react

When People Only See Who We Used To Be

I have changed a lot over the past 13 plus years. That core person I am is still there, and always was, although she was buried under a lot of junk I piled on top of her, but the essence of who I am has walked with me, that is person I fight for every day, but a lot has changed, I have changed, and not every person from my past has changed along with me, or, has been accepting of those changes. Just because we make a commitment to change ourselves for the better doesn’t mean everyone else has, or wants to, or, wants to see us do it. By us changing we put the spotlight on us, our behavior and choices, but by changing those things to better align with a healthier and happier us others may question their own decisions, or, not be comfortable with us not being who we used to be. That, is not our problem, or responsibility. Our responsibility is being our best selves, to learn from our past and to make decisions that are right for us today. That is what we are responsible for. People may want to keep us where we were, but only we can keep ourselves, or put ourselves, back there.

It can be difficult to accept that those we love and know may not want to see us grow or flourish. That they might want to keep us back to make themselves feel better, or to continue living their lives in a particular way, or because they might have to look at themselves and their own behavior if they accept this new us. Once again, none of this is our problem, or, something we can control. What we can control is the choices we make today, how we act or react to the world around us, and what goals we put in front of ourselves to get to where we would like to go. It can be heartbreaking that others in our life are not there to cheer us on as we would them, and try to sabotage us, or hold us back, even by just verbally telling us what we “deserve” or share their opinion of where they think we should be, and just as they probably wouldn’t like us telling them what we think they deserve, their opinion should be kept to themselves, but often isn’t. We can’t control that. But, we can control how much time we give them and their opinion, and, we have to decide that how much time we give them, my experience has taught me, very little to none. If I had listened to certain people who had told me I would never be more than I was, or would fail, or, was reaching too high, I would be dead. No doubt. Instead I followed my heart and spirit, I listened to those who had gone before me and were in the trenches with me who knew this journey and path, and I dug in my heels determined to win, for myself, and I have. If people were or are not able to see my progress and how the changes I’ve made have enhanced my life and those around me, then that’s unfortunate for them. Today I don’t give my time to jealousy, to ignorance or to someone stuck in the past, I can find compassion for them and look to find understanding for their way of thinking, but I will not let it affect my day or the work I’ve done. I have worked very hard to get to the place I have and I won’t let anyone rob me of what I’ve earned.

We all walk our own path. Our journey may look similar, but no two are exactly the same. It is no one’s business what yours looks like as long as your path is filled with honesty, hope and the steps you need to be and become your best self. Own who you are, who you’ve been, and who you are becoming, and never let anyone pull you back or make you believe you are anyone than who you are right now, and who you are is a survivor, a warrior, and a freedom fighter, a fighter for your own freedom. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let the opinions of others dictate who you think you are what you think you deserve? Why do you do that? Do you have people in your life who only see how you used to be? Who are they? Why do you think they only see the past? Have you shown them you are not your past? How? Do you spend too much time trying to show them instead of letting who you are today be your example? SLAYER, you are a living breathing example of change, and if someone is not comfortable with that change, or does not want to see it in you, for whatever reason, that is not your responsibility, stand tall in who you are, who you’ve become and what you are becoming, and never let anyone tell you who are allowed to be.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Respond; don’t react. Listen; don’t talk. Think; don’t assume.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Response

Don’t React, Respond

My life before was one full of reactions. I reacted to everything around me and I reacted in record time. It’s like I thought I was going to get bonus points for reacting the fastest. As a result, many times, people got hurt or my rapid fast reaction was one from misunderstanding or my own warped sense of perspective. It never occurred to me to pause and actually take in what was being said or done, or, ask questions if I thought I may be a misunderstanding, it was all about reacting as soon as possible.

I was taught early on, when I began walking this path, that I wasn’t going to get any bonus points for reacting the fastest, in fact, all I was ever going to get was hurt feelings, mine or the other person’s, for making a quick judgment instead of thinking things through. I was encouraged to practice pausing, to taking a moment, or maybe 10, to ensure I wasn’t just reacting to what I think I heard, or assumed I knew without investigating further. This was truly something I had to practice. As I set out to try this new method I realized how much of a hair-triggered tongue I really had, it’s like I had an itch and the moment someone was saying or doing something I was already figuring out how I was going to react before they had even completed what they were doing, and then, many times, I would replay my reaction in my head and critiqued how I could have made it better or faster. Never once did I take into consideration how the other person may feel to have that kind of energy I hurled at them, many times, I was completely out of line.

