How You Talk To Yourself Matters

Would you allow anyone else to talk to you the way you talk to yourself? If the answer is no, your self-talk needs to change. The way we talk to ourselves directly affects every aspect of our lives. Our relationships, our success in business, our own personal development. As a reformed negative self-talker I can tell you, tearing yourself down, or apart, will only keep you down, or help you to slide further down into the darkness.

From as far back as I can remember I always talked down to myself. I always felt different, less than, awkward in social situations, I hated school and always felt uncomfortable, so when I didn’t reach my own expectations, which I often set at a level that was unattainable, I would tear myself apart for not being good enough. That behavior didn’t change as I got older, and the more time I put into speaking to myself in a negative way the more I believed it as truth. I also, sometimes unconsciously, would set myself up to fail to continue that narrative. I would viciously attack myself in away that no one else could, because, I wouldn’t let them. So, why did I allow myself?

It all goes back to self-love. Oh yeah SLAYERS, we’ve doubled-back to that again, that’s not going away, but, that really is the negative self-talk antidote. My negative self-talk nearly cost me my life, so it was imperative for me to learn how to talk to myself in a more loving way. They’ve done studies, with plants, where they’ve put a label that says love on one plant and hate on the other.  Loving words are said to the plant with the love label on it and say negative things to the other. They are watered just the same, but the plant with the hate label eventually dies while the love plant flourishes. It’s not any different with people. The more we tear ourselves down the more we die inside, and the more we speak to ourselves in a loving way, the more we flourish. No one is perfect, no one gets it right all the time, so why do you expect yourself to? We learn when we fail, we learn the most when we fail, that’s all part of the journey, so why not love yourself through that journey? If someone you cared about failed, would you berate them or cheer them on? You’d cheer them on, so why not do the same for yourself? In fact, we should cheer even louder when we fail, we should cheer that we tried, we should cheer that we keep trying, we should cheer because we should always cheer for ourselves. When I fail, or don’t meet an expectation I had, now, I counter that with saying something loving to myself, something I do like about myself, something I am grateful for. I practice some contrary action, which I’ve talked about before, so, even if some negative thoughts creep into my head, I change my thinking to something positive. It works. I also practice that when someone else upsets me, to move past it and not dwell in the act, I try to find something I like about that person and from that place, can usually find some compassion for them so I don’t sit in a resentment, something I can’t afford to do.

No one should be a bigger cheerleader for ourselves than ourselves. And we can be by practicing self-love. Life is hard enough without us being hard on ourselves, so give yourself a break and break out some encouragement and care when it comes to the words you choose to use on yourself. Next time you find yourself saying negative things, stop, and say something positive, something you would want someone to say to you, or, you would say to a someone you care about deeply, those are the words you should be saying and you can, it just takes the effort to stop the negative and turn it around into something positive. I know you can do it SLAYER, in fact, I’m positive you can.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you talk negatively to yourself? What do you say? Why do you say it? How do you think it helps you? How do you think it hurts you? Looking at your last answer, why do you make the choice to hurt yourself? Would you let anyone else speak to yourself this way? So why do you allow yourself? We believe what we say, so why not say positive things and lift yourself up rather than tear yourself down. Say those things to yourself that you would want to hear, and if you need a cheat sheet, write down 5 things you like about yourself on a piece of paper, fold it up and put it in your wallet, and the next time you start to say negative things to yourself, take out that list, and read it out loud to yourself, until you start to believe them. It’s time to stop the negative self-talk and start some positive self-love. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

4 thoughts on “How You Talk To Yourself Matters

  1. I caught myself, just this morning, being my own bully. I called myself lazy for leaving the trash bin on the curb overnight, instead of dragging it back up to the shed after the truck came by. As I was strolling down the driveway, an hour ago, I said to myself, “Damn it, if you weren’t so lazy, you could be drinking coffee right now. But, no. Here you are, shoes and pjs, where anyone can see you. Ugh, idiot.”
    And I thought about this article, which I already read, but didn’t comment on.

    I immediately apologized to myself, and started looking for something to be grateful for. I took a deep breath of 6am air, and thanked my body for being healthy enough to roll out of bed and have enough energy to drag an empty trash bin up a hill. I said it out loud, even. “Thank you, my body! You’re awesome!” After making myself giggle a bit, I heard someone else chuckle. Turns out, my neighbor hadn’t brought his trash bin up, either, and had just heard me being a weirdo. He smiled and said, “I guess we both have something to be happy about, this morning!” and continued chuckling as he walked away.

    You’re in my head, Carrie. Well, you and my chuckling neighbor. 😉


    1. Ha! I LOVE this! So good. Love the contrary action, and love that you had a friend out there on the curb to have a chuckle with. You also gave me a nice chuckle this morning as well.

      Keep that up, you’re on the right track SLAYER!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I can’t TELL you how many times I do this to myself! My inner dialogue becomes an almost passive aggressive path to destruction. It’s negativity trying to wrap itself in a pretty package and I’M THE ONE THAT WRAPPED IT THAT WAY! I’ve gotten so good at preparing myself for negative outcomes that they LITERALLY become self-fulfilling prophesies.
    I know things will not work out, so why even try?(sound familiar?)
    THIS is an example of the crap that I spoonfeed myself!
    I’ve recently realized that I lost the happy, positive person I used to be. I’m in process of finding her again. I know that there will be days that I slip back into old habits and when I hear those negative mantras beginning in my head, I’m going to drown them out with what makes me happy.
    That’s the bottom line… I’m the ONLY one responsible for me and my happiness.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Deb, thank you for sharing your truth.

      Yes, I relate to this a lot, and I’m sure many other SLAYERS do.

      The change starts by making a point to do the opposite. Something I’ve written about before, Contrary Action, do the opposite of what you’ve always done. So, when you want to engage in negative self-talk, flip the switch and say something positive. Ask yourself, what would I want my best friends to say to me right now and say that, say it out loud, to yourself.

      When I started on this path I wrote 5 things I liked about myself on a piece of paper, and those 5 weren’t always easy to get down, or 5 things I was proud of, and when I started with the negative self-talk I would look at that list, and if I could, I would read them out loud to myself, that, many times, was enough to change the direction of my thoughts.

      But also give yourself a break , it takes time to break life-long habits, so even if you slip, catch yourself and say something good, even if it’s just that you caught yourself, smile, that’s a victory.

      It takes practice, but the result is worth the work.

      The fact that you were able to share this is also a victory, that’s a positive step in the right direction, so congratulate yourself today for your honesty and courage to share.

      Stay on that path SLAYER, you are worth it, and, you deserve it. SLAY on!


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