Good morning SLAYER! Happiness is letting go of what you think life should look like, appreciating your life for what it is, and finding your happiness there.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!
Author: Carrie Genzel
Happy Where You Are
When I was living in the darkness I thought I needed certain things to be happy. I had a list, and because I hadn’t obtained everything on that list I felt justified in my unhappiness. I used that list as an excuse to sit in my anger and depression and felt entitled to have the things I thought were going to make me happy, feeling like not having them was a denial from life to have the life I thought I should have. What I didn’t see was that I had always held the key to my own happiness, and, it had nothing to do with those things on that list.
In the past happiness had always meant, career, people, places and things. But those things were empty without self-love and peace in my heart. No matter how much stuff I could accumulate, or what prestige I could garner from my career or chosen partner, I always felt empty and alone, and, many times expected whatever I had to be taken away. It wasn’t until stepping on this path that I started to realize that none of those things were going to give me the happiness that I had to find in myself, but, how was I going to find that happiness when I had spent my life chasing the wrong things? I leaned on those I saw who had found that happiness. I had been advised to find people who had what I wanted, and I don’t mean to take it, or pretend to be like them, but to align myself with those people who had found what I was looking for and ask them how they had done it. Joining a support group helped me to expand this new circle of friends who were seeking what I was, or had found it, and it allowed me to follow by example to find that happiness for myself.
I had to break everything down and start all over. It seemed daunting at first, but I was encouraged to only do what I could each day. So I started to build from the foundation up, knowing that the foundation was the most important part, I did not try to rush the process, but allowed myself to listen, grow and learn who I was and what was truly going to fill my heart with love. It turns out it wasn’t people, places, things, or my career, sure, I enjoyed those things and worked hard, but without any of them I had to find my own happiness from the inside. I started with loving acts toward myself, focusing on my gratitude each day and what I liked about myself, to start that list was very small, sometimes only one word, but it grew over time as my love for myself grew. I started to say yes to things, trying new things with new people, and I began to feel connected like I had never felt before. Also, by being accountable for my actions I noticed my self-esteem was getting stronger, and, I started to like myself. The more I practiced showing myself love and practicing self-care the more that that like turned to love, something I didn’t think was possible. At the beginning of my journey I was physically not able to say I love you out loud when looking at myself in the mirror, and now all of my acts were based in the newfound love I had found for myself.
Today I still don’t have all of those things that used to be on my list that I thought I needed to be happy, some of them have appeared, but I realize that I never needed those things to find happiness, happiness is something I found and created in myself and no matter where I am I can take that with me. My life today is very full, and full of love, and there isn’t a list that is contingent on my happiness, I’m happy right where I am, I share this to show you that it’s possible, you too can find that place for yourself, or realize you’re already there, just search for it inside your heart. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have a list that you believe is the key to your happiness? What is on that list? Why do you believe that those items on your list can make you happy. Have any of those things truly made you happy on their own when you don’t feel happy where you are? What can you do today that shows yourself that you are loved? What are you grateful for in your life today? What do you like or love about yourself? Of those things you might not like or love, how can you find some kindness and love toward yourself and those things? What can you do today to show yourself love? Get on the self-love way of living, find others who are doing the same and support and encourage one another. When you surround yourself with love it is easier to see the love in yourself, and, you may just find some happiness right where you are.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! It takes time to get familiar with new thoughts and situations, don’t let it stop you from changing.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!
Even Though You Might Not See It, Things Are Changing
I was speaking with a friend yesterday who has been going through a difficult time as she recovers from a trauma. She felt discouraged at her progress, and didn’t feel like she was moving forward fast enough. She had been feeling disconnected from her friends and family and had been afraid to leave her house. I was grateful that we had made a plan to meet up and she was able to join in on a group discussion with friends.
I related a lot to how she is feeling. When I started my journey in recovery I started out feeling great, like a weight had been lifted off of me, just admitting I had a problem and making a commitment to seek treatment for that problem set me off on a high I hadn’t ever felt. I rode that high for a while until one day I fell flat. I was told it was common for this to happen, and then there it was, happening to me. I felt let down, scared and confused. I was working so hard to better myself and get well, so why did I feel this way?
