Gratitude

Hold On For The Good

Today is the 9 year anniversary of the night I should have died. I’ve written about that night in a blog entitled “A Power Greater Than Myself,” it was a night I should not have survived, and a night, back then, where a part of me wished I hadn’t. I had struggled with depression for most of my life, and that coupled with mental illness, there were many nights, years even, where I could only see the darkness in my life and didn’t actually believe there was good waiting for me, and if by some miracle something good did come, I believed it would be taken away. I’ve spent many years working on my own self-love, working on acceptance and working to live my life in the light, I no longer wish to die, and today, 9 years removed from that very dark and scary night, I am living the happiest days of my life.

When I sat on that beach that night, feeling alone and afraid, like death was closing in, I never could have imaged this place I am in right now. I was certain I was going to die on that beach, and my last memory of that night was me surrendering to the fact that I was not going to see another day. But the universe, God, whatever your belief or name you prefer, had other plans and knew where I was meant to be, one day, and so by some sort of miracle I was saved and survived insurmountable odds to find myself right here, right now.

The last seven days have been ones of great love, of a lot of laughter, of companionship, caring, and support. My life has changed tremendously, I became a Mommy to an adorable little pup, and became someone’s fiance, two things I would have missed out on if I had died today 9 years ago. Life has a plan for all of us, and even on those days that seem our darkest, or impossible to survive, if we let go, get out of our own way, and ask for guidance we can walk out of anything. I spent so many nights hoping I wouldn’t wake up in the morning, and thinking of that today it makes me sad, because today I look forward to start of each day, to walk this path with someone who loves me, who makes me laugh and brings so much light in my life. I am extremely grateful that I didn’t miss this time in my life, that something, or someone, knew better and kept me here when there were so many times I wanted to check out.

My point for sharing this today is to show my gratitude, but to also send out a beacon of hope to those who may be in the dark. There is a way out, and there may just be something really wonderful waiting for you that you can’t even imagine yet. Always keep fighting, even when things seem like they might not be worth fighting for, trust me, they are, and you’ll have no idea if you give up and stop fighting. When I was in my darkest days, I never could have imagined the life I have today, but there was a plan, and getting through those dark days inspired me to write this blog, and to give back in the many ways I am of service today, and coming to terms with the demons of my past has allowed me to find self-love and acceptance, and has allowed me to share my true self with someone I love, so even if things look to be at their darkest, hold on for the good, you have no idea what may be waiting for you. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel that there is good in your future? If not, why not? If you do, how do you know? What do you put your faith in? Have you overcome darkness to now see the light? What did you learn from that experience? Don’t let the darkness you may be living in tell you it will always be there, or that it is the only future for you, keep fighting because your brightest days just may be right around the corner.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! What separates privilege from entitlement is gratitude.

SLAY on!

state of slay expect

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Get into the habit of being grateful.

New blog is up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

state of slay interrupt

If You Feel Like You’re Sliding, Ground Yourself In Gratitude

Because even the smallest anchor can save you from the storm

There are seasons in life when the ground beneath your feet doesn’t feel steady. You’re doing everything “right” — showing up, trying hard, taking care of what needs you — and yet somehow you still feel yourself slipping. Emotionally. Mentally. Spiritually. Energetically.

It starts quietly.

A missed step here.
A spiraling thought there.
A wave of heaviness that settles on your chest and won’t explain itself.

Before you know it, you’re sliding — away from your center, away from your peace, away from the version of you who feels grounded and clear.

I know that feeling well.
We all do.

And when life gets like this, it’s easy to panic.
It’s easy to think: What’s wrong with me? Why am I regressing? Why can’t I hold it together?

But here’s the truth most of us forget:

A slide isn’t a failure.
It’s a signal.
And gratitude is your handhold back to solid ground.

The Quiet Descent We Don’t Notice Until We’re Already Falling

Life rarely knocks us off balance with one big moment. Instead, it’s the slow accumulation of little things:

  • A slight disappointment

  • A broken routine

  • A lingering insecurity

  • A change in circumstance

  • A comment that hits us the wrong way

  • A feeling we don’t want to admit we’re feeling

The slide is subtle.

