Good morning SLAYER! When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in, but that’s the point of the storm.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
darkness
If You Only Knew What The Other Side Looked Like
I know things can be tough. Dark. Hopeless. And full of pain. I know because I’ve been there. I lived there for many years. I lived there thinking there was no way out. Well, I only thought there was one way, to end my suffering. I’m glad that the way I thought of wasn’t the way, that the universe had plans to show me the right way, and guide me to the light.
I was speaking to someone today who had been where I was, who had attempted to take her own life, and now she stood before me, three years removed from that experience, happy, healthy and celebrating the day. We talked about the way it was, for both of us, and those who are still out there struggling, sitting in the dark, and we both said, if they only knew what the other side looked like.
I do know, I’m typing this from the other side right now. And let me tell you, it’s great over here. Now that’s not to say that everything is just rainbows and unicorns, there are some of both though, life still happens, but I have changed, and because of that I continue to be blessed with people and things in my life, and beautiful experiences I never would have had had I not fought my way out of the darkness.
When I was living in the darkness that is all I saw. There were beautiful things and beautiful people in my life, but I couldn’t see their beauty, not like I do today, my mind would put a cloak of darkness over everyone and everything so it could keep telling me the story it wanted to, that there was no way out, that no one really cared about me, and that the world would be better off without me in it. I believed those lies, I believed them for as long as I could stand it, and when it became too unbearable I was brought to me knees, and in that moment I reached out for help, to whomever or whatever may be listening, I had nothing to lose by asking, so asked for help and I surrendered my willpower and let go. What happened is nothing short of a miracle, but I couldn’t just rest on that miracle to get me better, I then had to roll up my sleeves and get to work. I was given a look at what was on the other side, through people who had gotten there, and with their direction, and others, I was able to get there myself, I wasn’t sure I could, but I fought like hell to get there, and I made it.
I now speak to you from that place, and I want you to know if you haven’t made it yet that we’re here waiting for you. It is possible. There are many of us here who were once like you, I was like you, and if I can do it so can you. First, you have to believe, believe it’s possible, find the little bit of light within you and hold onto as you step forward out of the dark, trust me, you won’t fall, and even if you stumble, we’ll be there to pick you up until you learn to walk on your own. Fight to find the light, fight to find your way to the other side, it’s there, and it’s even more beautiful than you can imagine. Come join us here, we’re waiting for you. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel stuck in the dark? Why do you feel stuck? What can you do to find the light where you are? Are there others in your life who have the light? Stay close to them SLAYER. Ask them to walk with you, to help you out of the dark. Do you believe you deserve to stay in the dark? Why? Are these old stories from your past or a belief here in the present? Why do you believe it? What if it’s not true? What if you made it not true? What if you fought to find our way into the light? What do you think that looks like? How can you get there? You can. You can SLAYER. Find those people in your life, or seek out new people, who live in the light, ask them how they got there, let go of old ideas that keep you in the dark, and be open to new ideas that will bring in the light. Dig deep, find the humility and allow yourself to be teachable to new things and new ways of living life. It does get better, it can better, if you work for it. The good news is, you hold the key to your happiness, no one else, you have the power to set yourself free.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Walk Up From The Basement
We forget sometimes that we have the power to walk away from a situation that no longer serves us, or maybe never did. We don’t have to stay down in the basement. In the dark. We can walk up those stairs and live the life we want, have dreamed of, and truly deserve.
We sometimes keep ourselves in the dark, thinking we deserve to be there, or don’t deserve any better, but we are the only ones who our holding ourselves back, we are the ones telling ourselves those lies that prevent us from finding our own happy ending, or maybe beginning, but finding our happy. It’s out there for the taking, but you have to have the courage to take it.
Before walking on this path I lived in the basement of my own life. And I was the only one in the house! No one was keeping me down there except myself. And I had lived there so long that I couldn’t remember living anywhere else. I didn’t like it there, but it was what I knew. I told myself it was safer there, even though I felt alone there. I thought I deserved to live in the darkness, where it was cold and damp. It clung to me when I tried to step into the light, like it was reaching out for me from the shadows, and I would let it pull me back down, retreating from the world and from my true self. I played the victim and would say that I didn’t deserve good things because I was a bad person. I wasn’t a bad person, I just wasn’t being good to myself. And didn’t believe in myself.
