let go

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Your silence does not protect you.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Freedom Ends

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Monsters don’t sleep under your bed, they scream in your head, if you don’t let them out.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Shame

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! There’s nothing left for you in that space back there, so let go and move on.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay The More Anger

Losing Touch With Who You Used To Be

I’m often reminded of who I used to be. Gratefully, I get many chances to share my story of where I came from with people like myself, who are on this same path, or just beginning their journey, and it’s in sharing what I used to be like that I realize how far away I am from the woman I was. I am relieved, as she was in a lot of pain and suffered a lot at by her own hand, but she’s still a part of me and the reason I work each day to keep her in the past.

It’s important to remember where we’ve come from, how much we’ve changed, and the work it’s taken to get where we are right now, and the more we focus on the good, on this moment, the here and now, the more we let go our painful past and those parts of us we had to let go to get to this place. It feels good to feel so far away from who I used to be, but I’m also reminded that if I don’t take care of myself, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, that woman, from the past starts to creep back into the present. She’ll never go away, and there’s a part of me that knows it’s important that she doesn’t, so I don’t forget the woman I’ve worked so hard to leave behind. But the more I live as my true self, the me of today, the more I let go of her and lose touch with that me and focus on my life today, a life I can be proud of.

When I was in my disease, and who I used to be, I never imagined the me of today was possible, all I saw was darkness and those things I hated about myself. The negative bullshit committee in my head would tell me that my life was never going to get any better and neither was I. Life seemed so bleak, without any light, and I wasn’t so sure I even worthy of the light, and so I kept sliding back into the darkness. I thought, who I was kept me safe, but what it did was kept me isolated and away from a solution. I identified with who I was, I knew her and I suppose, I hid behind her when life felt too overwhelming or I didn’t want to feel what I was feeling. It was hard to let her go, she was the me I had known most of my life, the me I had grown up with and the me I thought I’d always be, but there was a new me waiting on the other side of humility, courage and hope. Slowly, as I began to build who I am today, I let go of who I used to be, and she, over time, melted into the background.

We get to choose who we are, and if we don’t like who we’ve become, we can do the work to change. It may take some help, it certainly did for me, a lot of it, but with love and support from those who were walking the same walk I was on, and some professionals, I was able to let go and let the love surround me until I felt safe, and from that place of safety I was able to change, a little at a time. You can too. It is within our power to lose touch with who we were as we become or focus on who we are meant to be, to let go of old ideas and concepts that no longer serve us, or never did, to forge a new way of life that let’s our heart and soul shine. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Have you lost touch with who you used to be? How have you done that? What have you done to change? Why did you make those changes? How did those changes allow you to let go of the old you? What parts of the old you do you still cling to? Should you let them go? How can you work on letting them go? What are you most proud of today of who you’ve become? Focus on that SLAYER, those qualities that make you you and allow you to be your best self, and keep challenging yourself to find more of those qualities, the more we focus on our positive attributes, the more we find, until soon, we no longer feel the need to hang on to who we used to be.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Put yourself on the the top of your to-do-list every day!

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

state-of-slay Pause

Avoid Slippery Places

As we walk our own path, working to be our best selves, giving back to others, and challenging ourselves to grow and move forward, we can sometimes hit a slippery patch if we’re not paying attention to where we’re going. Those slippery patches can be different for all of us, depending on what we’re not wanting to slip back to. For an alcoholic it could be a bar or social situation that we used to drink at, for a gambler it could be a casino, for a overeater it can be passing by our favorite bakery, and it can be as simple as engaging with family and friends. Anyone, or anything, that triggers us to our old way of thinking can cause us to slide back to our old ways, if we’re not careful.

For me, those emotional places are the trickiest, as specific situations or actions can cause me to recoil, reminding me of someone or something from my past. They can, at times, seemingly, come out of nowhere, and then BAM, they’re right in my face, and it’s in those moments when I have to make a choice, to do what I’ve always done, or to make a different and better choice than I used to. Those slippery places are much more difficult for me than any physical place, or object, that may remind me of my past. And, I also have to ask myself honestly, if I sought out a specific situation because it’s one I know, even if it wasn’t done consciously. I would have to say no, today, but the universe has a way to testing us, and disguising otherwise different looking situations and then we realize they are not. For me, it’s important to acknowledge what my part may be in finding myself there, and if there were no warning signs or self-sabotage, asking why the universe has chosen to place me there and what am I there to learn. You see, just because we find ourselves in a similar situation as we have before, doesn’t mean it’s necessarily bad for us, it may be just another opportunity to do things better than we have before and to move past that issue or pain from our past and finally let it go. It takes some sleuth work to look at it for what it is, and a lot of honesty, but if we walk our new path with awareness of who we are today, and where we don’t want to go again, most things should be easy to navigate through, some are a little more difficult to identify, which is why it always helps to have some good sounding boards in our lives, those people who are like us, and can help us walk through those murky waters.

