Mental Health

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You are strong when you know your weaknesses.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Aspire Strengths

Our Weaknesses Are Often An Overuse Of Our Strengths

We typically are quick to point out our weaknesses, whether to others, or within ourselves. We can often fixate on those perceived weaknesses giving them more weight than our strengths and positive attributes. But often, those “weaknesses” are our strengths, we may just be overusing them.

When I look back to my life before walking this path, I often fixated on things to the point of obsession. Those things I obsessed about easily turned into dysfunction or behaviors that could easily become harmful. But when I started to get well I was asked to write down all the things I perceived as wrong, or the things I thought made me weak, now, I would have never described myself as weak, and still wouldn’t, but I certainly thought I had weaknesses and shortcomings. One of the things that was first on my list was my stubbornness.

I knew my stubbornness had been my downfall many times in the past, and, had kept me sick to the point of almost no return. My stubbornness along with my pride and ego, had to be redirected if I was going to get well. I thought to myself, if I could use my stubbornness for bad I can certainly turn that around and use it for good. I worked on using that same stubbornness to fight for my life and my health, and I reserved my pride for the milestones I reached in my recovery, the ego, well, that had to be sidelined, as it always seemed to get in the way of my best self and making the next right decision, but I learned to let go and trust the path I was on, and learned to sprinkle my stubbornness and pride with some humility to keep them right-sized as I set out on my path of well-being. There were other lessons I learned along the way, my impatience with myself was an overuse of my drive and ambition, both attributes could be strengths, and are in my life today, but an overuse of them leads me to be short of temper and impatient with those I see as standing in my way or slowing me down. I still struggle with that one today at times. But there were many examples in my life, that when I looked at my weakness list and really got honest about the root of where they came from, most of them did come from strengths I had, I had just supercharged them so much they turned into weaknesses.

It’s about letting go a little, not trying to force the outcome we want and trusting that we are where we are meant to be in that moment, even if it’s uncomfortable, it may be just where we should be to learn what we need to learn. Trust. Learning to trust. And learning to focus on our strengths, those positive parts of us that make us unique, or successful, or shine bright, learning to love all the parts of us that make us us. And finding a way to turn those weaknesses back into the strengths they were born from, so that we can be the people we were meant to be before we got lost in who we thought we were not. It’s also about allowing ourselves to continually become who we are, to remain teachable and open to new ideas, and give ourselves as much time as we need to find our path.

Look at your weaknesses today and see if they may just be an overuse of your strengths. Then ease off and let those overused weaknesses slide back to the strengths column. You have more strengths than weaknesses, you’ve gotten this far, but just think how much further you may go with more strengths working for you instead of against you. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do tend to focus on your perceived weaknesses? What do you think they are? What don’t you like about them? Can you identify what strengths they may be? For each weakness, write down the opposite attribute. Do you recognize those opposite attributes in you? Do you see a connection between what you see as weaknesses and the positive attribute is? How many connections can you make between your weaknesses and your strengths? How can you work on redirecting those weaknesses back into strengths? Many times what we think are our greatest weaknesses are an overuse of our greatest strengths, it’s all in how we choose to look at them.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! Let go!

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Define Me

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Anger is like acid, it can do more harm where it is stored than where it’s poured.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Makes You Happy

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Forgiveness does change the past, but it does enlarge your future.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Mistakes

The Shame And Guilt Quilt

When I was deep in my illness, I walked around constantly wrapped in the shame and guilt quilt. I had draped it over myself so long it became familiar—almost “safe.” But it wasn’t protecting me. It was hiding me.

I carried guilt, shame, regret—and I let them keep me distant from the people I loved, from solutions that could have helped, and ultimately, from myself. I believed I didn’t deserve better. I believed the quilt was my identity.

When Shame Becomes an Identity

We’ve all done things we regret. We’ve made choices we’re not proud of, acted out of fear or desperation, or compromised who we were for what we thought we needed. That part is human.

What turns normal regret into something destructive is when we let shame and guilt become our identity.
We wear them like badges. We drag them into new relationships, new jobs, new eras. We whisper:

“I’m a shame-person.”
“I’m a guilty person.”

When you think that way, nothing positive can penetrate your armor. The quilt blocks the light. It keeps out healing, connection, authenticity.

—

Why We Keep the Quilt On

There are many reasons we cling to the shame and guilt quilt:

  • Comfort in the familiar. Even if the quilt stifles you, at least you know it.

  • Belief in punishment. “I deserve this.”

  • Fear of change. Letting go means vulnerability.

  • Protection from hope. If you believe you’re unworthy, hope can feel dangerous.

For me, the quilt felt safer than the unknown. Better the pain I knew than having to trust someone else—or myself—to be different.

The Price of Carrying the Quilt

Pulling the quilt around your shoulders is exhausting. It weighs you down in unseen ways.

  • You avoid connection because you think you’re “too much” or “not enough.”

  • You hide portions of your life and truth, self-isolating in the name of “keeping up appearances.”

  • You stop believing you deserve healing, comfort, or unconditional love.

And still—you keep it on. Because the cost of letting it go seems higher than the cost of carrying it.

But here’s what I discovered: the cost of carrying it was far greater than the cost of releasing it.

Choosing to Shed the Quilt

The turning point for me was nearly my last. When I realized I had to step out from under that quilt—or I would lose everything that mattered.

