truth

People Hear What They Want To Hear

I used to agonize over what I shared and how I shared it, if I was in a large group, I would think of each person who would be there and how what I had to say might affect them or possibly hurt them by them by hearing what I had to say. I was sharing my truth, my journey, and ultimately what I had to think about were the people who might be helped by what I had to say over who might be hurt. My intention was to certainly not to hurt anyone, but sometimes in our truth there are things that are new information, or perhaps a perspective that hadn’t been seen or heard before, and I eventually decided that it was more important for me to be transparent and truthful than to worry about what others may take away from my words that could be construed as shocking or hurtful to them. What I’ve learned on this path is that people hear what they want to hear, or, what they are ready to hear. When we edit ourselves to try to please everyone, we are not only short-changing ourselves, but anyone who may be listening who can be helped by our truth.

There are many times people can have selective hearing. Whether it’s because they are closed off to any kind of thinking or new information that is not in line with their own, or because they are just not ready to hear the truth and seem to edit the words we share to fit the narrative they’ve put forth in their mind. Regardless of what may be going on for someone else, what’s most important is that we don’t edit who we are and what we share. I have learned long ago to stop worrying and just speak from the heart, and there have been many times when I think that someone might have a hard time hearing what I have to say and lo and behold they seem to have not heard that part or parts I was concerned about, or heard it in a way that made it OK for them. Instead of correcting them, I trust they heard what they were supposed to in that moment, and perhaps, one day, they will be in a place to take in the rest.

Where this gets tricky is if there is a conflict. This goes back to a previous blog I wrote called, People Cast Us In Their Lives. Many times people have already made up their minds who we are to them and what our part is, even without our input, or sometimes, even our knowledge. We may walk into a situation ready to share our truth and they only hear the things that fit the narrative they have already written, they lock in that narrative, with no room for adjustments or edits. That can be difficult, but all we can do is be truthful and honest, share the facts as we see them, and let go of the rest. We can’t make someone hear what they don’t want to hear, but if we are sharing our authentic selves, and our truth, perhaps we have planted a seed, and when they are ready, they might hear the rest, or our words might resonate with them, but, we cannot count on that, nor can we control it. We just need to be honest about who we are and where we’re coming from.

The only person we have control over is us, we can’t control how people perceive and receive our words, and even with the best of intentions, those words can sometimes get twisted through the filter of someone else’s ears, and that is not our problem. We have to be true to ourselves, sensitive to not purposely cause harm with what we say, even if it is our truth, but not worry about sharing who we are and where we’ve come from because we’re concerned it may upset someone else. It’s a fine line of being responsible, but also honoring ourselves. I have learned that if I stand in my truth and share with an open heart and an open mind, most of the time, others will come join you there, those others are the ones who are meant to hear your words, and will stand by you when those words my fall on deaf ears. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you worry about sharing your true self with others and what they may think or how they may react? Why? Are there examples from your past where things have gone negatively? What happened? Should you have done something different? Or, was the result not your issue, but someone else’s who didn’t want to hear, or chose not to hear, what you had to say? Do you have fear about sharing your truth? Why? Do you see that when you don’t share your truth you are telling yourself that your truth, your feelings, your actions don’t matter? They do SLAYER. Stand tall in who you are, share your heart with others, and if someone doesn’t want to hear, or can’t hear, what you have to say, let them go, perhaps they will return when they are ready.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Don’t downgrade your dreams just to fit into your reality, upgrade your dreams to fit your destiny!

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Dreams 1

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Ignoring something doesn’t make it go away, it usually does the opposite, the longer you neglect something, the bigger it becomes. Things are only as big as we give them power to be, tackle them early, and they stay right-sized.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Problems

Ignoring The Facts Doesn’t Make Them Go Away

You can’t pretend the facts don’t exist.
You may ignore them, twist them, or bury them deep—but they don’t vanish.

When we avoid truth—because it’s too painful, too inconvenient, or too scary—we don’t protect ourselves. We injure ourselves.

Truth, no matter how sharp, is the foundation for growth. Without grounding in what is, we drift into fiction, stories, and confusion.

The Temptation to Deny

Feelings are persuasive. Our minds can convince us “this isn’t happening,” “that person didn’t mean it,” or “I’ll worry tomorrow.”