When I finally found the courage to reach out for help, I was told that my recovery, the improvement of my life, was in my hands, that I had the power to change, and I was the only one with the key to unlock the door and step out into the light. It had never occurred to me that I had that key. I used to blame everyone else, or just the world in general, for my life in the basement, but it was me who kept me down there all along. And once I had realized that it was my job to come up those stairs and live the life I was meant to live. Letting myself come up from the basement was the first of many big steps. Learning how to live outside of it came next, and it wasn’t always easy, as that basement was always calling me with it’s familiarity and it’s cloak of sadness a part of me still believed felt right. Change can be difficult. But it can be done. And as I kept taking more and more steps into the light, that basement didn’t seem so appealing anymore. And that feeling of familiarity started to fade. I started to crave the light, and living in it, and eventually threw away the key that opened that basement door.
We all have a choice, ever day, where we want to live, not necessarily physically, but mentally and spiritually, but we have to believe we deserve more than we have, if what we have doesn’t fill our hearts and minds with love. We are only as stuck as we allow ourselves to be, and sure, sometimes circumstances may make it difficult to extract ourselves from our current situation, but it can be done, and if need be, there are always people out there willing to lend you a hand for a better opportunity or place you can call home. Share you truth, let go of your fears and start climbing that staircase, there’s a bright future waiting for you up there. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you keep yourself locked in the basement when you should be living your life upstairs? Why do you think you do that? What do you do to keep yourself there? What can you do to get yourself out? What do you imagine your life would look like out of the basement? Have you lived in the basement so long you’ve forgotten, or don’t know? You hold the key SLAYER to your own freedom, but first you have to believe that you deserve to be set free. You also have to let go of the lies you’ve told yourself, or maybe someone else has told you, to let yourself live freely in the light. It’s all there, what you want, what you imagined, on the other side of that basement door, you locked yourself.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
There Is Beauty In Everything
I never used to think that. I thought there was only in beauty if I got what I wanted. Or if someone else got what was coming to them…from my point of view anyway. In fact I was conditioned to think that life was not beautiful, that it was dark, unforgiving, unpredictable, cruel, harsh. I could only see what I wanted to see, and what I wanted to see was what a victim I was, coupled with believing I only deserved bad things. My life was dark, vengeful, angry, full of fear, but I was my own jailer, I held the key to letting myself out of the prison I had locked myself into.
When we’re looking for the negative, the negative will present itself. Like attracts like. The energy we put out comes back to us. I never believed I held that much power. I just thought life was something that was happening to me. Funny enough, it was the act of surrendering, of asking for help, that gave me that power. It took a while for me to learn how to use it, but even the act of saying that I needed help, started the process.
As I started getting better, I started to strip away the darkness, the hurt, the hate, the pain. My days got brighter and I started looking for the light, the goodness in my life. It became easier to see the beauty in my life, the world around me, and the more I looked for it the more I found it. But it was also just as important to find the beauty in the days I had left behind. Not romanticize it, or downplay how bad it had been, but to realize that there was beauty in the breakdown, because without it, I wouldn’t have never gotten to where I am today.
For me it took a lot for me to get help. There was no other way. I wasn’t going to go into this journey willingly if I could still tolerate or justify the way I had been living my life, and, I could tolerate a lot. So it took, almost loosing everything, for me to finally fall to my knees and say I need help, I surrender. Which, is one of the most beautiful moments of my life. That is the moment I actually began my life. It’s that date I consider my birth day. And what’s more beautiful than that? I look for the beauty in everything, and everyone. It is there, most times, if you look. Even in tragedy there are always incredible acts of beauty that happen, people, places and things, that rise out of the ashes and bring beauty even in the most darkest of days. It’s those instances that we continue to have hope. And to me, hope is the most beautiful thing there is. Hope saved my life, it was a gift that was handed to me from someone else who had found it, and that is why it’s important to me to share it and give it away, as it was given to me.
Beauty doesn’t always appear to us as beautiful things. It can come from the ugliest of circumstances, which is why we should never give up, because something beautiful may just be around the corner…or maybe is always here, maybe, you’re just not seeing it yet. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have trouble seeing the beauty in life? In other people? In yourself? When was the last time you recognized something beautiful? What if you sat for a moment SLAYER, and thought about the beautiful things in your life? Write them down. Then write down 5 beautiful things about yourself. Ask a friend, family member, or co-worker to write down 5 beautiful things about you and give it back to you. Do you see those things in yourself? If not, why not? How do you think others see them in you? Focus on seeing those things in you. Focus on the beauty in your life. Even if it’s small, it’s a start. It was only the size of a pin for me at the beginning, and now, I see it all around me. I see it in you. Now it’s your turn to see.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
A Voiceless Child
It’s important we always speak our truth. We can become consumed by fear and keep our truth bottled up inside. We may tell ourselves our truth doesn’t matter. Or, that people won’t understand, or care. But when we don’t express who we are or how we feel we tell ourselves that we don’t matter, that our voice doesn’t matter, that what we’re unworthy, and we sink down into our own darkness, sentencing ourselves to life as if we are a voiceless child without a way to communicate that we need help.
