compassion

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Open Your mind before you open your mouth.

SLAY on!

Not Really Listening

Kindness Is Contagious

Kindness. It’s something we should all be happy to spread around, and it only takes a second. These days, when we’re out in the world, the energy around us is often filled with nervousness, frustration, fear, or just the urge to get back home safely. Amidst all that, we should always remember to be kind.

The Power of a Simple Gesture

We’re all in the same boat. Some are still trying to get essentials and supplies, navigating through aisles, following store arrows, finding empty shelves, or limits on how much they can buy. And if you’re like me, you can feel that energy and begin to take it on as your own. But that’s where kindness comes in—because the antidote to all of that is kindness.

When I focus on being kind, it calms me. It keeps me steady, considerate, and compassionate toward others who are navigating those same aisles, looking for the same things. When a moment presents itself—whether it’s a smile, a thank you, or a small act of service—I see the result in the eyes of the person in front of me. It changes their energy. We all have the power to be kind. And especially now, we should be wielding it like a superpower.

A Shift from Self to Service

When I was living in the dark, I still had that power, but most of the time I chose not to use it. I was focused on what life could give me, what I could take, and how life had let me down. That mindset kept me sick, miserable, and isolated. Sure, there were moments of kindness, but for the most part, I was too wrapped up in myself.

When I began my recovery journey, I was told that a big part of my healing would come from being of service to others. I didn’t believe I had anything to give at first. But I was reminded that I could always be kind. Just focusing on kindness shifted my thinking and lifted my mood as I stepped out each day. Even when I didn’t feel up to it, I was told those were the days I needed to lean into kindness even more.

And they were right.

Even on my darkest days, when I mustered up kindness for someone else, it changed me. It brought light into a dark moment. Kindness is contagious not just for those receiving it—but for us too.

Little Acts, Big Impact

Today, I make a point of looking for those moments of kindness. Even a simple “hello” or “how are you” can shift the energy. Just yesterday at the pharmacy, I asked the man behind the counter how he was. He looked at me, paused, smiled, and said, “I’m fine, and thank you for asking.” His energy lifted. We shared a brief, pleasant exchange, and both of us felt the power of kindness.

Spreading Light in Uncertain Times

It’s easy to rush through life, hyper-focused on the tasks at hand. But let’s not forget the others out there who may be under stress, fear, or anxiety. Let’s take an extra moment to check in, to say thank you to the front-line workers, the grocery clerks, the baristas, the people taking our temperatures. Let them know they are seen and appreciated.

We’re all in this together. Why not spread something good while we’re out there? Let your kindness be a light in an uncertain time.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • When you’re out in the world, do you make a point of being kind?

  • If not, why not?

  • How do you feel when someone says or does something kind for you?

  • How do you feel when you offer kindness to someone else?

  • Have you made an extra effort to be kind lately? If not, why?

  • Has someone been extra kind to you? How did that feel?

That feeling is a gift we can offer to anyone we see—and it’s a gift we’ll get back when we do.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one simple act of kindness you can offer today—big or small?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s lift each other up.

And if you know someone who could use a little kindness, send this to them.
Sometimes, all it takes is a reminder that kindness is powerful.

Do You Like Yourself?

I used to say yes. To your face, I’d smile and say, “Of course I do!” But inside, the truth was always no.

From as far back as I can remember, I felt I wasn’t good enough. I thought I was weird, different, and if you knew who I really was, you wouldn’t like me. I set impossible standards for myself, and every time I couldn’t meet them, I’d beat myself up. Over the years, those unrealistic expectations grew bigger—and so did my self-hatred.

I had a constant, negative narrative running in my head, berating myself for not measuring up. My lack of self-love dragged me to darker places, until I stopped caring about my well-being. I took dangerous chances with my life, not because I wanted to die, but because I didn’t care if I lived.

It was only through a friend that I found the courage to reach out for help. That was the beginning of a new path—and the road from self-hatred to self-love was bumpy, messy, and full of stumbles. But it was worth every single one.

Starting with Forgiveness

When I began this journey, I couldn’t even look in the mirror and say, “I love you.” Just thinking about it makes me sad now. But I knew if I was ever going to like myself, I had to start by forgiving myself. And that wasn’t something I could do alone. I worked with a mental health professional and found support in groups of people walking the same path. Their guidance helped me move forward and start believing that I was worth forgiveness.

Gratitude and Giving Back

Gratitude was a key step. In the beginning, it felt nearly impossible, but I was encouraged to start with just one thing each day—one thing I was grateful for, and one thing I liked about myself. Some days I struggled to find even one, but I’d write it down and carry it in my pocket. Whenever I felt discouraged or fearful, I’d take it out and remind myself.

