Self Help

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Never make a permanent decision based on temporary feelings.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

state of slay goal

Feelings: Changing What You Don’t Like

Feelings can help us, they can give us a sense of things, how we feel about someone, or something, but they can also deceive us, they can be tied up in old thinking, old behaviors, things that no longer serve us. When I was living in the dark, I didn’t want to feel anything, good, or bad. I just wanted to be numb,the bad feelings felt too bad, too much to handle, and I didn’t think I deserved the good ones, so I did what I could to not feel. I became so good at it, stuffing down my feelings and using outside things to shut them up, that I became dead inside. I told myself it was a way to protect myself, but I was slowly shutting myself down and, even though I couldn’t feel or hear them, all of those feelings were still there, including the ones that were hating myself for living the way I was.

When I sought help to get better, to learn to live in a healthier, honest way, those feelings all came at me like a tsunami. I used to wake up and hang on to my mattress thinking I would get blown off my bed from the sheer force of them if I didn’t hang on. I had to learn to process how I felt, to acknowledge those feelings, and to change the ones that no longer served me, or, perhaps never did. In this new way of life, I couldn’t hang on to my old ideas that had gotten me to a breaking point, I had to learn to let go and I had to learn to change what would stand in the way of my recovery.

My feelings can sometimes trick me, not as much today as they once did, but sometimes, those cunning little thoughts can make me think they’re valid to the situation I’m in, when really they’re dragging up old feelings from the past and trying to validate them in my present life. At the beginning, it was difficult to decipher if a feeling was how honestly felt in that moment, or my disease trying to pull me back. Staying present helped me filter through what was real and what was old and needed to go. Being honest with myself, asking myself how I really felt in that moment and why, what was making me feel that way, and if what was making me feel that way could actually make me feel that way or was it just my perception of what was going on based on the patterns of my life before. The waters sometimes got murky. But as I questioned it, things became clearer, for the most part, there are always some who are craftier about hiding themselves from the truth, but as I kept living in the truth, and looking at the facts, my feelings became clearer, and if I didn’t like how I felt, I learned how to change that feeling to something more constructive, or something positive, at the very least, something I could learn from, which, turned it into something positive.

We are not slaves to our feelings. We can use them to our advantage. We can let us show us what we like, what is good for us, who we should spend time with. We can let them warn us of repeating behaviors from our past, of people, places and things we probably not be around. We can learn to change them to fit in line with how we’re living our life today, or how we want to. Don’t like a feeling, change it. But only with healthy means.

For me if I’m feeling down, I ask myself why. I ask myself if this is a real, valid, feeling, based on facts, or if this is something imagined, or rooted in fear, once I get to the bottom of that feeling I can then work on changing it. I can do something positive for myself, which sometimes is as simple as going for a walk. The reason I might be feeling down is that I haven’t been getting out as much as I should, and those feelings may come from a need to get some fresh air. Sometimes, it’s as simple as that.

When feelings come up that make us feel uncomfortable there may be a reason for them, and once you find out why, or even if you haven’t and you just don’t want to stay in that place, find the counter action to change that feeling, once you’re in a better place, the reason you felt what you did, might become clear as day, and that gray day may just end by you liking what you feel. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel like you are a slave to your feelings? Do you feel like you have no control over them? How do they hold you back? How do you they help you? If they don’t, how can they? How can you use your feelings to guide you to where you are supposed to go, where you should be? How you can you use them to your advantage? How you can learn from them? How can you change them when they are not serving you? This all takes time SLAYER, it takes practice to acknowledge how you feel and learn why you do, but the more you look at the facts, what you know to be true, the easier it gets, and when things don’t seem right, they’re probably not, let your feelings guide you back to a place of self-love, of forgiveness, and the light, it’s from those places we learn to trust our feelings, and learn from them, instead of being enslaved by them.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! A good exercise for the heart is to bend down and help someone else up.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

state of slay light (1)

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone.

