We should be motivated to act because we want to. Period. We should not be seeking approval, praise, or credit for what we do because when we do it dilutes our motives for starting in the first place, and if our motive was only self-seeking, then it’s time to take a look at our motivation and what is driving our actions.
When I began this journey and I was having a challenging day, a day when my head just wouldn’t calm down from fear or the negative thoughts just wouldn’t let up, I was encouraged to do something nice for someone and not take credit. In my past I had always wanted credit for what I did, in fact, when I was able to look back with complete honesty, most of what I did was for credit, to look good in front of others, or to manipulate a situation or relationship to get something I wanted or to have them indebted to me. That type of motivation sounds pretty sick to me today, but I know I was not alone and there were many others who did, and still do, the same. So when it was suggested to me that I do something without credit I recoiled at first, but knowing that most of what I had done in the past had harmed me, I took the suggestion and did what I could. This new way of thinking was a bit challenging, because I was told if someone found out about the kind act I had done that act no longer counted, so I had to think a little further than just paying for someone’s coffee behind in me line, but once I wrapped my head around this new kind of giving the moments appeared, and, it felt good to do good without the recognition. Not only did it feel good it worked to stop the negative chatter in my head or anxious feeling I may have had, it took the focus off of me and onto someone else, and while I was focused elsewhere that anxiety or negativity passed or had transformed into positive chatter as a result of my new actions.
Too many times we set out to accomplish something only to place all of it’s merit on someone else’s validation, and when we don’t receive the praise we anticipated we are hurt and allow that disappointment to retract the merit of the accomplishment for what it was. If we set out to go after our own goals solely because we want to, we will keep moving and moving forward, not letting others pull us back and question the place we are, or where we want to go. It’s great to have the support of others and to have a team cheering us on, but when we give away all of our power to receiving that support it leaves us vulnerable and open to not giving ourselves the credit we deserve. We know when we’ve done a good job, or met a goal we hadn’t in the past, it doesn’t make it anymore valid to have someone tell us that, or it shouldn’t. And, truthfully, if we’re not spending so much time looking for that validation we can get a lot more done if we stay focused and on the goal at hand.
Focus your motivation on what you want to accomplish, for you, not on what it may look like or what praise you might receive from others. It is up to us to live up to our own healthy expectations and not the expectations of those around us. And if you’re able to give back, without seeking credit for it, you may just build up that self-esteem you may be looking for through others. Be you for you. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you seek validation from others after you have accomplished something? Does your need for credit get in the way of what you are able to accomplish? Does it get in the way of relationships? Does it get in the way of the relationship you have with yourself? Have you ever done something without wanting credit or praise for it? If so, how did that feel? When we take action because we want to for ourselves and do not seek outside validation we are not setting ourselves up for disappointment, we are the ones who should be validating ourselves, and just by trying to reach a goal or something new is validation in itself. Go make yourself proud today.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you