State Of Slay

New Year, New You

Today is New Year’s Eve. The end of one year and the beginning of another. I’ve never been one for New Year’s Resolutions, I’ve always made commitments to myself as I feel I’m ready for them, or ready for the challenge of them, so the idea of having to come up with them on a specific day has never really appealed to me. What I do like is the idea of a clean slate. A fresh page. A new year gives us a marker and chance to hit the restart button and start again. Now, we’re still us walking into the new year, but maybe we’re us with a different perspective, with new goals, or a drive to find what we’re looking for. It’s a time to take a deep breath and let go of the past to make room for something new. The problem I have with resolutions is that we seem to set ourselves up to fail. We set them thinking we should have them, people ask us what they are, there’s that anticipation that we have to have answers when asked, and so we set forth and make a list that we may not be fully ready to commit to, or truly have any intention of taking action on. So, if we do feel pressured to make a list, and there is no real pressure to, or we’re just wanting to set some goals for ourselves as we head into a new year, how do we make better choices when it comes to finding out what we really do intend to change, or want to change?

First, it’s asking ourselves why we’re wanting things to change, and what we’re wanting to change? What is our motivation behind seeking out this change? Why is it important to us? How will it help us or benefit us? And these answers should have answers that pertain to us, not how we’ll look to others, or if they’ll help someone else, these should be our goals or changes that will help us to become the people we want to be, who we aspire to be, because deep down we know we are those people. It’s about uncovering our true selves and getting rid of old habits we used to use to get by, or survive, or possibly hide who we truly were. Our goals or resolutions, if we want to stick with that label, should not be born out of judgment of ourselves, or comparison of those around us. They should come from a truth inside of us that we know we should change because what we are wanting to let go of is no longer serving us, or possibly never did. These goals should be internal goals, done for internal reasons, not because they’ll look good on the outside, when we do what we think we should do, or we do something to please someone else, but we don’t believe it in our heart, we are setting ourselves up to fail. We should only do what we know is right for us and do it for us, only then do we have a chance to overcome that particular hurdle and succeed.

We also have to give ourselves time. Change doesn’t happen overnight. We can make some changes, but we have give ourselves time to let those changes settle in, and also, give ourselves some leeway to know we’re going to revert back to our old ways from time to time, change takes time, and it takes practice, so even if you fall back, don’t just throw in the towel, understand that’s part of the process, learn from it, and keep going. The more you do something, the more it becomes your new normal. Failure is a part of the process. Always remember why you’re making the change and how it affects you personally. Remember why you’re doing what you’re doing.

Having the awareness that you want to change and what you want to change is a catalyst for change. Awareness is half the battle, the rest is doing it. So really look at your life, who you are, what you do, how you interact with the world around you and be honest with yourself, are you living as your true self? What areas can you improve on? What areas can you really shine? It can be hard to take an honest look at ourselves, but change doesn’t happen if we keep telling ourselves the same story and living in a place that doesn’t allow us to be our best selves. Take a cold hard look at you, the stuff that makes you flinch, or makes you uncomfortable, that’s the perfect place to stop and take a look and ask yourself why it does. Anything can be changed for the better, we all have the ability to make changes and live a fuller life. Once we make some decisions and put a plan in motion it changes our trajectory, our direction, and sets us on a new path, and if we stay true to that path, and true to us, that path will continue to give back to us and will continue to give us what we need on this new path.

Really, we can change or start something new any day of the year, but why not take some time today to reflect on what things in your life you would like to change that are in your reach to change. Write them down, and write down the steps you can take to make those changes happen. Only we know what is best for us, and only we can do the work to make sure we are and have the best for us. So roll up your sleeves SLAYER, this is a great time to dig into your toolbox and find the tools you need to be your best you this year. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you typically set New Year’s Resolutions for yourself at the beginning of year? Do you stick to them? If you don’t, why do you think you fail? Are they realistic? Why don’t you follow through? Searching your heart, what change would you like to see this year for yourself? How can you make these changes happen? If you don’t know, ask those around you, with those you trust or who maybe inspire you, ask them how they might go about achieving the same goal. Find those things you think are holding you back, those things you might hide behind, or use as protection, make a commitment to get rid of them, to get out from behind them, to allow yourself to be your best you and shed those things you no longer need, those things that are only holding you back. Give yourself the gift of self empowerment, of doing what’s best for you, and following through on letting your best parts shine.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Behind every negative thing is a positive thing we can learn.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Change

