thoughts

Just Part Of The Passing Parade

I used to engage with everything that I came my way. I would get into pointless arguments, make sure my opinion was known, explain to someone the ‘right’ way to do something, basically insert myself into each situation that crossed my path. I felt I had to. It was what was right. What I didn’t realize until I got healthier was that the reasons I was doing it was to feed my sickness, whether to make myself superior, to feel anger, to prove that all people were ‘idiots’ so I didn’t feel so bad when I lied to them, manipulated them, or even stole from them. I was never engaging with anyone to be helpful, or to be of service, well, if I was it was to get something in return. But most of the time it was to feed my ego because I felt less-than. Those little altercations where like a hit of a drug, for a moment, right after, I would get a high…and then it would wear off and I’d go looking for the next hit. It wasn’t until I made a commitment to let go of those old behaviors that I realized what those behaviors where doing to me.

Everyday we cross paths with a lot of people. And we cross paths with them for many different reasons. Nothing happens by chance. And there are those out there that seek out trouble, they were like me, and they’re looking for a fight, or a moment to feel better than whomever they encounter. I know now that they are just part of the passing parade. I don’t have to engage with each float, clown, and marching band that comes my way. I can stay on the sidewalk and just watch them go by. Because today I have nothing to prove. Today my mental health is what is my priority, and engaging with the passing parade is not good for my mind. Sure, if someone needs help I will jump in to be of service, and I will initiate a conversation with someone to hopefully brighten their day, but the rest of those hooligans, they can keep marching on by. Don’t get my wrong, sometimes it is tempting, they always make it look so enticing, and, on a bad day, I may even start to dip my toe in those murky waters, but it never feels good, I don’t get that hit or high anymore like I did, if I do, it’s very fast, and the awful feelings are quick to rush in and wash that high away. And, I’m glad they do, I’ve worked very hard to find my serenity, or peace of mind, because where I came from was so far off from that place, so far, I didn’t even know it was possible to find it. But trust me, it is. Just stay off that parade route.

I also use the parade analogy for the thoughts in my head. That negative self-talk, or bullshit committee as I like to call them, love to chime in, especially when I’m in H.A.L.T., hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, boy their voices get loud, but instead of engaging with them, I let them pass, sometimes I’ll even catch myself saying, “thank you for sharing, but you can take that someplace else.” Because the truth is, they are like a passing parade, they will just pass by if you let them, they might try to come back, but as long as you don’t acknowledge them, they keep walking.

As we navigate through each day, we have a choice, we can do what’s best for our own peace of mind, or we can try to win every battle that comes our way that we actually can’t win. Because we lose each time we engage in something we are not meant to be engaging with. Each of those battles chips away at our self-love, and it keeps us in a cycle of being sick. When we are well, loving and honoring ourselves, we don’t feel the need to engage with the passing parade, we notice it, and then let it pass on by, so if that parade passing in front of you is too hard to let go, that’s a sign of some work to be done SLAYER, and time to put on that investigative hat and find out why you feel so compelled to fight a battle you cannot win, a battle that is really with yourself, and not the people in that parade, because the only battle you can win, is the battle that goes on within yourself, and once you know the facts of why you feel you need to go to battle, you’ve found your armor, and that armor will protect you from anything that crosses your path. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel compelled to interact with anyone and everyone that crosses your path? Why? What if you didn’t? What do you think will happen? Do you get caught up in other people’s drama, and fights, at the detriment of your own mental health? Why do you think you do this? When you feel compelled to do this, are these times when you may be in H.A.L.T.? Are you looking to make yourself feel better? Are you looking to make yourself feel bad? What are you looking for? Why do you think you’re looking for it? What if you stopped? What if you didn’t engage with these people? What if you took a deep breath and walked away. Took your power back and did what was right for you. Noticed when these fights were fights that cannot be won, or, the expense was too great to your own person. What if you chose to not get involved unless it directly affected you? What if you chose to look for ways to give back and be of service instead of engaging with those who only want to inflict pain, or put you down? Why don’t you do that SLAYER. Let the passing parade go by and focus on those people who may need your help, need a hand, or just might need a smile. You’ll see how that affects those distractions that pass you by, they become much less distracting, and much more of just some noise in the distance.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