And then there was giving back. Early in my journey, I was shown that we always have something to give, even if we don’t think we do. Simply sharing our truth, asking someone how their day is, or offering a kind word can lift not just them, but also us. No matter how far down we may feel, someone else may feel even lower, and reaching out creates a connection.

Reflection in a Time of Pause

During this time of social distancing and isolation, when the world feels paused, we have an opportunity to ask ourselves: do I like who I am? If not, why? This is the perfect time to explore those feelings and make positive changes. And if we struggle to find things we like about ourselves, it’s okay to ask a trusted friend or family member what they see in us. Sometimes, seeing ourselves through their eyes helps us find the light.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Would you say you like yourself? If not, why not?

  • If you do, what do you like about yourself?

  • Have you always liked yourself? If not, what changed?

  • If you don’t like yourself, was there a time when you did? What changed?

  • What can you do today to find something you like about yourself?

  • What are you grateful for today?

Focus on those things, SLAYER. Challenge yourself to discover more in the days to come. Ask others for their insights. Make sure the reasons you tell yourself don’t keep you stuck in negativity. And if they do, ask why you’re holding onto them. Learn to let them go, or forgive yourself for them. Self-love—or even just self-like—is waiting. Take that first step today.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one thing you like about yourself today?
Share it in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who needs this message, send it to them.
Sometimes, a little reminder is all it takes to start a journey.

SLAY TALK LIVE Video

Hey SLAYER! Thank you to those who joined me today for an hour of SLAY TALK LIVE, for those who couldn’t join us, here’s what you missed!

SLAY on!

When Your Past Comes Back

I recently got a phone call from someone in the same industry as me—a person I’ve known for years. They called to say some kind things that truly meant a lot. But what triggered this call was a conversation they’d had with someone I used to consider a close friend.

This former friend had abruptly ended our friendship years ago when I confronted them about behavior I found troubling—putting ambition and personal gain above authentic relationships. Fast forward to now, and they were using my name to connect with people in the industry, as if we were still close. This wasn’t the first time I’d learned they were leveraging my name, but hearing it again stirred something deep inside me.

The Stirring of Old Wounds

At first, I was stunned. Then, the anger bubbled up. How dare they use my name after cutting me off? They had no right. But as my hands trembled and my mind raced with all the things I could say, I stopped.

I took a deep breath.

Here’s the truth: calling them out, lashing back—it wouldn’t change the past or make me feel better. In fact, it would likely pull me into a spiral of frustration and negativity. Instead, I simply told the caller the truth—that this person was no longer a part of my life. I kept it factual, free of venom. I trusted the person on the other end to connect the dots.

Choosing Light Over Darkness

Not long after, I was on a video call where this same person, my former friend, appeared. They made a point to say they were there because of me. I smiled tightly and said nothing. I realized then: the truth would reveal itself in time. It always does.

What I’ve learned on this path is to stay true to myself. It’s not about winning an argument or proving someone wrong. It’s about preserving my peace, keeping my side of the street clean, and focusing on what brings me light and joy.

Letting Go of the Scorecard

Life isn’t about keeping score. People will hurt us, sometimes deeply. But carrying those grievances around only weighs us down. Every time we dwell on them, we feed the darkness instead of the light.

I’ve learned that when someone tries to pull me back into old wounds, I can choose to let go. I can choose to focus on what fills me with light. I can refuse to be dragged down a path that dims my soul.

Moving Forward with Strength

We all face moments when our past rears its head. The question is: how do we respond? Do we pick up the bitterness, or do we lay it down and walk away?

I choose to walk forward, with grace, resilience, and an unwavering commitment to my own well-being.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Have you ever confronted someone about an old hurt? How did that feel?

  • If you felt relief at the moment, did it last? Or did it leave you feeling hollow?

  • Do you find it hard to let things go, or do you feel pulled to dive back in?

  • How do you feel after going back—empowered or depleted?

  • Can you shift your focus to the present and release the chains of the past?

The past is a weight we don’t need to carry. Set yourself free today.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you’ve chosen light over darkness in your past?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to let go of an old hurt, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a gentle reminder: we have the power to move forward.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Kindness, what a simple way to tell another struggling soul that there is love in the world.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Agree On Everything

Smize, It Might Just Change Your Life

For most of my adult life, I believed that strength meant hiding my feelings. But during these times, when our faces are hidden behind masks, I’ve realized just how much we rely on simple gestures to connect. I used to share smiles freely, but now, I’ve had to get creative.

It reminded me of Tyra Banks and her famous “smize”—smiling with your eyes. I chuckled, thinking how those skills could come in handy today. While it might seem silly, that little spark of connection through our eyes can make a big difference, especially when we feel disconnected from one another.

Small Gestures, Big Impact
I’ve always believed in the power of simple acts—saying thank you, sharing a smile, letting someone know they’re seen. But with masks and distancing, it takes extra effort. And that effort makes it even more meaningful.