It begins when we stop listening to ourselves.
When we stop resting.
When we stop checking in on our heart.
When we slip into autopilot because being present feels too heavy.

Suddenly, we’re overwhelmed. Or discouraged. Or disconnected from the person we know we truly are.

The human instinct is to claw our way back through force — push harder, work more, suppress the feeling, pretend it’s not happening.

But the way back isn’t through force.

It’s through grounding.
It’s through presence.
It’s through gratitude.

Gratitude Doesn’t Erase the Hard — It Stabilizes You Inside It

Gratitude gets misunderstood as a way to bypass pain.
But real gratitude doesn’t ignore how you feel.

It simply gives you something to hold onto while you feel it.

Gratitude says:

  • “Yes, this is hard… and here is something still supporting you.”

  • “Yes, you’re tired… and here is something still holding you steady.”

  • “Yes, you’re overwhelmed… and here is something still working in your favor.”

It returns your mind to what is real — not imagined fear, not spiraling emotion, not worst-case scenarios.

Gratitude pulls you out of the fall and reorients you toward truth.

It doesn’t invalidate your struggle.
It anchors you through it.

A Small Gratitude Can Shift a Heavy Heart

When you feel yourself sliding, you don’t need a miracle.
You don’t need a life overhaul.
You don’t need everything to be perfect.

You just need one grounding thought — one spark of gratitude — to interrupt the descent.

It can be as simple as:

  • “I’m grateful for the breath that steadies me.”

  • “I’m grateful for one person who loves me.”

  • “I’m grateful for the strength I don’t always give myself credit for.”

  • “I’m grateful for the lessons that shaped me.”

  • “I’m grateful for this moment of awareness — it means I can choose again.”

Gratitude is not about pretending everything is wonderful.
It’s about remembering that not everything is falling apart.

It’s the shift that gives you back your footing.

Gratitude Helps You Regain Perspective — and Power

When we slide emotionally, our mind tries to convince us that everything is collapsing. Gratitude counters that narrative with something more grounded and true.

It:

  • Softens the panic

  • Brings the nervous system down

  • Helps you see the full picture instead of the distorted one

  • Reconnects you to what’s working, not just what feels wrong

  • Reminds you of your resilience

  • Guides you back to your inner stability

Gratitude says:
“You’ve survived every version of life you thought would break you. You can survive this, too.”

And when you remember that, the slide slows.
When you feel that, the ground steadies.
When you breathe into it, you begin to rise again.

You’re Not Failing — You’re Feeling

There is nothing wrong with you for having moments where your footing slips.
There is nothing wrong with you for needing support.
There is nothing wrong with you for losing your center and finding it again.

Strong people slide.
Resilient people slide.
Healing people slide.

But grounded people know how to climb back.

Gratitude is your rope.
Your anchor.
Your reminder that, even in the wobble, you are held.

SLAY Reflection

S — Sit With Your Truth

Where have you been feeling emotionally unsteady or overwhelmed lately?

L — Look at the Pattern

What small shifts or stressors may have contributed to your sense of “sliding”?

A — Align With Your Values

What gratitude practice — even a simple one — can help you feel grounded in this moment?

Y — Yield to Growth

What becomes possible when you anchor yourself in gratitude instead of fear?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What gratitude has helped ground you when life feels unsteady?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to find their footing right now, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Your body hears what your mind says.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

state-of-slay Problem

Don’t Let Your Mind Bully Your Body

No matter who we are, what we look like, or how much we take care of ourselves, there are always things about our bodies we don’t like. And for some, things we hate. Even typing the word hate when talking about body image makes my whole body recoil. I used to hate my body. It never looked the way I thought it should. I realize now, those expectations I had were unrealistic, and those women who I compared myself to, on TV or in magazines, likely didn’t look that either, I know because I work in a profession where there are many paid professionals to make us look our best, and better than we look in life. But I can still fall into the trap of comparing myself to others. What is it about our brains that tell us our bodies aren’t good enough?

This goes back to my favorite topic self-love, something that I know may make a lot of you take a step back, and it also goes to acceptance. We’ve all been made in different shapes and sizes. And all of those shapes and sizes are beautiful, and all have traits and features that others don’t have. We tend to always be drawn to what we don’t have. But what if we focused on what we do have? And how we can make the most of what we have and showcase our assets in the best way?

