Before starting this journey I was very rewards oriented. If I did something nice for someone, I expected something in return, or, at the very least, an acknowledgment of that good deed. If I didn’t’ get that I was going to hold one heck of a resentment against that person, and of course, not say anything about it until I felt I could throw a bomb at them later with a quick-whited one-liner meant to sting. And I was good at those zingers too, I fact prided myself on them. I even expected a reward in my life, believing that if I did the right thing, or something nice, that the universe owed me something good in return. Well, that didn’t typically happen, because when you go into a situation with that expectation, you’re not going into with a pure heart or the right frame of mind.
I’ve talked about this before, we should never enter into anything unless we want to do it and don’t expect anything in return. Oh that’s right. That is the only reason to do anything. Because you want to. Period. It’s the only way to keep your intentions pure, and, it’s the only way not to be let down later when you’re expectations are not met. When I’m having a challenging day, or I’m just plain grumpy, it happens, I will do something nice for someone without them knowing it. Now that could be a lot of different things, it could be just paying for someone’s coffee without them knowing it, or putting money in someone’s meter that’s about to expire, or, it could be something bigger than that. But the point is we do those things, and we’re not expecting a reward. We do get a positive result though. And a result is much more important than a reward.
Sure it’s nice to get a reward, I think we can all agree on that, but, if that’s your sole purpose for doing something you’re going to be disappointed often. It’s the result of doing something that really is the reward. When we do esteemable acts, we build self-esteem. We begin to like who we are, respect who we are, and learn to trust who we are. I had to learn all of this when I made the choice to get better, and I had to make a conscious decision to do them each day. It felt strange at first, to just do something nice without the other person knowing about it. When I started this, I was told if they found out that it didn’t count and I had to find something else. So, I turned it into a little game. Like a positive secret. And I started to use all of that cleverness I had used to manipulate people, to figure out how to do something nice for them without them finding out it was me. It actually became fun. And, the more I looked for those things, the more I found them, and when I continued to find them my mind stayed in the positive because I was looking for positive things to do. So the result of those actions was that I was living in the light, no reward could do that for me, it may shine a light on me temporarily, but it wasn’t going to continue to let the light in on a day-to-day basis.
We live in a world that is very reward oriented. It’s easy to fall into the expectation of getting something for doing something, but we SLAYERS are better than that. We’re about growing, learning, and striving to do better, what we want is results. The kind of results that help us to continue to build our foundation, the type of results that keep us on the right path, doing the right things, and remembering why we’re doing them. We build self-esteem and we lose the feelings that we are less-than, that we are deficient, that we are inferior, because we are taking positive action each day, and when we do that those negative voices start to have less to say, because we are not only doing what is best for us, we are considering those around us. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you do things and expect a reward as a result? What happens if you don’t get one, or are not acknowledged for your good deed? Do you feel negatively toward that person? What happens from there? What if you didn’t expect a reward? What if you just did good things to do them? Without expecting anything in return. What do you think about that? What if you tried SLAYER? I challenge you this week to do three good things for three different people without letting them know, if they find out, it doesn’t count, and you have to find something else. Write down how you feel after you’ve done them, and then write down how you feel differently than before you had done them. Keep doing them SLAYER, when we look for the good, we find the good.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you