 

Sometimes Something Negative Gives Us Exactly What We Want

I was recently on a trip, and during the process of checking in online something got messed up, perhaps it had something to do with us trying to do it on a phone in the sun poolside, but online checking wouldn’t let us check-in properly or give us boarding passes, it said we had to go to the counter in the airport. As we were trying to squeeze in the most out of our vacation we were frustrated as we were hoping to just breeze right through to security and not have to account for time waiting in line at the counter to sort out why we weren’t able to check-in properly. We let it get the best of us for a few moments, but the next day we left earlier than we wanted to just to be safe. In the end the whole process didn’t take that long and because my boyfriend was selected for an additional security check in the Jetway prior to our flight, a seemingly negative once again, he was able to board the plane earlier and he was able to get us the exact seats we were hoping to get so we were able to sit together for a trip home. So, a negative turned into a positive. Now, in the big scheme of things seats on an airplane is quite trivial, but it reminded me of how we categorize events in our lives as positive and negative, when, we don’t know how those events will play out in our lives, or the reason they’ve come up. You see, we don’t know what the outcome of any set of events will be. We can set out to have a positive attitude about them, we can do the footwork and set things up to give us the best possible outcome, but in the end, we have no control over how things actually unfold. What we do have control over is how we act and react to what’s going on around us.

In the instance with checking in for our flight, even though we were initially frustrated, we gave ourselves plenty of time to go through the process, and we went to the airport with a positive attitude and mindset. All things we can control. In the end it worked to our advantage, but even if it hadn’t there’s a lesson in that too, one of going with the flow and trusting that life is taking you where you need to be, and that maybe those things we think or feel or so important, aren’t really that important at all, they’re just nice to have, but not necessities for our well-being. Many times we can place importance on things that aren’t really that important, we give them much more value than they deserve, or we tell ourselves things have to be a certain way, but they don’t, not always, maybe not ever, sometimes when things don’t go our way we get the chance to experience something new, or see something from a different angle, and what we learn is that perhaps the way we’ve always “needed” things to be, or wanted them to be, wasn’t the best way after all, and we never would have known that if we always got our way and things always went exactly the way we wanted them to.

It’s a matter of perspective as well. When something seemingly negative happens, it’s our choice to have an open mind about it and be open to new possibilities. It’s also falls into a place of trust or having faith that you are being guided to exactly where you are supposed to be, or need to be. I find when I look at things from that perspective I am better able to let things go of the way I think they should be. Be open to new things, new ideas, new experiences, new ways of doing things. Let go and trust the path you’re on. When things don’t go your way, use that as an opportunity to change your attitude towards it, look at it as a possibility of something new and exciting, something different that you’re getting a chance to experience, and you just might find that the things you fought so hard to have a certain way weren’t the best way after all.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you find that if something doesn’t go your way, or if it’s not exactly the way you want it, that you have a negative attitude around it? Do you then let that sabotage your day and effect those around you? Do you see that you have a choice in how you let seemingly negative things effect you? Do you see that being open to new things can possibly show you a better way, or make your world bigger? List 5 examples of times that something negative happened and something positive came out of it as a result. List 5 examples where you could have changed your attitude about something you labeled as negative. How could a positive attitude have changed the outcome of those examples. In the end SLAYER, we only know what’s in front of us, or where we’ve been, we don’t have the whole picture, so when we’re only willing to see and do things our way, we may be missing out on a place we’re supposed to be, a place with new opportunities, new people, and new ideas, be open the next time something negative happens, look for the good that can come from that, even if it’s just the act of being open, I guarantee your life will get bigger and brighter if you do. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Maybe the journey isn’t about becoming anything, but unbecoming everything that isn’t really to so you can become who you were meant to be in the first place. Only you know the real you, no one else can tell you who you are.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Journey