I used to be a master at it. I saw only what I wanted to see to preserve my story. Over time, I blurred the line between fact and fantasy until I couldn’t tell the difference.

But ignoring the truth doesn’t erase it—it delays the consequences. The costs only build: regret, confusion, broken relationships, self-betrayal.

Avoidance is a short-term refuge with long-term bankruptcy.

When Facts Feel Too Heavy to Hold

Sometimes the facts we need to face are terrifying.

  • “This relationship is toxic.”

  • “I’m not being honest with myself.”

  • “I’ve been settling.”

The pull to deny them is real. It’s easier to live in a comfortable lie than wrestle with the weight of truth.

But the irony is this: truth brings liberation. Even when it hurts, it frees you from the prison of your own illusions.

What the Facts Give You

When you embrace reality—even the parts you don’t like—you gain:

  • Clarity. You see what’s actually happening, not what you fear is happening.

  • Authority. You can act from truth, not fear.

  • Power. You no longer cede control to illusions or assumptions.

  • Growth. You move forward with integrity instead of spinning in confusion.

Facts aren’t magic. They don’t always heal instantly. But they give you the platform to heal intentionally.

How to Face the Facts

It takes courage—and consistency. But here’s how you begin:

  1. Ask yourself: What do I know to be true?
    In moments of chaos, pause. What fact can you anchor to—no matter how small?

  2. Stop arguing with evidence.
    When you catch yourself resisting what’s clear, name it: “I’m fighting the facts because I’m scared.”

  3. Document what you see.
    Journaling, voice notes, voice memos—let the truth come out in the light.

  4. Let the facts guide action.
    Knowing something is true isn’t passive. Use it to make decisions, to set boundaries, to course-correct.

  5. Practice radical acceptance.
    Acceptance doesn’t mean liking what is. It means not wasting your energy resisting it. Use your focus for forward motion.

Truth in the Toolbox

I now carry “facts” in my SLAY toolbox—tools I use daily.
They help me discern between inner drama and real problems.
They help me take responsibility where I need it, and release what isn’t mine.
They help me walk confidently in my life, not guided by fear.

Yes, sometimes facts will cut deep. But you’re meant to walk through the fire—not be burned by it.

SLAY Reflection

  1. What facts in your life are you avoiding or denying?

  2. How has ignoring them hurt you—emotionally, mentally, relationally?

  3. What’s one small truth you can own today (even if it feels scary)?

  4. How might your life shift if you stopped arguing with evidence?

  5. What action can you take now based on what is, not what you wish it were?

S – Stop ignoring what you already know
L – Let truth, not fear, be your guide
A – Act from what you see, not what you imagine
Y – Yield to integrity—let your life be shaped by real facts

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one fact you’ve been avoiding—and how could facing it change your life?
Share your reflection in the comments. Let’s grow together in honesty.

And if you know someone who’s trapped by denial or stories, send this to them.
Sometimes, truth is the first arrow we need to slay illusions.

Alone In A Godless Room

That sums up my life before stepping on this path. Even just reading the title of this blog, I feel a pit in my stomach, just remembering how alone I felt, and that no one, or nothing was watching over me. I had put myself there, and little did I know, there was something watching over me, but because I didn’t connect with it, or anything, I felt alone, in the dark. Now God can be many different things to many people, and none of them are wrong, many may refer to the Universe, their Higher Power, Goddess, and many others, nature may be your God, and none of them are wrong, for me, I use different words, but it’s all the same thing for me, I feel like when I really need to dig in, when I’m feeling alone, or lost, or confused, I use God, it sounds official, and much bigger than me, and when I’m just cruising through my daily life I tend to use other names, but ultimately I’m connecting to the same thing, a “God” of my understanding, and, design.

My connection to my Higher Power is really important to me today, it’s like a strong friendship I’ve cultivated over the last 12 years, one where I decided who and what I was talking to, and who was talking to me. I’ve shared this before on STATE OF SLAY™, a few times, but most prevalent in the blog A Power Greater Than Myself, the night I should have died alone on the beach, and the moment, when I thought I was going to die there, and when I reached out and asked for help in the dark, I heard a voice say to me, “it’s going to be OK,” to me, that is my God, and, everything did end up being OK, even though I shouldn’t have made it off that beach. Today, I do believe there is something out there, much bigger than me, watching out for me, and when I reach out to it, listen for it, and look for the signs, my life does seem to go a lot smoother. It may not always go in the direction I’m thinking it should go, but it’s going in the direction it’s supposed to go. And in that journey I always find miraculous things I wouldn’t have found otherwise.

