Good morning SLAYER! Your past does not determine who you are, your past prepares you for who are you to become.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Author: Carrie Genzel
Your Past Does Not Define You
Well, unless you let it. Many of us have come from difficult, troubled, or tragic places, sometimes beyond our control, it’s easy to get labeled, or label ourselves as victims, or as those people from our past, but that’s not who we are.
I used to dwell on the past, use it as an excuse to for bad behavior, for not treating myself well, for doing self-destructive things, to me, and those around me. I told myself that it didn’t matter, that I was a bad person, and that I was entitled to it because of my past, I was wrong. Perpetuating that story or narrative only got me deeper into the darkness, and yes, there are times in our lives, or circumstances, that are beyond our control, but as an adult we at some point need to take responsibility for who we are and how we’re living our lives, and not use those things as a crutch to behave badly or to not do better for ourselves. We as adults have the power to change our stories, or to start new ones. To say that the past is the past and let it go, or move forward. Some things are easier than others to let go, but nothing is impossible. There may be circumstances that change us forever, but we then get to decide who we are in that new normal, and how we can make a difference, to ourselves, or others. I found a way to take seemingly negative events in my life and use them to connect with others, to share, to offer hope, those things, the past, now has positive purpose in my life, and because of that, all of that darkness is now surrounded by light.
No one gets to tell us who we are, or should be. Only we get to decide. And if someone is only willing to see us the way we were, or in a certain light that is not true to who we are today, then perhaps we need to let them go. It is also up to us who we share our lives with, and as we learn and try to live in the light it’s important to share our lives with those also doing the same, or, at least trying.
Using your past to hide is like continuing the abuse, the bad behavior, or reliving the difficult circumstance over and over again, only you are the one who’s doing it to yourself. To me, that makes it worse. It’s up to us to break the pattern, it’s up to us to say that’s not who we are, and it’s up to us to rise above and not let that define us. There may be residual effects from our past that we need to deal with in our day to day lives today, but we deal with them, we take them in stride, and not let them stop us from moving on, from living the life we want for ourselves today, from succeeding where we once may have failed. Everyone has obstacles to overcome, some more than others, but finding a way to work through them, work around them, or, incorporate them into the life we want is what sets us apart from those who stay stuck and never reach their full potential.
Let the past go, talk about it, work through it, tell yourself that you are not what has happened to you, or even what you may have done to yourself, not if you change that behavior today, and when you are able to do that there is no shame in where you’ve come from, because you are no longer that person, you are better, stronger, brighter, you are who you are truly meant to be, and to get there, it takes some falls, some lessons, and some forgiveness. Let go of what no longer serves you, look for opportunities to turn your past into a positive path for you to walk today, one that allows you to be your best self and allows you to let go of what no longer serves you. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let your past define you? Do others label you based on your past? How does that make you feel? Or, are you the one who labels yourself? Why? How does that help you? How does that hurt you? What can you do today to overcome your past? Who in your life can help you do that? Who supports you in this effort? Who do you admire for rising above their past? What can you learn from them? What can you apply to your own life to do the same? SLAYER, we all have the opportunity to let go, make peace, or re-purpose those parts of our past that are not who we are today, so don’t let anyone, or yourself, hold you back from being your best you.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Old ways won’t open new doors. The doors we decide to open and close each day, determine the life we lead.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
You Found Your Way Out Of The Darkness. So Now What?
This one was actually a special request, but funny enough I was just talking about this topic yesterday with a dear friend who lost his spouse a year and a half go and was feeling lost. I know for me, when I hit my bottom and finally reached for help I was faced with the realization that I had no idea who I really was. I had never asked myself who I was, and what I liked, I spent most of my time pretending to be who I thought you wanted me to be, and I got so good at it, the real me got lost in all the pretending and I had no clue the real me was. With the prospect of starting from scratch and learning about myself I got scared. It seemed daunting. I had to strip away all the characters I had been playing and I was left just with myself, but that felt like a big gray void. I knew I couldn’t let myself get anxious over starting over, so I tried to look at it as an adventure, or a mystery that I was going to solve, and that first started with making a commitment to say yes to everything, to try new things, with new people, and see what I enjoyed and who I enjoyed doing it with. As scary as that seemed, from a woman who had led a very controlled life, what I was leaving behind was far scarier, so I just jumped in. If someone called and asked me to do something I said yes, if there was a position to volunteer for and I was available, I said yes, if someone I didn’t know well asked me to coffee, I said yes, and so on, and with each yes I learned more about myself. I also made a list of things that sounded interesting to me, that I had never tried, and I set out to do all of the things on that list, and, if I could, invite someone else to do them along with me.
