Good morning SLAYER! Our minds are like water, when it’s turbulent it’s difficult to see, when it’s calm everything is clear.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Author: Carrie Genzel
Slay Talk Live Video
Hey SLAYERS! Missed us tonight? Don’t worry I’ve got you covered. I also wanted to say thank you to those who have participated and watched SLAY TALK LIVE over the past few years, this was my last scheduled livestream…time to move on and bring in some new ways to SLAY! Stay tuned…
Meeting Catastrophe With Composure
Now, I’m not going to lie, I do tend to be a little dramatic by nature, but I used to meet catastrophe with craziness. I would dial up the drama and add fuel to an already roaring bonfire never acknowledging that I may be making things worse, for the situation, and for my own peace of mind. But back then I never had any peace of mind, and I thought of most things as worse than the next, so I just would jump in feet first and get right in there. It wasn’t until I started on a new path, the path I am now, that I was told I didn’t have to do that. I had a choice. What? That was news to me. A lot of things were news to me at the start of my journey, but learning that I had, not only a choice, but a responsibility to myself, and honoring this new way of life, to not cause myself unnecessary harm, and to certainly not cause it for others.
In concept this seemed like a good idea. It made sense to me. But putting into practice proved to be challenging at first, and still can be on certain days. As I’ve said here at State Of Slay, life is not a game show, we don’t get extra points or cash and prizes for answering or reacting the fastest, in fact, it should be the opposite, we should get points for taking a moment and doing the right thing, but life isn’t about points, it’s about doing that next right thing, and not just for ourselves, but for those around us. In a sense, I liked the idea that it was my choice on how I could tackle something I considered a catastrophe, or disaster, or any kind of adversity, it felt powerful, but I had to learn how to use and harness that power. And, really, when I thought about it, when I reacted to things in the past, or overreacted, that didn’t feel powerful at all, it felt out of control. So, how did I take my power back? Well, I slowed down, for one. When I felt that fire in me bubble up from something that was going on, I would breathe, and if I needed to, I would step away, go outside, or even retreat to the restroom to cool down. I excused myself a lot at the beginning, and sometimes I still do, sometimes it’s just better to take a moment, or just not engage at all when there isn’t any way of making something better, or you realize, that what’s going on really has nothing to do with you and someone is just trying to take out their anger and frustration on you and there’s no way to make that situation better. It’s about giving yourself enough time to asses what’s really going, what can be done to make it better, if anything, if there is a resolution, and what the proper channels are to find one. You see why the pause is necessary? You can’t answer and discover all of those things while you’re flying off the handle and screaming at the top of your lungs to match someone else’s voice or energy. Take your power back, pause, then respond, or don’t respond, but don’t let ego take over and tell you you have to win, or that always can win in the moment, and, is winning even the point?
We are met with challenges every day, there are those people, places and things that will stand in the way of our composure, if we let them. Next time we meet up with a potential catastrophe try throwing some composure on the situation and see if you can dial down that catastrophe to just a situation, or, maybe turn it around to a good experience…it’s possible, give it a try. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you typically dive right in when something is going on or are approached to engage in a situation that may not involve you? Why? Do you find you have a tendency to have to be right? Do you find you have a tendency to have to try to fix any and all situations, even if they don’t involve you? Why do you think you feel the need to do this? When something is heated or gets you angry to rise to the same level of anger, or higher, to try to get your way? Why do you feel the need to do this? Do you have to be right, even when you’re wrong? Why do you feel the need to be right? SLAYER, all of these reactions or reasons are within your control, the question is, what serves your soul and peace of mind? It’s likely not confrontation.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Why complicate something so simple.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Honesty Takes Practice
If I’m being honest, I wasn’t always honest in the past. In fact, I wasn’t even honest about how dishonest I was! I had become so accustomed to bending the truth, and justifying it, that my perception of the truth had become so warped I didn’t even know I was doing it a lot of the time. But, there were those time that I did know, and I would lie to manipulate and get what I wanted, or to make myself look better or even embellish a story to make it sound more dynamic than it really was. My dishonesty became a tool I would use to get the result I was looking for. And the more dishonest I was, the more it pulled me down into the darkness where I felt alone and afraid of being found out. My illness wanted me there, and it too lied to me to keep me sick.
