Author: Carrie Genzel

Avoiding Happiness Is Not The Road To Happiness

Now, this one seems obvious right? But for many of us who don’t think we deserve the good, or make choices that sabotage the good in our lives, whether consciously or unconsciously, we may find ourselves in a state of frustration that we haven’t found happiness. We have to seek out happiness to find it, and to live a happy life.

Happiness is different for all of us, we all have our own definition of happiness, and there is no right or wrong, as long as you haven’t defined happiness as something that is destroying you…it happens, but we get to design and designate what our happiness is, but, to find it we have to let happiness in. And not only do we have to let it in, we have to go after it.

For me, when I first started to walk on this path I don’t think I even knew what happiness meant for me. I probably would have just rattled off a bunch of outside things that I thought I needed to be happy, I had no idea, really, of what the concept of happy was for me. As I started to get better I started to see it, I think I saw it first in others, that shine, that sparkle, I  would call those people the Shiny Happy People, and I certainly wasn’t one of them, but I wanted to be, they intrigued me, so I started to hang out with them to find out their secrets. What I learned is that they had found a way to love themselves enough that they overcame the ugliness of their past, of who they were and what they had done, they had learned to forgive themselves and those around them, they had found peace, and even though that didn’t mean life had stopped happening to them, bad things still come to everyone, even to the Shiny Happy People, they had found enough happy that they were able to walk through it without throwing it all away and falling back down the rabbit hole of depression and despair. See, when you’re living a happy life, and letting happy in, that may get tarnished a bit from time to time, but life can’t take away your happy unless you give it the power to, and the key to that is continue to seek out happiness even through the tough times, and eventually those tough times will pass and you’ll fall back into a state a happiness, although, you never really left it, it just might not have been as shiny and happy as you would have liked.

We all deserve to be happy. We all deserve to have good things. But we have to let them in, go after them, believe we do deserve them for them to come to us and manifest in our lives. It can be hard, at the beginning, to ignore the negative chatter in our heads that tell us we don’t belong there, we don’t get to be happy, and to avoid happiness when we see it, but we can get there by practicing contrary action and going after it anyways, by acting “as if” and by taking action in a positive way our own mindset may change and we may just start looking for the happiness on our own, I know I did. That happiness you imagine or want yourself is out there, you just have to take the necessary steps to get there, and realize that your own happiness is whatever you deem it to be, it’s yours and can be found in most places, so get out and get it SLAYER.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you avoid happiness? If so, why? Do you think you don’t deserve to be happy or deserve good things? Why? What if you did? What if you made the decision to go after your happy, what would that look like? What can you do this week to let some happy in? To work towards your happy? No matter how small if it leads you to your happy it’s a big step in the right direction. Instead of avoiding happy, seek it out, go after it, embrace it, it may feel strange at first but soon you’ll find it feels good, and you want more of it, and before you know it you may just find yourself, well, happy. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Nothing you can reach for can fill your soul, that is an inside job that only you can fill yourself.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Love Yourself

The Hole In Your Soul

Before stepping on this path that best described me, I had a hole in my soul. I didn’t know that I did, I just knew I had this emptiness inside of me that I could never seem to fill. And I tried, with so many outside things. But nothing I grabbed for could fill that hole, that emptiness, that darkness inside of me. The more I tried to fill it with distractions, with things, with people, with anything I could get my hands on, the emptier it felt, until finally I just felt like I was one big hole inside, just completely empty. I’ve shared this before on SLAY TALK LIVE that when I look back at pictures of myself from those years, I can see the emptiness inside, the deadness in my eyes, and the pain I was trying to hide. The picture attached to this post is an example of that.

It took a major breakdown to realize that I needed help, that I needed to try something different from what I had been doing my whole life to try to save my life because I was on a collision course with death. When someone mentioned to me that only I could fill that hole, and that it was an inside job, I got scared, I hated who I was and thought I was doomed, there was no way I was going to be able to infuse any kind of positivity into the darkness I felt when I hated myself as much as I did. If that was the key to my survival, I thought, there was no hope. But managed to find some hope, I found it within others who had done, or were filling that hole inside of them, who were working on themselves to better their lives, I saw it in them, and that was enough to want that for me too, I didn’t know if I could get it, but I made the decision to try, and not just try, to fight for it, because my life depended on it.

It started out by starting over. By throwing out all things I had used to get by, to survive and start with blank slate. Those things, in the end, weren’t really helping me survive, they were only masking the problem and would eventually kill me. So it was time to clean house, and I did. I have never been so terrified in my life, I felt like I was standing naked in front of a stadium full of people, but if I was going to get better I had to learn a new way of living and stop hiding. I had to learn to forgive myself, I head to learn how to love myself, and I had to learn how to live my life in the light, that all seemed like a tall tasks, and at times, impossible, but nothing really is if we commit ourselves to it and get to work. I had a lot of help, and I mean a lot, and I got to work like it was my job, because it was, the job of getting well, of fighting for me and my survival. I did it in steps, and did what I could in the moment, knowing that this was a life-long path, that I didn’t have to do everything all at once, or perfectly to move on, I only had to do what I could in that moment, and trust that was enough for now to move on. I had a lot of guidance from those who had walked before me, and also a counselor who helped me work through my anger and frustration about my past, and make sense of it as I moved forward. I can’t say it was easy, but I found my light.