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Let go of the results and trust the journey, the journey itself is the point, and when we stay out of the way we often find that what we are seeking may be within reach, or, that the path to it lies ahead.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Stormy

The Journey Is The Point

I am boarding a plane today to go home after a vacation and as I got up I thought to myself, ugh, wish I could just blink my eyes and just be home. The thought of getting to the airport, checking in, getting on the plane, sitting on the plane, getting home from the airport, just seems daunting, even though I’ve done it hundreds and hundreds of times, I just want to get to the end. It made me think about life and how many times we don’t want to go through the process, we just want to get to the finish line, but whole point to all of this is the journey itself, even more so than the actual goal. The journey is where we need stamina, it’s where we learn, grow, it challenges us, it may defeat us temporarily, but it’s about getting back up and continuing on, battling on, to get to where we want to go, it’s all in the journey.

When I think back to where I’ve come from, literally knees on the floor, lost, lower than low, beaten at my own game, all I wanted at the moment was to get better, I don’t even know if I knew what that meant, I just wanted to stop hating myself, lying to myself, and those around me, and I knew I didn’t want to die, so I set foot on a new journey, one of hope, love, and empowerment, my step was shaky and very unsure, but I kept stepping, moving forward, and with the help of many I kept stepping, and today I continue to step, you see, I realize, almost 12 years on this path, that it’s the journey that is most important, that it’s all about the journey, and I now look at it as a positive experience, not just a bunch of things I need to do or experience to get better. The journey has taught me how to be a better person, how to be loving to myself, how to trust people, how to put my ego aside and do what’s right, and how to trust that no matter where I am on the path, that’s exactly where I’m supposed to be. If we sprint to the finish line we miss all the good stuff along the way, we may still get there, but we’ve cheated ourselves out of all the juicy stuff along the way, the stuff that ultimately makes us us.

In a society of quick fixes, of short-cuts, apps, virtual assistants, we forget sometimes that life, the good stuff anyway, comes with some old-fashioned work, some roll-up-your-sleeves, get in the dirt, hard, sometimes dirty, work, and that it’s in the work that we become who we are meant to be, who we can be, who we can be proud of. I always say, life is not a game show, we don’t get extra points for speed, so why not slow down, enjoy the process, and trust that you are being guided to what’s next, when you are meant to be there, and until then look around a bit, see what there is to see, do the work you see in front of you, and let yourself be open to new doors that may open, new paths, new journeys that await you. Don’t get so focused on that one thing you’re after, you’re chasing, that might only be the carrot that is meant to lead you to someplace else you don’t even know about yet, so let yourself explore and be open to new ideas. And, don’t be afraid of the work. Trust the work, dive in to the work, learn to look at it as a good thing, something positive, because with it comes change.

We as SLAYERS don’t run away from the work, we dive in, taking breaks if we need to, but getting back to it to SLAY on. Look at the journey as part of the good stuff, when we give ourselves to the journey, the journey always gives back to us. I’ll try to remember that while standing in line at the airport this afternoon. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to want to rush to the end without doing the work? Do you procrastinate in doing the work because you look at it as a negative, something you don’t want to do, putting it off? Why do you think you have a negative view of the work? When you’ve worked toward a goal or for something in the past can you see how the work gave you something back? What did it give you? Do you often only see the one way or goal you have in mind and possibly miss other opportunities that may be in front of you? What stops you from trying new things? What if you did try new things? What if you started to look at the journey as something exciting? Something positive. Something that will make reaching that goal even sweeter. I challenge you to do that SLAYER, next time you have to roll up your sleeves and get to work, look for ways to make it fun, to make someone else’s day, to give yourself an opportunity to learn and grow from it, to find a way to SLAY THE DAY.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Don’t take things personally. Rarely do people do things because of you, they do them because of them.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Personal