If You Show Up As Yourself, You Are Worthy

I was just sharing this the other day, that years ago, when I was experiencing a lot of success in my career, I never allowed myself to truly enjoy it because I didn’t think I was worthy of it. Not that I didn’t have the skills, not that I wasn’t working hard enough, and it wasn’t that I hadn’t earned my place, but deep down I thought of myself as less-than and a fraud, so I was always worried the other shoe was going to drop, that I was going to be found out and everything I had worked for was going to be taken away. When I think about who I was then, those thoughts that used to run around in my head, those thoughts I believed, it makes me sad, and truthfully, sometimes, on a bad day, those thoughts do come back, but I know now that anytime I show up as my authentic self, I am worthy, I am worthy of anything and everything.

It takes a lot of guts to show up as ourselves sometimes. To say, hey, this is me, this is who I am, and not worry what people think of us, not let someone else’s opinion change who we really are, or what we’re capable of. For me, it took a lot of work to get to that place, to unravel that self-doubt, self-hatred, and the self-destructive actions of my past, but it’s possible to do it, and the result of that work outweighs any work it may take. You see, the secret is that when we are ourselves that is when we shine, that is when magic happens, when we share our true selves and our true passion to those around us, when we share the true us, we let people see the beauty in us. and no matter what comes from that, you are worthy, you are great, you are special, and no one can take that away from you. People are entitled to opinions, and everyone has one, but if you are true to yourself, one person’s opinion doesn’t matter, you let out everything you got, everything that makes you you, that is the bravest act we can take.

For me, from a young age I was always afraid to let people see the real me. I hide behind who I thought you wanted me to be, and every time I did that a little part of the real me died, it was like a confirmation to myself that I wasn’t good enough, and that if people got to see the real me that they wouldn’t like me. I got so good at it, well, I made it a career, but I lost sight of who I truly was, I had stuffed it down so far, under so much junk, that it lay there, like garbage that I trampled all over. When I finally found the courage to ask for help, to find out who I truly was, it scared me, because I realized I didn’t know. But I found a way to make it exciting. I was going to find out for, probably, the first time in my life. I was actually going to get to know the real me. It wasn’t all rainbows and unicorns, I had to address some bad behaviors and habits, things I had accumulated over the years as a way, or so I thought, to protect myself, I had hurt some people, I had lied to some people, and most importantly, I had done damage to myself. But at the core of who I found was someone I was proud of, someone who made me laugh, someone I could cheer on, someone, I learned to love.

Now I don’t worry about what others think of me, as long as what I am and who I am is authentically me. Me, showing up, and sharing my truth, my talent, my heart makes me worthy, as it does you, and only you can allow yourself to feel that worthiness, no one else can truly give that to you, not so you feel it in your center, only you can do that for  yourself.

If you are struggling today with who you are, go on a finding expedition and figure it out. Put on your SLAYER detective hat and get to work on figuring out the greatest mystery of them all, who you truly are. Once you have, never apologize for what you find, for what makes you you, and for being proud of that. If you stand up as just yourself, that is more worth more than anything someone can give you, you are worthy. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: When you think of yourself do you feel you are worthy of the things you would like for yourself? Do you think you deserve good things? If not, why not? When you have accomplished something do you allow yourself to celebrate you and what you’ve done? If not, why not? Is there something or someone in your past that has told you, or showed you, that you are not worthy? Write down that incident or incidents. Have you told yourself that you are not worthy? Why do you feel this way? Whatever has happened in your past, you are not what’s happened to you, you are here today, and today you have the choice to start a new way of thinking, a new direction, a new life. Let go of what has been holding you back, what has been telling you lies, and take a step on a path of self-love and worthiness. Your foot may be a little shaky at first, but if you keep trudging forward, soon you’ll be walking tall and inspiring those around you.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

I Am…

We believe what we tell ourselves, we believe ourselves more than we believe anyone else, so what we tell ourselves matters, it makes a difference, and it can be the difference of us succeeding or failing.

I used to have a yoga instructor who was a beautiful vocalist, and at the end of each class she would sing “I Am…” and then follow it with different things, I am strong, I am beautiful, I am courageous, an on she went until the end of class, it was beautiful, and it always brought a tear to my eye…well, usually both eyes, because for most of my life what came after “I Am” for me were always negative things, I am not good enough, I am a freak, I am a loser, I am weird, I am different, I am a failure, you get the point, it sure wasn’t anything inspiring, and when I started on this path my self-esteem was so low and I hated myself so much I physically couldn’t look myself in the eye and say anything positive.

