeper into the dark until I almost wasn’t able to find my way out. I would have been offended back then if someone had said I had disease, much less that I had been protecting it, but that is the truth of what was going on, and I am responsible for my part and acknowledging my disease was the first step in taking my life back.

We all can build walls to protect us from things we think are there to harm us. But how many of us have built them to protect us from getting help, or better, and we’re actually protecting our disease and keeping ourselves sick because that is what we know and think where we’re supposed to be? What are our walls protecting exactly? Only we can be rigorously honest and ask ourselves that truth.

For some of us, our sicknesses have become our identity, it’s what connects us to others who will not judge us, because those we spend our time with our just as sick, or perhaps sicker. We keep ourselves tethered to people and things that keep us just out of reach of the help we may need, or even a positive voice that may shed some light on our path. For me, I had been doing that for so long, it was absolutely terrifying to step out into the light, to feel exposed and unsure of the next step, but it also felt liberating to no longer feel tied down and ashamed the place I found myself, and, in doing so, I found a little bit of hope that I could move forward from that place and it wasn’t my destiny to stay stuck there. The truth is, we are never stuck, unless we allow ourselves to be, there is always hope, there is always help, and there is always a way out, but we’ll never find those things hiding behind our walls all by ourselves.

Tear down those walls you may have built, or, at least look around them, to find the light you need to light your path. Stop protecting what harms you and start fighting for yourself and where you are supposed to be, a place that allows you to be your best self, reaching your full potential and your dreams of what you could become. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you build walls to protect yourself? From what? From whom? Is it possible you are protecting your disease, or sickness, bad habits or fears that keep you away from connecting with people who may love and support you? Why do you think you do this? When did you start doing this? What can you do to stop doing this? How does it harm you to do this? Find the courage SLAYER, to reach out, to connect with those like yourself, with those who have overcome obstacles of their own and who may offer you a hand to pull you out from behind those walls you’ve built for yourself.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Today is full of possible.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Mad Hatter

Leave Room For Possibility

My brain tends to straddle between the practical and the magical. But when I get overwhelmed, tired, or stressed out, it typically defaults to the practical, which, can be helpful in walking through things, but it can also close my peripheral vision and the place where the magic happens. I consciously work every day to keep the channels of possibility open in my mind, to leave room for the unknown and channel my positive energy to that place, because the truth is, I don’t know everything, no one does, or can, but believing I do, or that I know what the outcome will be, closes the door of possibility of anything different than what I’ve already predetermined will be. I’ve learned, from the many years of living in the dark, that, not only I am grateful that I left the door of possibility open just a crack on a day when it mattered most, but that me thinking I know everything can lead me to a place of utter despair and a state of emergency. So, every day, I keep that door open, even when it feels safer to slam it shut, for possibility to come in.

When I was struggling to find the light in my life if felt safer to close off the world around me. I tend to, when I feel like things are out of control in my life, try to tighten the reigns and control things more, at least what is within my control, but in doing that I only see what I want to see, and I’m only thinking of safety, or what I perceive as safety, instead of really seeing all of the possibilities of what’s out there. During those times of fear, the “what’s out there” is what scares me, but, what’s out there isn’t always something I should be fearful of, because it can bring many beautiful gifts. In my journey today it is important to keep my heart open, that is the place where possibility is born, which is why, at times, it can be scary to leave room for it, because I feel vulnerable. But it is within that vulnerability that I have received so many incredible gifts, and why I work, each day, to live within it.

I do believe we are meant to share ourselves with others, to share those vulnerabilities, be mindful of what we do, but allow people to see who we are and where we’ve been, to feel compassion for those around us, and to be open to new things, thoughts, people and challenges. I have found that my vulnerabilities, those things I used to work so hard to hide, are what connects me to those people I cherish most, it allows me to share my light with others who may need it, just as someone else’s vulnerability lit my path almost 14 years ago. Our vulnerability is a powerful thing, which is probably why it can be so scary to show it to the world, but it is our soft gooey center that is our sweetest part.

As I am thinking about the year ahead, I remind myself to leave room for possibility, and that may be easy as we look forward to a fresh start, but it’s important to leave that room every day, especially when things gets tough or we get bruised by disappointment, it’s during those times that we need to push that door open a little more. We don’t know everything, and even though things may look like all is lost, there may be a reason for it all happening the way it has, and by leaving room for possibility we allow ourselves to be open to a positive result. For me, I had to trudge through a lot of difficult roads to find myself on the road I am now, and I can see how all of the roads I traveled on, even the most treacherous, had to be traveled on to bring me to this road where the possibilities are endless. Open your heart and let the possibilities in. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you leave room for possibility, or close yourself off thinking you already know the outcome? Does living closed-minded leave any room for the unexpected, or possibility of a different outcome? When have you been surprised in my life when something turned out differently than you expected. Write down an example. What did you do differently then that you may not do ever day? What stops you from doing that every day? Look at possibility like leaving room for dessert, I know I never have a problem doing that, so do what needs to be done each day, make sound, clear choices, but leave a little extra room for something sweet, you may be surprised what comes your way.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

What You Worship Will Eat You Alive

Whether you consider yourself religious, spiritual or an atheist, many of us still worship something. It may be money, clothes, ourselves, weight, beauty, travel, it can be a person, but whatever it is, whenever we place too much importance, above and beyond our own well-being, mental health and spiritual fitness, will eventually eat us alive, as what we worship will never be enough.