Looking back I realize that the answer to all my problems was finding that self-love and compassion for myself, of letting go of the wheel, per se, and stop trying to run the show, stop trying to control and manipulate life to suit my needs, and trust that there was a plan, trust that I am always exactly where I am supposed to be, and if I don’t like that place, learn why I’m there, so I can move on. That hole in your soul is fillable, but it can’t be filled out outside things, it can only be filled by you, by love for yourself, by forgiveness, and by connecting with something bigger than yourself to find your place. Finding this for yourself is not an overnight project, it takes time, years maybe, but it can be done, today I feel full love, and no longer reach out to fill a void, that hole has been filled, and what is there today is what I share you with here on STATE OF SLAY.

SLAY on my friends, SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel like there is a hole in your soul? What have you done to try to fill it? Has it worked? What has it done? How do you think you can fill that hole? What do you think is missing? What can you do this week to work on filling that hole? Nothing and no one outside of ourselves can fill that hole we feel inside, that is an inside job, learning to love our insides is the trick, but it is the first step to finding peace within ourselves and our way out of the darkness.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! People generally see what they want to see, and hear what they want to hear, but when you always speak your truth, you hold the key to your own peace of mind.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Truth 1

People Hear What They Want To Hear

I used to agonize over what I shared and how I shared it, if I was in a large group, I would think of each person who would be there and how what I had to say might affect them or possibly hurt them by them by hearing what I had to say. I was sharing my truth, my journey, and ultimately what I had to think about were the people who might be helped by what I had to say over who might be hurt. My intention was to certainly not to hurt anyone, but sometimes in our truth there are things that are new information, or perhaps a perspective that hadn’t been seen or heard before, and I eventually decided that it was more important for me to be transparent and truthful than to worry about what others may take away from my words that could be construed as shocking or hurtful to them. What I’ve learned on this path is that people hear what they want to hear, or, what they are ready to hear. When we edit ourselves to try to please everyone, we are not only short-changing ourselves, but anyone who may be listening who can be helped by our truth.

There are many times people can have selective hearing. Whether it’s because they are closed off to any kind of thinking or new information that is not in line with their own, or because they are just not ready to hear the truth and seem to edit the words we share to fit the narrative they’ve put forth in their mind. Regardless of what may be going on for someone else, what’s most important is that we don’t edit who we are and what we share. I have learned long ago to stop worrying and just speak from the heart, and there have been many times when I think that someone might have a hard time hearing what I have to say and lo and behold they seem to have not heard that part or parts I was concerned about, or heard it in a way that made it OK for them. Instead of correcting them, I trust they heard what they were supposed to in that moment, and perhaps, one day, they will be in a place to take in the rest.

Where this gets tricky is if there is a conflict. This goes back to a previous blog I wrote called, People Cast Us In Their Lives. Many times people have already made up their minds who we are to them and what our part is, even without our input, or sometimes, even our knowledge. We may walk into a situation ready to share our truth and they only hear the things that fit the narrative they have already written, they lock in that narrative, with no room for adjustments or edits. That can be difficult, but all we can do is be truthful and honest, share the facts as we see them, and let go of the rest. We can’t make someone hear what they don’t want to hear, but if we are sharing our authentic selves, and our truth, perhaps we have planted a seed, and when they are ready, they might hear the rest, or our words might resonate with them, but, we cannot count on that, nor can we control it. We just need to be honest about who we are and where we’re coming from.

The only person we have control over is us, we can’t control how people perceive and receive our words, and even with the best of intentions, those words can sometimes get twisted through the filter of someone else’s ears, and that is not our problem. We have to be true to ourselves, sensitive to not purposely cause harm with what we say, even if it is our truth, but not worry about sharing who we are and where we’ve come from because we’re concerned it may upset someone else. It’s a fine line of being responsible, but also honoring ourselves. I have learned that if I stand in my truth and share with an open heart and an open mind, most of the time, others will come join you there, those others are the ones who are meant to hear your words, and will stand by you when those words my fall on deaf ears. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you worry about sharing your true self with others and what they may think or how they may react? Why? Are there examples from your past where things have gone negatively? What happened? Should you have done something different? Or, was the result not your issue, but someone else’s who didn’t want to hear, or chose not to hear, what you had to say? Do you have fear about sharing your truth? Why? Do you see that when you don’t share your truth you are telling yourself that your truth, your feelings, your actions don’t matter? They do SLAYER. Stand tall in who you are, share your heart with others, and if someone doesn’t want to hear, or can’t hear, what you have to say, let them go, perhaps they will return when they are ready.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The two most powerful words you can share with someone are, I’m sorry. Whether you have something to be sorry about or not, truly listening to another person and sincerely offering an “I’m sorry,” is one of the most beautiful gifts you can give someone else.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Sorry

Slay Talk Live Video

Hello SLAYERS! If you didn’t join us tonight for SLAY TALK LIVE here’s what you missed, hope you can join us next time. SLAY on!

