Self Help

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Showing up for yourself is not a luxury, it allows you to show up as the best version of yourself.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay To-Do List

Pushing Yourself Until You Break

I used to push myself until I broke.

Whether it was exercise, my to-do list, or unrealistic expectations, I was constantly competing with myself to do more, to be more. Sure, it’s healthy to set goals, but not at the cost of your well-being. I thought pushing myself to the limit proved my worth. But it wasn’t sustainable—and it wasn’t healthy.

When You Don’t Like Yourself, You Push Too Hard

The truth was, I didn’t like myself.

I set impossible expectations and used them as a weapon against myself. I’d force myself to work out, even when sick. I’d overschedule until I was drowning. And when I couldn’t meet those unrealistic goals, I’d berate myself for failing. I never let myself rest or breathe—I was always on the go, always one step from a breakdown.

I realize now that this was my way of proving something to myself and to the world. I wanted people to see me as a superwoman who could do it all. I hoped to impress or intimidate them enough to avoid questions. But deep down, I was trapped in a toxic cycle.

Learning to Love Myself—and Find Balance

When I learned to love myself, I also learned to adjust my expectations.

I started practicing self-care, giving myself breaks, and embracing my human limitations. I realized that not completing everything on my to-do list didn’t make me a failure—it made me human. Today, I still feel frustrated when I don’t get everything done, but I’ve learned to let it go. I can always tackle it tomorrow.

Now, I focus on balance. I still juggle a lot, but I make space for flexibility. I prioritize moments with myself or someone I care about. I no longer need a completed list to feel worthy. My worth comes from listening to what I need each day, not what my ego demands.

Honor Yourself and Your Limits

Listen to yourself. Push where you want to grow, but not at the expense of your peace. Set goals and do your best—but know your best will change from day to day. The key is to put you at the top of your to-do list.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you set unrealistic expectations for yourself? List three.

  • What makes them unrealistic? Why do you set them?

  • What can you do to make them more realistic?

  • What can you do to continue setting realistic goals in your life?

  • How do you react when you don’t meet a goal?

  • Do you feel the need to one-up others? Why?

  • Does your ego push you past your limits to exhaustion? What can you do to stop?

Self-love and self-care should always come first. The goals you reach will be sweeter because you’ll achieve them when you’re ready—not when your ego says so.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one small step you can take today to prioritize self-care and set realistic goals?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s support each other.

And if you know someone pushing themselves too hard, send this to them.
Sometimes, the best reminder is a simple “You’re enough.”

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You are only one decision away from a totally different life.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Thing

Sometimes You Have To Make Permanent Decisions In Instant Moments

There have been moments my life, when maybe I had been putting myself in a situation I shouldn’t have been in, or had stayed too long in a place I should have long left, that will come to a head and I need to make a permanent decision in an instant moment. Those moments don’t seem too instant usually though because I typically know that they will come one day, because where I am is not where I am meant to be. There are times though, when things do pop up unexpectedly and a decision has to be made for our own health and safety. When those moments come up, if we don’t know ourselves, and what’s best for us, we could easily make the wrong decisions in those instant moments out of panic our uncertainty of what to do next.

When I was in my disease that moment came, it came on a night that was like any other night, but it wasn’t, for some reason, on that night, I got really scared, and I knew that I was at a crossroads, suddenly, and that if I didn’t make the right decision, my life could be over. Both of my choices were permanent decisions, just one was the right choice, the choice I did make, and the other was the path I had been on which would only lead to one ultimate end, my end. I don’t know why, on that particular night, I realized I had to make a choice in that moment, because I didn’t even really know what the solution to it was, but I instinctively knew that I had to surrender to the way I had to been living and let go of the belief that I had things under control and knew better. And maybe that was the only sound decision I was capable of making with the knowledge I had, that I didn’t have it under control and all I could do was surrender and ask for help. That act set forth the journey I am still on today. And, the path I plan to stay on.