We are not voiceless children, we can get help, but that need for that help has to be bigger than our fear of reaching out for it. At least it had to for me. There were many times, many signs, that I needed help, but fear, shame and pride kept me from doing so. To take the onus off of myself I played the victim, that I wasn’t capable or worthy of getting the help I needed. My disease also told me that I deserved to suffer, deserved to be punished for who I was and what I had been doing to get by. I did feel like a voiceless child, sitting alone in the dark. But none of that was the truth. It was just the story I told myself, the story my disease told me, the story the bullshit committee in my head told me, and the narrative I adopted because it took all the blame off myself and allowed me to keep being sick.
My biggest obstacle was fear. Fear was the motivator for most of my decisions before stepping on this path. Fear was the engine that drove my disease, drove everything negative in my life, fear ran my life. Fear is one powerful enemy when we allow it to be. It keeps us from people who care about us. It keeps us from getting the help we need. It keeps us in the dark. And that darkness can consume us. It almost did me. And my fear was so cunning, it actually had me romanticize it and make it sound inviting. Ultimately it was also fear that got me to reach out. I got myself to a place that I knew was very dangerous, and I knew had one final end, and reaching a place where I no longer cared about myself, I got more frightened than I ever had before. That fear, that new sense of terror, was the push I needed to finally speak my truth. And once I did, that voiceless child started to find her voice.
Finding your voice can be scary, but once you start to exercise your right to be heard, it has an incredibly powerful result. We learn to share who we are, what we need and we are able to reach out for the help we need. We learn that once we overcome that fear, walk though it, we stand taller, we get stronger and our community gets bigger. When I found the courage to reach out and finally speak my truth it was like a damn burst inside of me. It felt so good to let out the secrets I had been carrying around.. To not care about being judged, because I knew my life depended on me letting everything out, I knew the only way I could find a solution to how I was feeling was to share it all, and once I did, I let the some light in, and that light felt good. My head still wanted me to believe it wasn’t going to help, and that people were going to think I was crazy, or, that I didn’t deserve the help, but that little bit of light that crept in when I finally spoke up, that light overpowered those negative thoughts, and I kept running toward that light until I felt I could just sit in it for a while and let it shine on me.
Today I live in the light. The darkness doesn’t feel like home anymore. Sometimes I might dip a toe back in the darkness, my head will get me to just check it out, but I get back out because the light is now home. You can find the light in your own life by speaking your truth, no matter what it is, find someone to tell it to, it’s within that moment that the light will come in, and that voiceless child within you will find their voice and fight for the most important person there is, you. SLAY on.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you identify with feeling like a voiceless child? How so? Why do you feel you have no voice? Have you allowed yourself to lose your voice? Have you told yourself that your voice doesn’t matter, or that it won’t be accepted? Has someone else told you that? Why do you believe them? I am here to tell you that your voice does matter, YOU matter, and when you speak your truth magical things start to happen, for you, and those around you. You may just learn how much alike you truly are with those around you, that that loneliness you feel can be quashed with your truth. It is our truth, our story, that connects us to those around us, we all have shared experiences and the only way to learn what they are is to share them with others. Find your voice, step out of the darkness and speak your truth.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! The greatest gift is when you’re able to bless someone else while walking through your own storm.
SLAY on!
Back To Reality, Back To The Dark
We all have things we look forward to, maybe things we’ve built up in our heads, anticipated, or worked hard for, and when they happen we feel that high, that rush of excitement, of accomplishment, and we’re lifted up. But what a lot of people don’t talk about, or label, is the crash when we get back home and it’s over. It happens for me after I finish a project, I get that super rush of adrenaline, the endorphins kick in, and all is good, and then, it’s over and that all falls away. Things go back to normal, and things can, in comparison, seem dark, quiet, and the fear kicks in that I will never have it again. I see it, and hear it, in others, whether they’ve come back from a convention, a vacation, or have finished something they had been working on for a long time. They feel down. When this used to happen to me I didn’t know what it was for a long while, that let down, the blues, or the grays, and I wasn’t hearing anyone else talk about it, so I thought it was just me. I realized as I started to talk about it, that it’s not just me, it’s you too.