It wasn’t until I made the commitment to get better that I made a commitment to be honest. That honesty started the first day by me coming clean with my family and close friends about what had been going on in my life and how sick I was. I knew, if I was going to get better, and make positive changes in my life, I had to be accountable for my actions and I needed to start getting honest with myself and those around me. It was scary, but it was also liberating. In fact, it felt so good that once I started I just kept going, but the tougher work was still ahead of me. I had to change that old behavior of not only lying to others, but to myself, and as I had mentioned, I had become so good at it that I wasn’t even aware at times I was doing it. I had to be vigilant, and I was. There were times I would catch myself lying and didn’t even know why I was lying, just out of habit, those lies felt the worst as I wasn’t even conscious of it, but those bad feelings were enough to encourage me to stop and to catch myself before I started to tell the lie. The more I practiced it the better I got. The hardest part was coming clean with myself and all of the lies and things I had done and lied to myself about. My head wanted to keep blaming myself, shaming myself and keeping myself from getting well, but I knew my honesty was a key part to me getting better, and staying better. There wasn’t anything I had done that couldn’t be forgiven, but that meant I had to also forgive myself, that was the toughest part, but I was taught that part of my forgiveness could take form as a living amends, to myself and those in my life, to make better choices and live honestly as a way of healing that part of me and my life. Looking at it from that perspective allowed me to get to work and through that work I was able to open the door on finding that forgiveness in myself. As the blog titles says, it takes practice.
We all have told little white lies, maybe to protect someone else, maybe to protect ourselves, but even those little ones can easily turn into bigger ones and perhaps into a pattern of lies that we might not even see. It is up to us to keep ourselves in check and keep ourselves in a place of honesty. It is in honesty where we can share our heart and our true selves with those around us, where we can shine bright and be who we are meant to be, and we all deserve to be just that, our best selves. Make sure to catch yourself the next time you bend the truth, or tell a lie, ask yourself why you feel you need to do that, the answer is the key to where to start your healing and your path back to the light. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you always tell the truth? If not, what do you lie about? Do you consider that a big lie? Do you tell, what you would consider, little white lies? Do you count those as lies? If not, why not? How do you think those little white lies hurt you? How do you think they hurt those around you? Why do you think you tell them? Do you sometimes catch yourself lying about something you don’t need to lie about? Why do you think you do that? How can you stop yourself from doing that? It’s always better to be honest, even when honesty isn’t the easier softer way, it’s still better than not telling the truth and it coming out later, or feeling bad about it. Work to be more honest in your life, not only with others, but most of all, with yourself.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! The most important time in the world is the time you make for yourself.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Make An Appointment With Yourself
Before walking this path the last thing I wanted to do was check in with myself. My goal each and every day was to hide, to shut off the negative self-talk in my head and to not feel anything. I was in such terror of my own thoughts that I had even stopped going to yoga in fear of being alone in my head for an hour without any distractions, something I hadn’t even realized I had done until years later when I was on a path of recovery. Everything in me worked to get outside of myself and the torture of my own thoughts. But when I made a commitment to get better and seek treatment, the running had to stop and the honesty had to begin. The thought of that terrified me. I knew all of the things that I had stuffed down and was trying to hide from, how the heck was I now just going to let it all out and what was I going to do with it all? That’s where the support and help came in, and as previously mentioned, the honesty. I wasn’t going to be able to do it alone and I needed to reach out for help.
It was through the honesty and help of others that I was able to slowly let go and allow myself to feel. I’m going to be honest, it was scary at first, and at times, very overwhelming, but I was able to tap into my thoughts and feelings, and, started to learn the truth from the fiction. My head always wants to paint me as a victim, but that isn’t true, it wants to me to stay sick, so it will still tell me lies, I have learned, over many years, not to listen to those lies, but sometimes I can still fall into old behaviors and believe them for a short while, but most of the time, now, I can sift through the truth from the bullshit. And, it’s important for me to do that. To take some time and make an appointment with myself and check in. That can be in meditation, sitting quietly for a short time, it can take form in a walk or spending time nature, it can be laying down quietly, or perhaps, yes, taking a yoga class. But it’s important that I check in to see where my head and thoughts are at, because they tell me a lot how I’m doing, and what may need to be worked on or fixed. Our thoughts, even the bad ones, can also show us what we need to work on, or address, they’re like that light that comes on in the car when it needs service, they’re nothing to be afraid of, just should be looked at. Taking time for and with yourself also is an act of self-love, it is a loving gesture to yourself to show you care and want the best for yourself.