SLAY on!

state of slay help 2

H.O.P.E. – Help Other People Everyday

There was a time in my life when I wasn’t sure I wanted to keep living.

I kept everything bottled inside — my fear, my pain, my confusion, and the constant battle in my head that told me I wasn’t enough. I carried that darkness quietly, pretending I could handle it alone, that asking for help was weakness.

But eventually I hit a moment I couldn’t escape:
I was scared of what I might do to myself just to quiet the pain.

It was in that darkest moment that something shifted.

A story came back to me — a story a friend had shared about his own struggle. At the time I heard it, it was just a story. A powerful one, sure, but still just something I listened to and admired from a distance.

Months later, on that frightening night, I recognized myself in the beginning of his story — the part where suffering feels endless and hopeless.

And that recognition changed everything.

Hope Isn’t Just a Feeling — It’s Something We Receive and Give

I often wonder how many times we underestimate the power of connection.

That story my friend shared didn’t cure me. It didn’t fix everything. But it showed up in the exact moment I needed it — and that was enough to keep me moving forward.

Not because the pain was gone…
But because I finally saw that I wasn’t alone.

That recognition — that someone else had walked through darkness and found light — gave me a reason to keep going. That was the beginning of my own journey back to life.

And because someone shared their truth, I found hope.

Showing Up Is the Smallest — Yet Most Powerful — Act of Service

Hope doesn’t always arrive in grand gestures.

Sometimes it shows up in the simplest things:

A smile.
A hello.
A listening ear.
A message that says, I see you.

When we simply show up, we affirm someone’s worth — even when they can’t feel it themselves.

You never know who’s watching quietly from the sidelines, waiting for proof that they matter. You never know whose heart is in the dark, searching for a light.

That’s why helping others — even in small ways — matters more than we can imagine.

What We Give May Be the Hope Someone Needs to Survive

One of the most humbling things I learned is that stories matter.

Not because they are polished or perfect —
but because they are real.

When I finally shared my own journey — not just the finished version but the messy, painful beginnings — something clicked. Other people saw themselves in it. They recognized their struggle in the cracks of my story. It reminded them that they, too, could keep going.

That’s the power of truth.

It connects us.
It heals us.
It saves lives.

And sometimes the hope we give to others becomes a source of strength for ourselves.

You Don’t Have to Fix Someone to Help Them

Helping others doesn’t always mean solving their problems.

Sometimes it means:

Showing up
Listening without judgment
Sharing your story
Being present
Being consistent
Offering compassion
Willingness to care even when it’s hard

Helping others is how we remind them —
and ourselves — that we matter.

Hope Isn’t About Perfection

Hope isn’t a destination.
It’s a presence.

It doesn’t mean everything is okay.
It doesn’t erase pain.
It doesn’t suddenly make life easy.

But it reminds us that we don’t have to walk through pain alone.

And that it’s okay to ask for help.
Not just once — many times.
Not just when it’s convenient — but when it’s hardest.

Because in asking for help, we make space for others to help us — and through that exchange, something powerful unfolds.

You Never Know Who Is Watching

There’s a truth we overlook:

When you help someone — even with the tiniest kindness — you never know how far that ripple goes.

Your story might be the reason someone keeps going.
Your presence might be the reason someone feels seen.
Your kindness might be the moment that lights someone’s path.

And sometimes — years later — that person you helped could tell someone else about it.

Hope multiplies.
It doesn’t stay in one heart.
It spreads.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect, SLAYER:

S: Who in your life gave you hope when you needed it most?
L: How has someone else’s journey inspired your own healing?
A: What simple action can you take today to offer hope to another person?
Y: How might your vulnerability be a gift to someone else who feels alone?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
When has someone’s presence or story given you hope — and how did it change your journey?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who might be struggling today, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder that hope exists.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Get into the habit of being grateful.