When you think about it, it’s only natural that coming back home, finishing a project, or just returning to our every day lives, that we would feel down after the excitement and exhilaration of what we had been doing. I wrote about this from a different angle in my blog, Are You Addicted To Excitement? There is a high associated with these types of events in our lives, of having something to look forward to, or being able to participate in something, or seeing a project come to life, so it seems only natural once it’s over we would feel a void. Now, if we’re not careful we can fall into the rabbit hole of depression, not labeling it for what it us, the come down from an event or job we enjoyed, it’s easy to let the negative self-talk kick in and tell us that we’ll never had what we just had again, that we are alone, that no one cares, and this darkness will never end. But it will end, we know it will because it has in the past, and, we can put an end to it. How do we do that?
Well, first we acknowledge it is what it is and not make it anything more than that. Don’t give it anymore power than you coming down from a high. Also, don’t let it tell you that you’re the only one that suffers from this, you’re not, and the more you talk about it for what it is, the more you’ll realize that we all go through this once something is over. So, how do we get ourselves out? Acknowledging it helps, and then we need to take some action. We need to get out and continue to participate in life, find ways, in our daily life to get that little shot of excitement we experience on a bigger scale during one of those events. Find things to do that you enjoy that make you smile, that challenge you, that allow you to give back. Find all the ways in your life that you can fill your heart, so when you come back home and are feeling down, you have a list of things you can take action on to get you moving out of the dark and back into the light. Life is not just a bunch of big events strung together with darkness in between, we need to fill those days up with light each day, and not depend solely on those bigger events in our lives to carry us through. And, also, to prepare for the crash after those events because we know it’s coming.
We can’t remove the come down after a big event in our lives, it still will happen, but we can lessen the impact it has on us by preparing for it in advance, knowing it’s coming, and making sure we are ready for it when it goes. I still feel it after something big, but I now know what to do to kick things back into gear and get life rolling again. Life doesn’t stop after the party, or job, or vacation, in fact, it’s after those things that we need to work harder to keep moving forward and keep from sliding back to something we can’t relive.
SLAY OF THE DAY: After a big event in your life do you tend to slip into a depression, or darkness? Have you realized this about yourself in the past? Or, do you just keep finding yourself there without the understanding of why? Think back in the past few years, to the events that stand out for you, did you find you crashed when you got home and back into your normal life? How did you feel? Why do you think you felt that way? Those feelings are normal SLAYER, we all feel them to some degree. It’s natural to feel down when we’ve felt so high. So, when you know you have something coming up, something you’ve been looking forward to, write down 5 things you can do when you get home to make that transition easier, brighter, and more productive, so when the darkness hits, you can look at that list and get into action. Trust me, that action will bring in just the right light to get you shining bright. SLAY on!
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
It’s OK Not To Be OK
I’ve talked about this in previous blogs, and on numerous occasions on SLAY TALK LIVE, but wanted to give this some attention of its own, for those of you out there struggling, hiding how you feel, putting on a smile when your heart is broken, pretending that everything is OK, here’s what I want to say, it’s OK not to be OK. I almost didn’t get the opportunity to learn this. I spent my whole life pretending everything was OK, and I got so good at it, at stuffing down my true feelings, that pretty much everyone bought it, and no one caught on to the collision course with death I was really on.
I thought, that if I pretended everything was OK all the time that no one would ask any questions, and you know what, for the most part I was right, but in many cases the people I was choosing to have in my life were emotionally unavailable so I knew they wouldn’t ask me any questions, and if they started to, I would phase them out. I thought, that if I told you something was wrong or that I had a problem you wouldn’t want to talk to me, that you had your own problems and didn’t want to hear about mine. I was wrong. But it took a long slide into the darkness to finally see how I wrong I was.