Today I trust that guidance, I look for it, listen for it, and understand when it comes that is then that I need to take action. Guidance is only valuable if you take the necessary action after we receive it, otherwise, it’s just us trying to run the show when we don’t have all the information.

Which brings me back to being alone in a Godless room. My life before this path was me trying to make things happen the way I wanted them to happen. To manipulate, cheat or steal to get the result I wanted. I tried to be my own God, or director, and try to force the people, places and things in my life to do what I wanted them to, which of course, I was not able to do, and, only got me more frustrated, depressed, and angry. Also, thinking I knew better kept me out of the light, it kept me in the problem, and that problem kept getting bigger as I tried harder and harder to control everything around me without sharing with anyone what was going on. That room I was sitting in got darker, and smaller, like the walls were closing in and it was getting harder and harder to breathe. But, what’s interesting is that, on the last night of living in my darkness, when I got really scared, I instinctively reach out and prayed, to what I didn’t know, because I didn’t think I was worth anything actually listening, let alone, helping me, but I still prayed, and I asked for help, and the next day I woke up and heard a voice say, “you’re done,” which to me meant, you’re done living like this, and I miraculously picked up the phone and asked a friend for help. My God, Higher Power, the Universe, whatever I choose to call it, works in my life when I work to have a relationship with it, but looking back, even when I didn’t, it still was there to watch over me.

Turn on the light, and reach out to what speaks to you, what your heart connects with, and what you believe walks with you on your path. If you don’t know, today is a great day to find out.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have a belief or understanding in something greater than yourself? If so, what is it? How did you come to believe, or discover it? If you don’t, why don’t you? Is there something holding you back? Can you think of times in your life when you feel you were saved from something, or a situation you had gotten yourself in? Write down those times. I guarantee you SLAYER, you have them, we all do, whether a near miss on the road, not getting hurt or injured when you should have been, or perhaps you may have gotten out of a situation you shouldn’t’ have. There is a bigger force at work around us, much bigger than ourselves, maybe it’s time to tap into it, and maybe make it your own, something you feel comfortable with so you are not sitting alone in a Godless room. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

How We Love Ourselves Teaches Others How To Love Us

Fasten your seat belts, we’re talking self-love again today! I know, this is a struggle for some of you SLAYERS. But here’s the thing, as we learn to love ourselves, we teach those around us how we want to be loved, and how we expect to be treated by those in our lives. How we love ourselves causes a ripple effect in every aspect of our lives. It starts with us and as we learn and love ourselves we change our pattern of self-doubt, hate, disrespect, abuse, harm, and we start to replace it with healthier behaviors, loving behaviors, and as we do the people in our lives take notice, some, maybe, not in a positive way, as they’ve grown accustomed to the way we were, and, how they’ve been interacting with us, but how they receive this new information of self-love isn’t our business, what is our business is continuing to grow and love who we are and showing the world how to love us back in the same ways.

It all starts with us. Now, I understand that sometimes before we love ourselves we’re better able to love others, and for some of us, that is a great way to back into loving ourselves, as long as loving others doesn’t replace loving ourselves, but when we love others it shows us that we have the capacity for love, that we are caring individuals, that we can give love, so if we turn that back on ourselves, and think about why we love to give love to others, how that makes us feel, why we love to do it, why we think it’s important, and what we think about as we’re doing something nice for someone else, all of those things pertain to you as well. Apply all of those same reasons, feelings, motivations, back to you. And, if you have trouble at the start, ask your friends or family, what they love about you, and, write them down. Write down what they say and look at those things, take them in, and don’t listen to that bullshit committee who might be telling you that they’re lies, they’re not, look at those beautiful words and say, “that’s me, I am all of those things,” and once you can accept that, why wouldn’t you want to love that person, nurture that person, take care of that person who would be described using all of those beautiful words? Of course you would, you are a loving person, I know you are. The fact that you took the time to read this blog today tells me you do love yourself, even just a little today, to seek out the answers for you, to learn and grow for you, to see if maybe there was something you were missing on your journey of self-love.