It’s Not Personal

Most of the time how people react to us is not personal, not to us anyway, it’s their own battle that they’re fighting and we just happen to be at the receiving end of it. There’s that quote, we’ve seen it many times, “Be Kind. For everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about,” but it’s true. Many times the person themselves may not know the battle their fighting and they may think their battle is with you. It’s not. We also can take on that battle thinking when someone lashes out at us, or disappoints or hurts us, that it’s personal, typically, it’s not. At the end of the day we are all responsible for ourselves, we are all responsible for how we act and react in any given situation, our job is us, what we say and do, not what others are saying and doing. If someone hurts us, taking it personally is like taking on someone else’s battle, we cannot fight for them, so our job really is to express how we feel, see if an understanding can come from that conversation, and then letting it go. We all at some point have, and will, hurt people in our lives, or let them down, as I’ve written about in the past, people can’t always be who we want them to be, and, we can’t always be who people want us to be, and when that happens, it’s not personal. If we’re feeling like every action that is done is a personal attack on who we are, or meant to hurt us, there is work to be done on our part, work that will make our walk through life an easier one, as we stop thinking and reacting like everything is our fault, or meant to hurt us. So, how do we stop taking things personally?

1) Find Our Own Self-Worth. Stop worrying about what other people think of you. What’s most important is what you think of you. If you are confident in who you are and how you conduct yourself with others, knowing your true intention while treating others with respect, then you have no reason to take things personally. When we walk through life with self-doubt, or self-hatred, we place importance, or use other’s approval to give us confidence, or to feel fulfilled, so when we don’t get a positive response we feel deflated or let down. Find confidence in yourself, of who you are and what you have to offer, you are enough, find a way to accept and embrace that.

2) Stay Right-Sized. Often we can put too much emphasis on people, places and things, making them more important in our lives than ourselves. Or, we, in an attempt to protect ourselves, blow our own sense of self up to epic proportions, so when someone does or says something we don’t like, we immediately take it personally and get hurt. Keep yourself and the situations in your life right-sized, give them the appropriate amount of attention or value in your life.

3) Live A Full Life. When we live a full live we are too busy living our life to care about each reaction or seemingly negative reaction that we encounter. We’re not dwelling on each interaction and over analyzing what was said or done, we’re busy, we’re on to the next and not looking for problems where there aren’t any. Engage in life, do the things you love, with people you love, and make sure your life is well-rounded, putting all of your eggs in one basket is giving too much power to that one basket, spread yourself around, try new things, challenge yourself to get out and engage with life, when our life is full, the small things fall away and we no longer have time to dwell on them.

4) Stop Giving Your Power Away. When you depend on others to make you feel good about yourself you’ve given your power away, and, you become reliant on the unpredictability of those around you to make you feel good about yourself. That’s your job. Never give others that power over you, never let them be your sole source of self-worth and love, you will be constantly let down, that job is yours and yours alone, find your own self-worth and what others say and do becomes less important because you know who you are and what you intended to do.

5) Perspective. Find a way to look at the situation from the other person’s perspective. Not to make excuses for their behavior, but to maybe come to an understanding of why they may have reacted that way, finding compassion, or understanding for those around us can help us see things through their eyes, and not only not take what they’ve said and done not personally, but may also help you understand them better, and, by sharing with them, you may even be able to help them walk through the issue that caused them to act out in the first place.

When we live life as our true selves, when we have found love for who we are and our lives, what is said and done around us becomes less important. If our intentions our true, and we set out to be good and kind and that’s not how it was received, that’s disappointing, but it’s not our problem, and it’s not personal. Be confident in who you are and what you offer, if there is a misunderstanding, and they do happen, then talk it out, if someone has made a judgment about who you are and what you’ve done, all you can do is speak your truth, if that’s not enough, let it go. Remember, as you may struggle with your own battles, so does everyone around you, and when someone else’s battle is brought to yours, remember, it’s not personal, you just happened to walk into the middle of a battle without a weapon on a battlefield you are not meant to be on. Wave the peace flag and walk off the field.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you often take what others say and do personally? Why do you think you do that? How does it serve you to do that? How does it hurt you? Write down 5 examples of situations where you took things personally. Write down why it felt personal. Only looking at the facts, was any of it actually your fault? What part did you play in it being your fault? Do you think the other person realized they may have hurt you? Do you think intended to hurt you? Do you still feel like it was personal? I challenge you this week SLAYER to let things go, to focus on you, not those around you, and fill yourself up with what makes you feel whole, with what makes you feel strong. Go out and do your best, do good, and stop worrying about what others think and do, know who you are and what you are and know that is enough. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The real magic happens when you understand your true self-worth and share that with the world.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Real

Are You Living Your True Life? Or The Narrative You Want To Tell?