I used to place the utmost importance on being thin, no matter what the cost. That obsession manifested itself in an eating disorder, and even at my lowest weight, it still wasn’t good enough. For me, now, it’s about being healthy and happy. I do eat well, I watch what I eat, I exercise, but I’ll also allow myself a piece of chocolate cake, it’s not something I eat every day, but every now and again, when I come across one particularly enticing, I indulge, and enjoy that. It no longer makes me feel guilty if I eat that cake, and I no longer punish myself for it like I used to. It’s about moderation today and enjoying life.

I used to use food as a reward or a way to punish myself. I would reward myself for something I had done with food I loved, but maybe deprived myself of, and I would also use it to punish myself when I wanted to feel bad about myself and I would eat things that would make me feel sick, or overeat for the same result. Neither of these actions are healthy eating, or way of finding a healthy body image. We should love the body we’re in, it allows us to do a lot of things, maybe not all the things we would like, but it gets us around, it brings us to the ones we love, it protects us from harm, so why don’t we protect and love it for doing all that it does for us? Why can’t we accept it for what it is?

No matter what your body looks like there is always something beautiful about it. Whether you’re athletic, or curvy, tall or short, there is something to celebrate, something that you can make your own, and own it! Find those parts of your body, or things your body enables you to do, and be grateful for all that your body does, and find things about your body to love. There is nothing more beautiful than self-confidence, so be proud SLAYER of the body you’re in and show it some love as you continue to use it to walk this journey and this path. You are beautiful, just as you are. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you like your body? If yes, what do you love? If not, why not? What don’t you like? Why? Are those things something you can change or work on? Have you worked on them? If not, why not? Are there things you’ve always struggled with in terms of body image? What specifically? Why do you think that is? Are these current reasons or stories from your past? SLAYER, you’re body may not always look exactly how you would like, but if you are taking care of yourself and loving yourself you can feel confident in how you look. We’re not all meant to look the same. We are meant to be healthy and happy, and when that priority is put before body image, you may be surprised how beautiful you find your body, and how grateful you are to have the body you’re in.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Thank You For Being Exactly Who You Are

It might sound strange at first, but I genuinely mean it—thank you. Thank you for being exactly who you are. Whether you’re someone who supports me, challenges me, or doesn’t quite understand me at all, your presence has helped shape who I am today.

Yes, even the critics.
Maybe especially the critics.

Some of the biggest lessons in my life came from people who didn’t support me. They challenged my confidence, pushed my buttons, and forced me to look inward. They held up a mirror and asked me to examine who I was and how I wanted to respond.

Sometimes they revealed parts of myself I didn’t want to see.
Sometimes they uncovered strength I didn’t know I had.

Everyone we encounter—good, bad, or somewhere in between—is part of our journey. Each person teaches us something. Each interaction reveals a piece of the bigger picture. And when we choose to see those experiences as information instead of judgment, we gain wisdom. That’s when the real shift begins.

Let the Good In

Let’s talk about the people who do love us, support us, and root for us when we can’t even root for ourselves. Sometimes they see us more clearly than we see ourselves. Sometimes they love us before we’ve learned to love ourselves. And sometimes, that’s hard to accept.

We’re conditioned to doubt praise, to question compliments, to scan every kind word for hidden motives. We brush it off. We minimize it. We say, “Oh, that’s not really me.”
But what if it is?
What if the version of you they see is actually more accurate than the one you’ve been hiding behind?

What if it’s time to stop arguing with the good and start believing it?

One of the most powerful things I’ve learned on my journey is that receiving love and kindness is just as important as giving it. When someone offers a compliment or sees the best in you, you don’t need to overthink it. You don’t need to explain why they’re wrong. Just pause… and say thank you. Let it in. Even if it’s just a crack in the armor at first, it’s a start.

Discernment Over Defense

And then there’s the flip side—the criticism. The judgment. The negativity. That, too, is part of the process.

We get to decide how much power those moments hold. When someone comes at you sideways, you can pause and ask: Is there truth here? Is this about me… or about them?
Sometimes it’s a reflection of their pain, not yours.
Sometimes it’s a reminder to check your own side of the street.
And sometimes it’s just noise—and you’re allowed to walk away from it without taking it in.

