fear

Mental Illness – THAT Label

When I was suffering in my disease I didn’t tell anyone what as going on with me. I carried a lot of fear and shame for how I was living my life and thought that if I did tell someone the thoughts that ran through my head, and the things I was doing daily just to get by, that I would be locked up and labeled crazy. I had watched others in my life suffer with mental illness, and I was determined not to be like them, but determination wasn’t going to change the facts, I was in the throes of mental illness and I was loosing the battle.

I was fortunate that someone came into my life who had been where I was, someone who didn’t judge me or preach to me, he simply shared his story with me and lead by example. It took several months for that story to really resonate with me, but thankfully it did, and I recognized myself in that story and knew that that person was safe to reach out to and share my struggle with. It was that phone call that saved my life and started me on the path I live today, I have never looked back.

Why are we so afraid of the term mental illness? It wasn’t something I particularly liked as I set out on my path of recovery, but it put things in perspective for me. I had an illness. It wasn’t a lack of willpower or not being good enough that had caused me to get to such a bottom in my life that it brought me to my knees, and, nearly cost me my life, I was sick.

Mental illness covers a wide range of conditions that affect our mood, thinking or behavior. Some symptoms include:

  • Feeling sad or down

  • Confused thinking or reduced ability to concentrate

  • Excessive fears or worries, or extreme feelings of guilt

  • Extreme mood changes of highs and lows

  • Withdrawal from friends and activities

  • Significant tiredness, low energy or problems sleeping

  • Detachment from reality (delusions), paranoia or hallucinations

  • Inability to cope with daily problems or stress

  • Trouble understanding and relating to situations and to people

  • Alcohol or drug abuse

  • Major changes in eating habits

  • Sex drive changes

  • Excessive anger, hostility or violence

  • Suicidal thinking

I experienced all of these before reaching out for help. Sometimes symptoms of a mental health disorder appear as physical problems, such as stomach pain, back pain, headache, or other unexplained aches and pains. It’s cunning, baffling and powerful, and depending on what exactly you may be experiencing, it may also tell you you don’t have it. Mine certainly did, and on some days, still can.

But here’s what I’ve learned on this path of over 13 years. It can get better, and does if you seek help, and, are willing to be honest with yourself and others about what you are struggling with, if you are willing to do the work to get better, and can stop beating yourself up for something that is not your fault. We don’t criticize someone for being diagnosed with cancer, so why do we think we will be criticized for a mental health diagnoses? And if someone does criticize, it’s from their own fear or ignorance. There is nothing to be ashamed of. 43.8 million adults in the US deal with symptoms of mental illness everyday, and, with a diagnoses and proper self-care, many, like myself, lead happy and productive lives.

We need to change our perception of what mental illness means, and, what it does not mean. It does not make us weak, it does not make us less than, it does not make us losers, unable to cope, lazy, not equipped for life, it means we have certain obstacles we have to navigate around and we have to make sure we are doing what we need each day to keep ourselves in good health, mentally, physically and spiritually, that is all.

For those who dislike the label, labels do not define us, it is only a way to distinguish what is going on and what needs to be dealt with. For me, even though I didn’t like that label to start, it made what I was experiencing make sense, once I accepted that label I was able to do my homework and seek out the right kind of help I needed to get better, for me, shying away from that label would have only prolonged my suffering, and, in the end, may have kept me from getting well and which would have put my life in danger, the key to my getting well was being rigorously honest with myself and that meant I needed to accept the truth so that I could get better. I was told at the beginning of my journey that when I had the facts I was safe, even if they weren’t what I had wanted to hear, when I new what they were I could make sound decisions for my own well-being. The fact was, and is, I suffer from mental illness, except, I don’t suffer anymore, I thrive with it, overcome it and allow it to now connect me with others who may be struggling with it. Something that I once thought of as a curse is now the reason I started this blog, the reason it’s important to me to give back, to share my story because within that story and within my disease is hope, something I didn’t have when I was in denial about my mental illness.

No one wants to be different, no one wants to think of themselves as not capable, but suffering in silence is not the answer, not when there is an abundance of help out there, much of it free, to help you discover your best you, and to help you realize that a mental illness diagnoses is not anything to be ashamed about. May is mental health awareness month, a good time to look into what mental illness is and what it may mean to you, a great time to get honest and get some education around what might be troubling you or someone you love. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have an issue with the term mental illness? If yes, why? Have you been diagnosed with a mental illness? Do you think you have symptoms of mental illness? What are they? Where can you go to seek help or guidance? Do you talk about your symptoms with others? If yes, who? If not, why not? Do you stand in your own way of getting help because of your how prejudice of what you think mental illness is or means? What if you looked into it anyway, let go of your fears or ideas of what you think it means and just look into the facts? Mental illness does not make you a bad person, 1 and 5 adults has some form of mental illness, you are not alone and you are not at fault, but you hold the key to finding relief and finding a way of life that allows you to be your best self.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! It’s not the unknown that we fear, it’s what we think we know about the unknown that we fear.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay What We Know

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go, they only determine where you start.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Dont Compare

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Let no one discourage you. You don’t need a fan club to achieve your goals. Be your own motivation.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Ships

Fear Of Success

I’ve talked a lot about fear, and how fear ruled my life before stepping on this path. Fear can take many forms, and it can be quite cunning in disguising itself as others things, it can also pop up and get in the way of our success. Fear of success as another type of fear I also experienced.