Sometimes All Someone Wants To Hear Is, I’m Sorry

There are moments when nothing can be done—when there’s no way to fix a situation or make it better. And in those moments, sometimes all someone wants to hear is, “I’m sorry.” Even if we’re not responsible for what happened, acknowledging someone’s experience can mean the world.

A Simple Yet Powerful Gesture

I think back to my life before walking this path, and how much it would have meant to hear those words. The power of a heartfelt “I’m sorry” is incredible. It connects us, makes us feel seen and valued, and reminds us that our feelings matter.

I remember sharing my story with someone I trusted, and when she gently put her hand on mine and said, “I’m sorry,” it felt like a wave of warmth washed over me. She had nothing to do with the events that led me to that moment, but her simple words were the first real validation of my pain and struggle. It helped me exhale. It helped me start to let go.

Owning Our Part

When we do have something to apologize for, those words carry even more weight. Saying “I’m sorry” for something we did—whether intentionally or not—shows strength. It honors the other person and ourselves. It’s not about weakness or surrender, but about standing in our truth and striving to be better.

As SLAYERS, we’re constantly working on ourselves. Yes, we’ll slip. Yes, we’ll make mistakes. But admitting our wrongs and saying, “I’m sorry,” can mend broken relationships and open the door to healing.

A Path to Healing

There’s magic in those words. “I’m sorry” can be the start of a new chapter, whether it’s in a relationship scarred by past pain or for someone still carrying the weight of old wounds. Sometimes, the apology won’t come from the person who caused the hurt. But when it comes from someone who cares—someone willing to listen and extend compassion—it still holds power. It’s a first step toward healing.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you struggle to say “I’m sorry”? Why?

  • What do you think it says about you if you apologize?

  • Have you ever seen “I’m sorry” as a sign of weakness? Can you shift that perspective?

  • Do you appreciate hearing someone say they’re sorry, even if they weren’t directly involved? How does it make you feel?

  • Do you offer that same compassion to others when they’re hurting? Why or why not?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
When was the last time you heard—or said—“I’m sorry”? How did it change the moment?
Share your thoughts in the comments. Let’s build each other up with honesty and compassion.

And if you know someone who’s been holding on to pain, send this to them.
Sometimes, just hearing those words is a step toward healing.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Do the work. Be the prize.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Happy Ending

You Can’t Stay Clean On Yesterday’s Shower

It’s easy to think that once we’ve made progress—once we’ve found a bit of peace, clarity, or healing—we’re done. But recovery, self-care, and growth don’t work that way.

I’ve learned that the girl who nearly slipped away, who thought she was less-than, who let fear and shame rule her life—she’s still a part of me. And it’s my job every day to keep her safe.

Why Consistency Matters

When I hit my bottom, I was desperate enough to work hard for my life. I was all in—committed, determined, willing to do whatever it took. And as things started to improve, as I built a life I was proud of, I kept working.

But then, when life got good, it was tempting to coast. To think I could take a break, let things slide, ease up a little. But that’s when we’re most vulnerable. The fuel that kept us moving forward eventually runs out if we don’t refill it.

We can’t rely on yesterday’s efforts to carry us through today. Just like we can’t stay clean on yesterday’s shower.

Staying Honest With Ourselves

Do we need to work on ourselves every day? Yes. Some days require more effort than others, but we always need to be honest about where we are—about the thoughts we’re entertaining, the behaviors we’re slipping into, and the ways we’re nurturing (or neglecting) ourselves.

When we stop doing the work, the old patterns start sneaking back in. The negative self-talk committee finds new ways to chip away at our progress. Staying in the light requires continuous action.

It’s not about perfection. It’s about commitment. To ourselves. To the journey. To the light.

SLAY OF THE DAY

Do you back off your self-care when things feel good?
What signs tell you that you’re slipping into old habits?
What can you do today to reset and refocus?
Are you overwhelmed by the thought of doing the work every day? Why?
What small steps can you take to keep your light burning?
Self-esteem comes from doing esteemable acts—honoring who we are, staying true to our path, and refusing to let our inner flame go out. Stay vigilant, stay present, and keep moving forward.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
How do you keep yourself in the light when life gets busy? What tools or practices help you stay on track?
Share your story in the comments and let’s support each other as we fight the good fight.
And if you know someone who’s struggling to stay in the light, send this their way. Let’s keep the flame burning for all of us.