We are presented with many crossroads in our lifetime. Those moments when we can choose what path to take, and most of the time we know which path we should be on, we don’t always take it, but we usually know the right way, or at least, the first step to get us on that right path. Much of having the right information when those instant moments arise is knowing ourselves, know who we are, what we want, and having a connection to something bigger than ourselves to help guide us to the place we’re meant to be. I didn’t know myself when I made that permanent decision that night, but something inside of me knew what the next right step was, to call and ask for help.

If you find yourself in a place you shouldn’t be in, or can’t stay in, or know is not the best place for you, think about what you can do to get out, look for those opportunities, people, moments when there may be some guidance coming through that is showing you where to go. Take the time to get to know yourself, to learn to love yourself and believe that you deserve better than what you have, or where you are, if that does not serve you. Seek out those people, those places, that allows you to be your best you, that celebrates your spirit, and who you are. And know, when those instant moments come up where you have to make a permanent decision that you have the information you need to make the right decision, a decision that could lead you to your destiny, of where you’re meant to be if you just take that chance. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Have there been times in your life that you’ve had to make a permanent decision in an instant moment? List one. What was the result? Where you prepared for it? Why had you left something so long that you were forced to make a decision instantly? Did you know prior to that moment that that same decisions should have been made? Looking back, where there signs that that instant moment was coming? What can you do differently today to make better decisions so you’re not forced to make major decisions instantly? Take a look at your life SLAYER, look at where you are, who you’re with, and if you are where you are supposed to be, if you’re not, look for those moments to make some permanent decisions to get your on the right path and on the road to making your dreams a reality.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Embrace Your Superpower Autographed Auction Tee

Hey SLAYERS! Bid now on my autographed T-Shirt for Giving Tuesday in collaboration with IMAlive crises intervention. IMAlive is a live online network that uses instant messaging to respond to people in crisis. People need a safe place to go during moments of crisis and intense emotional pain. Proceeds from the auction go to the support of IMAlive.

To bid go to: Embrace Your Superpower T-Shirt Auction

What’s your superpower?

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When we think about all the things we want, don’t forget to add loving yourself to that list.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

state-of-slay Beautiful Things

Never Let The Things You Want Make You Forget The Things You Have

I used to live in a constant state of want. Of always having to have the next great thing, or what I perceived as the next great thing I had to have. I used things to try to fill that void inside, that dark empty place that can’t be filled by outside things, but I didn’t know that, and I just kept making lists of things I thought I needed. The pursuit of those things and the moment of attaining them became my only sense of joy, but that joy was fleeting because I then would move on to what I “needed” next.

It took me a long time to realize what was really important in life. And it wasn’t until I got better, and started to love myself, that I started to place importance on the important things in my life, and it wasn’t things, it was people, relationships, peace of mind, finding a sense of calm and well-being. Nothing I could ever buy would ever fill those spaces, and I realized that I had a closet full of things that now felt empty and cluttered up my life. I also realized that in my pursuit of the next great thing I had lost sight of what I already had. There were things that I loved, or that reminded me of a special time in my life, or a person, and I had pushed them aside to accumulate more stuff.

It’s easy, in the world we live in, to stay in a perpetual state of want. To feel like if we don’t have the latest shoes, handbags, phone, jeans that we are less-than. But those things, however nice, will never fill you up the way loving yourself can, honoring who you are, and those around you, of nurturing friendships, relationships, of participating in life and giving back. Now, I’ve owned some pretty nice handbags in my day, and still do, but not one of them ever gave me back what the important things in life have.