New blog is up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

state of slay interrupt

If You Feel Like You’re Sliding, Ground Yourself In Gratitude

Because even the smallest anchor can save you from the storm

There are seasons in life when the ground beneath your feet doesn’t feel steady. You’re doing everything “right” — showing up, trying hard, taking care of what needs you — and yet somehow you still feel yourself slipping. Emotionally. Mentally. Spiritually. Energetically.

It starts quietly.

A missed step here.
A spiraling thought there.
A wave of heaviness that settles on your chest and won’t explain itself.

Before you know it, you’re sliding — away from your center, away from your peace, away from the version of you who feels grounded and clear.

I know that feeling well.
We all do.

And when life gets like this, it’s easy to panic.
It’s easy to think: What’s wrong with me? Why am I regressing? Why can’t I hold it together?

But here’s the truth most of us forget:

A slide isn’t a failure.
It’s a signal.
And gratitude is your handhold back to solid ground.

The Quiet Descent We Don’t Notice Until We’re Already Falling

Life rarely knocks us off balance with one big moment. Instead, it’s the slow accumulation of little things:

  • A slight disappointment

  • A broken routine

  • A lingering insecurity

  • A change in circumstance

  • A comment that hits us the wrong way

  • A feeling we don’t want to admit we’re feeling

The slide is subtle.

It begins when we stop listening to ourselves.
When we stop resting.
When we stop checking in on our heart.
When we slip into autopilot because being present feels too heavy.

Suddenly, we’re overwhelmed. Or discouraged. Or disconnected from the person we know we truly are.

The human instinct is to claw our way back through force — push harder, work more, suppress the feeling, pretend it’s not happening.

But the way back isn’t through force.

It’s through grounding.
It’s through presence.
It’s through gratitude.

Gratitude Doesn’t Erase the Hard — It Stabilizes You Inside It

Gratitude gets misunderstood as a way to bypass pain.
But real gratitude doesn’t ignore how you feel.

It simply gives you something to hold onto while you feel it.

Gratitude says:

  • “Yes, this is hard… and here is something still supporting you.”

  • “Yes, you’re tired… and here is something still holding you steady.”

  • “Yes, you’re overwhelmed… and here is something still working in your favor.”

It returns your mind to what is real — not imagined fear, not spiraling emotion, not worst-case scenarios.

Gratitude pulls you out of the fall and reorients you toward truth.

It doesn’t invalidate your struggle.
It anchors you through it.

A Small Gratitude Can Shift a Heavy Heart

When you feel yourself sliding, you don’t need a miracle.
You don’t need a life overhaul.
You don’t need everything to be perfect.

You just need one grounding thought — one spark of gratitude — to interrupt the descent.

It can be as simple as:

  • “I’m grateful for the breath that steadies me.”

  • “I’m grateful for one person who loves me.”

  • “I’m grateful for the strength I don’t always give myself credit for.”

  • “I’m grateful for the lessons that shaped me.”

  • “I’m grateful for this moment of awareness — it means I can choose again.”

Gratitude is not about pretending everything is wonderful.
It’s about remembering that not everything is falling apart.

It’s the shift that gives you back your footing.

Gratitude Helps You Regain Perspective — and Power

When we slide emotionally, our mind tries to convince us that everything is collapsing. Gratitude counters that narrative with something more grounded and true.

It:

  • Softens the panic

  • Brings the nervous system down

  • Helps you see the full picture instead of the distorted one

  • Reconnects you to what’s working, not just what feels wrong

  • Reminds you of your resilience

  • Guides you back to your inner stability

Gratitude says:
“You’ve survived every version of life you thought would break you. You can survive this, too.”

And when you remember that, the slide slows.
When you feel that, the ground steadies.
When you breathe into it, you begin to rise again.

You’re Not Failing — You’re Feeling

There is nothing wrong with you for having moments where your footing slips.
There is nothing wrong with you for needing support.
There is nothing wrong with you for losing your center and finding it again.

Strong people slide.
Resilient people slide.
Healing people slide.

But grounded people know how to climb back.