We’ve heard the saying, that we can’t control what happens to us but we can control how we react to it, and walking this path I have seen incredible examples of people responding to horrible shocking things with dignity and grace. I too have at times, have responded in a way that in the past would have only exacerbated things, but have responded in a way that smoothed things over and even brought some new understanding, a miracle in itself. But we are capable of such things, all of us, if we put some thought into what comes out of your mouth before we open it. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not a saint, there are times that fast tongue of mine does get away from me and the words just start flying out, but it’s rare now, and I know that if that does happen and I am in the wrong that I can apologize for it and make a pledge to amend that behavior for next time, because now that I have been living this better way of life, those quick reactions don’t just hurt the other person, they also hurt me, and then I have to deal with the consequences of that.

There will always be those situations or people who get under our skin or irk us, but it’s important to take a moment and respond in the appropriate way, not just react. Not only will those around us thank us, but we’ll thank ourselves for conducting ourselves with dignity and respect, even if those around us aren’t capable of doing the same. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to react to things or respond? What’s an example of a time you reacted when you should have responded? What was the result? What’s an example of a time you responded when it would have been easier to have reacted? What was the result? Have you always taken a pause before responding or this new or learned behavior? How or what prompted you to make that change? How has this benefited you? How has it benefited those around you? How do you feel the effects of that change personally? When we are able to think before we act we are better able to honor ourselves in our response, and many times, not only make a difficult situation, but always not make a situation worse, sometimes even changing the outcome completely by our favorable response. It is not about what is said and done to us, it’s about being the example of how to interact in a way that shows respect, to others, but most of all, to ourselves.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Say Thank You, Even If You Don’t Like It

I know what you’re thinking — why would I say thank you for something I didn’t want?

Why would I be grateful for disappointment?
For loss?
For situations that didn’t go my way?
For things that hurt, frustrated me, or felt unfair?

For a long time, I wouldn’t have.

I used to divide my life into simple categories:
good if it benefited me,
bad if it didn’t.

If I got what I wanted, it was positive.
If I didn’t, it was negative.

But life has a way of teaching you that those labels don’t actually hold much truth.

Learning to See Differently

Over time, I started noticing something about myself.

When something didn’t go my way, I could choose to sit in frustration…
or I could choose to look for the lesson.

And almost every single time, there was one.

Sometimes the lesson was about me —
that I needed to prepare better,
ask better questions,
set clearer expectations,
communicate more honestly,
or let go of control.

Sometimes the lesson was about other people —
their limits,
their patterns,
their boundaries,
their capacity.

Sometimes the lesson was simply learning humility.
Learning grace.
Learning patience.
Learning acceptance.

None of those situations felt good in the moment —
but every single one shaped me.

Gratitude Wasn’t Natural for Me — It Was Learned

This wasn’t something that came naturally.

I had to practice it.

I had to stop immediately labeling things as “bad”
and start asking myself:

What can I learn from this?
What is this teaching me?
What is this showing me about myself?
How can this help me grow next time?

When I started doing that, something shifted internally.

I stopped feeling like life was happening to me
and started feeling like life was working for me.

Even when it didn’t feel good.

The Shift From Resentment to Grace

I realized how easy it is to live in bitterness when things don’t go our way.

It’s easy to feel wronged.
To feel blocked.
To feel unlucky.
To feel like life is unfair.

I’ve lived there.

But when I started practicing gratitude — not just for what felt good, but for what taught me — I felt a shift from poor me to fortunate me.

Not because everything was perfect.
Not because everything worked out.
But because everything had meaning.

Everything had purpose.
Everything carried information.
Everything offered growth.

This Is What Living in Grace Looks Like for Me

Living in grace doesn’t mean pretending things don’t hurt.

It doesn’t mean bypassing emotion.
It doesn’t mean spiritualizing pain.
It doesn’t mean toxic positivity.

It means choosing perspective.

Choosing to look for learning instead of loss.
Choosing growth instead of bitterness.
Choosing awareness instead of blame.

For me, this is what living in a State Of Slay™ actually means.

Not controlling life —
but trusting it.

Not resisting experiences —
but extracting wisdom from them.

Why I Say Thank You Anyway

I say thank you because I grew.
Because I learned.
Because I became wiser.
Because I became more aware.
Because I became more grounded.

Not because I liked it.
Not because it felt good.
Not because it was easy.

But because it shaped me.

Every experience becomes a teacher when I let it.

Choosing Gratitude Changes Everything

When I look for the good, I find the good.
When I look for the lesson, I grow.
When I choose gratitude, I create peace.

This doesn’t mean I’m perfect at it.
This doesn’t mean I never get frustrated.
This doesn’t mean I don’t feel disappointed.