What we say to ourselves we believe, and when we continue to say negative things we reaffirm to ourselves that we are exactly where we are supposed to be, that we don’t deserve the good, and not worthy of anything better. We say things to ourselves we would never let anyone else say to us. Why do we allow ourselves to do this?

There are many reasons why we say these negative things to ourselves, they could be things that were said to us as children, at home or at school, they could be the result of our own unrealistic expectations, or they could be a source of self-sabotage to keep us from moving forward or achieving the goals we want to achieve because deep down we don’t believe we deserve them. Figuring out why we say them is the key to turning that negative self-talk into positive. It takes work. All the most rewarding stuff does. But it’s always worth it. Asking yourself where the negative self-talk comes from is the beginning, working on what comes up from that, for me it took working with a counselor to make sense of it all and to start changing that negative self-talk into positive self-talk. It wasn’t easy at the beginning, it took a lot of contrary action, doing the opposite of what I had been doing, or wanted to do, to make better healthier choices for myself. It took me focusing on the things I was grateful for. Again, at the beginning, it wasn’t easy, some days the only thing I could think of was, it’s sunny outside, but, that was a start. It’s about changing your personal narrative, changing your story, you have the power to do that on any given day at any time. You can take steps to stop the negative chatter, or at least keep it to a whisper. I’ve been on this path for over 12 years and some days it still can get loud, so it’s not setting out with the expectation that it will go away completely, but about building up the tools in your toolbox for combating it, learning how to throw positive things at the negative chatter and turning your thinking around. I know that can be done because I’ve done it. Work to focus on the good each day, challenge yourself to compliment yourself on at least one thing when the negative comes up, and seek outside help if you feel you can use some extra guidance.

I no longer wake up with the negative thoughts racing through my head, today I work to come up with positive words to describe my “I Am.” I am strong, I am a warrior, I am a survivor, I am good, I am fallible, I am trustworthy, I am love, I am confident, I am happy, I am generous, I am…I am me, there is only one, and that is my superpower! And that is also yours.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you say negative things to yourself? Why do you think you do that? How does that hurt you? How does that help you? What do you think would happen if you started replacing the negative self-talk with positive self-talk? What can you do to start doing that each day? I challenge you, SLAYER, to write down 5 things you love about yourself, when you notice the negative self-talk pop up, look at that list, say it out loud, start making a habit of saying positive things to replace the negative, and know SLAYER that it is a process, if you slip back into the negative that is part of the journey, no one gets it right all the time, but you do get the chance to do it right right now. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Never be afraid to speak your mind, we all have one for a reason. Your thoughts are valid and deserve to be heard.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Speak

People Can’t Always Be Who You Want Them To Be

We all want someone in our lives to just understand us—to show up when we need them, to read our silent pleas, to fill the gaps we feel inside. But here’s a hard truth: nobody is designed to be your everything.

When we expect someone to always be there, always know, always respond—without communication, without boundaries—we set both them and ourselves up for heartbreak.

We must learn the beauty and the burden of loving with grace and owning our own needs.

Expectations vs. Reality

It’s natural to hope others will meet us where we are. We desire connection, validation, support. But expectations—especially unspoken ones—are traps.

When we expect another to always stay ready, even when they’re fighting their own war, we feel let down. When we expect consistent availability, we forget that everyone has their own life, struggles, and limitations.

And when reality falls short of those silent demands, we start to believe they don’t love us enough—when in truth, they might just be human like us.

Learning to Right-Size Our Expectations

The seeds of resentment often come from expecting others to be what we need without telling them. We assume they know. We assume they’ll show up.

But healthy relationships ask for clarity not mind-reading.

  • Let them know how you feel.

  • Ask for what you need.

  • Accept the answer, even if it doesn’t match what you hoped for.

This is how we protect ourselves from disappointment—not by becoming colder—but by learning truth, honest communication, and respect for boundaries.

When They Can’t Be Who You Want

Here’s what I discovered over time:

  • “Can’t” isn’t always about unwillingness—sometimes it’s about capacity.

  • Being unavailable doesn’t always mean they don’t care.

  • When someone can’t be who you want, sometimes they are doing the best they can within their own limits.

