We often let people get under our skin. We let them derail our day, or in extreme cases, large parts of our lives, feeling consumed by someone else’s actions and behaviors. But they can’t do that if we don’t give them the keys and let them drive. In the past, I often thought I was victim to what was going on around me, and because I thought and believed that, I made it true. I would get angry about what was being done to me, or how it was affecting me, but I had the power to change it all along. We always have the ability to take our power back if we’ve let someone else take us for a ride, and once we have crashed a few times at the hands of someone else, perhaps that lesson will remind us to hold onto our own keys.
In my past, always claiming to be the victim of life, I often allowed myself to get derailed by people, places and things around me. There were a few reasons for this. One I was a people-pleaser and didn’t want anyone to think badly of me, so I would go along for the ride hoping that if I didn’t make any waves and it would reflect positively on me. Another reason was I was possibly hoping to get something in return, hoping that the good would outweigh the bad, but feeling like I had to do something I may not have wanted to do often made me feel resentful and like I had lost control. And I also allowed this behavior to go on in my life so I could keep telling the victim narrative, to myself, and others, which kept me sick. When I began my journey in recovery and learned to speak my truth and to take responsibility for my life and actions, it no longer became an option to let someone else hijack my feelings or my life.
Our lives are our own responsibility, we get to decide what is best for us, who we invite into our lives and how we’re going to interact with those around us. No one else knows what we know about ourselves, sure, people who may have experienced similar things can certainly offer suggestions or advice, but ultimately it is not up to them to take action, that is up to us, and it’s also up to us to be rigorously honest with ourselves about what action needs to be taken. It can be easier to let someone else take the keys and take over our lives, but then we don’t have the right to be upset if we end up in a head-on collision. When we take responsibility for our own lives, doing what’s best for us and our well-being, then we don’t have to worry about things careening out of control, of course, they still can with us at the wheel of our vehicle, but those are our mistakes to make.
Someone can only take over our lives, emotionally or otherwise, if we let them. As adults, we always have the power to say no or take it back. If someone is trying to take the keys from you that’s a sign that perhaps that person shouldn’t be in your life, guidance is one thing, but a full-on takeover is something else altogether. We can also let someone else take control of the wheel just by not letting go of a situation, moment, or something said or done, we can hand over our keys to someone else by not accepting the circumstances around us. Make sure that you hold the keys to your life and if you feel a struggle with someone trying to take the wheel, it may be time to look at that relationship. There can only be one driver in your life, you decide who takes the wheel. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you allow people to hijack your life? How do you let this happen? Why do you let this happen? What has been the result of you allowing this to happen? How does it make you feel when this happens? What can you do to stop it? Have you been willingly giving someone else control of your life or has there been a power struggling for the keys? What is your relationship with this person? Do you think this is a healthy relationship? What can you do to change that? Is this a person who should be in your life? What are the next steps? Or, is the real struggle that you allow people to emotionally take over by harboring resentments, by getting involved in situations that don’t really involve you, or by handing over your power to someone by not being able to let go of something that has affected you in a negative way? Take the keys and drive, we may not always head in the right direction, but the roads we travel are our choice.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you