It took:

  • Courage to acknowledge: “I’ve been hiding.”

  • Humility to ask for help.

  • Willingness to unwrap the quilt piece by piece, admitting mistakes, offering amends, offering self‐forgiveness.

One of the biggest revelations was this:

Forgiveness isn’t about excusing what happened—it’s about releasing what happened.

Once I forgave myself, the quilt began to fall. And with each piece I left behind, more light found me. More connection. More freedom.

What Happens When the Quilt Comes Off

When you let go of that old wrapping, a few things start to shift:

  • Your identity changes. You stop seeing yourself as the sum of your mistakes.

  • Your relationships open up. Others don’t have to tiptoe around your walls. You don’t have to hide.

  • Your decisions become driven by growth, not by fear of being found out.

  • Your mental & emotional energy frees up. You’re no longer spending 80 % of your day hiding what you’re trying to heal.

The quilt may have kept you “safe” from being seen—but spending life unseen is a cost you never wanted to pay.

How to Begin Removing Your Quilt

  1. Acknowledge what you’ve carried. Sit with one piece of the quilt—guilt, shame, regret—and name it.

  2. Write it out. Get the shame on paper. Speak out loud what you’ve been hiding.

  3. Ask for help. You don’t have to do this alone. Connection replaces isolation.

  4. Offer yourself forgiveness. “I saw, I felt, I made choices—and now I choose something different.”

  5. Choose differently today. One small boundary, one honest conversation, one act of self-respect. The quilt loosens.

  6. Celebrate unwrapping moments. Each time you live without the weight of a secret, light finds you.

SLAY Reflection

  1. Do you feel like you’re still wrapped in a shame and guilt quilt?

  2. How does carrying it help you—and how does it hurt you?

  3. What would letting it go allow you to feel or do?

  4. How would your day change if you didn’t have to hide parts of yourself?

  5. What is one small step you can take today to un-wrap something you’ve been carrying?

S – See the quilt you’ve been wearing
L – Let the light of truth and forgiveness in
A – Align with your worth beyond your mistakes
Y – Yield to freedom—un-wrap, un-hide, unleash the real you

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What part of your shame and guilt quilt are you ready to set down—and what might you gain when you do?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s walk out of the shadows—together.

And if you know someone who’s still carrying that quilt, send this to them. Sometimes, someone else saying: “You don’t have to keep carrying it,” is enough to help the process begin.

#SlayOn

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You may have no idea just how much you already have. Count your blessings today.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Fairtale

Slay Talk Live Video

Hey SLAYER! Missed us today for SLAY TALK LIVE? Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.

SLAY on!

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The most important person to keep promises to is yourself, promise to be true to who you are, what you want and where you should be.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Keep It Honest

Live In Simple Sentences

We all have stories that dragged on too long. Stories we should have ended that we held onto because we hoped they would somehow turn into what we had imagined, or worked for, or stories that used to be good but haven’t been in a long while that we cling to because of what once was, and then there are those stories that never seemed to reach their full potential, and we stay thinking that there could be a day that they could change. Without a conscious period, or punctuation mark at the end, those stories can go on forever, leaving us feeling unsettled, frustrated and unsatisfied. The more a story drags on the more complicated it becomes, and the more we attach feelings and emotions around the people and circumstances of that story that can make it difficult for us to move on when we should. We too, can hang onto a story too long because we want to be right, we want to prove something or we are determined to make something that is broken work, even when perhaps it never did, but the longer we stay in a story we are not meant to be in, the further we get away from our intended destination.

I have participated in many stories that should have ended long before they did, or perhaps, should have never started. Sometimes out of fear, or adventure, or trying to make things right, when they never could be. I do believe that things happen when they are meant to, but I also believe that we can delay our growth, and those moments, because we don’t take them in the moments we should, and may never get a second chance. Sometimes we do get that second chance, if we’re lucky, and it’s meant to get us back on track and on the journey we are meant to be on. When we live in simple sentences we are living in the now. We are checking in and making sure we are doing what’s best for us today, and working toward our next destination. Living in simple sentences clarifies things, it cuts away all the excess, the things that distract us, or the things we hang onto that complicate an otherwise simple story, it helps us focus on what we want and what we need to do to get it. It keeps us looking forward instead of backwards, and helps us describe our past in simple sentences as well, which keep it in perspective, and keeps the lessons pure and simple.

Sometimes we find ourselves in a story with many run-on sentences, it’s during those times we need to start editing and adding some punctuation. Life can get complicated all on it’s own without us dragging some excess baggage with us on top of it all, keep things simple, and at face value for what they are, not what you think they should be, could be or would be. Stop watching the reruns in your life and end the stories that need to end, it’s when we let go of those old distractions that our future becomes clear, right before our eyes. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you hang on to stories that you should have ended? Name one. Why should you have ended this story? Why haven’t you? What can you do to end that story in your life? Why should you? How has hanging onto this story harmed you? How may it have stopped you from finding what you are looking for? What are you looking for? How can you go about getting it? Do you believe you deserve to get it? If not, why not? SLAYER, we all deserve good things, but we need to make sure we take the road blocks out of our own way so those things can come our way. We need to let go of the past and end those stories that hold us back from becoming what we are meant to be in the future.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you