For me, one reason why is that I had taken away all of the crutches I had used in the past to get through the day. I couldn’t rely on any of things that I had and felt like I was standing out, exposed and alone with an empty tool box, not sure how to navigate through these new waters, but I knew I had to hang in there and learn new ways, healthier ways, to deal with this new life, and my fears and insecurities. And as time went on I did learn new ways, and I started to fill up my tool box with better tools. I started to live this new way of life and feeling good about it, and then, that’s when the anger set in. At first it confused me. Why was I feeling angry when I was doing so many things that were good for me, and was making progress in leaving my old destructive habits behind? Well, the truth was, and it took me a while back then to realize it, is that now that I had taken all the distractions away I was now left with the actual problems, not just the ways I used to hide or cope with them, those issues were much bigger than what I thought the problem was. It was during this time I had to dig deep into what I had already learned and lean into the support around me, things had gotten really real.
I remember feeling like my friend yesterday, feeling like the pain was insurmountable, that it was never going to go away and that it was taking too long to work through. There were many days I felt defeated, or that there may be no hope, but I was encouraged to keep going, that the change was happening, I just wasn’t seeing it yet.
You can’t put at timeline on change. Especially when it comes to those deep rooted traumas we may have suffered. It will take the time it does to get through it, and, it may be a lifelong journey to walk through it with grace. For me, the toughest parts have past, but there are days when it flairs back up again and slaps me in the face. Old wounds are like onions, they have many layers, and I now know to expect that there will be times, and typically unexpected ones, where another layer will peel away to reveal another piece of the trauma that I will need to deal with. But having the ability to look back at where I started, much has changed, and most of that anger and resentment has been long gone because of the work I did early in my recovery. We tend to see the change in ourselves last, everyone else has a clearer sense of where we are because we are living it, and are hoping and expecting it to dissipate at a speed of our choosing, but it will when we are ready and when the work has been done.
As I said to my friend yesterday, find some comfortableness in your uncomfortablenss, an impossible sounding task I know, but when I was able to find some comfort in that place my journey to the other side it became easier, less tortured, it was still difficult, but I found some acceptance there until I was able to reach the other side.
When you’re doing the work to better yourself and to get well, there are changes every day, some may be smaller than others, but they’re there, and even if they’re all small, when they’re added up, they make some pretty big changes. Trust the path you are on, and keep moving forward, even if it’s only an inch at a time, one day you’ll look back and see just how far you’ve come. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you going through a difficult time? How so? What are you working on or through? What have you been doing to work through it? Looking back at where you started, what has changed? What would you like to see change? How can you go about achieving that change? If you don’t know, who can you go to to assist you in this change? You are capable of anything, as long as you continue to move forward, to work as hard as you can and as honestly as you can each day, knowing that the days will ebb and flow, some days will be easier than others, but if you keep going, and trusting you are where you are for a reason, you will find some peace on the other side. I speak from experience, and I am here in that place waiting for you.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Make sure you’re putting your energy in the right places.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…. SLAY on!
Become Aware Of What’s Really Worth Your Energy
Not everything deserves your energy.
Not everyone deserves your light.
And before I began walking this path, I gave too much of myself to things—and people—that didn’t give anything back.
I stayed in relationships long after they served me. I committed to obligations that drained me. I was loyal… but loyal to a fault. And I confused that loyalty with self-worth, not realizing that I was spending my energy in all the wrong places.
The result? I was exhausted. Depleted. And stuck.
What You Feed Grows—So Be Careful What You Water
For years, I never asked myself what I truly enjoyed. What sparked something in me. What made me feel alive. Instead, I filled my schedule with what I thought I should do—and surrounded myself with people who didn’t challenge me to grow.
I gave my energy to places that led me deeper into the dark.
And then I wondered why I always felt empty.
When I began my journey of recovery, I had to reevaluate everything—starting with where I spent my time, attention, and heart. I was building a new life, one that was rooted in healing. That meant I had to get honest about where my energy had been going, and whether it fit the future I was trying to create.