It wasn’t until I finally reached out for help, when I finally, in a place of desperation, said I wasn’t OK and I didn’t know what to do about it, that I realized, slowly I might add, that it was OK not to be OK. That if being not OK was my truth I needed to share it. I needed to talk about it. I needed to let people know. I had thought people would distance themselves from me when I finally pulled the curtain back to reveal the sad and damaged woman I truly was, the complete opposite of what I had been portraying for my entire life up until then. I thought people would retreat. But I knew my life depended on my honesty in that moment, I knew, regardless of the outcome, I had to speak my truth. What happened wasn’t a retreat, but the outpouring of a lot of support, a lot of love, and a lot of friendships that were strengthened because of my honesty, and, a lot of new friendships with others who were also struggling like I was, or, had been and were doing better. There was strength in saying I wasn’t OK, in declaring it, being honest about it, voicing it. The shame of it lost its power over me. It was out, and nothing bad happened, in fact, a lot of good happened. I started to get better. I started to have more self-confidence. More self-love. Self-respect. I started being honest, with myself, and those around me, and that felt good. It wasn’t fun holding everything in, not sharing, lying to people about how I was, it was a lot of work, exhausting, and deceitful. It was actually a relief to let it all out and not hide in the shadows anymore. Now as great as it felt, it was also scary at first, it wasn’t what I used to, and it wasn’t always as easy as it is now, but the more I did it, the more comfortable I got, and the more I realized that my truth was connecting me to others in my life, so even when I wasn’t OK, I had the love and support of other people to help me get to the other side.
No one is OK all the time. No one. So why do you expect yourself to be? We all have good days and bad days, or weeks, months, years even, but when you keep it all in, hiding the truth, those bad times get magnified, they grow, manifest worse, and even darker darkness. Speak your truth, share what is going on, and when you do, you will find a SLAYER army around you to support you as you walk through that time. We are all alike, we’ve all been there, and, will be again, so we understand, and we stand by you on those days when you are not OK. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: When you are not OK, do you share that with others? What is the result? If you don’t, why don’t you? What are you afraid of? Is this fear-based on facts, or an imagined outcome in your mind? Do you have people in your life who you trust? Who you admire? Who you can talk to? If not, why not? Write down an instance when you shared your truth with someone and something good came out of that. If you never have, I challenge you SLAYER to do it, to share your truth with someone you trust, or connect with. It’s OK to not be OK, and just saying we’re not, gets us on the road to recovery. Take that step SLAYER.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Don’t Stop Before The Miracle Happens
I was speaking last night at a rehab center in LA. I enjoy speaking to people who are at a crossroads in their life, it’s something I relate to very much, as I have had many, but one in particular where I chose to step into the light instead of slip into the darkness. We do always have a choice. I never plan what I’m going to say when I go to speak, I trust that the words will come out of my mouth that are meant to and that my story or message will land where it’s supposed to land. I was reminded last night of a miracle I experiences early on in my journey, a milestone that I had placed importance on, and that if I didn’t feel better by that milestone I would set out on my original plan to take my own life. I made a promise to myself three months earlier, that I would work to live in the light, that I would do what was suggested and dive into whatever work I needed to do to get better, and if I didn’t feel better at the end of that three months then I was free to let go. But something miraculous happened. When I hit that three month mark, having worked very hard to change the way I had been living and better myself, I no longer wanted to die. Now, I’m not saying it was all rainbows and unicorns from then on, it certainly was not, and I had a lot more work to do, but I wanted to stay and do it. By changing my actions, by doing what I could to take action in a positive way I had changed the trajectory of my life. It was, by all accounts, a miracle, as I had spent years prior wanting to die, and at that moment, on that milestone, I realized I didn’t. That was the first miracle I’ve received on this 12 year plus journey.
I’m grateful to always remember that. It reminds me that anything is possible. Change makes things possible, it’s not always easy, but when we stick to it, dedicate ourselves to it, miracles happen. They truly do. I am a living example of that, and each of us who has made it back from the depths of darkness and despair are as well.
A big part of that for me is sharing my story with others, because it not only may give someone else the hope they need to start their journey, or continue on their path, but it reminds me that miracles do happen and to keep going. That what I need to focus on is doing what’s best for me and my mental health, and when I do, and am able to be my best self, miraculous things happen. When we are at the depths of our depression, our despair, it doesn’t seem like anything will or can help, it seems hopeless, and it only is if we don’t take positive action to bring some light into our lives. And, believing we deserve to. As I’ve mentioned before, it starts with willingness, if we are willing things start to happen, it may be slow at first, but willingness opens the door, even if just a crack, and the more we take action to live in the light, the more that door opens and the more light comes in. That all may seem really daunting at first, or from where you’re sitting right now, but, you only have to do the next right thing, that’s it, just one thing, and that one thing will lead you to the next, which will lead you to the next and so on. But it starts with one thing. You don’t have to worry where all those things will lead you, just keep doing them and you will be amazed because before you know things will change, shift, get better, just by doing those small things each day. I started over 12 years ago and still do them each day, and each day I am amazed at the beauty that my life has and the many miracles that have happened along the way, but the most important miracle of all is that I am here, and that today I want to spread and share my light with others, rather than die in the dark.
