Good morning SLAYER! Let go of people who dull your shine, poison your spirit and bring you drama. Cancel your subscription to their issues.
SLAY on!
Self Help
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Each of us is responsible to fix ourselves, don’t apply for a job you are not qualified for.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Other People Are Not Your Problem To Solve
We can sometimes get caught up in wanting to fix people. But, people are not our problems to fix. Each of us is responsible for ourselves, and when we meddle in someone else’s life, or try to school them on what they should be doing, we’re not only doing ourselves a disservice, but also them as well, as it’s their responsibility to find their own journey on their own path. It is also usually an indicator that we’re trying to avoid something in our own lives by focusing on someone else’s. It’s always much easier to tell someone else what to do rather than take action on those things in our lives that we should be working on our changing. And, when we’re in avoidance, looking for other people to fix becomes easy as we tend to look for the things that we dislike about ourselves in those around us.
No one has the right to tell us how to live our own lives, or to point out the things they think are wrong with the way we’re living, and, that goes for us too, if someone asks for an opinion, sure, go ahead and give it, but if we’re not asked, we must assume our opinion is not welcome and we need to keep it to ourselves. There are some of us too, who like to fancy ourselves as teachers, but typically what’s really going on there is that we’re feeling less than, or know we’re not doing all we can for our own growth and betterment and are deflecting our energies to someone else we think we can ‘help.’ Any time we think we’re better than someone else, or know better, we’re living from a place of ego, that ego may be covering up our insecurities, but we’re not living in a place in line with the universe, and, ourselves. So when we find those urges come up to school someone we should sit ourselves down and look at our own behavior before trying to teach someone else.
When I was living in my disease I often thought I knew better than most of the people around me. And, I often shared my opinion, especially if it wasn’t asked for, because I thought I was doing them a favor. Meanwhile, my own life was a total train wreck, and, was still barreling down the tracks collecting more and more collateral damage. But, to talk to me, I had it all together, and I knew just how you could too. What a hypocrite. On the flip-side, if someone did see through my bravado, I certainly didn’t welcome their opinion on my life. I would be offended and tell any unsuspecting do-gooder that they didn’t know what they were talking about and they should mind their own business, so why did I think it was OK to do just that to someone else? Well, again, I was sick, and in full denial about how sick I really was, so if I could get the spotlight off of me, I would do that at any cost. When I finally had to take a look at my own life, I realized that those things I used to say that others should do was exactly what I needed to do to live a healthy and productive life, and so I had to put my ego aside and get to work.
Today, I don’t look for people to fix, that’s their job, but what I can do is encourage them as they do make changes, support them as they take changes they never have, and love them even when they fall, in fact, especially as they fall because I know they are trying, as I do every day, and I know that those people in my day-to-day life offer me the same, and we all can lift each other up as we grow and learn and focus on making our lives the exciting adventure we deserve, and worked for. Let everyone have their own experience, give them that honor, and do the same for yourself. Allow yourself to make mistakes and have the courage to do the work you need to to become someone you are proud of today, and someone who feels good in the place they stand in. You can SLAYER, just keep that spotlight on yourself, and let everybody else shine theirs on them, so together, you can help each other shine.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Have you in the past fallen into the trap of trying to fix other people? What was the result? How did this help you? How did this hurt you? Were you able to “fix” them? What did you see in them that needed fixing? Is that, or are those the things that need fixing in your own life? Do people in your life try to fix you? If yes, how does that feel? Do you welcome that? If not, why not? How does that make you feel? So, knowing how that makes you feel, why do you try to do it to others? Do you find that you go looking for people to fix when you’re not feeling good about yourself? Do you see a pattern in your behavior? How can you change that pattern SLAYER? What can you do this week to turn that spotlight on you and make some changes in your own life that will help you grow? Take action SLAYER, and take back your power to make some good changes for you. SLAY on!
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! When you try something new you face new challenges, but those challenges also bring new results.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Sometimes You Face Difficulties Because You’re Doing Something Right
There’s a belief many of us carry without ever questioning it:
If things feel hard, we must be doing something wrong.
So when resistance shows up — discomfort, fear, pushback, uncertainty — we assume it’s a sign to turn around. To retreat. To go back to what’s familiar.
But sometimes, the opposite is true.
Sometimes you face difficulties not because you’re off track — but because you’re finally on the right one.
Especially when you’re choosing something new. Something honest. Something that honors who you actually are instead of who you’ve always been expected to be.
Familiar Paths Feel Easier Because They’re Familiar Not Because They’re Right
We are creatures of habit.
We do what we’ve been taught.
What we’ve seen modeled.
What feels easiest in the moment.
Even when those patterns don’t serve us, they feel safe because they’re known.
But “easy” doesn’t always mean aligned.
And “comfortable” doesn’t always mean healthy.
Sometimes the path that looks smooth is the one leading you further away from yourself. And the path that feels difficult is the one asking you to grow into someone new.