You don’t need to accept every opinion that comes your way. You’re allowed to be discerning.
You’re allowed to say, “That’s not mine to carry.”

It’s All Information

Gratitude isn’t just for the easy moments—it’s for all of it.
The love.
The challenge.
The growth.
The reflection.

When we stop labeling interactions as good or bad and start seeing them as opportunities for understanding, we step into our power. We reclaim our perspective. We make peace with the truth that people are exactly who they are—and they’re helping us become who we’re meant to be.

So, thank you.
Whether you’ve cheered me on or doubted me, whether you’ve stood by my side or walked away, thank you.
You’ve helped me show up as my fullest, most honest self—and that’s a gift I don’t take lightly.

Keep showing up. Keep being you. Because who you are matters.
And the world is better for it.

SLAY on.

SLAY Reflection

  • Are you able to accept compliments, or do you tend to deflect them?

  • What if you let someone else’s belief in you be the bridge to believing in yourself?

  • Do you see criticism as personal attack—or an opportunity for self-reflection?

  • Can you identify someone in your life who challenged you—and helped you grow?

  • What happens when you stop filtering your worth through someone else’s lens?

S-L-A-Y

See every interaction as a lesson
Let compliments land without argument
Accept what’s true and release what’s not
You are worthy just as you are

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What happens when you stop deflecting kindness and start letting the love in?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who struggles to believe the good about themselves, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Results vs. Rewards

Before I started this journey, I was very rewards-oriented. If I did something nice for someone, I expected something in return—or at the very least, an acknowledgment of my good deed. And if I didn’t get that, I’d hold onto one heck of a resentment. I wouldn’t say anything about it until I could throw a zinger at them later—a quick-witted one-liner meant to sting.

I was good at those, too. I even prided myself on them.

I thought if I did the right thing, the universe owed me something good in return. But it rarely worked that way. Because when you go into a situation with an expectation, you’re not going in with a pure heart—or the right frame of mind.

Doing It for the Right Reasons

I’ve talked about this before: we should never enter into anything unless we want to do it—and don’t expect anything in return.

Oh, that’s right. That’s the only reason to do anything. Because you want to. Period.

It’s the only way to keep your intentions pure. It’s the only way not to be let down when your expectations aren’t met.

When I’m having a challenging day—or I’m just plain grumpy—it happens. I’ll do something nice for someone without them knowing. It could be paying for someone’s coffee or putting money in a meter that’s about to expire. It might be something bigger. But the point is, I do it without expecting a reward.

But here’s the twist: we do get something in return. A result. And a result is far more important than a reward.

Esteemable Acts Build Self-Esteem

Sure, it’s nice to get a reward. I think we can all agree. But if that’s your sole purpose for doing something, you’re going to be disappointed—often.

It’s the result of doing something that truly matters. When we do esteemable acts, we build self-esteem. We begin to like who we are, respect who we are, and learn to trust who we are.

I had to learn this when I made the choice to get better. I had to make a conscious decision to practice it each day.

It felt strange at first—to do something nice without the other person knowing. I was told that if they found out, it didn’t count and I’d have to find something else. So, I turned it into a little game. Like a positive secret.

I used the same cleverness I once used to manipulate people to figure out how to do something kind without them finding out it was me. It actually became fun. And the more I looked for those moments, the more I found them.

The result? My mind stayed positive because I was looking for positive things to do. And that kept me living in the light. No reward could do that for me. A reward might shine a light on me temporarily, but it wouldn’t keep the light on in my life day after day.

Choosing the Path of Growth

We live in a world that’s very reward-oriented. It’s easy to fall into the expectation of getting something for doing something.

But we SLAYERS are better than that.

We’re about growth, learning, and striving to do better. What we want are results.

Results that help us build a strong foundation. Results that keep us on the right path, doing the right things, and remembering why we’re doing them.

Esteemable acts build self-esteem. They help us shed the feeling of being “less-than” or deficient. They quiet those negative voices because we’re not just doing what’s best for us—we’re also considering those around us.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Do you do things and expect a reward? What happens if you don’t get one, or aren’t acknowledged for your good deed?