As time went on I discovered what I liked and didn’t like, and I made some new friends. Those people who I didn’t pursue a friendship with also taught me about myself. If I didn’t particularly care for someone I would ask myself why, I would also ask myself if that reason was because I recognized something in them that I didn’t like in myself, and from those experiences I was able to put together a cheat sheet of what I look for in a friend, as well as the knowledge of what I am good at within in a friendship and what I needed to work on. The mystery started getting less mysterious and I started to collect some cold hard facts about myself. Over time I was able to build a new me, and authentic me, one that I made no apologies for, and one that did feel familiar to me, but also new, and better. I also, through learning how to be my authentic self, was able to strengthen friendships and make new ones that were more in line with my new way of living, ones that were formed out of mutual respect and love, and ones that weren’t one-sided. I was finding a way to live a healthier happier life.
Today I still try to say yes to new things, and with new people, because today I know that those situations have come up for a reason, so I take the chance and dive in. I have a much better sense of who I am today because of saying yes and taking the time to learn from those experiences, I also learned to give myself the gift of time and patience, because the journey of self-discovery is one that you can’t put a time limit on, in fact, if you allow it, you never really stop, but give yourself some time, let your growth happen as it is meant to, don’t try to rush it or shape it into what you think it should be, let it grow into what it is supposed to be. If you’ve just found your way out of the darkness congratulations, you’re about to start the most exciting journey of your life, the journey of you. Go explore. Go find you. Go SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you find you get anxious at the prospect of what comes next? What scares you? What if you made the choice to look at it as someone exciting? Something of an adventure. Do you have a hard time saying yes to new things? Why? What are you afraid of? What was the last time you said yes to something new? What was the result? What it a positive experience? If not, what did you learn from it? Do you see that even if it wasn’t something you liked you can still view it as positive because you learned something about yourself? What can you do this week to make an effort to try something new, or spend time with someone new? Do it SLAYER, go find your authentic you, no one else can do it for you.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Self-love is a choice.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Talk to yourself like you’re talking to someone you love.
SLAY on!
How You Talk To Yourself Matters
Would you allow anyone else to talk to you the way you talk to yourself? If the answer is no, your self-talk needs to change. The way we talk to ourselves directly affects every aspect of our lives. Our relationships, our success in business, our own personal development. As a reformed negative self-talker I can tell you, tearing yourself down, or apart, will only keep you down, or help you to slide further down into the darkness.
From as far back as I can remember I always talked down to myself. I always felt different, less than, awkward in social situations, I hated school and always felt uncomfortable, so when I didn’t reach my own expectations, which I often set at a level that was unattainable, I would tear myself apart for not being good enough. That behavior didn’t change as I got older, and the more time I put into speaking to myself in a negative way the more I believed it as truth. I also, sometimes unconsciously, would set myself up to fail to continue that narrative. I would viciously attack myself in away that no one else could, because, I wouldn’t let them. So, why did I allow myself?
It all goes back to self-love. Oh yeah SLAYERS, we’ve doubled-back to that again, that’s not going away, but, that really is the negative self-talk antidote. My negative self-talk nearly cost me my life, so it was imperative for me to learn how to talk to myself in a more loving way. They’ve done studies, with plants, where they’ve put a label that says love on one plant and hate on the other. Loving words are said to the plant with the love label on it and say negative things to the other. They are watered just the same, but the plant with the hate label eventually dies while the love plant flourishes. It’s not any different with people. The more we tear ourselves down the more we die inside, and the more we speak to ourselves in a loving way, the more we flourish. No one is perfect, no one gets it right all the time, so why do you expect yourself to? We learn when we fail, we learn the most when we fail, that’s all part of the journey, so why not love yourself through that journey? If someone you cared about failed, would you berate them or cheer them on? You’d cheer them on, so why not do the same for yourself? In fact, we should cheer even louder when we fail, we should cheer that we tried, we should cheer that we keep trying, we should cheer because we should always cheer for ourselves. When I fail, or don’t meet an expectation I had, now, I counter that with saying something loving to myself, something I do like about myself, something I am grateful for. I practice some contrary action, which I’ve talked about before, so, even if some negative thoughts creep into my head, I change my thinking to something positive. It works. I also practice that when someone else upsets me, to move past it and not dwell in the act, I try to find something I like about that person and from that place, can usually find some compassion for them so I don’t sit in a resentment, something I can’t afford to do.