I used to take it personally when people couldn’t show up as I needed them to. I thought it meant something was wrong with me—or wrong with them. But I learned to see it differently: I learned to love them where they are, to protect my peace, and to find others with compatible strengths.

You, Not Others, Are Responsible for You

Expecting someone else to complete your emotional puzzle is heavy for both parties.

Your emotional survival is your job. You cannot force someone to be who they’re not. And when you try, you weaken your own foundation.

You deserve people who can be consistent. But until then, you can be your own constant. You can love others without relying on them. You can communicate your needs, accept imperfect love, and continue building your own inner strength.

Staying Open While Protecting Your Peace

How do you navigate this balance without becoming closed off or bitter?

  1. Stay open to love, even when disappointed.

  2. Keep your standards, but don’t demand perfection.

  3. Allow yourself to walk away when love becomes harmful.

  4. Find multiple sources of support, not just one person.

  5. Own your emotional state: don’t outsource it to others.

People Can’t Always Be Who You Want—but You Can Still Love Well

You don’t have to settle for being used, ignored, or repeatedly disappointed. You can adjust your expectations without shutting down your heart. You can ask for what you need, and learn to accept what people can give.

You don’t have to stop loving. You just have to love smarter.

SLAY Reflection

  1. What silent expectations are you placing on someone in your life?

  2. How often do you feel disappointed because someone couldn’t read your mind?

  3. What is a healthy boundary you can express to protect yourself and the relationship?

  4. Who in your life can you rely on without needing them to be everything to you?

  5. How can you practice self-reliance (emotionally) while still staying open?

S – Stop expecting people to read your heart
L – Let them care within their capacity
A – Ask for what you need—don’t demand it
Y – Yield your peace first before expecting someone else to

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever been hurt by expecting too much from someone—and what did that teach you?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s value honesty over perfection.

And if you know someone who struggles with unmet expectations or carrying disappointment, send this to them.
Sometimes, love begins with understanding limitation.

Before You Do Something, Say Something

I used to sit alone and ponder all of kinds of brilliant ideas about life, about who I was, and what I was going to do. As I slide down deeper and deeper into darkness, those ideas became more and more morose, and ultimately destructive, but because I wasn’t sharing them with anyone they sounded like the truth, like my best options, and the solution to all my problems. I thought that no one else would understand, that people would think I was crazy, or judge me, so I kept quiet, continuing to stew in my own frustration, loneliness, and self-loathing. I had a plan and I wasn’t about to ruin it by telling anyone. Luckily for me something compelled me to finally share, and I did before moving forward with my plan, with the tiny bit of light left in me, I did reach out to someone I trusted and I told them what was going on, that conversation saved my life.

It’s easy to believe the voices in our heads, the negative bullshit committee that pipes up whenever we are feeling low, with all kinds of ideas and negative affirmations to make us feel even lower than we already do, and are meant to keep us away from the ones we love, and who love us. They are exactly that, bullshit, they are not the truth, they are telling us lies, stories, to fit the narrative they want us to believe, that we are garbage, that no one cares, that we are better off alone, or not here, but that’s not the truth, none of it! When that committee pipes up that’s a sign to reach out, to practice contrary action and talk to someone, to make plans with someone to do something you like to do, or, just ask someone to listen. Do the opposite of what you want to do. Sometimes taking that step is the like trying to walk with weighted shoes, but when you fight for that step into the light, each step will get easier, it will become less of a chore, and will scare you less. Reach out, and tell people what is going on for you that day.

My negative committee still chimes in, almost every day, it loves to chatter on telling me things that I don’t care to listen to, it takes a commitment on my part to not listen, to tell them to shut up because I’m not interested in what they have to say. For me, I have a few tools in my SLAY chest to keep them quiet; self-care, speaking my truth, giving back, and living in gratitude. If I am practicing these things, those voices don’t get very loud, and even if they do, I can focus on something positive to quiet them down. But, there have been times that nothing I do seems to get them to go away, and that’s when it’s important to tell someone about it, to not suffer long, and to be brave and share my truth with others. As I’ve said before, when we talk about something it looses it’s power over us, it does, it no longer has us shackled to it like some grotesque secret, it’s out, and within the process of letting it go there is a place for a solution to be found.