During this weekend of Thanksgiving spend some time appreciating what you have. Take stock of who you are and the gifts you’ve been given, or those things you’ve worked hard to get or achieve, appreciate all of it, acknowledge it, and celebrate those things in your life, celebrate those people in your life who truly know, understand and love you. And let them celebrate you. Let love be what you pursue, whether love for yourself, others, or just showing love where you see it’s needed out in the world. That is truly the greatest gift of all, to give away, or show yourself love. That cannot be bought. And is truly priceless. No matter where you are in your life, you always have love to give, and, can choose to allow yourself to let it. Let love in and let it fill in those dark empty places inside of you, it’s the only way you truly can. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you get caught up in having to have the next and best thing? What was the last thing you had to have? Did you really need it? Do you still appreciate it? How long did you have it before pursuing the next big thing? How many things do you have that you’ve never used, or possibly still have the tags on them? How many things do you own that you never use? Do you feel you could be buying those things to fill a void you feel inside? Do you see how those things will never fill that void? How do you think you can fill that void in your own life? Have you done these things in the past? How did you feel after? Why don’t you do them more often? Find ways to do them SLAYER, find ways to give yourself love and to send love out to the world. Cultivate the healthy relationships in your life, put your time and energy into those instead of the pursuit of unnecessary things, and place your peace of mind and self-love at the top of your list of the next great thing to attain.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You know all those things you’ve ever wanted to do, you should go do them?

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Old Ways

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! If you wait until you’re ready, you’ll be waiting for the rest of your life.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Just Say Yes

Contempt Prior To Investigation

I used to think I knew better. I thought I knew better than all of you, and I thought I knew if I was going to like something, even if I had never done it before. And because I lived in a negative space, I often said no to things without ever trying them. Before someone could even finish asking me to join in or participate in something I had already made up my mind I didn’t want to do it. Some of that came from fear, fear of never having done it and now knowing what the result will be, or, maybe looking stupid because I didn’t know what I was doing. My first reaction to any invite or suggestion was no. As a result, I missed out on a lot of things, a lot of opportunities, because I had already condemned something before it happened.

When I stepped on this path, I was encouraged to say yes. Yes was a word that made my anxiety shoot up immediately. What if I didn’t like what I agreed to do? What if I didn’t like the people? What if they didn’t like me? What if? What if? But I knew if multiple people kept encouraging me to say yes, I had to try, I had to say yes to saying yes, no matter how nervous that made me. I had to watch myself, in the beginning, I had to watch that I didn’t jump in each time with a quick no, I would breathe, make myself listen and then tell myself, regardless of what it was, I had to say yes, just to try. If I didn’t like it I didn’t have to do it again. I made a commitment to myself, that in that first year I had to say yes, so the year of yes began.

The first few times it was tough, saying yes, but as I kept doing it it got easier. And, I was discovering some new things about myself. When you say no all the time you don’t give yourself an opportunity to grow, to learn, to test yourself. As we move through life, our wants and needs change, as we do, but when we’re not testing the waters to see what works best for us today, we stay stuck and keep doing the same things, or nothing, and not growing to our potential. Saying yes does take courage, and faith, that you’re being asked to say yes for a reason. Nothing happens randomly, typically things come to us when we need them, or should take part in them, so we can take away what we should to move forward, or possibly, change the direction we’re going in completely. So when we keep saying no, we’re not only stuck, we’re not were we’re supposed to be.

Now after almost 13 years of saying yes, I can say that the yes’s have been very good to me. Yes has gotten me to a pretty incredible place today, and one I wouldn’t have had to courage to say yes to if I hadn’t had years of practice of saying yes, because this yes, is life-changing, and has taken a big leap of faith that what was given to me was exactly where I am meant to be, and I know that with every fiber of my soul. When we say yes, the universe says yes back. We open the road of possibilities and allow the flow of new ideas and new challenges that are meant to prepare us for the next yes, and possibly, prepare us for the biggest yes yet. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Is your immediate reaction when being asked to do something a no? Why? What happened the last time you said yes? Why don’t you say yes more often? What do you think will happen? When you think about the times you may have said yes, how do you feel about those choices? How do you feel when you see other people saying yes and getting remarkable results while you’re still saying no? You can be one of those yes people SLAYER. Challenge yourself this week to say yes, at least twice. Ignore the negative voices that tell you to say no and just say yes, say it without even thinking about, just blurt out yes! You may just discover some new things about yourself, and may even meet some new people who are also saying yes. Surround yourself with people who say yes, try new things, challenge yourself to move forward, to uncharted waters, and say yes to exploring who you are and where you are meant to be. One yes may just change your whole life.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you