Spoiler alert: it didn’t.
Say Yes to What Fills You
But here’s what that shift gave me:
Permission to explore.
Permission to say yes to new things.
Permission to relearn what I actually wanted from my life.
I began investing energy in what inspired me. I sought out supportive friendships, joyful experiences, and moments of growth. I said goodbye to relationships that only existed to keep me small. I stopped chasing validation and started chasing purpose.
That’s what recovery gave me: the ability to choose where I shine my light—and the awareness to know when I’m shining it in the wrong direction.
Energy Is Currency. Spend It Wisely.
I still get it wrong sometimes. I still overextend myself. I still jump in too fast, too hard, too deep. But today, I know how to check in with myself. I know what it feels like to be energized versus drained. And I know when it’s time to pull back, realign, and reinvest my energy where it belongs.
Energy is precious.
It’s your power.
Protect it.
Spend it wisely.
Let it guide you toward the light, not drag you back into the dark.
SLAY on.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise
Where are you spending your energy—and is it worth the cost?
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Do you find yourself giving too much to people, places, or things that don’t give back?
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What makes you feel depleted? What fills you up?
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Are there relationships or obligations you’ve outgrown?
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Why do you think you stay? What would it look like to step back?
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How can you redirect your energy toward what brings you joy, purpose, and peace?
You are allowed to protect your energy. You are allowed to choose yourself.
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you’re reclaiming your energy and investing it where it matters?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s giving too much of themselves to the wrong things, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder: your energy is sacred. Treat it that way.
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Rejection is nothing more than direction, make it work for you!
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Learning To Accept Rejection
Rejection used to devastate me. I would let it destroy my day, my relationships and my spirit. I gave rejection the power to validate me and value my place in this world. And I let it hurt me, and, at times, invited it to. Sometimes, I sought it out to hurt myself, to continue telling the narrative that I was a bad person who didn’t deserve good things. It was a constant internal battle, of me striving to reach goals and maintain healthy relationships in my life and me, subconsciously, wanting to tear it all down. I had to learn to accept rejection, and, learn not to use it as a personal weapon of assault.
When I was living in the dark, I constantly fought to find some light. I would muster any kind of postivity and hope I could, but there was always an underlying layer of doubt that would block me from ever fully believing I could attain what it was I was looking or working for. I also believed back then that rejection was the universe telling me I wasn’t good enough or didn’t deserve what it was I wanted, and I let that belief continue to push me down into depression and despair. As I began to take the road of recovery and started to get better, I realized that rejection is nothing more than a change in direction. Sometimes it is there to save us from heading somewhere we shouldn’t be, or from a situation that may be harmful to us. It’s not always easy for us to see what rejection may be saving us from, but there have been many times, when I’ve looked back, where I was able to see how it had, and so in times that I may feel hurt or angry over not getting what I had wanted, I can lean on the faith that I have that I am being directed in the right direction and that that rejection was just that, a redirection, it wasn’t there to tell me I wasn’t good enough to have succeeded or have gotten what I wanted, but that I may have been looking in the wrong place. That negative chatter in our heads will always try to convince us otherwise, but it has ulterior motives, to keep us down. When we make a conscious effort to change our thinking, we can learn to look at rejection as something that may actually be helping us, showing us the way, teaching us, or letting us know where we need to improve or work a little harder, none of that is bad, if we choose to look at it as a tool to help us. I previously wrote a blog called, The Universe Is On Your Side, where I talk about living life as if it’s rigged in your favor, now I realize it doesn’t always seem that way, but when we choose to look at life’s rejections as guidance, we may be able to see how things aren’t as stacked up against us we think, or have been lead to believe.