No one has an excuse to suffer in silence. There are so many people and outlets available to aid us in our times of need. Whether it’s through friends or family, clergy, support groups, hotlines, social media groups or pages, a social worker, counsellor, or just a neighbor, there is always someone available to listen, and if the first try doesn’t work, try again, if the second try doesn’t work, try again, you’ll get who you are meant to talk to, even if it takes a few extra tries. I was able to turn my life around because I made one phone call, and that phone call set out a chain of events that has gotten me here, to this place, to a place of living in the light, and a place where I can sit down and write this blog.

If you feel alone and that you have no one to talk to, find the courage to reach out and find someone who will, they are out there, and so is a bigger better life for you if you choose to take it. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you reach out to others when you are feeling down? If not, why? What do you think will happen if you do? Are there maybe a better group of people you could be reaching out to? Make a list of people or organizations you feel you could reach out to in times of crises. Do you feel that you matter? If not, why? You DO matter. There is no need for you to suffer alone, there are countless others who feel like you do and think like you do, but are living productive positive lives, I am one of them, it just takes you reaching out and sharing who you are and what’s going on. Before you do something you can’t take back, do something that you might not have done, tell someone, I, along with the other SLAYERS will light your path as you find our way home.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Believe In Believing

I’m a firm believer in the laws of attraction, what we give out is what we get back for the most part, and we attract what we believe we deserve. When I was living in the darkness, depressed, and feeling less than, I would constantly get pummeled by “bad things” and talk about my bad luck, but the truth of the matter is, I believed I wasn’t worthy of having good things so it was the bad that came, or at least, it was only the bad I saw and embraced. If the good came I feared it would be taken away, feared I didn’t deserve it, or feared that something bad would happen to counter the good, but it was all just fear made up in my head, perpetuated by the fact that I was isolating and only listening the voices in my head, the bullshit committee, who wanted to keep me in the darkness, and alone. I didn’t believe I was worthy of good things so most often good things didn’t happen to me, although I’m sure more did than I knew because I was so focused on the bad I probably didn’t see many good things that did come my way, or excused them away as coincidences or mistakes.

Sometimes it’s hard to believe that things will get better, or we deserve better, but when we do, there’s a little light comes on inside of us, and that light attracts other light, and other individuals who’s light is also on. I have to tell myself, at times, to believe in the good, to trust that the good is coming, or will happen, and many times when I do, and focus on that, it does. Believing has real power. Believing sends a message to our subconscious, and the universe, that we want and are creating good things for ourselves. When we say we can’t do something, we set ourselves up to fail, we tell our subconscious that we can’t succeed and we set up a situation for ourselves that makes it harder to win.

So how do we start to believe? It starts by changing our thoughts, changing the way we live our life, and, changing the way we speak to ourselves. Our thoughts turn into beliefs, if we continue to work on thinking positively about ourselves and our situation, we have the power to transform our thoughts into beliefs. For me, when I was in a negative place, I used to write down 10 things I was grateful for, every day, things I couldn’t buy or own, and I would put that list in my pocket and carry it around with me. When I felt negative or down, I would take out that list and read it out loud, and think about that list. Now, some days that list was really hard to write, and the really dark days I wouldn’t make it to ten, or would struggle to make it to ten, but I would try, every day, and as I did that list started to get easier to write, and as I continued to do the things I was proud of they would make it on that list, things I had done differently, things I had succeeded in doing, things that had slowly become easier to do, and as those days turned into weeks and months, I started believing, I started believing in myself, I started believing that I deserved the good, I started believing that things could change because they were, I was changing, and the bad didn’t seem like a good place anymore, like a place I wanted to be, or deserved to be, I looked for the good, and worked for the good, and believed in the good. The good came.

Some days are harder than others to believe, we all have struggles and life can get challenging, and dark, but if we can keep the light of belief on inside of us, it makes those days easier and allows people who love and care about us come around to help and support us. Belief is like a beacon of hope that we can shine from our hearts for ourselves and those around us. Shine on. Believe.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have trouble believing in good things? Do you believe you deserve good things? If not, why? You’ve taken the time to read this SLAYER, so you have enough hope and belief to seek out the answer to why you don’t believe, that means you have some belief in you that you can. Focus on that, let it grow, shine brighter, surround yourself with those people who also believe, in themselves, and you, let your light shine as they do theirs, SLAYER, you’re worth it.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you