We all have busy lives, and sometimes our thoughts and feelings can be overwhelming, or maybe something we don’t want to feel, but it is important that we do feel them and look for a way to acknowledge them and find the root of them so the real issue can be dealt with. It’s also important to share our thoughts and feelings with those we trust or a professional who may have some advice or a way to work through them, it’s important to find a solution and let them go.
Find some time in this week to make an appointment with yourself. Whether it be for 5 minutes, an hour or a whole day, that time is always time well spent, and you may just thank yourself for it later. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you take time for yourself? What do you do to make time to honor yourself? How do you do that? How often do you do that? If you don’t, how can you make some time to honor yourself and check in to see how you’re doing today? Are you afraid of doing so? If so, why? Do you have people in your life you can share your honest thoughts and feelings with? Do you have a professional person you can do that with, or someone within a religious or spiritual community? If not, how can you go about finding someone who you can feel comfortable with to share your thoughts and feelings? Look for opportunities this week to take some time for yourself, or perhaps check in with yourself today.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Your decision to walk creates the road ahead.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Instead of dwelling on what went wrong, focus on what to do next, and spend your energy moving toward finding those things that are going right.
SLAY on!
Life Is A Road Not A Rest Stop
Most of us set goals for ourselves, or have a destination in mind we’d like to get to. We keep working and striving to get where we want to be, or may get diverted to where we should be. But there are those of us too, or times in our lives, that stop. Sometimes those rests are needed, we do need to take breaks and allow ourselves to regain focus, recharge or rethink where we’re headed, but keeping ourselves in check so we don’t get too comfortable where we are and overstay our welcome is important. We’re not meant to stand still and remain where we are, we are meant to learn, grow and move forward, even though that place where we may find ourselves may feel safe, or all we can every attain, it is not, on both accounts, unless we believe that, and we shouldn’t allow ourselves to.
I used to talk myself out of many opportunities even before they started. I would allow my negative self-talk convince me that I wasn’t good enough, or it was too difficult or I didn’t deserve what I wanted or what was presented in front of me. I had goals, there were things I wanted, and if I obtained them enough, I would sit tight and hide, thinking it would be taken away or in fear of the next goal or milestone. I would let the entirety of the journey ahead stall me before I even left the gate, and those voices in my head would tell me I was reaching too high and could never get there. It wasn’t until I changed paths and started on the path I am now that I was told that all I had to do was what was in front of me today, and do the best I could within that day, that things changed for me. Just focusing on today was much more manageable, and sometimes at the start, it was focusing on minute by minute, but it helped me to break it down into more manageable parts. As I began to practice this new way of life I started reaching new milestones and goals I had set for myself, my life was moving forward and I was leaving my old life behind. I attribute that to the work I was doing and my change in method, but I also attribute that to finally being in the right path, the path I was meant to be on. I find that when we are trying to force a certain path that movement forward is painstakingly slow, if at all, and each step feels like trying to run through quick sand, but when we are where we are meant to be, those steps can easily turn into long strides of achievement. I was not mean to stay where I was, in fact I would have died there, I was and am meant to be exactly where I am today.
It is always important to take breaks and rest, but we need to make sure we haven’t lost track of time and have stayed in a rest stop when we are meant to be back on the road. We all have a purpose, a reason for being here, whether you know what your calling is or not, it’s about following your heart, your soul, that inner voice inside of you that guides you and shows you the way, or it may be finding that to start, but it’s there, if you let yourself be quiet enough to hear it, maybe that is your path, right here, right now. Many times life doesn’t look the way we thought it would be, or should be, but we are shown different paths or lead to them for a reason, if you don’t like the one you’re on, stop and look around, listen, take rest, and then get back on the road that calls your name. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel like you’re on road or stuck in a rest stop? Why do you feel this way? Do you feel like you need a rest, or got stuck there? Or, are you afraid to leave there? Are you happy with the road you find yourself on today? If not, why not? How can you find the right road for you? What road would you like to find yourself on? What steps can you take today to get yourself closer to that road? Each and every day there are many roads in front of us, with many exits and rest stops, take the road that feels most authentic to you, even if it’s the more difficult, if it is where you are meant to be, that road will become less treacherous, and you may just find yourself on the expressway.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