But I live here more often than not — and that’s enough to change everything.

Say Thank You, Even If You Don’t Like It

Say thank you for the lesson.
Say thank you for the clarity.
Say thank you for the redirection.
Say thank you for the growth.
Say thank you for the wisdom.

Even when you didn’t want it.
Even when it hurt.
Even when it felt unfair.

Be grateful.
Learn.
Grow.
Find the good.
Create the good.
Be the good.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect, SLAYER:

S: What situations in your life do you still label as “bad”?
L: What might those experiences have taught you that you’ve overlooked?
A: How would your mindset shift if you practiced gratitude instead of resentment?
Y: What is one experience you can say thank you for today — even if you didn’t like it?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s something in your life you didn’t want — but ended up learning from?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone stuck in bitterness or disappointment, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

You Are Only As Far Outside The Center Of Power As You Allow

This goes back to a lot of the topics I’ve written about in the past, we have the power to change, to be who we want to be, to do what we want to do, we are at the center of that power. Too often though, we forget that, acting powerless. We are not. There are things we do not have power over, but for the most part, we hold the key to our own happiness, success, and future.

In past I had played the victim, I acted as if life was something that was happening to me, and because I believed I was a bad person, I believed that I only deserved the bad in my life, so when it came, I figured I deserved it. What I had to learn is that I did deserve the good, and not only did I have to learn it, I had to believe it! That took time, and a lot of work and self-reflection, but it came. Once I took responsibility for my actions and my life I took my power back. Even taking back the bad, once I was able to see my part in all my actions, and that I had a choice, it gave me the power to move forward and take better actions, actions that were positive, actions that kept me moving forward in a direction I wanted to go, healing actions, actions I could take myself. So many times we get in that victim mode and when we do we are powerless, thinking as ourselves as victims gives us no power and gives that power to everyone else. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to give any person, place, or thing power over my life, not anymore. I only allow myself to have that power. So, if you don’t think you have the power within to make the changes you want to make, how do you find it?

1) Believe. It starts with a belief you can, or that you deserve it. That’s the spark to change. Believe you have what it takes to make it happen, or at least, have what it takes to start. Sometimes it’s just about starting and trusting the rest will fall into place as you go. Just start.

2) Visualize It. See it in your mind. What does it took like? What does it feel like? When we visualize it and put positive energy around it we send a message out to the universe that we deserve it, we want it, and we’re willing to work for it. See yourself going through the steps to get what you want, and visualize yourself achieving it.

3) Get To Work. Roll up your sleeves and get to work! No matter how much work it is, if it’s to better yourself or to better your life, do it! You are worth it. Visualization is great, but there’s always work to be done, and doing the work is a huge stepping stone to gaining more self-esteem, of feeling good about yourself because you are giving back to you. Never back down from the work, even if it feels daunting, or overwhelming, take it one step at a time, you’ll build momentum and it will become easier, and even if it gets hard again, you’ll know it will be worth it in the end.

4) Trust The Universe Has Your Back. If you’re coming from a place of self-doubt this may take time, but as we achieve small victories along the way, we start to believe that the universe has our back, or at the very least, is rooting for us. I have a dear friend who always said to me when I was struggling with this, “act as if life is rigged in your favor,” that seemed unlikely based on my history, but he didn’t say believe that it was, he said, “act” like it was, it was a start for me, so if you’re just starting to walk a brighter path and have come from the dark, act “as if” until you start to believe. I used to carry dice around and when I had doubt I’d look at those dice, and remind myself that I had the special dice, the dice that were rigged in my favor.

We are in control of what we do, how we act, react, what we pursue, and how we’ll succeed. We have the power to make those ideas, dreams, and hopes come true. Use that power for good, use it to get and go after what makes your heart shine, don’t ever give that power away, that, is at the center of who you are, of what makes you you, and is the key to where you want to go.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel powerless? Why? What makes you feel powerless? Write down a list of things that you feel powerless against. Looking at that list, what action can you take to have more power? What can you do to make those things better? To take back your power? Are you stopping yourself from going after what you want? What stops you? Do you think you deserve those things? If not, why not? What if you believed you did? Write down why you should have those things. Now write down the steps you can take to get them. They’re yours for the taking SLAYER, you have the power to make them happen. Now get to work and show us how powerful you are. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER!  When we act on self-righteous anger we are in danger of hurting ourselves, and those around us. You are in charge of how you react, and who you choose to engage with. Choose wisely.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Anger

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYERS!  Life is 10% of what happens to us and 90% of how we react.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Patience