Now, I find myself waving, giving a thumbs-up, or sharing a kind word. These small acts might seem insignificant, but they create a ripple effect of compassion. When we step out of our own discomfort to connect with others, it not only lifts their spirits but ours too.

From Isolation to Connection
When I was living in the dark, I wanted to hide from the world. I didn’t want anyone to see my pain. I avoided interaction, kept my head down, and hurried through my days. But on my path to healing, I was encouraged to do the opposite—to look up, to smile, to reach out.

At first, it felt forced and uncomfortable. My anxiety spiked. I thought I had nothing to offer. But I was told to “act as if” I believed I did. And slowly, as I made the effort to smile, to thank someone, to ask how their day was, something shifted. People responded with warmth and gratitude. I began to feel connected, and my anxiety eased.

A Simple Connection Matters
The truth is, we don’t always know what others are going through. A smile, a kind word, or even a “smize” might be the only positive interaction someone has that day. It might be the thing that lifts their spirits or reminds them they’re not alone.

Especially now, when the world feels uncertain and heavy, these small acts of kindness carry weight. They remind us that we’re in this together. Even a simple acknowledgment—a wave, a nod, a smile through the eyes—can be a beacon of light in someone’s day.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you go out of your way to let people know they matter while you’re out?

  • How do you do that?

  • What can you do to do more?

  • How have people done that with you? Have you appreciated it?

  • How did that make you feel?

  • What can you do today to let someone know they matter?

  • How is that different than how you would usually do it?

We all have the power to make someone’s day brighter. And by doing so, we make our own days a little brighter too. Smize on, SLAYER.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one small act of kindness you’ll try today to brighten someone’s day?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s inspire each other with simple ways to stay connected.

And if you know someone who needs a little light today, send this to them.
Sometimes, a simple gesture reminds us we’re not alone.

Non-Interference

Each individual soul is destined to complete a certain mission on their journey. Each of us should be allowed to pursue that destiny without being interfered with, but, that is not always the case. Many times we encountered people who feel they know better and try to instruct us or egoistically assume it is their job to direct our path and try to force us in a direction that they see fit. That is not their job, and it is ours to not let them.

Our pursuits and the path we choose to walk are necessary for our growth, and even though someone trying to take over and run our lives may also be necessary for our growth, as we learn to stand up for ourselves and learn the value of our self-worth, it is no one’s job, but our own to do the work that is meant for us. I’ve been encountering this for several months now with someone who had come forward to allegedly help with a situation. Their kind generosity was welcomed and a course of action set to move things forward. But as we found, what seemed like the solution we had all talked about, the interference began, and suddenly, that generosity came with conditions that were not shared initially. As an adult who has overcome a lot in my life, to arrive at a place of self-love, self-worth and self-care, things finally came to a head yesterday and plug was pulled, and probably should have been many months prior, but wanting to believe that this person had truly good intentions at heart, and wanting to find compassion for things that may be going on in their life and may be affecting their judgment, the interference went on far longer than it should have.

It amazes me the lengths people will go to hide their own indiscretions, the lengths they’ll go to justify their bad behavior and the lengths they’ll go to try to control something out of their own fear and mistakes of their past when it’s not their place to step in. Part of our journey is to stop that behavior in our lives, to not let anyone interfere with our intended journey and reason for being here. We each have our own path to walk and we need to protect what is most important, not our possessions, but our mind and spirit.

Today I start with a clean slate and wash away the events of past few months, and I am reminded, once again, to believe people when they show me who they are, I can’t assume that because I have changed, or may bring a different or positive energy into a certain dynamic that others will follow suit, I need to stay the course, stay on my intended journey and learn as I go, and that is no ones’ job but mine alone. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you allow others to interfere in your life? Are there people in your life who bully their way in and try to take control? What do you do to combat this? Or do you feel helpless? You are not. How has someone else’s interference taken you off course in your life? How have you gotten back on track? Have you gotten back on track? Do you realize you’ve possibly been pushed off the path you’re meant to be on? What can you do to protect yourself from inference in the future? Each of us has the ability and right to walk the path we choose to and are destined to walk, that is not for anyone to dictate or control.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When somebody hurts you try to understand the situation instead of just trying to hurt them back.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Bleed

You Don’t Have To Be A Bully To Win

Choosing Strength Without Losing Yourself

There’s a moment many of us can point to — where we made ourselves smaller so someone else could feel bigger. Where we let a louder voice drown out our quieter truth. Where we convinced ourselves that the only way to keep peace, keep harmony, keep connection… was to let someone else take the spotlight or the power.

I’ve been there more times than I can count.