We can chase these material or idealistic ideas into our grave, thinking if only we just had more of it that would solve all our problems, if only we could obtain it all, then we would be enough. Nothing, that we can touch, taste or feel will ever replace peace of mind and self-love. Trust me, I tried for more than half my life. I chased clothes, shoes, handbags, beauty products, career, friends, anything I could that I thought would fill the void I felt inside, and no matter how much I got, it never did, I still felt empty, and I still hated myself. And not only did it not fill that void, it filled with me with jealousy and envy of those I thought had I wanted or needed to finally be fulfilled, and, I thought, happy. That thinking brought me down some pretty dark paths, and sparked some serious selfish motives in my day to day life. My drive, all of my thoughts, went to obtaining those things, and even when I would get what I was wanting, it was never enough, because there was always something bigger and better just out of reach. I was never going to have all of clothes, the shoes, the handbags the money, the projects, the friends, and so on, that I thought I needed to finally feel the way I wanted to feel, and that obsession brought me to a place where, realizing that, I then reached for whatever I could to numb myself so I wouldn’t feel the disappointment of that, and the fear that I was never going to fill that void inside of myself.

I had to learn that life isn’t about all of those things I thought I needed for happiness, it is about learning to love myself, and sharing that love with others. Those moments we get to share with someone else who appreciate our time and who we are, just as we are. It’s about all the stuff we can’t buy. And, it’s stuff we shouldn’t have to chase, or, it wasn’t meant for us in the first place. It turns out the trick to finding happiness was living in gratitude, it was being honest with myself, of finding forgiveness, of learning to laugh when I make mistakes, and letting my light and heart shine. There is nothing that can be bought or taken that can replace any of those things, never mind worshiped. What we should place our attention on is positive thinking, is healing, of giving back, and finding something that we can connect with that may guide us, or help us to feel grounded and at home, that, for me took the place of all the other stuff, and that is what finally filled my heart.

It’s easy to look at what others may have, or the latest and brightest new thing that promises to make our life better and think that is what  is going to make our life better, but we are the only ones who can do that by the choices we make and what we choose to place as being important in our lives. When we put too much energy into obtaining something or someone and give it all of our power we are in trouble. What we seek may eat us alive from the inside out. Start to find happiness from within and see how that radiates in everything you do, you may just realize you’re wealthy in ways you had never seen, and instead of hording the things you think you need, perhaps you will share yourself with those who will love and appreciate you. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you worship material things, or, people and places, thinking you need to have them in order to be happy? What do you worship? Why do you think that is the key to your happiness? What is enough to make you happy? Is it ever enough? Or, is there always more, or something newer or better? Do you ever feel satisfied? If not, why not? What can you do today to look within, to find some happiness in yourself or perhaps in a spiritual connection that makes you feel loved? When we place so much importance on outside things we set ourselves for disappointment, and, eventually even self-destruction. Put your focus on the right things, the things that give back to yourself and the things you can share with those in your life, not the things that can be bought, those things that matter most, you, just as you are.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! Fill your heart with your own love and positivity, then, share it with someone else.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Green Support You

Thank You Is An Action Word

Saying thank you can mean a lot, to acknowledge what someone has done and to let them know they’ve made a difference, but saying thank you just isn’t enough, just as saying sorry isn’t enough without changed behavior, thank you isn’t where your gratitude should end.

When I started on my journey of recovery I was freely offered a lot of help. I realized that I needed that help, as going it alone had gotten me to a personal bottom and I realized that asking for help was not only not a sign of weakness, but was required to find a solution to the way I had been living my life. I was never going to succeed on my own, and as much as that was a bruise to my ego, I had to learn to humbly accept the help and guidance from others. When I did that my road became less treacherous and became filled with others like myself working toward the same goal. I learned to walk with them, to listen to them and to lean on them when the road got tough, and as I began to feel better I started to think about how I could ever repay so many who gave me their time when I needed it. I was told to give back, to share what I had learned with others who may need to hear it as they walked their journey, and that was how I repay them and say thank you.