Go find your miracle, stay on the path of light, and watch your life change. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you want things to be better for yourself? What gets in the way? What can you do today to step into the light, to take action and get yourself on a better path? What has stopped you in the past? Is this something real or what you tell yourself to keep yourself in the dark? Is it something someone else tells you? Why do you think they’re telling you that? No one has the right to tell you who you are and what you deserve, only you can do that. So stand up SLAYER, dust yourself off and change your path, step into the light and start the story of the rest of your life.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
The Hole In Your Soul
Before stepping on this path that best described me, I had a hole in my soul. I didn’t know that I did, I just knew I had this emptiness inside of me that I could never seem to fill. And I tried, with so many outside things. But nothing I grabbed for could fill that hole, that emptiness, that darkness inside of me. The more I tried to fill it with distractions, with things, with people, with anything I could get my hands on, the emptier it felt, until finally I just felt like I was one big hole inside, just completely empty. I’ve shared this before on SLAY TALK LIVE that when I look back at pictures of myself from those years, I can see the emptiness inside, the deadness in my eyes, and the pain I was trying to hide. The picture attached to this post is an example of that.
It took a major breakdown to realize that I needed help, that I needed to try something different from what I had been doing my whole life to try to save my life because I was on a collision course with death. When someone mentioned to me that only I could fill that hole, and that it was an inside job, I got scared, I hated who I was and thought I was doomed, there was no way I was going to be able to infuse any kind of positivity into the darkness I felt when I hated myself as much as I did. If that was the key to my survival, I thought, there was no hope. But managed to find some hope, I found it within others who had done, or were filling that hole inside of them, who were working on themselves to better their lives, I saw it in them, and that was enough to want that for me too, I didn’t know if I could get it, but I made the decision to try, and not just try, to fight for it, because my life depended on it.
It started out by starting over. By throwing out all things I had used to get by, to survive and start with blank slate. Those things, in the end, weren’t really helping me survive, they were only masking the problem and would eventually kill me. So it was time to clean house, and I did. I have never been so terrified in my life, I felt like I was standing naked in front of a stadium full of people, but if I was going to get better I had to learn a new way of living and stop hiding. I had to learn to forgive myself, I head to learn how to love myself, and I had to learn how to live my life in the light, that all seemed like a tall tasks, and at times, impossible, but nothing really is if we commit ourselves to it and get to work. I had a lot of help, and I mean a lot, and I got to work like it was my job, because it was, the job of getting well, of fighting for me and my survival. I did it in steps, and did what I could in the moment, knowing that this was a life-long path, that I didn’t have to do everything all at once, or perfectly to move on, I only had to do what I could in that moment, and trust that was enough for now to move on. I had a lot of guidance from those who had walked before me, and also a counselor who helped me work through my anger and frustration about my past, and make sense of it as I moved forward. I can’t say it was easy, but I found my light.
Looking back I realize that the answer to all my problems was finding that self-love and compassion for myself, of letting go of the wheel, per se, and stop trying to run the show, stop trying to control and manipulate life to suit my needs, and trust that there was a plan, trust that I am always exactly where I am supposed to be, and if I don’t like that place, learn why I’m there, so I can move on. That hole in your soul is fillable, but it can’t be filled out outside things, it can only be filled by you, by love for yourself, by forgiveness, and by connecting with something bigger than yourself to find your place. Finding this for yourself is not an overnight project, it takes time, years maybe, but it can be done, today I feel full love, and no longer reach out to fill a void, that hole has been filled, and what is there today is what I share you with here on STATE OF SLAY.
SLAY on my friends, SLAY on.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel like there is a hole in your soul? What have you done to try to fill it? Has it worked? What has it done? How do you think you can fill that hole? What do you think is missing? What can you do this week to work on filling that hole? Nothing and no one outside of ourselves can fill that hole we feel inside, that is an inside job, learning to love our insides is the trick, but it is the first step to finding peace within ourselves and our way out of the darkness.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