It is up to us to stay away from the slippery places in our lives, and when we find ourselves there, to recognize them and safely walk ourselves through them. Life is full of slippery places, but it’s important to stay firmly on our path and continue to make decisions and choices that honor who we are today and the way of life we are currently living. There is nothing waiting for us in the past, it has already happened, and hopefully, taught us what we need to know today and in the future, nothing can be gained by sliding back. Watch your steps today and make sure you’re not unnecessarily tempting yourself by walking too close to your old way of life. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tempt yourself by putting yourself in old situations or with triggers from your past? Why do you do this? If not, why do you think you’ve stopped? Do you sometimes find yourself in situations that are the same or remind you of your past? How do you think you get there? Do you think you seek out those situations? Or, do you think that sometimes those situations look different to start and the universe has disguised them as something they are not to see if you’ve moved past who you were before? What situations today do you avoid to live a healthier and happier life? How did you overcome them? What can you still work on to avoid slipping back? We naturally do tend to look for situations we are familiar with, but it is up to us to not engage in those activities, or those people, who pull us back to who we used to be, we must be diligent about our path today and protecting it from the those slippery places that can cause us to fall.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Every time you’re able to find the humor in a situation, you win.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Laugh

Laughter: A Sign Of Good Health

When I first stepped onto my healing path, laughter felt impossible.

There was nothing funny about where I found myself. Emotionally, physically, spiritually I was exhausted. My life felt fragile. Every moment felt heavy. I was focused on survival, not joy.

So when I began seeking support from others who had walked similar roads, one thing surprised me.

They laughed.

Not in denial. Not in avoidance. Real laughter. Honest laughter. Healing laughter.

At first, I did not understand it. How could someone laugh about struggles, mistakes, pain, or dark seasons? But slowly I began to realize something powerful.

Laughter was not dismissing the pain.

It was proof they had moved through it.

And that realization gave me hope.

The Healing Power Of Humor

My mom has always said, “If I lose my sense of humor, I lose everything.”

She said it through illness, discomfort, uncertainty, and some very difficult seasons. Watching her hold onto humor even in pain showed me that laughter is not about circumstances. It is about resilience.

When I began my own recovery, I held onto that wisdom. The work ahead of me was serious. I had to face truths, take responsibility, and learn new ways of living. But I did not have to take myself so seriously all the time.

That distinction changed everything.

Humor did not erase the work. It helped me carry it.

And sometimes, laughter was the only light available in an otherwise heavy day.

When Laughter Becomes A Bridge

Something unexpected happened as my healing progressed.

I began laughing with others who had similar experiences.

We laughed about things that once felt devastating. Not because they were trivial, but because we had survived them. Laughter became a shared language of understanding. It created connection, compassion, and perspective.

There is something incredibly bonding about laughing with someone who truly understands your journey. It reminds you that you are not alone. It transforms isolation into community.

And that connection is powerful medicine.

Laughter does not isolate. It invites.

The Difference Between Healing Humor And Hiding Humor

I also had to learn an important distinction.

For years I had used humor as armor. I deflected serious conversations. I made jokes instead of admitting pain. I laughed things off rather than facing them.

That kind of humor keeps healing at a distance.

True healing laughter feels different. It comes from humility, acceptance, and growth. It does not belittle yourself or others. It does not minimize reality. It simply allows joy to exist alongside truth.

Once I understood that, laughter stopped being a shield and became a source of strength.

And that shift made all the difference.

Perspective Changes Everything

Looking back now, some of the choices I made during difficult periods honestly make me laugh.

At the time, I justified everything. I believed I was coping, surviving, protecting myself. But hindsight brings clarity. And sometimes, clarity brings humor.

Not mocking. Not shame.

Perspective.

Being able to laugh at past versions of myself means I have grown. It means I am no longer stuck there. It means healing happened.

And that is something worth smiling about.

Why Laughter Supports Mental And Emotional Health

There is actual science behind this too.

Laughter reduces stress hormones, increases endorphins, supports immune function, and improves emotional regulation. It relaxes the body, shifts perspective, and enhances connection with others.