Now, as I mentioned, not everyone might be on board with this new self-love change, and that’s OK. It might not feel OK when they resist it, but it will as you realize that if they are not willing to love you, and respect you’re new way of life, then they cannot be a part of it, our at the very least, as active in it as they once were, if they are pushing back that is not a loving gesture to you, and they might not be capable, or wanting, to change their behavior to adapt to the new self-loving you because they really enjoyed the way they’ve been able to treat you when you didn’t love yourself. Let them go. They may come back at another time, when they are ready to make the changes, or they may not, but, as difficult as it may be to say goodbye, new people will come in, people who will love you and be on board with this new way of life, sometimes it takes people time to change, and to understand the new us, sometimes it’s just a matter of time, and sometimes it’s not about time, it’s about moving on. We have to remind ourselves that when we’re living in a self-destructive, self-loathing, self-hating way of life, that we look for and attract people who will treat us that way, so when we change, they may not, but we need to stay the course of our self-love destination and trust that we will be surrounded by love as we continue to love ourselves. Trust me on this, I’ve walked this path, and not everyone made it with me down the road, but many did, and our relationships got stronger, better, deeper, as I learned to love myself. It takes work, but it can be done, and, you’re worth it.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you see how loving yourself can lead others to love you the same way? Can you think of examples in your life that by you showing someone how you’d like to be treated they’ve started to change how they interact with you? Can you think of examples when someone has pushed back, not wanting to change? Who are the people you would rather have in your life, the ones who love us enough to follow our lead, or the ones who refuse to? On the path of self-love SLAYER we aim to have people in our lives who also love us, who grow and change with us, who honor our authentic selves and lift us higher by showing us their love and support, as we do them. It always starts with us. When we love ourselves, we show them how we’d like to be loved, so set the example and then reap the rewards. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

You Are Not What Happened To You

We can hold ourselves back, or limit ourselves, by thinking we are only the things that have happened to us, or the labels people have placed on us. We can stay stuck not allowing ourselves to move past the trauma or experiences we’ve had believing that we don’t deserve better, or can do better. Well, here’s the truth. We are not what happened to us.

We are individuals who have survived a lot, who have fought our way out and tried to do better for ourselves. We are warriors. Heroes. We can rise above our past and soar. But we have to believe we can. We have to take what we can from our past, learn from it, and let the rest go. We need to forgive ourselves for not knowing better, not doing better, not having the tools we may have needed to keep ourselves safe, but we can do that now. We can decide, at any given moment, to stop living under the shadow of what happened to us and take our power back, or maybe find it for the first time. We all have it, it’s in there, it’s burning within us, let it out, let it shine, let it propel you forward. No matter what the circumstances are that may have brought you down, that may have held you down, or may have let you down, they only hold power over you today if you let them, and they only hold power over you if you’re living in the past. As SLAYERS we live in the here and now. We live in the present. We live our life to our fullest potential, but hanging on to the events of our past, or wearing them as a badge of shame, does not allow us to be who we are meant be, who are truly are at our core.

We can’t fault ourselves for not knowing our own worth, or value, when we were never taught we had any. We can’t fault ourselves for things that happened to us before we had a voice, or before we knew better. We have to let those things go. Let those people go who may have hurt us, lied to us, or deceived us. They don’t get to hold their actions over our heads today, they are not our present, and they have already taken up too much of our time, time, for the most part, we have kept giving them as we hold on to what was done.