I always had dreams, hopes, and goals I worked toward, and, even in my disease I accomplished a lot, but I did suffer from fear in regards to those successes. That fear came up for a number of reasons. I feared and believed I didn’t really deserve success, that I wasn’t good enough and that if I succeeded it would be short-lived because I would be found out as a fraud. I feared that if I found success that others would not like me and I would lose friends or feel ostracized. I feared that if I found success that others might feel that I was showing off, and if I celebrated that success, bragging about what I had accomplished. And I feared that if I found success that I still wouldn’t be happy. That’s a lot of fear trying to derail the things I wanted and worked for in my life. Looking at that all in print, it’s amazing I found any success at all, and when I did I would mostly downplay it as a fluke, or luck, which, of course wasn’t the case, I was working hard for those successes, but because of all the fear I was carrying around I was also afraid to give myself credit.

Fear of success can form from many sources. Some of us may have been told we can’t accomplish those things we want, we may have failed and were embarrassed by not accomplishing our goal, or we may not want to be more successful than those around us. We let outside forces rob us of success, and we let our own internal voice rob us of success. We are all meant to succeed. We are here to grow, learn, and find success in whatever given area we excel at, or find interest in. We are all worthy of success, not only for ourselves, but for everyone else we may touch by our success, or what that success may offer us and those around us. In a sense, it is our duty to succeed, because it’s not just about us, it’s about how we contribute to society as a whole, and our success just might inspire someone else to go out and find theirs. And what if we fail? So what if we fail. All of the most successful people, in any given field, have failed, and many, found their greatest success in those failures, so you have to trust the process and not doubt who you and what you have to offer. What you choose to focus on, what you are looking to succeed in is not an accident, you are destined to aspire to it, so to sabotage your own success because of your fear means you’re are not reaching your destiny, or your full potential, you are telling the universe, God, whatever, or whomever, you believe in, that they are wrong by not succeeding and by denying your talents.

Fear of success can be an invisible enemy, because while we are building something with one hand we may also be tearing it down with the other hand and not even realizing we’re doing it. It’s about believing that we can and will succeed, that we need to do our part for humanity, to contribute what we can give back by our success. Our success isn’t just about us, it fits into the bigger picture, and so when you may think that you don’t deserve success, you not only take that away from yourself, but everyone who may have benefited by accomplishment. Get to work SLAYER, you are destined for success. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel that you are worthy of success? If not, why not? If you do, why do you feel you are? Write down an example of a time you got in the way of your own success. Write down a time when you did succeed. How did that success make you feel? How, also, did your success affect others? What good came from that success? What good came to others from your success? It’s up to you to believe you deserve to succeed, and to not get in your own way of that success. You are not your past, you are working and moving forward to succeed and to be exactly were you are meant to be, successfully.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Fear can be a healthy motivator is we choose it to be.

SLAY on!

state-of-slay healthy fear

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! A lie is like a pain killer, it gives instant relief, but has side effects forever.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Truth Like Surgery

Don’t Borrow From Tomorrow

Before walking this path I was rarely present. There were a few reasons for that. One, I hated my present circumstances and hated who I was, so I would often think about tomorrow because that seemed less dim and dark because it hadn’t happened yet. Two, I wasn’t ready to take action to change the circumstances I was in, blaming others for my misfortune or believing I was a bad person who didn’t deserve better, so my head would live in the future with the hope that things would just magically get better on their own. They never did. When I set out to find a better way of life I was told to live in the present, to only look so far as what was in front of my hands, that, at first, frightened me, because it was hard to escape my situation when you could only look that far, but I realized that much of my anxiety came from fear of the unknown, fear of what might come next, and fear that I would also stay stuck right where I was. When I could focus on what was in front of my hands life became easier, because I only needed to focus on what was right in front of me each day, every day. My thoughts still wanted to jump ahead to tomorrow so I had to train it to stay with me right where I was, but the more I practiced it the more I found comfort in only focusing on each moment as it came, each task, each step I needed to take to get through the day. I realized why I had not been living that way as I started out on this new approach, there’s no hiding from the truth when all you have is the truth in each moment.