New choices almost always come with new discomfort — not because they’re wrong, but because they’re unfamiliar.
The Cost of Taking the Easier Softer Route
For a long time, I chose what felt easier on the surface.
I avoided conflict.
I tried to minimize attention.
I looked for solutions that required the least resistance.
But those choices didn’t bring peace — they brought consequences.
I didn’t get what I needed.
And when I did, it often came through manipulation, avoidance, or dishonesty with myself. I ended up doing far more emotional labor trying to maintain something that never truly fit.
What I thought was “keeping the peace” was actually betraying myself.
And over time, that betrayal showed up as anxiety, resentment, and exhaustion.
People Pleasing Is a Survival Strategy Not a Solution
Many of us learn early on that being agreeable feels safer than being honest.
So we prioritize other people’s comfort.
We swallow our needs.
We tell ourselves it’s not worth the trouble.
But unspoken needs don’t disappear — they turn inward.
They become anger.
They become sadness.
They become numbness.
And eventually, the weight of living out of alignment becomes unbearable.
That’s often the moment when people turn to outside fixes — anything to quiet the voice inside that says, This isn’t right.
I did too.
I tried to numb myself.
To silence the discomfort.
To convince myself I could stay somewhere I didn’t belong.
But I couldn’t — because I wasn’t supposed to be there.
The Truth Always Finds You
We can hide from the truth for a while — sometimes even for years.
But deep down, we always know when we’re not living authentically. When we’re shrinking. When we’re dimming ourselves to fit into spaces that don’t allow us to grow.
And when we finally start making decisions that honor our truth — maybe for the first time — the difficulties that arise can feel overwhelming.
But those difficulties aren’t punishments.
They’re signs that you’re walking where you’ve never walked before.
New Difficulties Mean New Growth
The challenges that show up when you choose yourself feel hard because they’re unfamiliar — not because they’re wrong.
They require courage instead of compliance.
Honesty instead of avoidance.
Boundaries instead of people pleasing.
But here’s what matters:
These difficulties are far healthier than the ones you lived with while betraying yourself.
Fear shows up when we’re letting go of old versions of ourselves.
Uncertainty shows up when we’re stepping into something real.
That doesn’t mean stop.
It means keep going.
Doing the Right Thing Doesn’t Mean Everyone Will Understand
Choosing what’s right for you doesn’t mean you don’t care about others. It means you care enough about your life to live it truthfully.
If you’ve chosen the right people, they’ll want the best for you — even when it’s uncomfortable. They may walk beside you through the difficulty.
And if they don’t — that tells you something too.
Sometimes growth requires moving forward without everyone coming along.
Or continuing relationships in a different way.
That isn’t cruelty.
It’s clarity.
Only You Can Walk the Path That’s Meant for You
Only you know what’s right for your life.
Only you can do the work to build it.
Only you can walk through the fear that stands between where you are and where you’re meant to be.
Difficulties don’t always mean danger.
Sometimes they mean direction.
So suit up, SLAYER.
Step onto the path that asks more of you — because it gives more back.
You’re not alone.
Plenty of us are walking beside you.
And we’re cheering you on.
SLAY Reflection
Let’s reflect, SLAYER:
S: Where in your life are you choosing what’s familiar instead of what’s true?
L: When have you ignored your needs to avoid discomfort or conflict?
A: What difficulty might actually be a sign that you’re on the right path?
Y: What would honoring yourself look like today — even if it feels uncomfortable?
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Where have you faced difficulty because you were finally doing something right?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s questioning their path because it feels hard, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Just as you are the author of your own story, you are also the illustrator, don’t limit yourself to the pictures you’ve been painting, paint the ones you’ve imagined or dreamed of, and make them a reality.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Your life is your own work of art, you get to decide what that looks like for you.
SLAY on!
You Can Waste Your Life Trying To Stay In The Lines, Or You Can Live Your Life Crossing Them
I’ve always identified myself as a rule breaker. Someone who didn’t follow the pack and didn’t stay within the lines, and I did to an extent, but what I didn’t realize is that, even though I wasn’t following and staying in the lines that society told me I had to, that freedom I wore so proudly like a badge of honor, that freedom, was actually false, because I had imprisoned myself with my own set of lines to stay within. In a sense, those self-imposed lines were even worse than someone else’s because I had set them myself, and, I was in denial that they were even there at all. I walked around self-righteous about my freedom, but was keeping myself from the freedom I actually thought I had.
Much of those restrictions had to do with my own sickness. A way to keep myself within the lines of my own design to that I could function and still appear to be “normal” to the outside world, so that no one would ask any questions. I kept myself within those lines to keep things under control, or so I thought, and as I got sicker, I moved those lines around to accommodate my disease and to fool myself that I still was free even though I had built a prison for myself within those lines. I wasn’t being true to myself and who I was because I didn’t want to admit there was anything wrong. So, instead of getting help, I kept drawing more lines and those lines kept getting closer and closer to where I was standing, until I got boxed in. And I had no where else to go. I just stood there, terrified that I no longer had my freedom, so I just stood there hoping no one would find out I had boxed myself in.
