I’ve talked about this in previous blogs, and on numerous occasions on SLAY TALK LIVE, but wanted to give this some attention of its own, for those of you out there struggling, hiding how you feel, putting on a smile when your heart is broken, pretending that everything is OK, here’s what I want to say, it’s OK not to be OK. I almost didn’t get the opportunity to learn this. I spent my whole life pretending everything was OK, and I got so good at it, at stuffing down my true feelings, that pretty much everyone bought it, and no one caught on to the collision course with death I was really on.
I thought, that if I pretended everything was OK all the time that no one would ask any questions, and you know what, for the most part I was right, but in many cases the people I was choosing to have in my life were emotionally unavailable so I knew they wouldn’t ask me any questions, and if they started to, I would phase them out. I thought, that if I told you something was wrong or that I had a problem you wouldn’t want to talk to me, that you had your own problems and didn’t want to hear about mine. I was wrong. But it took a long slide into the darkness to finally see how I wrong I was.
It wasn’t until I finally reached out for help, when I finally, in a place of desperation, said I wasn’t OK and I didn’t know what to do about it, that I realized, slowly I might add, that it was OK not to be OK. That if being not OK was my truth I needed to share it. I needed to talk about it. I needed to let people know. I had thought people would distance themselves from me when I finally pulled the curtain back to reveal the sad and damaged woman I truly was, the complete opposite of what I had been portraying for my entire life up until then. I thought people would retreat. But I knew my life depended on my honesty in that moment, I knew, regardless of the outcome, I had to speak my truth. What happened wasn’t a retreat, but the outpouring of a lot of support, a lot of love, and a lot of friendships that were strengthened because of my honesty, and, a lot of new friendships with others who were also struggling like I was, or, had been and were doing better. There was strength in saying I wasn’t OK, in declaring it, being honest about it, voicing it. The shame of it lost its power over me. It was out, and nothing bad happened, in fact, a lot of good happened. I started to get better. I started to have more self-confidence. More self-love. Self-respect. I started being honest, with myself, and those around me, and that felt good. It wasn’t fun holding everything in, not sharing, lying to people about how I was, it was a lot of work, exhausting, and deceitful. It was actually a relief to let it all out and not hide in the shadows anymore. Now as great as it felt, it was also scary at first, it wasn’t what I used to, and it wasn’t always as easy as it is now, but the more I did it, the more comfortable I got, and the more I realized that my truth was connecting me to others in my life, so even when I wasn’t OK, I had the love and support of other people to help me get to the other side.
No one is OK all the time. No one. So why do you expect yourself to be? We all have good days and bad days, or weeks, months, years even, but when you keep it all in, hiding the truth, those bad times get magnified, they grow, manifest worse, and even darker darkness. Speak your truth, share what is going on, and when you do, you will find a SLAYER army around you to support you as you walk through that time. We are all alike, we’ve all been there, and, will be again, so we understand, and we stand by you on those days when you are not OK. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: When you are not OK, do you share that with others? What is the result? If you don’t, why don’t you? What are you afraid of? Is this fear-based on facts, or an imagined outcome in your mind? Do you have people in your life who you trust? Who you admire? Who you can talk to? If not, why not? Write down an instance when you shared your truth with someone and something good came out of that. If you never have, I challenge you SLAYER to do it, to share your truth with someone you trust, or connect with. It’s OK to not be OK, and just saying we’re not, gets us on the road to recovery. Take that step SLAYER.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you