Gratitude is your rope.
Your anchor.
Your reminder that, even in the wobble, you are held.

SLAY Reflection

S — Sit With Your Truth

Where have you been feeling emotionally unsteady or overwhelmed lately?

L — Look at the Pattern

What small shifts or stressors may have contributed to your sense of “sliding”?

A — Align With Your Values

What gratitude practice — even a simple one — can help you feel grounded in this moment?

Y — Yield to Growth

What becomes possible when you anchor yourself in gratitude instead of fear?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What gratitude has helped ground you when life feels unsteady?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to find their footing right now, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Every day may not be good but there is good in every day.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

state of slay worrying

Slay Talk Live Video

Hey SLAYERS! Couldn’t join us tonight for SLAY TALK LIVE, no problem, I got you covered, here’s what you missed!

Your Scars May Be Someone Else’s Hope

When I was living in my disease I used to think I was too damaged to be loved. I thought that if I let someone in, truly in, they would see my scars and see how ugly I was. When I looked at myself, all I could see was the scars, and I worked really hard to pretend everything was OK in the hopes that you wouldn’t notice them. What I didn’t realize was the longer I kept trying to hide them, and hide my pain, the more scars I was accumulating, and the harder it was to hide them. It wasn’t until I sought help that I realized that my scars weren’t ugly, or something to be ashamed of, that they were just a part of my story, and my story, and my scars, may be able to not only help me, but may also be able to help someone else.

Scars prove we are survivors, warriors, they are what’s left when the wound is closed, it’s evidence the pain was there, but a sign that the healing can begin, or has already happened. They don’t make us ugly, or unlovable, in fact they can show the world just how beautiful we are, and how strong our spirit is. To still be standing, to overcome whatever obstacles we have had to to be here today is a show of our strength and our ability to overcome the suffering and to let that pain become one of our brightest assets because it didn’t break us. The fact that we’ve come so far despite the scars from our past allows us to shine a beacon of hope to those out there who are still suffering, I know this is true, because 13 years ago someone else’s beacon caught me in it’s ray of light and it showed me that there might be another way, a way to live in the light.

A large part of this journey for me was accepting those scars I could not see. Those scars that ran deep inside, and went back in time as far as I could remember. Those scars that would get in my way of friendships, relationships, commitments, dreams and ambitions. I had to learn to love those scars as well, and if I couldn’t, at least acknowledge them and learn from them as I stepped forward on this new path of light. Those scars were the ones I needed to share the most, as they needed the most light. And, the more I did share them the more I realized that there were many like me who had those same scars and I learned to find the beauty in them, and, in myself. I used to think of myself as a warrior because I was a fighter and I could get through things on sheer willpower alone, but that’s not what makes a warrior strong, it’s about knowing those weak places inside of us, loving those places, and moving forward anyway, overcoming those parts that aren’t strong, or we’re not proud of, and accepting them all, loving them all, sharing them all, and as we do those scars, those scars we used to think of as ugly, or things we should hide, become the most beautiful things about us because they show our strength, or character, our ability to survive, and we can use that to offer hope to those who still think they need to hide their scars. Our scars offer hope.  SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you try to hide those parts of yourself that you think are ugly? Why do you hide them? Why are you afraid to let people see them? Do you think other people don’t have the scars that you do? Even if some may not, the fact that you have overcome your obstacles, have lived through your scars, proves how strong and how much of a survivor you are, which is nothing to be ashamed of. Those things we have survived in our lives, those things we’ve overcome are what make us the most beautiful, not only because we’ve survived them, but because we can show others it’s possible, we can use those things we thought were the worst of us to show others it’s possible to not only live through difficult circumstances or events, but that we can use them to grow, to connect, and to thrive on the other side of them. I believe we survive, not only for ourselves, but to show others the way to stop hiding the scars and things we used to because we now know the beauty and value they hold today, and they remind us of where we’ve come from, and where you don’t ever want to return to again.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you