When we’re living our true life we are living in the moment, we are open to new things, open to change, maybe even welcome it, but we are living life on life’s terms, we’re not forcing things to look and sound the way we want them to. We’re also not only focusing on a small part of our story, the story we want to tell, whether good, or bad, we live it all. Our lives have many different facets to them, many different angles and alley ways, many different colors, patterns, and many different moods, emotions, and feelings. Our lives are not just one thing, and if we’re living our life just for one thing we are not living our true life as our true selves. We can sometimes get caught up in wanting to show the world a certain story of who we are and what we can offer, but we can get so caught up in wanting to show something specific that we neglect other parts of our life. We may also, to get a certain reaction from others, exaggerate, or downplay, certain aspects of our lives to get sympathy or to gain praise, but when we do this we short change ourselves, and those people in our lives, because we’re not painting a complete picture and sharing our true selves. So, how do we know if we’re not living an authentic life?

1) When you’re sharing with others you feel like you’re lying to them, or, not telling them the whole truth. When we’re telling people a story rather than the whole truth we know it in our gut, and ultimately they know it too, people can sense when we’re not being authentic with them, even though we may be able to fool them some of the time, our omissions usually catch up to us, and we know we’re not being authentic to ourselves.

2) You feel stuck. You feel like you’re spinning your wheels, like you’re stagnant, not getting anywhere. You may be right! If you’re not living authentically only focusing on what you want to you might be missing key elements and signs that are in front of you that will take you to where you ultimately want to go, but when you’re only looking at the facts that back up the story you want to tell you’re not open to seeing the possibility of change, of growth, and of new doors and roads that are open to you if you’re willing to take them.

3) You feel off. Things aren’t clicking, not going your way, you can’t find your groove. The challenges, headaches and aggravations may be telling you that there is something greater inside of you that you’re not tapping into, and because you’re not living up to your own potential nothing seems to be clicking in your life, your health may even be declining, all because you are ignoring your true self and the true path you are meant to be on. When you’ve lost your rhythm, that’s a time to look at how you’re living your life, there may be a reason why things aren’t going “right” or your way, and that reason maybe be you.

4) You feel like you’re being punished. You feel cheated or robbed by life, you never see yourself as a winner and feel like everyone else is getting all the breaks and nothing ever works out for you. At the end of the day, there is no escape from the hardships of life, we all have them, but when you’re not living as your authentic self they seem to hit harder because deep down, you know, you’re not being true to who you are and trying to manipulate your story, so when things don’t work out, you might feel like you’ve been hit harder because you know you haven’t been true to you and you feel the universe is punishing you, or you’ve been on the pity train and crying “poor me” and think the universe added an extra dash of sorrow. Either way, you’re not being punished at all, at least not by the universe, you are the only one punishing yourself by not being true to yourself.

I’ve said this many times before, and I’ll keep saying it, because it’s true, you are enough. You are. You, right now, are enough. You are special. You are unique. You are talented in your own way. So, why would you want to be anyone else? We get in our own way, our own heads thinking that we should be something we’re not, or that someone else’s life is better, or we want to manipulate the facts to get a specific reaction from someone, but nothing is worth throwing away who we truly are, not for anything in the world. We always know when we’re not telling our whole truth, and if we know, so do others, and, the universe certainly knows, so isn’t it just easier to be you, all of you, and share that story instead of the one you would rather tell?

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you share your true self with others or do you narrate a story you want to tell others? If you don’t share your true self, why do you think you do that? What’s stopping you from sharing your true self? What are you afraid of? What are you trying to accomplish? How do you think it hurts you? Why don’t you make a pact with yourself to not edit yourself or your life, to be you, in every facet and every way that you are you, just be you and be honest about your life and who you are. See if that changes the way you think about yourself and how you think the universe is treating you. Also, see how it changes, or strengthens, the relationships you have in your life. SLAY on.