Today, you have the power to shed all of that weight you’ve been carrying around, all that pain, hurt, damage, you have the power to let it go, it doesn’t serve you, so drop it, shake it off, wash it off, whatever you have to do to say enough, I am more than this! You are. We all are. Those things that happened to us have shaped us and molded us, and, there can be some good use to those things, we can share our experiences with others who may also be suffering, and we can learn from those experiences so we don’t let history repeat itself, but, aside from those things it serves us no purpose to hold on, to live in a place that tells you that’s all you are because you are so much more. Surround yourself with like-minded people, with good people, supportive people, who love you for all that you are, who cheer you on, and are there to hold your hand when the path gets tough. You can shed the past and turn it into something beautiful, because you yourself, at your inner-most center, are beautiful, and when you allow that self, that true self to shine, you are the real you, the you that is your most you, the you right here, right now. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you often let the past weigh you down? Do you still stew over things that have happened to you even though there isn’t anything you can do to go back and change it? Do you let your past hinder your present? Does your past hold you back from the goals you have today? How do you see yourself doing that? What can you do to overcome it? How do you think holding on to your past helps you? When you think about yourself, what words would you use to describe yourself right now? What words would you like to use to describe yourself? Start describing yourself with those words, that is who you are or meant to be. Let go of the past, and step into the true you, the you you’ve been keeping in the shadows behind all those things you let define you. Be your best you and shine bright.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Your power comes from living in the present, it is in the present that you can take action.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Moment

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You never know who else you may help just by sharing your truth, but it will always help you.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Feelings

Today I’m Feeling Blue

I write this today not because I want people to ask me how I’m doing, or to tell me it’s going to be OK, I know that, and please, I’m fine, but I write this today because it’s important to acknowledge how we feel. I’ve written before how it’s OK not to be OK, and it is, but I think when things are not OK, or they don’t feel OK, or we’re just feeling down, we don’t always voice it, and it’s just as important to voice that truth as it is when we’re doing great.

When I first stepped on this path and I started attending regular support groups, it was great to hear people making progress and how their lives had improved, but it was just as important, and maybe even more so, to hear when people were going through a rough patch because if I wasn’t feeling great that day I knew I wasn’t the only one, and that because I wasn’t feeling great I wasn’t doing it wrong, it was just the ebb and flow of life. So, that is why I share this with you today.

What is going on? It’s been an emotional week in a lot of ways, some things have come up from my past, I’m working on getting something new started and am excited about that, and there some things that are out of control that I’m frustrated with, so good and bad, the ebb and flow, but I think it has just weighed down on me emotionally. I do a lot of things every day, I wear a lot of hats, and I do always take time for myself and recharge, but sometimes I just feel heavy. And I’m feeling heavy.

Now I know this will pass, I have some really fun things to look forward to this weekend, and I have a lot to be grateful for, and I am, and when I get to this place emotionally, I know that means it’s time to get to work, to look at what is weighing me down and come up with some solutions of how I can make those lighter, or what I am able to change. It’s rare now that I have these days, it feels so foreign to me now, I used to live my life in these days, one after the next, so to have one pop up only once in a while is the result of a lot of hard work, work that I know to do to move past this place I’m currently in.

It’s a good time to take stock, to look at my life, the people in it, the choices I’m making, and see if all of it is aligned with who I aim to be, who I’ve worked to be, who I aspire to be, to look at what can change, or maybe what needs to change. Me feeling heavy is a sign that some things are off, or I’m holding on to some things I need to let go. We can only ignore the things we should be addressing for so long before they all catch up to us, they don’t typically go away unless we send them away. So it’s a time for me to take some extra time for myself, to reflect, to get quiet, to recharge and to take action.

Again, I write this today because I made a commitment and a vow to myself to always be honest here at STATE OF SLAY, and today, this is my honest self, and I do that because I always encourage you to do the same and I always intend to stay accountable for my own actions, so if you are also feeling blue to today I send you my love, we are in a position to make some changes, and that, really, is a great place to be, and something we have control over. If you are feeling blue you are not “doing life wrong” you are feelings your emotions and you may have some things you need to address. We get to decide the narrative of our story, we get to decide if we’re going to have a good day or bad day, and even though I may have a heavy heart, I am still going to have a good day, because I am choosing to, and when I choose to and I choose to focus on the good I will find myself in the good, and that I know to be true, and you will too. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you acknowledge when you are feeling down? Do you tell people? Do you have a special someone you confide in? How do you feel after you share your truth? Do you sometimes find a solution by sharing your truth with someone else? Do feel lighter after sharing your truth? If you don’t share your truth, why not? What holds you back? What do you do to release it? Do you release it? What changes or actions can you take today to release some things you may be hanging on to? What do you need to let go? Let go of what you no longer need, or what weighs you down, let it go, and set yourself free. Smile SLAYER, it’s going to be OK.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you