Fortunately for me I realized that I could cross those lines I had drawn and by doing so I could regain my freedom, it wasn’t easy, but I found the courage to step over them to a healthier way of living, and a place to start over and erase all of those lines from my past to draw a new design for myself, one with a few simple lines to keep me healthy and safe, but one with a lot more room to move and discover who I really was.
Society, people in our lives, even our own minds, love to tell us to stay within the lines, but only we get to decide where those are, and what they are, and, if they’re healthy for us. And, if we find out that those don’t work for us, or don’t anymore, we get to step over them and live our lives in a way that suits us, that allows us to grow, to shine, to live out loud. Even as kid, I often would start a picture staying in the lines, and then would start to color over them, to make a new picture, or a different perspective, people didn’t always get it, but they didn’t need to, I did, and I could still see the perfect lines underneath, but then the flurry of my own creativity on top, even though I used to think I was supposed to do it perfectly, there was something in me that just didn’t feel right when I did it.
Set your own lines, or don’t set any at all, discover what works best for you, not what you’re told to do, step over some lines and allow yourself to make your own rules, feel what is right for you and give yourself the freedom to find your best you without the parameters set by others, or maybe even yourself. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you someone who stays within the lines or crosses them when those lines do not suit you? What keeps you from crossing them if you don’t? If you do, what lines have you crossed in the past that didn’t suit you? How did it feel to cross those lines? Do you still cross them? If not, why not? What lines in your life should you cross, but haven’t? What stops you from crossing them? The lines in your life, are they set by society, friends, family, or are they set by you? Why do you think you need to stay in any of them? You don’t SLAYER, you get to decide what works best for you, you can step over any line as long is it is for your betterment. Take a step, and maybe a leap of faith, and step over the lines in your life that no longer serve you, or maybe never did, and discover what’s on the other side. Freedom.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Feelings are like waves, they come and go, and you get decide which ones to surf.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
What Are You Craving? What Are You Trying To Hide?
We’ve all reached for something—food, alcohol, social media, shopping, chaos—just to feel something else. Or to feel nothing at all. But what if that craving isn’t about the thing you’re reaching for… but the feeling you’re avoiding?
Back then, I didn’t know that’s what I was doing. I told myself I was “treating” myself after a hard day. I said I deserved it. But the truth is, I was hiding. I didn’t want to feel what I was actually feeling. I just wanted to be numb.
And sometimes? I even punished myself—intentionally making myself sick or miserable—because I believed I deserved to feel bad. I couldn’t have told you that then, of course. I was too busy drowning it all out. But beneath the noise was pain. Shame. Grief. Fear. All buried under years of distractions I labeled as self-care.
The Cost of Avoiding Our Feelings
It makes me sad when I look back on those years. Because today, I feel everything—and I’m no longer afraid of it. Feelings aren’t enemies; they’re messengers. When I numb out, it’s a sign I need to slow down and listen. Because if I’m hiding from my feelings, I’ve lost touch with my authenticity.
We all use outside things to shift our mood. That’s human. But when it becomes a lifestyle—when we rely on numbing to avoid discomfort—it becomes a problem. And eventually, it all catches up to us.
I know. I hit the wall. Hard. And I’m lucky to have survived the crash.
Facing the Tsunami
The scariest part of healing was removing all those distractions. I took away every single thing I used to hide behind—and the feelings came rushing in. It felt like standing on a beach watching a tsunami race toward me, with no life jacket, no boat, no plan.
But I survived.
I didn’t survive it alone. I had support—others who were just learning how to feel again too. We held each other up. We practiced sitting with emotions that terrified us. We learned that feelings won’t kill you—but avoiding them might.
Learning to Listen
Now, even the hard emotions teach me something. They tell me when I need rest. When I need to set a boundary. When I owe someone an apology. When I have more work to do.
But they also show me joy. Love. Gratitude. They remind me I deserve to feel good—and that I must be open to feelings in order to receive them.
Feelings don’t control me today. I listen. I feel. I ask myself what they’re trying to tell me. And then I take action that honors who I am now—not who I used to be.
That’s what healing looks like. That’s what owning your power looks like. And that is a feeling worth sitting with.
SLAY Reflection
- What feelings do you avoid or try to numb?
- What do you reach for when you’re uncomfortable—and what are you really seeking?
- How has avoiding your emotions impacted your life in the past?
- What might happen if you allowed yourself to fully feel today?
- Are you ready to listen to what your feelings are trying to tell you?
S-L-A-Y:
- Slow down and check in with your emotions.
- Listen to what they’re telling you.
- Acknowledge the urge to numb—and choose a different path.
- You are allowed to feel everything.
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one feeling you’ve been avoiding lately—and what do you think it’s trying to tell you?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s struggling to feel their feelings, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
