We don’t always get what we want, I know, some of you are thinking you never do, or very seldom do, but is what we want realistic, or are we placing unrealistic expectations on the people in our lives to always be available when we need them or know that we need them even if we don’t reach out to tell them? Our lives are busy today, many of us seem to running a marathon each day to keep up with our jobs, appointments, families, friends, and, we’re not always available to be everything to everyone, not if we’re living our own healthy lives. At the end of the day we’re all responsible for ourselves, placing the burden on someone else to always know what we want and when we want it is only setting ourselves up for resentment, no one can live up to those expectations. And, each of us has our own lives to manage, we can’t possibly be there for everyone all the time, so why do we expect others to be there for us all the time?
It comes down to managing expectations and staying right sized. Yes, there are times we feel more needy than others, or we may be going through a difficult situation, and feel like we need someone to listen or to ask for advice, or maybe someone to go out with and blow off some steam, but not making our life or our problems more important than someone else’s. Our life does seem more important at times because it’s ours, and it should, to us, but that doesn’t mean it should to someone else. It’s also understanding that even though some people always seem to be there when you need them, they may not always be able to, it’s just not possible, and to be OK with that, and understanding about that and not get upset. Someone telling you they don’t have time exactly when you need them or not being able to jump right in at the moment you want them to doesn’t mean you’re being abandoned, or they’re a bad friend, or partner, it just means that your timing and theirs doesn’t work, so, respect that and ask someone else. It’s about surrounding yourself with a group of people who you know and love and that you can go to when you’re in need, and in turn, they you, but loving them enough to know that, like you, they also have things they might be dealing with, or just have areas they’re are stronger in. I myself have a variety of great friends in my life, each of them with their own strong suits, I love them all for different reasons and when certain things pop up and I feel I need to reach out to someone, I know exactly who to go to for that particular issue, but I also know that if they’re not available to me that they’ll get back to me when they can, and it’s my job to make sure I have someone else to reach out to who I can also talk to. And if I’m finding that the people in my life aren’t able to be who or what I want them to be, I let them be, and find new people who can, and will, but never using someone to do a job I should be doing for myself. It’s very rare that one person can be your everything, and even if someone can be, it’s healthier to not rely on just one person to provide that for you, not to mention, it’s a lot of pressure for that one person to always be at the ready to step up, regardless of what’s going on in their daily life.
If you’re finding you’re feeling let down or abandoned ask yourself why, ask yourself what you can do about it yourself, is it finding more friends, is it because you haven’t reached out to let others know you need help and are just assuming they should know, is it that your expectations are too high? Keep yourself accountable for your thoughts and how you feel, after all, we are in control of that, and if we’re feeling upset there’s an issue with us, not the other person, so, what is our anger, resentment, loneliness, and feelings of abandonment telling us about ourselves? There is a void inside of us that we’re not filling, there is work to be done there, and it’s not up to someone else to fill it for us.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you find you get disappointed by the people in your life for not being there for you when you need them? Why do you think that is? Do you think your expectations of these people are realistic? Do you hold yourself up to the same standards with your friends? Are you always there for others whenever they need you? Do you place your life on hold to be there for others? Do you see that the people in your life may be busy with theirs or perhaps going through something of their own not making them available to jump in and help you with yours? Do you love them enough to let them do that? If not, why? SLAYER, each of us is in charge of getting what we need to live a healthy and productive life, that burden should never fall on someone else, so when someone isn’t available to you, or isn’t available as much as you like, take a moment to ask yourself if you expecting too much, or, if you can ask someone else and respect that they may not be able to help you this time. Living authentically and with a loving heart gives us the gift to go with the flow, and to look for opportunities to learn from a situation that may not go the way we want, and use them to try something new, or to try someone new instead of placing all of our expectations on one person.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you