Do you feel negatively toward that person? What if you didn’t expect a reward? What if you just did good things to do them—without expecting anything in return?

I challenge you, SLAYER, to do three good things for three different people this week without them knowing. If they find out, it doesn’t count, and you’ll need to find something else.

Write down how you feel after doing them. Then write down how you feel compared to before you did them.

Keep going, SLAYER. When we look for the good, we find the good.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one small act of kindness you’re committing to this week—just because?
Share your thoughts and stories in the comments. Let’s inspire each other to keep growing.

And if you know someone who could use this message, share it with them.
Sometimes, the best rewards come from giving freely.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Don’t forget to say thank you, especially when you stumble or don’t get what want, it’s those times we learn the most, be grateful.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Thank You

How You Talk To Yourself Matters

Would you allow anyone else to talk to you the way you talk to yourself? If the answer is no, your self-talk needs to change. The way we talk to ourselves directly affects every aspect of our lives. Our relationships, our success in business, our own personal development. As a reformed negative self-talker I can tell you, tearing yourself down, or apart, will only keep you down, or help you to slide further down into the darkness.

From as far back as I can remember I always talked down to myself. I always felt different, less than, awkward in social situations, I hated school and always felt uncomfortable, so when I didn’t reach my own expectations, which I often set at a level that was unattainable, I would tear myself apart for not being good enough. That behavior didn’t change as I got older, and the more time I put into speaking to myself in a negative way the more I believed it as truth. I also, sometimes unconsciously, would set myself up to fail to continue that narrative. I would viciously attack myself in away that no one else could, because, I wouldn’t let them. So, why did I allow myself?

It all goes back to self-love. Oh yeah SLAYERS, we’ve doubled-back to that again, that’s not going away, but, that really is the negative self-talk antidote. My negative self-talk nearly cost me my life, so it was imperative for me to learn how to talk to myself in a more loving way. They’ve done studies, with plants, where they’ve put a label that says love on one plant and hate on the other.  Loving words are said to the plant with the love label on it and say negative things to the other. They are watered just the same, but the plant with the hate label eventually dies while the love plant flourishes. It’s not any different with people. The more we tear ourselves down the more we die inside, and the more we speak to ourselves in a loving way, the more we flourish. No one is perfect, no one gets it right all the time, so why do you expect yourself to? We learn when we fail, we learn the most when we fail, that’s all part of the journey, so why not love yourself through that journey? If someone you cared about failed, would you berate them or cheer them on? You’d cheer them on, so why not do the same for yourself? In fact, we should cheer even louder when we fail, we should cheer that we tried, we should cheer that we keep trying, we should cheer because we should always cheer for ourselves. When I fail, or don’t meet an expectation I had, now, I counter that with saying something loving to myself, something I do like about myself, something I am grateful for. I practice some contrary action, which I’ve talked about before, so, even if some negative thoughts creep into my head, I change my thinking to something positive. It works. I also practice that when someone else upsets me, to move past it and not dwell in the act, I try to find something I like about that person and from that place, can usually find some compassion for them so I don’t sit in a resentment, something I can’t afford to do.

No one should be a bigger cheerleader for ourselves than ourselves. And we can be by practicing self-love. Life is hard enough without us being hard on ourselves, so give yourself a break and break out some encouragement and care when it comes to the words you choose to use on yourself. Next time you find yourself saying negative things, stop, and say something positive, something you would want someone to say to you, or, you would say to a someone you care about deeply, those are the words you should be saying and you can, it just takes the effort to stop the negative and turn it around into something positive. I know you can do it SLAYER, in fact, I’m positive you can.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you talk negatively to yourself? What do you say? Why do you say it? How do you think it helps you? How do you think it hurts you? Looking at your last answer, why do you make the choice to hurt yourself? Would you let anyone else speak to yourself this way? So why do you allow yourself? We believe what we say, so why not say positive things and lift yourself up rather than tear yourself down. Say those things to yourself that you would want to hear, and if you need a cheat sheet, write down 5 things you like about yourself on a piece of paper, fold it up and put it in your wallet, and the next time you start to say negative things to yourself, take out that list, and read it out loud to yourself, until you start to believe them. It’s time to stop the negative self-talk and start some positive self-love. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you