Look for opportunities to make the rejections in your life tools to help you and show you the way. Don’t listen to that negative self-talk that tells you you’re not good enough or don’t deserve what you’re wanting and working for, counter that talk with some constructive chatter that allows you to look for another opportunity or place where you can share the best of what you’ve got, also allowing those moments to teach you and encourage you to learn and continue to improve in areas that will help to get you to where you want to go. Rejection, in many cases, may be a blessing, as they may be saving you from an even worse situation, or a place you are not meant to be in. Trust that the rejection in your life is there for a reason, and use that opportunity to explore where you should be going next. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let rejection get you down? Do you expect rejection in your life? If yes, why? When has rejection, looking back, actually saved you from something? What was that? How has it helped you to grow or learn? Has it pushed you to work harder or improve areas in your life? How? Do you see how rejection may be there to show you where to go and not go? Do you see how it can be, in many cases, a positive thing? How has it been positive in your life? Allowing ourselves to get beaten down by rejection is just a form of self-harm, allowing those negative places within us to take over and pull us into the darkness, take your power back and refuse to believe that place within us that feeds off negativity, allow the light to come in and choose to let rejection be a positive influence in your life, guiding you to where you are meant to be and allowing you to work to be your best self.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good afternoon SLAYER! It’s not the weight that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Not Everything That Weighs You Down Is Yours To Carry
This week has been heavy.
Not just in the day-to-day busyness, but emotionally, mentally, spiritually.
And as I took a step back, I asked myself a question I’ve learned to come back to again and again:
Is all of this mine to carry?
The answer?
No.
But that hasn’t stopped me from dragging it around—tight-chested, overwhelmed, and bone-tired.
Like many of us, I juggle a lot every day.
And most of the time, I believe I can handle it all.
Until I can’t.
Until I hit a wall.
And when I do, I don’t always meet myself with grace.
Sometimes, I meet myself with frustration and shame.
Even when I know better, I still find myself slipping into old habits—trying to carry it all.
No one is asking me to.
Help is there if I reach for it.
But there I go, dragging the weight of the world across some invisible finish line I made up in my head.
It’s time to pause.
To take a breath—or a few—and ask myself what I’ve picked up along the way that never belonged to me in the first place.
Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.
We Learn to Carry What We Don’t Need
Before recovery, I carried everything.
It never occurred to me that I could set anything down.
The emotional weight.
The resentment.
The guilt.
The responsibility for people and problems that were never mine to begin with.
I just kept going—until I couldn’t.
Eventually, I hit a wall.
Hard.
And that wall was the wake-up call I needed.
I couldn’t live that way anymore.
It was slowly destroying me.
So I asked for help.
Not just with what I was carrying—but with how I lived.
Learning to Let Go of What’s Not Yours
Through recovery, I discovered something profound:
A lot of what I was carrying wasn’t mine.
Some of it was inherited—passed down through family, expectations, trauma.
Some of it I volunteered to carry—because I wanted to feel helpful, needed, or in control.
And some of it… I carried on purpose to sabotage myself.
To stay small.
To stay exhausted.
To prove that I couldn’t do more, be more, live more.
That’s the hard truth.
Sometimes, we don’t just carry what’s not ours—we choose it.
But once I got honest with myself, I realized I had a choice.
To let go.
To say no.
To only carry what actually belonged to me.
And that changed everything.
What’s Yours—and What’s Not
There will always be people who would gladly let you carry their weight.
There will be moments when you try to carry someone else’s pain, fear, or responsibility—uninvited.
But that doesn’t mean you have to.
Being helpful doesn’t mean taking on someone else’s journey.
Being strong doesn’t mean carrying more than you should.
Being loving doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself.
We are responsible for ourselves.
For our peace.
For honoring what we need.
That starts with putting down what was never yours to carry in the first place.
SLAY Reflection: What Are You Carrying?
- Do you tend to carry more weight than you need to—physically, emotionally, or mentally?
What does that weight feel like? - What are you carrying that doesn’t actually belong to you?
Who gave it to you—and why did you accept it? - Are there responsibilities, emotions, or expectations you’ve taken on to feel valuable or in control?
How are they serving you? How are they hurting you? - What would it feel like to put that weight down—even just a little?
What would change? - What can you do today to lighten your load and honor your limits?
Where can you say no, ask for help, or simply rest?
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one burden you’ve been carrying that isn’t actually yours—and how are you learning to let it go?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s overwhelmed by weight they were never meant to carry, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