No one should be a bigger cheerleader for ourselves than ourselves. And we can be by practicing self-love. Life is hard enough without us being hard on ourselves, so give yourself a break and break out some encouragement and care when it comes to the words you choose to use on yourself. Next time you find yourself saying negative things, stop, and say something positive, something you would want someone to say to you, or, you would say to a someone you care about deeply, those are the words you should be saying and you can, it just takes the effort to stop the negative and turn it around into something positive. I know you can do it SLAYER, in fact, I’m positive you can.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you talk negatively to yourself? What do you say? Why do you say it? How do you think it helps you? How do you think it hurts you? Looking at your last answer, why do you make the choice to hurt yourself? Would you let anyone else speak to yourself this way? So why do you allow yourself? We believe what we say, so why not say positive things and lift yourself up rather than tear yourself down. Say those things to yourself that you would want to hear, and if you need a cheat sheet, write down 5 things you like about yourself on a piece of paper, fold it up and put it in your wallet, and the next time you start to say negative things to yourself, take out that list, and read it out loud to yourself, until you start to believe them. It’s time to stop the negative self-talk and start some positive self-love. SLAY on!
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! You are exactly where you are supposed to be. It doesn’t mean you are meant to stop here, but it does mean you are meant to learn here.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
There Is Purpose In The Process
We live in a very result oriented society. It’s easy to only focus on what the end result will be, or what we want it to be, instead of enjoying, or, taking note, of the journey to get there. Many times, the journey is meant to be the result. Life is about learning, growing, changing, and so sometimes life will dangle a juicy carrot in front of us, so we’ll take the leap and start doing the work, when the carrot was really never the actual prize after all, it was the journey itself. There is purpose in the process.
When I first stepped on this path I had a goal in mind, I had set a date, a milestone for myself, with a very distinctive end result, that I wouldn’t want to die, and I did get that result by the desired date, but what I also got was the realization that all of those days between day one and and that date I had set for myself, all of the work, the new relationships, the changes, the challenges, were just as important, if not more so, as the actual goal. Yes, not wanting to die was a very important goal to reach, but all of that other stuff laid down the foundation from where I could continue to build and of where I stand today. We get so stuck on what the prize is, that we don’t realize the journey is also the prize. It may not feel like it as we struggle, step out of our comfort zone and walk through fear, but it is. The fact that we are doing all of those things, or have done them, is the prize. No matter what the end result, we win.
Today I certainly still have goals and places I’d like to reach in my personal growth, but I don’t worry so much about them as I do staying present during the process. And I also know, from walking on this path, that sometimes that carrot is only there to entice me to start, and that prize was never meant to be mine in the first place, because what I was going to learn along the way was far more valuable. So I don’t question it. I don’t try to figure it out, I just try to be present and in the moment, and looking for opportunities to learn and grow, looking for what I am supposed to be taking away from all of the challenges and obstacles that come my way, and making note of the victories. It’s all of those things that, when I’m paying attention, give me the courage to keep moving forward, to keep challenging myself, and that give me the knowledge that no matter how scared I might be, or overwhelmed, that I will walk through it for the better, because I have so many times before. As my life has settled down, mainly because I stopped creating chaos many years ago, I now that get rush when I do something that I’m afraid to do, but it’s a better rush, because I’m not going to have to clean up a mess after, or hide from what I’ve done, I now can use those victories to share with others, to encourage them to do the same, as was done for me by countless others who had walked before me.
What if you slowed down today, and thought about the process? Took note of each of the steps you have taken to get where you are today. Where you would like to go, and how you are going to get there. Now, you’re not going to know all the steps you need to take going forward, but at least the first step, keep your eyes on the prize as it where, but, keep paying attention to the process, therein lies the greatest prizes of all. SLAY on.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you someone who is very result oriented? Do you get so stuck on the results that you try to rush or force the process to get there? What do you think you might be missing during the process? Do you ever think that you’re not getting what you want because you’re prize is actually learning during the process? Does that scare you? Why? SLAYER, as I’ve said before, we only know a little, we only know our part and not how it fits into the big grand picture of things, so trust the journey, the path you are on, and trust that those challenges you encounter are coming to you for a reason, so the reaction is not, why is this happening to me, the question is, what am I supposed to learn from this, and it may just be patience, to just take each step as it comes and know you are exactly where you are supposed to be and at the time you are supposed to be at. Let go your expectations, your restraints, let go, and just be.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! It’s healthy to admit you’re not OK. It’s brave. But don’t let it win. Be sad. Have your moment, your day or week. Then do something about it, do something for you, and find your happy again.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