I think about that in my life daily, no matter what the situation or who it is, what action can I take to say thank you because the words aren’t enough. To truly say thank you you should demonstrate it in your life, every day, that is the truest way to say thank you, to show it in your actions. When we think of thank you as an action word it changes our thinking, it causes us to pause and think of how we can say thank you by what we do, not just saying the words, and how showing kindness to others is a way we can say thank you to someone else who helped us past just seeing ourselves and our own problems and sharing ourselves with someone else. Thank you is a way of life, not just something we feel in a moment and then move on, when we live in a place of thank you we carry gratitude in our heart and we look for ways to share that in hopes of allowing someone else to find peace, or support or acknowledgment, and when we do that we are also sharing that thank you, or gratitude, with ourselves, that we are in a place today where we are able to find some compassion for others and share a positive message or moment.

Next time, before you simply say thank you, think about what what action you can take to show how thankful you are, to not simply say thank you in a moment, but let that thanks continue from that moment on. How can you take action and say thank you today? SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you often say thank you when you want to acknowledge something someone has done for you? How do you do that? Do you just say the words or do you find a way to show how you thankful you are? Are there people in your life who have, or continue to support you, throughout, or for a portion of your life? How do you say thank you to them? Do you have a difficult time saying thank you, or finding a way to say it that measures up to how you feel? Many times we can say thank you just by living life as our best selves and giving back where we can. We can show our gratitude by sharing it with others and by living our life in a positive, healthy and thankful way, that may be the best way, and many times is, to say thank you to someone who has helped you during a tough part of your journey, or through a difficult time. Like many things in life, thank you, comes full circle, it doesn’t just stop with the person or people who directly helped you, if you take the action, it can be spread out to anyone in your life and continue to work through you as you continue from here.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Everything in life is easier when you don’t concern yourself with what everyone else is doing.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay - To-Do List

Do It For You

You have to get well, or improve your life or self, for yourself. Doing it for someone else usually doesn’t work, unless you believe you are worth it. Many times I have seen and heard people say that they’re making the effort for a spouse, boss, child, or family member, but without truly believing that you are worth the work you take the focus off of you and place it where it where doesn’t belong, on someone else. There are many of us too who believe that it’s not OK to be OK if others in our life are not. There’s a co-dependency in many of us who feel responsible to stay in a place that makes others comfortable and we don’t want to make waves by breaking from the pack and moving forward without them. Move forward. We are not here to please others, we are here to learn to be our best selves, to discover our purpose and calling and to share that with the world. We are not capable of any of doing any of  that when we hold ourselves back to someone else’s standard of living or effort. And, it has been my experience that when we do make the necessary changes for ourselves and others see that change, that many times they will ask about it and my be inspired to do it themselves, but that change has to come from a belief that it is our right, and is right, to do so.

When I made the decision to seek help I did it for me, because I believed I was worth fighting for, and I was and still am. I was fortunate that I had the support of friends and family, but there were those in my life that also weren’t well. I was concerned how my decision to get better was going to affect those relationships, but I had to do what was best for me and my life and let someone else follow their own path, or perhaps join me on mine. Some did. Others fell away as my new way of living didn’t fit in with theirs, and there were others who came to me, over time, to ask how I had changed things around. I’ve found that when we follow our true path and live our lives doing what’s best for our mental, spiritual and physical selves that miracles can happen, not only for ourselves, but possibly for those around us. Everything we do has a ripple effect, and when we make positive changes in our lives people take notice. I discovered the path I have been on for over 13 and a ½ years because someone had shared the change they made for them selves many years prior with me and his story inspired me to seek out a solution for myself. I could see that he had found something that worked for him and I took a chance that it might for me too, it did.

When we focus on what is best for us and not what everyone around us needs or worry about how they may react, we are on our true path, and as we grow on our journey we have the opportunity to show others how they may find theirs, or inspire them to seek that path out for themselves. We cannot control whether they do or not, but when our light shines bright it makes it easier for others to search for theirs. And, for those who are stuck in their ways, and may not like to see the change, yes, there are those people, we can set a boundary with them to respect our choices and way of life, they don’t have to like it, but they need to acknowledge that we do to stay as an active member of our lives.

We don’t owe our well-being to anyone but ourselves. We are the only ones who can hold ourselves back, no one else has the right to do so, and, we shouldn’t even be doing it ourselves, but who we are, how we live and what we want is up to us, the only person we should measure ourselves up against is our own self, from where we have come from and where we want to go.

Let go of the attachment of having to please others, or stay in a place that does not serve you. Let go of the fear of what others may think or do if you break free and find your freedom in ourselves. Let go of the idea that you are not allowed to succeed when others may not. Find your path, ask for the help you need to become your best self and make no apologies to those who may not be ready to join you. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you hold yourself back to please others? Do you choose to spend time with people who make you feel better about yourself and your choices so you feel better about not taking action where you should be? Do people in your life put pressure on you to stay where you are and not move forward? Who are these people? Why do you let them dictate what you deserve? Do you fear the consequences if you stray from their expectations? What do you think they would be? What do you think the consequences will be if you do stay and not follow your true path doing what’s best for you? Always do what is best for you SLAYER, no one has a right to hold you back from where you are meant to be, or where you want to go. Go, be your best self, or find the path that will help get you there.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you