But beyond biology, laughter signals something deeper.

Hope.

When you can laugh again, even gently, it often means healing has begun.

It means you are reconnecting with life.

And that is powerful.

Finding Light In Dark Seasons

There were days when finding humor felt impossible. Those days happen to everyone. Healing is not linear, and laughter does not mean everything is perfect.

Sometimes it just means you found one small moment of light.

One memory. One conversation. One silly observation. One unexpected smile.

And sometimes that small moment is enough to carry you forward.

Laughter does not deny hardship.

It coexists with it.

And often, it helps transform it.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect, SLAYER:

S: When was the last time you laughed freely, and how did it make you feel afterward?

L: Do you ever use humor to hide how you really feel instead of expressing it honestly?

A: What difficult moment from your past can you now look at with compassion or even gentle humor?

Y: How could inviting more lightness into your life support your healing and emotional health right now?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
How has laughter helped you heal, cope, or find perspective during a difficult season?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who could use a reminder that joy can exist alongside struggle, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Never, Never Again

There were so many times in my life, before walking this path, that I would say never again. And yet, I would repeat those same behaviors over and over, even the ones I knew were self-destructive and were taking down an even darker road than I was already on. My attitude, always, was, well if I’ve already messed up this little bit I might as go whole hog and hit the “f*ck it button.” There was no middle ground, I was either doing great, or down in the dumps, I gave myself no room for anything in between. Living within those tight parameters I was setting myself up to fail, most of the time, and truthfully that’s where my head wanted me, to constantly be failing so I would increasingly get worse and think there was no way out. But there was.

When I finally fell to my knees and was able ask for help, I was told it takes time to break old habits and to begin a new way of life, and that even if I made mistakes, or failed in my opinion, that was part of the recovery process. That I had to wrap my head around. Failure was part of the process? Well, the truth was, it wasn’t really “failure,” it was all just part of the process, something I had to learn as I fell and got back up again. I also learned that those falls were where I learned the most, so they, for me, were an essential part of the process. I had to find comfortabililty in the gray areas between what I viewed as “right” or “wrong.” Being OK in the gray wasn’t easy at first because the minute I wasn’t perfect at this new way of life and slipped back into old behaviors or patterns, that negative bullshit committee in my head would pipe up and say, “see, you can’t do it!” In fact, they would scream it. And, I had to learn to say, “you’re lying, I can, watch me.”

Change takes time. It takes of trying, over and over again, until it becomes less effort. Until it becomes a part of who you are and not something you have to think about anymore. You are going to fail, or fall, or make mistakes, that’s part of making changes, but the important thing is to not give up, to keep going, to do better next time, or try again. Don’t put those parameters on yourself and say never again, you may do it again, you may do it many times before you stop doing it, and even when you stop doing it, you may do it another time. Allow yourself to have some wiggle room, to be in the gray space in between, where you’re trying your best, and that’s good enough, it is actually more than good enough. It was pointed out to me in my early journey that I had done things the old way much longer than I had the new way, so it wasn’t fair to beat myself for falling back to what I knew or once did, but I always had the chance to do it better the next time. And that’s what I did. It’s been over 13 years now and sometimes I can still fall back, but I know now that when I do it’s just a moment and it’s not who I am today, and maybe I fall back from time to time to remind myself where I don’t want to fall back to, and that’s OK, because today I know the right choices for me and what I need to do to live this life I’ve worked so hard for, a slip from time to time isn’t the end of the world, it’s just part of the process.

Allow yourself to make mistakes, and when you do, never say never again, say, I’ll do better next time, or I’ll try to, or, I did my best today. No one is perfect, and embracing those times we may fall back, and learning to look at them as learning opportunities rather than failures is the mindset that will get us to the place we’re working so hard for, I know, because I got there, and I know you can too. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel like you’ve failed if you fall back on old behaviors? Do you beat yourself up for it? Do you set strict parameters for yourself that you can’t possibly live within to grow and learn naturally? Why do you think you do this? How do you think you can ease those parameters to let yourself grow and make mistakes as part of your process and journey? What do you think will happen if you do? Let yourself live in the gray area sometimes, let go of the restrictions of right or wrong and let yourself find your way, always striving to do better the next time if you haven’t made the best choice in the moment, let yourself find the right way and not beat yourself up for the mistakes along the way, those mistakes might just be what’s guiding you to the right choice the next time.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! If you can carry love in your heart, you can heal any moment.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Choose Life