And for a long stretch of my life, I believed a dangerous lie:
That the only way to win was to push, dominate, or overpower.
That the world rewarded sharp edges, not steady hearts.
That kindness was weakness, and compassion was a liability.

Except… every time I tried to step into that version of “strength,” I felt like I was abandoning myself. Winning didn’t feel like winning if I had to step out of integrity to get there. It felt hollow. It felt false. It felt like I was playing a role someone else demanded of me.

It took years to understand what I know now:

The loudest person in the room isn’t the strongest — just the loudest.
Real power doesn’t need to humiliate anyone to stand tall.
And you never have to be a bully to win.

The Myth of “Hardness” as Power

So many of us grew up observing people who led with fear, not respect. Maybe it was in our home, our school, our workplace, or even our friendships. People who believed intimidation equaled leadership. People who measured their worth through dominance. People who confused cruelty with competence.

Maybe those were the people who seemed to get rewarded. They got attention. They got results. They got their way.

And somewhere along the line, we internalized the belief that:

  • If we wanted to succeed, we had to be more like them.

  • If we stayed soft, we’d get run over.

  • If we stayed compassionate, we’d get crushed.

But here’s the truth we weren’t taught:

Strength without empathy is insecurity.
Confidence without humility is ego.
Power without kindness is fear dressed as control.

None of that is leadership.
None of that is winning.
None of that is sustainable.

Power built on intimidation crumbles the moment someone refuses to be intimidated.

Kindness Is Not Weakness — It’s Precision

People often misunderstand compassion. They confuse it with people-pleasing. They mistake boundaries for cruelty and softness for passivity.

But kindness is not a lack of backbone.
Kindness is not the absence of truth.
Kindness is not silence in the face of harm.

Kindness is precision.
It’s the ability to see clearly when others act from fear.
It’s the ability to hold your shape instead of collapsing into theirs.
It’s the bravery to choose integrity even when someone else chooses force.

Kindness is strength with the volume turned down — and the clarity turned up.

Winning with kindness means:

  • You don’t betray yourself.

  • You don’t hurt others to lift yourself higher.

  • You don’t weaponize your voice or your power.

  • You don’t step outside your values to gain validation.

It means you succeed as yourself, not as a costume someone else taught you to wear.

Standing Strong Without Striking Back

There is a quiet moment — the moment between hurt and response — where we decide who we want to be.

When someone else raises their voice, throws their weight around, or tries to provoke a reaction, you get to choose:

Do you match their energy?
Or do you rise above it?

Do you let their behavior define the moment?
Or do you let your integrity define you?

Choosing not to bully back is not weakness.
Choosing not to belittle is not submission.
Choosing not to retaliate is not letting them win.

It’s choosing peace over chaos.
It’s choosing self-respect over reactivity.
It’s choosing your future over a moment of validation.

Strength isn’t proven through force — it’s proven through discipline.

Winning By Staying in Integrity

Here’s what no one tells you:

When you stop engaging in someone else’s game, they lose control of the scoreboard.

Winning without bullying looks like:

  • Setting a boundary and sticking to it.

  • Walking away from disrespect instead of debating it.

  • Saying “No” without explanation or apology.

  • Refusing to match someone else’s cruelty.

  • Choosing peace even when chaos tempts you.

  • Being confident enough not to dominate.

  • Leading by example, not intimidation.

When you choose integrity, you reclaim the power they hoped you’d abandon.

When you choose grounding, you interrupt the cycle.

When you choose compassion — for yourself and others — you create a new standard of strength.

And when you stop trying to outperform someone’s ego, you start outperforming your own past.

You Win Every Time You Don’t Become What Hurt You

What if winning isn’t about beating someone else?

What if winning is:

  • Becoming who you needed when you were younger

  • Responding instead of reacting

  • Growing instead of repeating patterns

  • Standing tall without stepping on anyone

  • Being the person who breaks generational cycles

  • Choosing softness in a world that worships hardness

What if the real victory is becoming someone you’re proud of?

Because every time you refuse to become what tried to break you, you win.

Every time you choose compassion over ego, you win.

Every time you stay rooted instead of rattled, you win.

Every time you lead with integrity, you win.

You don’t have to be a bully to win.
You just have to be brave enough to stay yourself.

SLAY Reflection

Take a moment and check in with yourself. Let these questions guide what comes next:

S — Sit With Your Truth

Where in your life have you believed you had to act harder, sharper, or louder just to be heard?

L — Look at the Pattern

Who taught you that compassion was weakness? And were they actually strong — or simply scared?

A — Align With Your Values

How can you choose strength with kindness in the next conflict or challenge?

Y — Yield to Growth

What becomes possible when you stop fighting battles that require you to betray yourself?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
When have you chosen integrity over intimidation, and how did it change the outcome?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s trying to find their power without losing their kindness, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.