Jumping ahead was a way to escape, a way to fantasize and hope that things would get better. I would keep borrowing from tomorrow, and the tomorrows after those thinking somehow I could just wish things better, but as the years went on and the darkness got bigger and thicker, that hope was harder to find and I would reach farther and farther into the future while I was dying in the present. It was like a smokescreen, so I wouldn’t notice how bad things had gotten, and how bad they still could get, my thinking would propel me forward hoping a magical solution would present itself somewhere out there in the days that had not yet happened. They never did. The solution that appeared came to me in the present, in the form of a person, who in the present, could see how much I was suffering, and how sick I truly was, and in that present moment shared his story with me, which, in that moment, I did not fully absorb, but on a night when it really mattered, on a night when it mattered most, that story became as present as anything could be. I saw myself in that story and I was suddenly pulled back into the present, lost, scared, and wondering what to do next, but the thinking of what comes next, held me in the present.

When we find ourselves in those moments things get really simple. It becomes about survival, and when you’re fighting for your life there’s no time for complications. For me, I took the only action I could in that moment, I picked up the phone and asked for help, that action set off a chain of events that are still happening today, 13 years later, and today, 13 years later, I still focus on what’s in front of my hands, especially when life gets busy and can seem overwhelming.

It’s OK to plan for the future, to have goals and things you are working toward, but don’t cheat today by living in the future, you never know what you might have missed while you were looking ahead, and what you missed may have been the key to attaining everything you ever wanted in a future, and more, maybe even beyond your wildest dreams. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have trouble staying present? Where does your mind typically go? Why do you think it doesn’t want to stay right where you are? What frightens you there? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you think living in the future offers you? What if you tried to live in the here and now? What if you only did what was in front of your hands? Do you see how simple your life would be? How much more grounded it would be? When you think about doing that how does it make you feel? Try it SLAYER, focus on what’s in front of your hands, don’t allow yourself to get ahead and go to places you have not yet been when there is work to do right here, trust that where you are is where you are meant to be, and that there is valuable information there that will help to get you to where you are supposed to go. Follow your hands and listen for the direction of where they should go next.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Shared Suffering

When I was suffering from my disease the most I wasn’t sharing what was going on with anyone. I isolated and kept my pain to myself believing that no one would understand, would care, or that everyone else had their own problems so I need not burden them with mine. That rationale kept me sick for a long time, and got me sicker. The more I retreated and kept to myself the more those negative voices in my head became my truth, but it only took one person to share their shared suffering with me to give me enough hope to reach out for help.

I had always said I wasn’t a “group” person. I always preferred to do things one on one. Even growing up with my friends, I had my one or two girls I would hang out with, and we might do things with groups of people from time to time, but mainly it was just the two or three of us. That’s just how I had always been. So when I made the commitment to make positive changes in my life, and to seek help, it was suggested to me I join a support group and get to know other women who were walking the same path as I was. That struck fear in my right away. Me, join a group? That did not sound like anything I wanted to be a part of, but I had promised myself I would try everything that was suggested, so I took a deep breath and dove in. It was difficult for me at first, to sit there and try to be a part of the group, but the more I sat there the more I heard my story told through other people, and I realized that I wasn’t alone. I thought that no one thought and did the things I did, that was one of the reasons I never told anyone, I thought I was a horrible person and no one would understand, or even worse, would judge me for being who I was, but what I learned from sitting in those groups and finding the courage to share my truth is that I wasn’t the only one, in fact I found many others who thought and did things exactly how I had, which was shocking, but also a relief.

It’s been almost 13 years since I first stepped foot in a group meeting, and I still go today, in fact, I went morning I wrote this blog, and I was reminded what a gift it is that I found a group of people like myself who I can relate to, who remind me of who I was and who I have worked to be. Today, I look at that group as something I am blessed to be a part of, something I never would have imagined 13 years ago, but I now know the strength that that group has for me and many others out there who have found a strength with those who identify with them.

When I initially thought about starting a blog the idea was to create a safe place where we could share in our commonality, to create a community of like-minded people who were all striving to live in the light and be our best selves each day. I know there is a lot of power in shared suffering, especially when the focus isn’t on the suffering, but a solution. So for those out there who suffer alone in silence, I invite you to join us, I encourage you to reach out, to share your truth with us, we are not here to judge you, as we are no one to judge, we have all had our share of things we have done in the past that we may not be proud of, or even in our present lives, but it is a part of our journey, who we once were, and we have used those experiences to remind us of where we don’t want to go, of how far we’ve come, and to allow those seemingly negative experiences to bring us closer to those out there who once were just like us, and perhaps still are, but are striving to live in the light. You are not alone, unless you choose to be, but if you decide to come and join us, or others like us, we’ve got a place waiting for you and a love for you that you may not even have for yourself yet, that love comes from an understanding and a recognition that you are just like us. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you share your truth when things are not good with you? If you do, how does that help you? If you don’t, why not? What are you afraid of? Do you have people in your life who you can share your truth with, no matter what it is? If so, who are they? If not, how can you find people like that in your life? Do you see how finding people like yourself can help you to grow, learn, and give you a feeling of support? Do you feel there is strength in numbers? Go find your group SLAYER, even if that’s just us, we as a group are stronger than we are alone, if you’re looking for a place to belong, come SLAY with us.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Fear is often the result of imagined consequences rather than reality.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

state of slay fear life